


Free your Grace

by Suus_Arido



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angelic Grace, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexuality Spectrum, Autistic Castiel (Supernatural), Awkward Sexual Situations, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel in Glasses, Depressed Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Dreamsharing, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil!Jesus, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Grace Sharing, Highschool AU, Homophobic Language, Human Castiel, I Don't Promise Sexy Times, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Looking for a Beta Reader!, Lucid Dreaming, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Memory Loss, Plot Twists, Soul Bond, Suicide Attempt, Teen Romance, Therapy, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 14:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 113,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10191887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suus_Arido/pseuds/Suus_Arido
Summary: Castiel wasn’t meant for puberty. He’s awkward, has no verbal filter whatsoever and has trouble making friends. Also he can see angels. You know: celestial beings with wings and harps, that claim to work for God. They seem to have plans for him, and after the tragic dead of his parents a depressed Castiel agrees, and decides to end his life.Things don't go as planned though, and after years of heavy surveillance the doctors at the mental institution officially declare him sane. He is allowed to return to Highschool in order to pick up his life. No more angels, monsters or survivors guilt.Things take a sudden turn when he meets Dean Winchester. A seemingly average boy who treats Castiel with kindness and respect. Also he glows. Castiel decides to ignore it, because he's absolutely hooked on the beautiful Winchester. But with Castiel’s return to normal life come back old memories. Memories of the angels, memories of his mission, memories of who he truly is. Let’s just say: He wasn’t meant for puberty.





	1. Dean - part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first part of this story. I hope you enjoy! I feed on the blood, flesh and reviews of the living. ;)  
> This is my first Supernatural (Destiel) fanfic, so please tear it apart (but gently). English is not my native language. So if it's crap I like to hear it. All things mentioned in this work are fictional. None of these places, people or events happened for real.

It was an ordinary day in the Men of Letters bunker. In fact it was the big clean-up. Which meant boxes filled with magic creepy crap needed to be moved around. And so Sam and Dean Winchester started. Despite Dean’s many _many_ protests and complains. ‘You’re getting old.’ Sam mused as he put down the box he was carrying. Dean looked up, a frown clearly visible on his face as he retorted with: ‘Well you’re the one with the grey hairs grandpa.’ Eileen stifled a laugh, quietly observing the bickering of the two brothers. Dean stretched his arm, groaning as he felt the sour muscles stretch.

Sure his arm wasn’t what it used to be, and sure he’d crossed forty, but that didn’t mean he still couldn’t kick ass! Eileen had been quietly signing at Sam, and Dean was taking a wild guess that she was making fun of him. Sam’s grin grew wider, yes that settled it. They _were_ making fun of him. ‘You know what? I think I can handle the rest of this crap on my own. Didn’t you two want to do some anniversary shit? Well go on, I’ll watch the hell spawn.’

Sam shook his head already moving into the other room, leaving Eileen behind who was labelling the boxes with a determination that Dean really couldn’t understand. Once again they were picking up boxes. ‘Yeah that’s not going to happen. The last time Eileen and I went out and trusted you with Bonnie we came back and she was invisible!’ Dean wanted to open his mouth to defend himself. Because truth to be told, despite that Bonnie was his precious little niece, for who he would kill anything, she was still the personification of Satan.

On their last hunt they’d been trying to lift a curse from an entire freaking town. While Sam and Eileen had gone out Dean had been babysitting. The case been tough, he was up all night working on it.

Yes Dean had been tired, and yes he knew that toddlers weren’t very clever. But still he didn’t watch her for one tiny second and before he knew it she was invisible. Probably because she had touched some old artefact. ‘I told her very specifically not to touch anything!’ Dean knew there was no point in defending himself. Bonnie liked grabbing things

Raising a kid couldn’t be that hard right? The worst part was that she acted like a freaking angel around her parents. But he knew that behind that cute little smile was a very nasty little shit. His little shit of course, but still. Sam ignored his protest, he started walking slower. ‘Oh and about that anniversary thing… last time we went out we ran into a vampire nest and almost got killed. So I’m not sure if she is feeling up to our anniversary this time.’ Sam was nervously touching the ring on his finger, making Dean’s heart swell with pride. Because his brother had finally gotten freaking married and heck Dean had actually lived to see the day that his little bro became a father.

Sure the world was still messed up and the hunt never ended. But in comparison to other days, months and years? Things were quiet out there. They could relax a bit, heaven and hell were finally shutting the hell up and although the bunker was usually empty it did happen from time to time that they got visitors who stayed for a while. Like Krissy and her friends, who had desperately needed a place to crash and had left a week ago.

And Jody and Donna had promised they would visit for Christmas with Alex and Claire. When Dean saw his brother’s concerned face he put the box down. ‘Alright something is eating at you spit it out.’

Sam didn’t easily get defensive about his feelings, not like Dean. Still staring at his feet he started talking. ‘She’s been acting odd lately. And she won’t talk to me, sometimes I’m worried that I’m not doing things good enough… I mean what if I become like dad? I want to do things right, for both her and Bonnie. But what if I can’t?’

Dean was quiet for a minute or so. When he finally spoke there was a lot of tension in the air. ‘Sammy… you are nothing like dad you hear me? You are the best parent I’ve seen in a very long time. Eileen loves you and if there is something she’s hiding from you then I suggest you take her on a road trip today so that you guys can talk it out.’ Sam suddenly looked nervous as can be.

**Supernatural**

After Eileen and Sam left Dean was left to clean up. Which as the grown-up and very responsible man that he is, he decided to avoid and instead he cleaned out his car in the garage. Bonnie was sitting in the Impala, seemingly amused when Dean started playing Taylor Swift. He’d just finished checking the wheels when suddenly a phone went off. He checked his pocket but it wasn’t his. He quickly checked the inside of the car and found one of Sam’s many discarded old cell phones displaying a name:

 _Cas Winchester_ CALLING

His heart made a little jump like a teenage girl. Castiel had been gone for a while, and now he was suddenly calling? ‘Hey Cas’, the other side of the line was silent for a second. ‘Hello Dean’ came a gruff reply that made Dean’s worries flush away. ‘It’s been a while since your last call. I’m glad you finally did. What’s up? Are you coming home soon?’ He vaguely aware of his own voice sounding maybe a bit too worried. He really had to keep it together.

He knew it was selfish to ask for me than he deserved. ‘I’m fine Dean, I actually called to tell you guys about a case.’ Dean could feel his courage drop into the ground. Cas was still giving him the cold shoulder. ‘A case? Well Eileen and Sammy are out and I’m not sure when they’ll be back. But just give me the facts and we can figure it out.’

Bonnie was absentmindedly making fart noises. It made Dean grin, she was a weird one. ‘Well I’m still in the town I was in last time, but I’ve noticed something. A lot of people are in a deep state of comatose. I dug into it a bit and it turns out some nearby villages are experiencing the same problem. It’s bad Dean, really bad.’

Dean nodded, feeling his mind race over what might be the cause. ‘Well you just stay there and gather some more info, I’ll call Sam and him and Eileen will dig into some books. I’ll get Bonnie a babysitter and come as soon as possible.’

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. Sam is very knowledgeable so I think it’s wiser to have him here in the field. You should stay at the bunker with Eileen.’ For a rough second it was quiet. ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now: you keep save and thanks for calling SAM’S phone. It’s not like I was worried or waiting for a freaking call or something!’ Dean was so done with Cas’ bullshit.

‘Dean I-’ ‘Oh no the message is getting across. You and I are going to have a fucking talk once I get there. And it’s not going to be pretty.’ He angrily threw the phone to the backseat. Bonnie was still making farting noises, giving Dean a curious look. ‘Don’t worry about it sweetie. I’m gonna call your mommy and daddy and then I’ll punch uncle Cas in the balls for you.’ Bonnie simply smiled at the mention of her parents and Cas.

 _That son of a bitch has a lot to explain_ , Dean realized once he got out of baby. He finished baby up, put Bonnie to bed so she could take a nap and starting packing his stuff. And he could feel it in his gut, something terrible was about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are curious: Bonnie Winchester is the biological child of Sam and Eileen Winchester/Leahy. I choose the name Bonnie for a few reasons:
> 
> 1\. I wanted something with a B to honour Bobby.  
> 2\. I wanted something that sounded like something Eileen and Sam would pick together.  
> 3\. Bonnie is a popular name in the USA  
> 4\. It has roots in Scotland and since Eileen was born in Ireland I imagine that she was looking for names from around those areas.  
> 5\. Bonnie is a cute name and I don't regret my life choices
> 
> Anyways I HOPE you enjoyed. I REALLY DO. And please tell your thoughts in the comments. They give me life.  
> You can kinda view this as a prologue/epilogue(???) of sorts.


	2. As it are in heaven

**Part I**

 

_Castiel returns to high school. Here awaits him terror far worse than he could ever imagine. With no sense how to interact with humans he makes mistake after mistake. This of course leads him to meet Dean. And things become a mess, a beautiful mess that is. But his past haunts him, and he doesn’t quite know how to handle it._


	3. Chapter I

_In my opinion souls are lovely. They are the most pure, most enthralling and most fascinating things ever created. And to be gifted with one is the highest honour a creature of any species can get. It is for this reason that I believe that souls should be protected, nourished and loved. Souls are genderless, blind, faithful and bright. They consist of all things considered "good" and there is a reason that they are indestructible. Souls are awfully difficult to create, and once they are, a soul is almost impossible to erase. You can confuse it of course, derail it. But in the end it always finds its way home. And home is where the heart is._

It was the gentle brush of lips against his own that shook him. Made his entire existence fall apart in a simple yet overwhelming motion. ‘Stop’, his voice cracked, without hesitation he pushed the other boy away. ‘I can’t do this.’ It was a decision, one he wasn’t sure was wise. But there were only a few things in life that Castiel found to be clear and cut out. One of them being that you shouldn’t be kissing a boy while your date waits for you only a few metres away. She was sitting on a bench, the lamppost illuminating her frizzy hair. She had no name, no role in his life.

But she was waiting for him. And if she’d just turn her head a little bit to the left she would see him. In the arms of another boy. But it was late and the park was abandoned. He looked at the stranger again, the stranger with the alluring lips. He wanted to kiss him again. Slowly he stepped away, his head still buzzing from the kiss. ‘I’m leaving, don’t follow or I’ll call the police.’ He could still feel the heat on his lips, the electricity flowing through his veins. But it was all accompanied by fear.

 _He wanted to kiss him again_ , and he knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. Castiel didn’t even bother going to his date, because he knew none of this was real. ‘Why do you always dream about the same things?’ Appearing besides him was a mysterious man. ‘What do you want Balthazar?’ The man grinned, he looked like danger and his British accent made everything he said sound like mockery. ‘Good to see you too. It’s been a while hasn’t it?’ Together they left the park, one moment they walked across a street, the next moment they found themselves on a hill in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. Castiel stopped dead in his tracks as he looked at the mountains. ‘Why won’t you just leave me alone? I’m doing _fine_ , I don’t want you here poking around my dreams.’ Balthazar simply ignored the plea and instead took a deep breath, pretending to enjoy the sun.

His dirty blond hair got swept to the left by the breeze. ‘They should have told me that you are a joy kill before I accepted this job. But you know, it’s already too late.’ Castiel closed his eyes, hoping to wake up. ‘I just came to check up on you. I’ll leave soon. Just wanted to make sure that you are still boring old you.’ Castiel wished that soon would come now. Balthazar usually hijacked his dreams to bother him about his inner demons. And he wasn’t feeling up to it, definitely not when he’d just fantasized about getting kissed by a boy.

The man smiled amused. ‘Oh Cassie, don’t pull that face. Don’t worry your little gay soul too much. I’m not here to judge your terrible taste in men.’ He patted him on the head. It was condescending. ‘Putting that aside, as it is not of importance: This is the last you’ll see of me in a long time.’ It made Castiel quickly turn to him. ‘This is your first visit in months. Where are you going?’ The man only gave him a mysterious little smile. ‘Angel business, none of your concern. You just worry about being a good little boy and making mommy and daddy proud.’

With those words the peaceful scenery disappeared and he got violently thrown back in reality. As he woke up in the safety of his bed he let out a panicked gasp. He could already feel the nightmare slipping away, and he was desperately trying to hang on to the details. His short, rigid gasps for air made it difficult to think.

In the end he had to settle on calming down first, and as he did so he looked at his suitcase and the foot of his bed. Still open, packed and staring at him. ‘Keep it together, just a nightmare.’ He counted to ten once more before lying down again. He kept telling himself that it was just a bad dream. But as he drifted off the nagging feeling in the back of his head remained. He tried to remember the dream, but he only remembered a hill. And there was a name. He groaned in frustration, it was on the tip of his tongue. It was Bal-

**Wings flutter**

‘Mister Novak, if I may say so: You look better today. Still nervous for the big move?’ Castiel sat across from his assigned therapist. A man he had met two years ago and had learned to call Zachariah Adler. He frowned, finding it difficult to speak up. ‘I slept poorly last night. Kept thinking about what can go wrong.’ Castiel scratched his black messy hair, he was lying at least partly but his therapist wouldn’t be able to figure it out, hopefully. Mister Adler was a balding man, he always wore the same suits and he had the charisma of a successful business man. He had a friendly smile that gave him the chills.

That aside he was the guy with whom he was supposed to share everything. ‘You don’t have to worry. You will do just fine, you’ll keep using your medication and we will keep having our talks. I understand that it’s difficult to return home, but it’s been two years.’ The man poured him a glass of water, ‘it’s time for you to spread your wings!’ Castiel’s frown disappeared, making place for a small reasonable smile.

‘What if I told you I’m seeing things again?’ Mister Adler’s movement stopped abruptly. Exactly the type of reaction he wanted to provoke out of his therapist. ‘Really? When?’ As Castiel’s eyes drifted through the room, hoping to see one of his non-existent companions, his vision quickly crossed a mirror. Staring back at him was a scrawny teenage boy. Dark bags under his eyes, sad blue eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked into the mirror. ‘I dream about them. I can’t remember exactly what, but they are still here.’

He poked his head a few times, wondering if maybe it would get the point across. Mister Adler smiled. ‘So what do you suggest Mister Novak? I’m all ears.’ He’d had been stuck in this mental institution for _two_ years. Years in which he got drugged, observed and isolated.

‘I don’t think it’s wise to let me go yet. I think I can finish my last year of Highschool here in peace. I won’t be a bother to anyone. And we can guarantee the safety of everyone involved.’ Most people he’d met in the institution had either lost their minds or desperately wanted to leave but simply weren’t able to. Castiel on the other hand was content. He never wanted to leave this safe haven. He’d seen the mysterious glowing sigils on the walls of the mental hospital. He knew he was safe inside. So when they’d given him a room he didn’t struggle. When they told him they would try to fix him he’d agreed. Because he’d been sure that something as broken as him, could possibly never be whole again.

Yet here he was, he hadn’t had an episode in over a year. No monsters, no angels, no violent outbursts. They called it a miracle, he was fixed. And all thanks to the people around him. He’d told Mister Adler about his parents and he listened. Now they were letting him go, basically declaring him sane. They kept claiming that he should pick his life up again. Go to prom, make some friends and find a purpose. They made it sound so easy.

Mister Adler chuckled at his desperate suggestion. ‘Don’t you want to have a normal life Castiel?’ When the grumpy teenager didn’t immediately reply Mister Adler shook his head. ‘You are doing so well boy! I know it’s difficult for you to accept, but you are completely healthy. I know that you are scared to take the jump, but trust me when I say that you are ready. You have been for a while.’

It was his last hope. Faking issues had been a big gamble, there was a reason his suitcase was packed. But it didn’t make the disappointment easier to deal with. His reply although steady didn’t mask his insecurity. ‘I guess you’re right.’

**Wings flutter**

Once he got a cab he gave up his new address with reluctance. He was going to live with his uncle, whom he’d never been close and whom his parents never liked to talk about. He’d only met him a few times, the guy didn’t like to visit him. But he was the only family he had left so until he was eighteen they were stuck with each other.

It was late in the evening when he arrived at the apartment complex that his uncle owned. His name was Emmanuel, and the man welcomed his arrival by letting out a deep sigh. A very positive start. Emmanuel wasn’t the type to sugar coat things. ‘When people ask you say that I’m your landlord, I don’t want you to mention our situation. If you have problems or issues you figure them out. I’m not here to be your guardian, you understand boy?’ Castiel opened the door to his apartment and looked around.

His tiny suitcase suddenly felt miniature in the room. He only had few belongings and this apartment felt big enough for two people. Although it was probably the tiniest, ugliest and cheapest one his uncle was willing to give him. ‘Your school called, they said you can start next week. I assume you can take care of yourself?’ Castiel’s trance broke and he looked up at his uncle. The man had thin dark hair and a grumpy face.

He suddenly understood why his parents never talked about him. The man’s disappointed expression seemed to be etched into his face. ‘Yes, I got it. Thank you.’ Emmanuel commented on their being food in the fridge. He would have to take care of his own food, something he’d never done before. After the man explained him how to make the shower work he left without saying anything remotely close to a goodbye. He could now unpack in peace.

There wasn’t a lot to unpack tough. He put some clothes in the closet, managed to fill one bookshelf and after a few firm pats he managed to fix the old television. He sat down on the old couch, everything in the room looked old and breakable, but nothing was dirty so that was a win. ‘In other news: After killing his family the serial killer Marv Metatron has committed suicide. The police found the body after-’ Castiel’s peaceful expression quickly darkened as he lowered the volume.

He wasn’t allowed to look at negative things, it could turn around his emotions in a simple sweep. ‘Deep breaths, you’re doing fine.’ It was a sad thing, giving himself words of encouragement in a big empty apartment that was supposed to be his new home. When he’d left the institution his eyes had wandered over the walls. Seeking the glowing symbols he’d seen the first day. But they were nowhere to be found. Desperately he looked around, sure he would see something unnatural if he _just waited_. But the taxi driver was impatient and nothing ever showed. He had to stop lying to himself. The doctors had told him so many times. He was just traumatized, he was imagining things.

‘They are right. Stop being an idiot.’ He knew that talking to himself was a weird habit, but after living in isolation for an interesting period of time it had become an unbreakable habit. After giving himself some encouragement he dared to check on the toilet, which all things considered looked relatively fine. But when he saw his own reflexion he felt his stomach ache. His dark messy hair made a stark contrast to his pale skin and in the led-light his blue eyes looked watery and red. A bit absent he rubbed the inside of his arm. Remembering how he used to stick needles there to take the edge of things.

‘Go to bed you moron.’ His words were harsh, he had to remind himself that he was given an opportunity that many didn’t. He had the chance to start over again. He just needed to smile and make a good impression at school. He put on a smile, ‘see you look better already. Just don’t do anything stupid and things will be alright.’

He nodded at himself once again, slowly convincing himself that yes: Castiel _did_ deserve to be saved. And yes: He could live the life that his parents always wanted for him. He just needed to be confident, he just had to show a little faith! He gave the wall beside him a good hit, trying to keep the positive around for a bit longer.

His new neighbour apparently slept on the other side since an angry knock got returned. Quickly he apologized to the wall. Once he realised that the wall wouldn’t talk back he decided it was time to go to bed. He could work on his people skills another day.

The night should have brought nightmares, but it didn’t. This surprised him a bit. He’d been so used to them that their absence gave him an odd chill. In the little week that he was allowed to adjust to normal life he made it a big mission not to leave the apartment. He cleaned, he made himself comfortable, heck he even read a newspaper.

But soon he was out of food and he really needed a haircut. It was ridiculous how nervous he was to go to the mall. But everything went fine, sure he might have managed to break a few eggs, left a few freezer doors open and of course there were the magazines that had suddenly fallen down the rack. But he had money, and fell like he shouldn’t be blamed for the situation. It was after all his first time in a mall after a long period of time. When food wasn’t an issue anymore he forced himself to buy some clothes. He was practical and quick about it, afraid someone would question him. But maybe he was just being paranoid.

Turned out his uncle knew a pretty cheap hairdresser, and once his hair was decent and Monday morning arrived he had everything packed and was ready to go back to school. He suddenly hesitated. He could swear he’d heard wings flapping. His heart made a tiny jump. But when he moved towards the window he got greeted by a bird. ‘You’re a bird.’ He didn’t know if he was disappointed or not. But the bird simply chirped. ‘No more monsters, real life starts tomorrow.’ He announced to the bird, which gave him a strange look.

He closed the window, carefully as he didn’t want to startle the little bird. Once he locked the apartment and went outside a flashy sun greeted him. He closed his eyes in irritation. Summer vacation was over, but the weather sure didn’t seem to think so yet. The girl he passed on the street wore skirts, tank tops and dresses. They giggled and smiled. The boys he passed all had tanned skin from being in the sun all day. And he suddenly felt his optimistic smile falter as he looked at his own clothes. He wore a pair of dark blue jeans, a pair of neat trainers and a white dress shirt with a blue sweater vest.

Because of the heat he’d rolled up his sleeves and decided to get rid of his tie. It would probably be too formal anyways. He readjusted his over-sized glasses. Had he dressed accordingly tough? There was no time to fret it over as he had to keep moving. He didn’t want to be late at school.                 

**Wings flutter**

Thus the boy found himself in the hallways of a real Highschool. It was the exact same he’d entered two years ago. The exact same one where people used to make fun of him. He walked through the hallways and immediately regretted returning, but it was the only Highschool in town so he didn’t have much choice. He recognized a few students. Most of them had been his bullies, some still looked like they would eat him for breakfast.

But they didn’t even glance at him, he was a ghost, people probably thought he’d killed himself after what happened.  ‘But we’re not going to think about that.’ He declared softly as he found his locker. As he tried to open the lock he wondered how returning to school was good for his development. This simply wasn’t his world anymore.

He finally managed to open the damn thing but opened it a bit too enthusiastic. It swung open and he was lucky that there was no one next to him to get caught in the fire. He could only pray that it would be the last blunder of the day. But it got worse once he found his first class, which happened to be English. He knocked a bit tentatively on the door, releasing he was late. All the students got quiet as he walked in, there was no teacher present and once they realised he was a student they started talking again.

He quickly scanned the faces in room, afraid one would recognize him as the freak. But no one seemed to notice him. That was until he tripped over a bag. Maybe it was faith, maybe it was destiny, but he managed to gain his balance slightly and desperately clutched to the table of the one person who would recognize him with guarantee. Raphael hadn’t changed a bit. He still had scary intimidating dark eyes, and once he got sight of Castiel an odd smile formed on his face. ‘Castiel?’

Castiel quickly mumbled a sorry, took an empty seat in the front (since the ones in the back were all taken) and didn’t look back around. He felt someone stand next to him, and reluctantly he looked up to meet Raphael’s surprised expression. Raphael Di Angelo had been the very worst person in his existence. From the moment they met they clashed on every possible subject. The class got quiet as they all curiously turned towards the scene in the front of the class.

How could the school do this to him? Hadn’t the mental hospital clearly stated that he shouldn’t be put in a class with any of his old classmates? ‘Castiel Novak, it’s really you isn’t it?’ He took a deep breathe. Raphael had been a nasty human being, a total dick. But maybe things had changed the last few years? He had to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. ‘Hello Raphael, it’s been a while hasn’t it?’

Raphael smiled, it always seemed forced. Castiel found the guy to be scary for the simple reason that he didn’t behave… normal. It was like he was just a meat suit for something far scarier. _Like a demon_ , he thought quietly to himself. ‘It has been indeed. It’s good to see you back. When did the hospital let you go?’ Castiel felt all his courage crash down by one sentence. Of course Raphael remembered his psychotic episode that had caused his admission in the first place. And now he was smoothly informing the entire class that he was a lunatic. All while sounding friendly and polite. ‘Oh you know some time back already.’ He managed to vocalize after some struggle.

He had to lie, he was only making things worse by saying he was a free man since last week. He felt his hands clutch into fists. Raphael’s eyes widened, fake politeness once again as he said: ‘Has it been difficult to adjust back to the normal life?’ He was pretty sure he could hear some people whisper about him now, they probably remembered him. The angel freak, the crazy boy who’d killed his parents.

The suicidal kid who’d tried to jump of the school’s rooftop. It was probably a classic horror story under the students. ‘Things are going well, all things considered.’ Raphael was quiet for a moment, everything about him screamed dominance, he looked at him as if he was the dirt under his shoes. ‘That’s good, great to see you back.’ Before anything else could be said the teacher arrived. A fancy-looking old lady who of course wanted him to introduce himself to his classmates.

Her smile was kind and friendly, she probably meant well. But as he started speaking she insisted that he should stand up and talk louder. So he did. ‘I’m Castiel Novak, seventeen years old. And I live on my own. And that’s been nice so far.’ He tried introducing himself as shortly as possible, giving only vague descriptions of himself and just hoping, no, _praying_ that the dust would settle soon. God was obviously on vacation as things got worse throughout the day. Students started whispering behind his back, he was like Moses, and the students were the Red sea. They parted for him, out of disgust and fascination.

‘New start my ass.’ He rumbled to himself. He quickly softened the volume of his own voice. Realizing it wasn’t socially acceptable to talk to yourself in public. But it didn’t matter anyway, the next time that he saw Mister Adler he was going to act so dangerous and stupid that the therapist would be forced to readmission him.

‘Hey you! Wait up!’ Castiel couldn’t know for sure if they were talking to him, so he took the benefit of the doubt and kept walking. He was surprised when someone roughly took his shoulders. A pretty girl with curly hair and a mischievous smile stood in front of him. ‘You are the new boy right? Cassiel?’

He had to adjust his glasses and quickly fumbled with his backpack. This was the first person to talk to him who: 1. He didn’t know and 2. Didn’t look at him like he was an abomination. ‘Actually it’s Castiel.’ He quickly reminded himself to smile, and he felt victorious when the girl smiled back. She reached out for his hand and shook it. ‘Pleasure to meet you. The name is Meg Masters. Headmaster Campbell wanted me to be your guide today. Since it’s your first day and I understood that you’ve been out of it for a while.’ She winked at him, something about her yelled danger, but he knew he was just being paranoid again. ‘I understand that’s really nice of you. Thank you Meg.’

She turned around, ‘no problem. No come along Clarence, we have a class to attend to!’ He followed her, although a bit hesitant. ‘My name isn’t Clarence.’ He quickly informed her, feeling nervous that someone was talking to him. _When was the last time that he’d talk to a girl that wasn’t completely nuts?_ A while, now that he gave it some thought. ‘I know, I was just messing with you. We have biology, up at the second floor. I want to go there now since a friend is waiting for me.’

H nodded, ‘ok.’ It was the dumbest way of answering, but the only appropriate reaction he could think of. ‘So tell me _Castiel_ , how do you like this place so far?’ They slowly climbed up the stairs as to keep the conversation going. ‘Well it’s a lot smaller than I remember. But so far things are going well.’ Meg was telling him about the renovations the building had been through. He noted that she was in fact a very smart girl, but she laced all her words with a boredom that was probably supposed to be cool. He was so caught up in the story that he didn’t mind his step and fell forward. He quickly got caught by the shoulder and with some trouble he stabilized himself by holding unto the stranger’s left shoulder.

‘Watch were you’re going.’ The boy didn’t sound mean spirit, but definitely wasn’t all too happy. Castiel was still trying to progress what just happened, and in the meantime the boy left. Meg turned to him, ‘you okay? You really need to mind your steps more. Do you often loose balance?’ He felt his face heat up. ‘Yes, I do sort of have a balance problem. But where did that guy go? I didn’t get the chance to thank him!’

He turned to look for him in the crowd, but all faces looked the same. A little smirk formed on Meg’s face. ‘Oh trust me, that guy ain’t worth it honey. Winchester isn’t one for chick flick moments.’ He’d only vaguely seen the guy’s features, he’d disappeared as soon as he’d appeared. He couldn’t find him, so maybe Castiel wasn’t the only school ghost.

In their next class the teacher wanted them to work together in groups. Meg was already teaming up with her friend Ruby, who was extremely pretty but had an arrogant look in her eyes. It made Castiel want to stay away from the girl as much as possible, so instead he sat next to an Asian-American boy. He introduced himself awkwardly as Kevin Tran. ‘So you’re new huh? Where do you come from?’ Kevin seemed like a relatively nice guy, but Castiel found the question to be too personal. ‘None of your business.’ He answered flatly.

Kevin apparently didn’t mind the asshole-vibe he was giving off as he simply smiled understandingly. ‘It can be rough in the beginning. But don’t worry, soon people will start to get used to you. And when that happens I’m sure they’ll start acting friendlier.’ Kevin sounded slightly bitter, he might not have said so out loud, but Castiel felt like the guy had gone through same as him but had ended up with zero friendliness.

‘You don’t sound that positive.’ Kevin looked up surprised. ‘Well I am.’ Castiel simply nodded. Not sure if the conversation was going in the right direction. ‘Tell me Kevin, do you like school?’ It was one of the stupid topic questions he’d remembered in case the conversation died. Kevin blinked a few times, not sure if he was joking or not.

‘Well its school. I wouldn’t say it’s exactly my favourite thing in the world. But you know being able to hang with friends is nice and makes it easier.’ Castiel looked around. ‘You have friends?’ He exclaimed surprised. The moment he saw Kevin’s frown he knew he’d messed up. He felt his face heat up with embarrassment. ‘My apology that came out rude.’ He kept murmuring awkward apologies. Apparently it was comical as slowly Kevin’s expression cleared and he started to smile again.

‘It’s alright, I was sitting alone and you seem to be terrible at interaction. So I know you didn’t mean it like that.’ Kevin’s confidence suddenly faltered as he spoke softer. ‘My friends usually attend school. But Charlie was sick, Jo got in trouble with her mom and Dean actually was here the last few classes. So I guess he decided to go home or whatever.’ Kevin looked around suddenly looking very nervous.

‘Are you alright? You look nervous. Did you leave the stove on?’ Kevin gave him a quick glance over. He didn’t know why, but he felt like Kevin didn’t trust him. Maybe he first had, but for some reason the absence of his friends made him scared. And apparently that fear made him distrust him. Castiel liked Kevin, he wouldn’t mind being friends with the guy. But he doubted the boy would appreciate it.

That aside: They were better off on their own. This guy hardly knew him and he would like that that to remain that way. He was already asking questions that were too sensitive for him to answer. _Yes_ it was decided. Castiel could not befriend Kevin. They continued doing their assignment in silence. Only talking when necessary, but he didn’t mind. He was surprised when suddenly a little ball of paper hit Kevin’s neck. Kevin pulled an annoyed face but kept quiet, Castiel stopped working immediately. Another little paper ball got thrown and this time it hit Kevin’s head perfectly.

Castiel turned around, behind them sat a few boys with amused little smiles on their faces. ‘What are you staring? Never learned how to blink?’ One of the guys asked. He felt annoyance boil inside of him. He had a vague idea what type of people Kevin was scared of when not surrounded by friends. He didn’t answer the guy and simply turned around, Kevin’s shoulders seemed tense.

So it went on for some time. Castiel and Kevin making the assignment while the guys behind them tried to hit Kevin’s back as many times as possible. At some point he couldn’t stand it anymore. He turned to Kevin, ‘are they bothering you?’ he asked carefully. Kevin didn’t respond so he continued. ‘Because if they do I’d like for you to tell me and I’ll take care of it.’ Kevin’s grip around his pencil tightened. ‘I’m fine. Trust me don’t bother, they are always like that. It doesn’t bother me anymore.’ Castiel could only nod in understanding.

‘Alright. But if you do need some help-’ Kevin interrupted him: ‘I’ll make sure not to ask yours. Listen, you seem like a nice guy. You shouldn’t hang with people like me. It’ll get you in trouble. And you don’t want them to start picking on you too. Trust me.’ Castiel opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t form anything sensible to say. So instead he shut up and started working again.

Once the class was over Meg was once again at his side. ‘So you’ve made a friend already? Very smooth of you.’ She commented as Kevin quickly made his way towards the door, not even bothering saying something before leaving him in the dust. Castiel turned to look at Meg, wondering what her position in the class room’s social pyramid was exactly. ‘I wouldn’t call Kevin a friend. But he seems very nice.’ He commented although he felt overwhelmingly disappointed. ‘Meg why are they picking on a guy like him to begin with?’ Ruby was the one to answer. ‘Well because he’s weird and annoying. Also heard he has an ego, like didn’t he once say that he wanted to be president?’ Meg nodded, ‘yes I guess that’s a part of why they screw around him a lot. But honestly? I feel kind of bad for the kid. Usually his friends are around to protect him, so its bad luck that they weren’t here today.’

Castiel frowned. Even tough Meg felt bad for Kevin she sure as hell didn’t seem to care enough to actually help him. Maybe because she was afraid to be bullied herself, maybe because of lack of empathy. Whatever her reasoning, he wasn’t sure if he should trust her. Ruby didn’t seem that much of sympathy either. But maybe he shouldn’t dwell on it too much. ‘Well let’s get your ass moving. There is a whole day ahead of us. And as you assigned guardian I’m gonna make sure you get home in one piece.’

Meg twirled with her hair while wearing a devilish grin on her face. ‘It’s gonna be a long day. So I hope you are mentally prepared on the torture.’ He suddenly found himself having troubles breathing. This school was giving him anxiety.

**Wings flutter**

Castiel’s new mentor Chuck Shurley wanted to speak with him. It honestly didn’t surprise him. The man wanted to know how his first day had been, and genuinely seemed to care about Castiel’s well-being. After their little talk he found himself walking through empty hallways. School was out and all students had made a run to their vehicles to get home. He didn’t blame them honestly.

‘Today was a good day.’ He reminded himself. He was glad that things had gone as good as they could have gone. Meg and Ruby had been nice, not friend material but definitely people he could go to for questions. Kevin had been avoiding him the rest of the day, which was the only thing that gave him a sore feeling. Other than that things had gone well and he was even a bit proud. Sure he’d almost walked into the girl’s bathroom when he wanted to take his pills. But luckily Ruby had pulled him at his shirt and called him a dumbass.

He was making his way towards the door when he heard something. It was the sound of people laughing, mixed with someone quietly whimpering. He suddenly froze. Did he hear that right or was he just hallucinating? He heard something big and heavy hit the floor with a muffled thud. Without hesitation he moved towards the sound and was greeted by a terrible sight. Kevin was completely beaten up, blood pouring out of his nose, his left eye already swallowing up for the hit he’d just received.

And standing there in a circle around him were the guys from earlier today. ‘I think he’s going to cry for his mommy.’ One of the boys commented, snickering has he made a picture with his phone. Kevin simply let out a sad sound of defeat. Castiel felt every little wheel in his head turn. He knew this situation was extremely wrong, heck he’d been in a few of these himself. But something in him refused to move, to _say something_. He felt a familiar feeling imprison his body. It was fear, he was very much afraid.

One of the boy dragged Kevin with his face of the floor. The other cheered and one of them asked for it to happen again. ‘I didn’t catch it on camera!’ He wondered how no-one had come across this scene yet. Weren’t there camera’s hanging around everywhere? What about the janitors? Castiel felt his nervousness slightly disappear. He should get help, he couldn’t take this guys on alone, he needed to get someone and-

‘Can I cut him?’ One of the bullies asked, holding up a pocket knife. The others agreed after they discussed that the injury shouldn’t be visible for others. They held Kevin up, pulling up his shirt to showcase his thin body. ‘Jesus he’s like a skeleton, creepy as fuck.’ Castiel knew he had to do something. He had to help, but how? Kevin let out a painful sad sound, but they quickly covered his mouth.

He froze in place when suddenly Kevin’s eyes focused on him. They looked at him in a pleading way. And for a second Castiel was in total panic. He’d seen that look before. That desperate look of fear as his mother tried to reach out to him. As she tried to protect him from his… ‘Hey assbuts!’ The words blurted out of his mouth. He didn’t even have time to progress them, as he was already walking up to the gang.

Every cell in his body was livid. He was acting irrational, impulsive, he was probably making a terrible mistake… but it felt like the right thing to do. The boys abruptly let Kevin fall to the ground, where he gasped for air. One of the boys frowned when he saw him. ‘Wait aren’t you that new kid?’ The smallest one asked. Castiel nodded. ‘I don’t mean to interrupt you guys. But I would like to mention that the school has a zero tolerance policy on violence guys. You should know that.’

The biggest one of the group slowly made his way towards Castiel. He started feeling smaller and smaller. ‘What are you saying little guy?’ Castiel felt himself gulp. ‘I see that your tiny little brain has failed to comprehend what I said. So I’ll repeat myself, using your language in the hope the message will get across: Leave Kevin alone.’

One of the boys started laughing. ‘What do you care? Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and just leave us be. And we’ll forget this has ever happened okay?’ The guy who’d been filming the whole thing stated. Castiel shook his head. ‘I can’t. So you let him go or else.’ The boy took the hem of Castiel’s shirt between his enormous hands, practically lifting him off the ground. ‘Or what? You’ll fight us?’ Castiel felt his stomach turn, he hated violence. ‘I won’t hurt anyone if you guys promise to leave Kevin alone and let us leave in peace.’ He used his scary stare on the bigger guy, knowing it could be intimidating.

The bullies exchanged a few looks. And before he knew it he was thrown harshly on the ground. His head started pounding, everything became a dizzy mess. And staring down on him was Kevin trying to get him back in the real word. But he saw two, no even _three_ Kevin’s. And Castiel was pretty sure that wasn’t right.

Slowly he raised himself from the ground. ‘I warned you.’ He told the big guy, Castiel didn’t know why, but he felt as if he could actually beat this guy. Or maybe two years of being stuck in an insane asylum were just messing with his head, because one second he was sort of standing. The next thing he was pushed on the ground again. ‘You’re full of talk aren’t you?’ The guy with the phone said, once again filming the ordeal. ‘You know what? We will let Kevin go. He was starting to get boring anyways. And since you are volunteering so nicely we will take you as a nice replacement.’ One of them mused.

Before anything else could happen a woman’s voice carried through the hallway. ‘Back off assholes.’ A young girl with blonde wavy hair stood in the hallway. Her arms crossed and her eyes gave off an intimidating look despite that she was small. One of the boys whistled. ‘Jo sweetheart. Good to see you around.’ Kevin let out a relieved sigh when he saw the girl approaching. Jo pulled a disgusted face and the word sweetheart. ‘You better start running before I start kicking your asses.’ She warned them.

Castiel found himself staring in awe as the boys nervously laughed. They were afraid of her, he realised with shock. ‘We were just messing around a bit, it looks worse than it seems.’ Jo didn’t want to hear any of that. ‘Oh just messing around?’ She raised her eyebrows, seemingly unconvinced. ‘You know what I see? I see a group of little kids beating up my friend and the new kid. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t call my mom in for this shit?’

The group fell completely quiet. ‘Jo you won’t tell her won’t you? Please?’ The guy with the camera asked, suddenly seeming even more terrified at the idea of Jo’s mom. Jo held out her hand and pulled Kevin up, she quickly asked him if he was alright and then turned to Castiel. ‘You alright there?’ He nodded, suddenly he felt like an idiot.

‘I suggest you guys leave right now. If I catch you guys again I’ll be sure to send you to Hell myself.’ Castiel felt his stomach twist at the word Hell. A quick flash formed in his field of vision but it disappeared as soon as it came. He felt like he was about to throw up. The bullies left, leaving Kevin and Castiel to feel relieved. ‘What happened Kevin? I thought Dean was with you today?’ Kevin pulled a sour face as he helped up his sort-off saviour.

‘He was, but he left early and I don’t know why. He seemed really weird today, maybe he was sick.’ When he saw Jo’s angry expression he quickly added that she shouldn’t blame Dean for what happened. ‘I should be capable of defending myself. You guys shouldn’t constantly babysit me. That’s not right.’

Jo pursed her lips in disagreement. Castiel simply stood there, awkwardly. ‘Jo honestly I am alright. Thanks to him at least, the guy came in to help me.’ Kevin turned to Castiel and smiled, it was the first genuine smile Castiel had seen from him. All his fear and distrust had disappeared. Making place for what seemed to be kindness. ‘Thank you for trying to save me. I’m sorry that they…’ he simply pointed at him, ‘did that to you.’

He felt himself take a deep breath. He didn’t know how to exactly express his emotions right now. He felt happy, yet sad. He felt scared, proud, stupid and worried. It was a difficult mix. But in the end he smiled. ‘You are welcome, you would have done the same for me. I’m glad that we are all okay.’ He turned towards Jo. ‘Which is thanks to you.’ He reached out to shake Jo’s hand, which may not have been a good idea, as she gave him a weird look. ‘Uhm sure, no problem. You are Castiel right?’ He nodded solemnly. ‘Well I’m Jo Harvelle, it’s nice to meet you. Thank you for looking out for Kevin. That was a really brave thing to do, _stupid_ , but brave.’

Jo insisted that they tell her in detail what happened. And with every mention of a punch or a pull Jo’s knuckles started becoming whiter and whiter. She obviously wanted to punch something, or someone. Castiel admired her scariness. They walked out of the building and made their way towards a big car. Castiel wasn’t sure what would happen next. ‘Is that your car?’ Jo looked at it fondly. ‘Used to be my mom’s, but yes now it’s mine. Don’t look worried, I’m just going to take you to her. She’s a school nurse, she’s going to patch you guys up.’ Castiel remembered that terrified faces of the bullies once Jo had mentioned her mom.

‘Well that’s very nice of you.’ He managed to mutter before feeling his phone go off. He took a step back and saw the name Emmanuel on the screen. ‘Hang on a second, I need to take this. It’s my… guardian of sorts.’ After a bit of fumbling he managed to pick the call up. He wondered if his uncle would sound worried or not. But the man simply said: ‘Your therapist called, if you get back here could you tell the guy to stop calling my house phone?’ Castiel nodded, but when the other line kept quiet he realized that his uncle probably couldn’t see him. So instead he spoke: ‘I understand.’

When he stepped into the car he swore he could hear something flutter behind him. But he didn’t turn around, because he knew it was just his imagination playing tricks on him. If he wanted to start living normal he would have to stop looking over his shoulder.

**Wings flutter**

Jo’s mother Ellen was a nice lady. She had stitched Kevin and Castiel up without complaint. Only grumbling a few times about how this situation wasn’t acceptable. Although she was a nurse she looked more like an intimidating boxer of some sorts. But her kindness showed through anyways. When she was done cleaning the boys up she started chewing on Jo. Ellen seemed like a very protective mother. And Castiel felt like a part of him was going mad with jealously. That part of him (his pride, his ego and greed) found it unfair that someone like Jo deserved a mother but he didn’t.

But in the end he simply smiled, because he knew those thoughts were irrational. Yes, all things that had happened, terrible or not were _entirely_ on himself. You didn’t play with fire without getting burned. Ellen offered them all some drinks, she and Jo lived together in an old bar. ‘I had to close two years ago, business went bad. But you know I can stitch too. And children are violent. So it’s nurse Harvelle at school alright?’

Castiel shared simple pleasantries with both Kevin and Jo. He mostly listened and sometimes he would reveal a bit of his old life. But they all noticed he was a locked book. In the end Jo brought Castiel home. She let out a low whistle when she saw the apartment complex. ‘Nice place you got, did you tell your guardian what happened?’ He nervously licked his lips, Jo could see that the subject made him nervous. She gave him a reassuring look. ‘You should okay? What happened ain’t okay. And my mom’s going to make work of it.’ A sad smile formed on her face as Castiel gets out of the car.

‘I’m sorry your first day had to go like this. But we’ll see you tomorrow right?’ Castiel felt himself nod, Kevin moved closer to the window so he could speak directly to him too. ‘Are you alright? You look a bit pale.’ His eye was slowly swallowing up more and more. It would definitely become nasty the next couple of days. At Kevin’s question Castiel quickly checked his watch suddenly feeling panic boil over. _He’d forgotten his medicine_. He’d forgotten the medicine! ‘Uhm yes, I guess I just need to lay down for a bit.’

Jo nodded. ‘You hit your head pretty hard. Make sure you’ll be careful the next couple of days.’ She warned him, her stern face resembled her mothers. ‘I will. Once again thank you for the ride.’ He waved at them awkwardly as they left. His head started spinning. He quickly took out the last pill of the day but felt frustration hit him. He had to eat something first. A few curse words left his mouth as he quickly made his way inside the building. Once he found the door to his apartment he started looking for the key. His head hurt, he felt dizzy. It were all nasty side effects to his medicines.

Once inside his apartment he started heating up some microwave food. The mundanity calming him down. He waited impatiently for his food, and once he could finally sit down to eat a voice startled him. ‘What are you doing honey?’ With a loud thud his fork fell down. Sitting on the couch was a lady with curly chestnut brown hair and blue eyes. She had a soft smile, and got dimples when she laughed. Castiel sat frozen in shock as he looked at the woman. ‘You’re not real.’ His words came out breathless, his head was buzzing.

The woman stood up, slightly frowning. ‘You know I was planning on making dinner for us. But if you wanted to eat pancakes you could have told me.’ Castiel stared at his food, slowly reaching for the pill. ‘She’s not real,’ He kept telling himself. He took a bite out of the pancake, swallowed the pill and when he looked up again she was still standing there. ‘Go away.’ He felt anger boil inside of him.

But Isabelle Novak simply smiled. ‘I thought you liked my visits? It has been more than a year after all.’ He was pretty sure he was going to throw up at the sight of his mother. ‘I’m hallucinating. You’re not real.’ He kept repeating to himself, hoping he could filter out her voice. Yet he couldn’t look away from his mother’s face, afraid it would be the last time he’d seen it. He could feel his heart break as he saw her cheeky grin. She was so close to him, yet so far away. ‘Your father and I miss you very much, when will we be able to see you again?’ His mother desperately asked, her eyes incredibly sad.

It was like someone ripped Castiel’s heart out of his chest. ‘I’m so sorry mom. I can’t, I won’t let you do this to me again.’ But his mother simply kept talking, she wore the same clothes she’d worn the night she’d died. ‘But I miss you so much.’ Tears filled in her eyes. ‘Please come back to us, come back home.’ With a loud shove the chair fell down and Castiel made his way towards his room, quickly he closed it and locked the door.

His breathing was ragged. His head spinning, his mother’s voice kept screaming in his head. ‘We miss you so much. Why did you do this to us? Come back home.’ He stared at the window. His hands started twitching. He had to close the window before he’d really do something stupid. With a big gulp he removed himself from the door and quickly moved towards the window. He closed his eyes, afraid to look down and shoved the lock in place.

That night he had a nightmare once more. This time he dreamt of falling of the school building. The people under him had called the emergency too late. He’d felt the cold wind brush in his face as the people under him called for him to come down. But he didn’t listen, because his mother was holding his hand and smiling. _‘You are my little angel Castiel.’_ She whispered, eyes filled with tears and pride.

He looked at her, smiled and finally closed his eyes. _‘It’s just like flying.’_ She promised him. But once he took the leap he woke up screaming. His heart was beating like crazy, tears streaming out of his eyes as he had to remind himself that he was alright. He’d never gotten around to jumping. Because they’d seen him standing on that rooftop, and they’d talked to him. They’d been _kind_ , for once he’d been treated like a human being. Castiel had never come around to jumping. Because he was pretty sure that it wasn’t like flying. And he had no wings to carry him.

**Wings flutter**

The horrible first day got followed by a wonderful second day. He woke up, feeling oddly good. As he forced himself to eat breakfast (something he’d been struggling with in the past) he happily noted that he’d actually eaten decently this time around. When he opened the window to let the breeze in he found the weather to be a lot less muggy. The bird from last time wasn’t around, ‘maybe today will be a day for miracles.’ He pondered as he appreciated the clouds outside. He was making himself ready to go to school, convincing himself that yesterday night had just been his head messing with him. His mother was long gone, and his medicines worked fine, he’d probably just hit his head a bit harsher than he expected during the fight.

He was in the middle of breakfast when someone knocked on his door. Castiel felt his face heat up, he was still in his pyjama. A bit nervously he looked through the peak hole. His uncle was standing there, seemingly uncomfortable. Slowly he opened the door, afraid for what might happen next. ‘Good morning Castiel.’ The man greeted him gruffly. The teenage boy stood there in confusion, wondering why his uncle would visit him at this time of day. He was still holding the box under his arms.

‘So listen kid, I heard you got beaten up yesterday.’ Castiel swore he could feel his heart fall into the deepest of pits. His uncle finally looked him in the eyes. ‘And I heard you got beaten up for protecting someone. So I just thought…’ he held up a box. ‘You know it’s just that…’ he wasn’t sure what his uncle was getting at. ‘I just wanted to say you did a good job. And I was cleaning up some old mess when I found this. And I just thought that maybe you’d want it.’ He handed Castiel the box, it was quite a heavy thing.

He held it up awkwardly as he checked the insides of the box. The first thing he got out of it was a picture, a picture of his old house. ‘Used to belong to your mom and dad, Isabelle always wanted you to have her stuff when she…’ Castiel felt an odd feeling stir in his stomach. ‘I always kept it around. I guess you could do something useful with it.’ The man straightened up, his face once again pulling a terrible expression.

‘You can see it as a welcome home gift or whatever. But don’t get any funny ideas. Might be your guardian on paper, but you take care of yourself boy. Castiel simply nodded, he wanted to hug his uncle, but knew that the guy was already doing his very best to make things work. I need to get to work and you need to get to school right?’ He couldn’t help himself. ‘Uhm yes. But thank you, I appreciate it a lot. More than you can imagine.’ The man turned around and left without saying another word.

Castiel slowly felt a smile run on his face as he looked at the content at bit better. Old paint brushes, photographs and video recordings were a few of the things that could be found in the dusty box. ‘Today is really going to be a good day.’ He once again declared as he started dressing. He found himself to be pretty pleased with the results. He’d dressed too formal yesterday and instead of a sweater vest he was now wearing a plain white t-shirt and a beige jacket. The thing was old and worn too many times. But he’d failed to find a good replacement in the shop when he went shopping. So he decided it would do, for now.

As he made his way over the busy streets he felt a bit sad at seeing the students who could go by car. He’d never gotten around getting his driver’s license. And he was pretty sure his medication didn’t allow him behind the wheel to begin with- Castiel thought he was going to die. One moment he was crossing the road, the next moment a black car almost ran over him, pulling the breaks at the very last moment.

He let out a yelp as he fell backward. ‘Goddammit watch were you’re going!’ The guy behind the wheel called. He quickly scrambled up from the ground. ‘The light is green!’ He yelled back, making clear that guy had been the one to mess up. He couldn’t see the driver clearly but he simply got the finger before the guy drove off. This wasn’t the end of Castiel’s blunders tough. When he finally reached the school grounds he managed to trip over a well-placed backpack.

And once he finally found his locker he was irritated and in pain. Maybe today wasn’t a day for miracles after all. He once again struggled to open the damn locker. When he finally opened it (quite aggressively) his neighbour got stuck in the fire and got harshly hit in the face. ‘Dammit watch it! What’s your problem?!’ The guy grumbled, Castiel turned to apologize but couldn’t find the right words when he saw the guy’s face.

Castiel was sure he was hallucinating, because he saw a bright breath-taking light around the guy in front of him. The light was reaching out behind him in swirls and curls of colours. He tried to find something to say, but at the sight of the light he felt strange. Like he didn’t know how to use his mouth anymore, it wasn’t his.

‘Wait, you’re the guy from this morning.’ The boy’s voice snapped Castiel back into reality. The guy in front of him was slightly bigger than him, with blazing eyes that made him stand frozen. The guy stood like a soldier and gave off an intimidating air. _And he emits light_. Castiel remembered the car that had nearly turned him into a pancake. ‘You should be more careful on the road, if I hadn’t seen you in time we would have spoken at the hospital.’ The colours around the guy were _warm_ , he realized.

They reached out to him, as if to protect him. ‘You were worried.’ The statement left him before he could think it through. The guy had pretty green eyes that didn’t leave him for a second. ‘What?’ Castiel felt a surge of sadness at the light around the guy, it was very familiar, but he couldn’t place it anywhere in his memories. It gave him an itch that he couldn’t find. ‘I won’t tell your father that you took his car.’ He promised simply to show good will. How he’d known that information was beyond him. He just knew.

‘Hey Dean!’ The boy named Dean had a confused expression on his face. As if he wanted to tell Castiel to fuck off, but he couldn’t as Jo was at his side. ‘Oh hey Castiel, see that you two have already met?’ The gears were spinning in his head to keep up. So this was Dean, one of Kevin’s and Jo’s friends? The grumpy boy gave him a look over. ‘You are the new kid aren’t you?’ Jo gave him a little kick, it was almost unnoticeable. ‘Well nice to meet you,’ he offered his hand, ‘my name is Dean Winchester and you are?’

Castiel took the hand a bit hesitant. It was firm, warm and slightly rougher than most. It sent a nice warmth through his arm. ‘I’m Castiel Novak.’ He had completely lost his composure. As Jo told Dean about the quarrel of yesterday Castiel could only keep staring at the guy.

He looked like a normal teenage boy. With dark blond-brown hair, a relaxed composure (when he didn’t look angry or intimidating) and when Jo told him the story he got a concerned expression on his face. _He looked quite ordinary indeed_. Yet no-one seemed to notice the light he was radiating. Which could mean two things: Castiel was losing it, or his medication was messing with his brain. There was also a third option, but he doubted that having a crush meant seeing that person glow.

Also: He _wasn’t_ crushing, he wasn’t interested in guys. Although he could admit, objectively speaking that Dean was a pretty handsome male. With full lips, a nice build and a dust of freckles on his face that just begged to be counted- _ahem_ , nope not attractive at all. Dean let out a little smile. ‘Well sorry about being a jerk with the car and stuff. I’m not much a morning person without coffee.’ Castiel felt pretty stupid, just nodding away, not really caring about the car stuff anymore.

‘No problem, I almost pushed you of the stairs yesterday so we’re even.’ Dean laughed at that. ‘Oh so that was you?’ Castiel felt a stupid little smile form on his face. Dean seemed nice... Turned out that Dean was in fact one of his classmates. If he’d actually paid attention yesterday he could’ve seen him. The three of them moved themselves to their first class. This happened to be history: Castiel’s favourite subject.

Here they were joined by Kevin. When Kevin arrived at school his eye had gotten a terrible deep purple colour. But he wasn’t complaining. And when he asked why Dean had left earlier the guy simply raised his shoulders. ‘Family business.’ Castiel sat with these friends in silence as they laughed and joked. As there was a substitute teacher no-one paid attention. The teacher finally gave up and just let the students talk among each other, deciding to write the homework on the board. This was unfortunate.

This seemed to make both Jo and Dean very pleased, but Kevin and Castiel gave each other a sour look. Things went relatively well, all things considered. But were quickly ruined when his stalker stare finally got noticed. ‘Do I have something on my face?’ Castiel felt his face slowly heat up as Dean looked at him intently. He’d been staring at him every so often, he was convinced he’d been subtle about it. But apparently not. The light was still there, changing colour like a prism. It was slowly turning a reddish pink.

‘Uh no, it’s just that…’ He couldn’t find anything to say. ‘Well yes actually.’ He stared at the boy intently. But Dean simply kept quiet, staring at him with a questioning look. ‘Are you going to tell me where?’ He let out an awkward chuckle, but the Kevin wasn’t following the interaction and Jo was talking to some female friends. Castiel snapped out of his pondering and nodded. ‘Oh right, of course.’ Before he could blunder himself to oblivion Meg became his saviour. ‘Good morning Clarence. I see that you’ve met some people?’ Meg flashed them all a quick smile.

The mood of the group changed immediately. There was an odd tension as things fell quiet. And he felt surprised when he saw Jo besides him tense up. ‘Hello Meg.’ Castiel was a bit surprised at the reactions around him, but he decided to turn his attention on Meg for now. She gave him a smirk. ‘I trust you’re finding your way around feathers?’ He slowly nodded. ‘Yes, thanks to you.’ She nodded, seemingly pretty pleased with herself. ‘That’s good, but just for good measure-’ she suddenly tugged at his hand and took out a marker, ‘-call me if you need anything?’ She dropped his hand after she was finished writing her number. She winked and left, turning back to her friend Ruby. Castiel felt numb, but Jo slowly let out a snort. ‘Well guess the demon bitch has an eye for you. Who would’ve thought so?’

The group laughed it off, telling him that he shouldn’t pull such a worried face. Dean in the meantime, was rubbing his face in the hope to remove whatever had gotten stuck there. Luckily for Castiel he never got around to ask him the question again, because he was pretty sure he’d just stare at the light around the Winchester all day.

**Wings flutter**

The day went by almost perfectly. At some point when things became too crowded to Castiel’s liking he quickly looked for a quiet place. Later when asked, he honestly told his new friends about his autism, and how it caused sensory overload. _Yes friends_. Kevin had basically implied the fact when he’d asked him to join them in going to the nearby lake for a swim. But he felt his head getting dizzy and shook his head. _Maybe tomorrow, maybe another time, maybe never._

Dean’s glowing light had slowly faded over the rest of the day, making him calm down. Because no matter how _pretty_ or _fascinating_ it looked, the boy was pretty sure it was wrong. At the end of the day both Jo and Kevin decided to leave quickly in case the weather indeed turned sour. (Since the weather cast was talking about rain.) Castiel had already said his goodbyes and was making his way across the street when Dean suddenly called him back: ‘Wait a second!’ He couldn’t hear him over the sound of talking students tough.

‘Castiel! Wait up!’ Dean had an annoyed look on his face as he finally turned around. He didn’t know whether he liked Dean or not. He was foul-mouthed, short tempered and rash. ‘Jesus man, don’t just walk always like that. I think they were right about that big storm, I thought I could give you a lift?’ Dean gave him a small little smile, his eyes looked unsure. Castiel was indeed not sure whether he liked the Winchester or not. But moments like these show-cased him that Dean was probably pulling on a tough act for self-preservation. He was pretty sure his surprise was obvious on his face, but Dean just _kept staring_.

‘Dean are you alright?’ Dean’s smile became wider, a bit cockier. ‘Yeah sure, but do you want a lift or not?’ They stood there at the parking lot, both suddenly very interested in the trees. _Why are we suddenly so awkward?_ Castiel wondered confused. A few minutes ago they’d been just fine, communicating without any trouble. Maybe it was the fact that Dean wanted him to answer the question. And for some reasons words couldn’t be formed on his lips. He’d had a rough day, he wasn’t sure he could handle much more communication.

‘Yes I’d like that.’ He finally managed to spit out some useful words. But he was blabbering, almost not able to make himself sound decent. ‘Great, better get your sorry ass in my baby.’ This confused him but he followed the other teen anyways. Dean showed of his car with pride. It was a black one, and it looked old. _I really need to learn more about cars_ , he thought miserably. It was the first time today that he saw so much enthusiasm on Dean’s face. Castiel stepped in quietly, making sure his seatbelt was done correctly.

‘So what do you think?’ Dean was still looking at him with anticipation. ‘It looks nice, doesn’t your dad mind that you use it?’ Dean’s facial expression slowly started to go from happy to confused and amused. ‘He sorta hates it when I steal it yes. But it’s my baby. A beautiful 1967 Chevrolet Impala.’ He patted the steer wheel lovingly.

‘How did you know it was my dad’s anyways?’ Castiel tried not to look shocked or bewildered, despite that fact that he still didn’t know _how_ he knew. ‘A good guess.’ He muttered under his breath, staring at the dark clouds outside. He knew things weren’t all sunshine and rainbows. He knew that going back to his normal life would take time, but he decided to ignore the negative for as long as he could. This involved lying and pretending to be an ordinary normal teen.

As they drove Dean played some classic rock. ‘You mind?’ Dean asked, looking at him when they had to stop for a red light. ‘Not at all.’ Castiel quickly answered, suddenly aware that he was alone with the strange boy. Who he hardly knew. ‘I’m a bit surprised,’ Dean admitted his fingers moving along with the beat. Castiel tried to keep down a wry smile. ‘Surprised about what?’ Dean didn’t seem nervous at all now that he was driving, he looked perfectly in his element. ‘They said you were all kinds of messed up. But I’m not really seeing it.’ Castiel felt lost at words.

‘Should I take that as a compliment?’ Dean grinned, making his insides feel mushy. He took their last turn and slowed down until they were in front of Castiel’s place. ‘Well you should. I heard you had it rough but you seem nice… ish.’ The two boys looked at each other for a second, both smiling. ‘Well you seem nice-ish too.’ Castiel said, someone feeling all light and giddy. ‘Thank you for the lift, I appreciate it.’

A bit reluctant he got out. Dean opened the window, suddenly pulling up his manly act again. ‘No problem, see ya around.’ Dean wanted to drive off when suddenly he had a thought: ‘Hey quick question. Is it pronounced Kastiel or Castiel?’ Castiel frowned. ‘It’s Castiel.’ He knew he didn’t have a very common name, and while it was easy for some people, others found the name to be rather tedious. Dean’s frown disappeared as suddenly his eyes lit up with an idea. ‘Well would you mind if I shortened it?’

He’d had a few nicknames over the years. Usually things like Cassie and Cassandra. ‘That depends.’ He deadpanned. Dean seemed to be thinking. ‘What about Cas?’ He gave him a questioning look, waiting for approval while wearing a wicked grin. ‘Cas sounds fine. But then I get to call you, Dean.’ Dean snorted with amusement. ‘You already call me Dean.’ Castiel _-no_ Cas tried not to roll his eyes. ‘I mean your phone number.’

In the silence that fell you could hear a penny hit the ground. Or maybe it were the first drops of rain. Cas felt his face slowly heat up more as Dean tried to find back his composure. ‘Uhm I mean as in: I think it’s handy for me to have your phone number. In case I’ve got any questions. You seem familiar around here.’ Cas started to quickly chat it away. Moving his arms in an attempt to sound reasonable. He didn’t want to scare the other boy away.

Dean let out a forced chuckle, he suddenly looked awkward and his face was quickly getting redder and redder. ‘Yes of course, for help and stuff. I knew that!’ He pulled at Castiel’s arm, Meg’s number was still show-cased on it. Dean mumbled something incoherent as he finally found a pen. Without any further ado he quickly wrote his name and number on the palm of Castiel’s hand. Cas tried to ignore the warm feeling spreading through his fingers at the touch.

Once the whole thing was written down the rain started getting intense. ‘You should go inside, it’s really starting up.’ Dean quickly warned him, a warm smile still lingering on his face. Cas quickly nodded, suddenly not able to find the right words to express what he was feeling. ‘I actually feel kind of warm.’ He blurted out. He tried to face palm, hoping for a hole to swallow him. Dean laughed, the sound was welcoming and nice. ‘Alright then.’ He left him with a simple goodbye:

‘Until next time Cas.’

It sounded like a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed.


	4. Chapter II

There he was once again: In the park, his date waiting for him. But Castiel was getting lured into the arms of a mysterious stranger. It was embarrassing really how often the teenager had this dream. He and the dream boy were only inches apart, soon their lips would touch and at the prospect his heart started hammering in his chest. _‘Cas!’_ The moment was ruined, Castiel quickly turned to look around. ‘Did you hear that?’ He turned towards the dream boy, but he simply frowned. ‘Heard what?’

 _‘Cas wake up!’_ The voice was deep, filled with panic and somehow familiar. Castiel turned around, his date still waiting on the bench, she wasn’t the one who’d spoken up.’ A nasty feeling crept up his sleeve. _‘Wake up!’_ He woke up, his breathing ragged, he looked around in panic. ‘Hello sweetheart.’ He turned to see his mother, quietly sitting at the foot of his bed. She looked like she always did. ‘Mom?’ In his confusion Cas forgot for a short moment that his mother wasn’t really there.

His mother had a sweet smile, one of those that make your face light up. She stood up, casually letting her hand slide over a picture on the nightstand. ‘When are you coming home?’ She asked, her voice trying to stay casual, but desperation was in her eyes. Cas took a deep breath. He gripped at his hair in frustration, not sure on how to react. Instead he looked at the time. It wasn’t even 2 o’clock yet.

‘When are you coming home Castiel?’ His mother frowned now, she didn’t like it when he ignored her. But he had no choice, because she was an illusion. Instead he made his way towards the kitchen, looking in the fridge as he tried to compose himself. ‘Why are you ignoring me?’ His mother sounded sad as she suddenly stood beside him again. He started humming, hoping the sound would block out her voice.

‘Look at me.’ She whispered, she sounded so desperate, so incredibly sad. Cas instead washed his face, trying to get the dirt of her words of his face with some cold water. ‘She isn’t real, ignore her, she’ll leave eventually.’ He reminded his window reflection, but the person looking back at him didn’t seem so sure.

**Wings flutter**

Castiel’s alarm went off. With a sad sigh he turned to look at the time. His mother hadn’t allowed him any sleep. She’d been taunting him all night, no matter what he’d done. He was quite surprised to see that she’d disappeared. When did that happen? ‘Does it even matter? She wasn’t here to begin with you idiot.’ One part of him felt happy to know he was still here. That spending the night with his dead mother didn’t make him snap.

But another part of him felt numb and whispered in his ear that he should be the dead one. The moment Cas stood up to make breakfast, he knew what type of day it was going to be. It was going to be a bad one. He knew for the simple reason that everything seemed dull, he felt dull and nothing really seemed to matter.

Instead of getting dressed and eating breakfast he returned to bed. He just lay back down, telling himself he just needed some sleep. He tried really hard to think of something positive, but after a long dragging hour, or maybe even hours he stopped. He simply stopped caring. ‘Maybe things will be better tomorrow.’ He told himself knowing it wasn’t true.

‘It’s Wednesday,’ he reminded himself. Today was Wednesday, today he could still try to do something. Anything really, but tomorrow he was going to give up. And not because he wanted to, but because he had no other choice. Cas closed his eyes, hoping that maybe his dreams would comfort him. But his peace only lasted 5 minutes. There was a knock on the door, and with dread he managed to make his way towards the sound.

‘Who the hell are you?’ He asked himself out loud, his throat hurt from what he assumed was dehydration. Through the peephole he could see a young girl his age. With brown wavy hair, a purple dress and a big friendly smile. When he opened the door he decided to try to smile at least a tiny little bit, but he failed enormously.

‘Good afternoon, I didn’t know if you were home or not but you are.’ She let out an awkward little smile, wriggling with her feet. She was nervous; she wanted to make a good impression. She was holding a basket with a big bow on top of it. ‘My name is Daphne Allen, I’m your neighbour.’ They shook hands. Cas knew he had to say something. ‘Castiel Novak, it’s nice to meet you Daphne.’

With a bit of reluctance he held open the door for her to enter. But she quickly shook her head. ‘Oh I can’t stay I’m sorry. I still need to do groceries and I just wanted to shortly welcome you to the neighbourhood.’ She held up the basket, ‘I hope you’re not allergic to nuts?’ She handed him the basket, he was surprised at the weight. Had she filled it with bricks? Cas blinked maybe one, two or even three times before he could finally speak up. ‘That’s very kind of you, you really didn’t have to go such great lengths. But I appreciate the gesture.’

He tried to hold back a yawn. He was tired, he was falling asleep, and the only thing keeping him up was the door. ‘I do appreciate it, don’t get me wrong. But how late is it?’ He tried to sound reasonable. ‘I mean isn’t it a bit early for welcome visits?’ Daphne frowned confused, she quickly checked her watch. ‘It’s almost evening.’

Cas did his best not to faint.

**Wings flutter**

On Thursday he got woken up by his phone ringing. He looked a bit hesitant at the contact, but when it turned out to be his uncle he begrudgingly picked up. ‘Yes?’ The other side of the line kept quiet for a second or so. Finally his uncle spoke up, his voice sounding tired. ‘Listen kiddo, from what I understand you have your good and bad days. So yesterday the school called me, you weren’t there. So I told them you are sick, same goes for today?’

He dropped the phone the minute they were done. Samuel wouldn’t care anyway. It was early in the morning and he hadn’t eaten since yesterday, but someone he couldn’t get his stomach to work. He forced himself to brush his teeth, feeling like that’s the last he could do. But as he started brushing his teeth his reflection kept staring at him. _Your fault_ his mind reminded him over and over.

In the end he threw his toothpaste across the room in frustration. Not bothering to clean it up. Thursdays was the he was supposed to meet up with his therapist. And if he didn’t go, then Mister Adler would go to _him_. And he was quite opposed to the idea, so with some grumbling he finally returned to pick up his toothpaste. ‘Small steps, tiny little steps.’ He reminded himself.

When the doorbell rang he couldn’t help but to slowly look up. It wasn’t his friendly neighbour, because she’d knocked. The bell rang with urgency, and the person ringing apparently forgot he shouldn’t keep pressing his finger on the button. Castiel stood there in silence, feeling like a deer in the headlight. If he just kept quiet then maybe the stranger would go away. After his experience with Daphne he didn’t feel like having human interaction at all.

But the door kept ringing and he couldn’t control his own curiosity. He looked through the peephole. He got greeted by a guy. He recognized him immediately, it was Dean Winchester. There he was once again, the famous Dean Winchester. The guy that radiates light, Cas mused. He didn’t know why, but he immediately opened the door. No fretting, no refusal he just did so. Dean greeted him with a friendly smile, his hair all ruffled up from whatever he’d done and to Castiel’s surprise not surrounded by weird lights. Cas squinted his eyes, surprise taking over.

‘Dean?’ The Winchester held up a black backpack. ‘So I thought you’d be at school yesterday, but the teacher said you were sick. So I thought I’d bring you your bag, you left it in my car.’ Cas suddenly got aware of his appearance. He was still wearing a pair of pyjama’s that despite their high comfort made him look like a hobo. ‘Oh thank you.’ He took the bag, suddenly realizing that he’d indeed left it when he’d stepped out of the car.

‘First I thought that maybe you’d call to ask it back, since I did gave you my number. But when I got to school you weren’t there so.’ Dean explained. He spread his arm, showing of a grin and thus making Cas’ life a tiny little hell. Because it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

‘Well I appreciate it.’ Usually Cas would try to shut the door by now, but something was stopping him. Maybe it was the fact that Dean was giving him this look. This look of kindness, Dean had heard terrible rumours about him and yet here he was. ‘I didn’t feel that well, so I decided it was probably wisest to stay home.’ Cas had no idea why he wanted to explain himself.

‘Well you did miss some important things. I actually decided to skip school today because I had to do some stuff for my dad, but while we’re at it, I could help you out I’ve got time?’ A part of Cas wanted to take the offer, because when he squinted his eyes he could see a tiny little glow around the Winchester. And he definitely wanted to know why that was the case. Another part of him didn’t want to think about it at all.

He was wearing guinea pig slippers for Christ’s sake. ‘I’d appreciate it.’ At this point Cas was cursing himself as he opened the door a bit wider for Dean to enter. After fumbling and making coffee they sat down as Dean showed Cas some notes.

They sat for a good hour or so. Simply going through homework as Dean explained him what he missed. Dean was good at math, he seemed to have a nick for thinking outside the box. But he did make a lot of mistakes probably because he seemed too eager to move things along. ‘Cas is it just me, or are you a genius?’ Castiel felt heat rush up his face at the awe on Dean’s face. ‘It’s quite the compliment but no, I’m not a genius. I just know my way around numbers.’

Dean suddenly seemed eager for conversation. He leaned back in the chair, ‘you know what to do with them, but do you enjoy working with them?’ Castiel was pretty sure Dean was also getting bored, they needed a break. ‘I do enjoy it, but it’s not necessarily my favourite past time.’ Dean studied him for a second, his eyes wandering over his face with a sudden concern. ‘So what is your favourite past time then?’ He looked around the apartment, ‘usually I’d try to take a guess, but the only thing I see in view is a TV from the dark ages and some books.’

Cas stood up to make them both some coffee, he smiled. ‘Well you’re pretty good at guessing. But I also like to take strolls. The garden at the insti-’ He fell quiet as he remembered his home for the last two years. Dean noticed his troubled expression and shuffled in his seat, he probably didn’t know what to do. Cas finally managed to escape the memories as he continued telling Dean about hiking.

‘So your dad’s a sports man too?’ Dean asked as Cas started to fumble to get them some food. ‘No, my dad was pastor. He liked old worn books and music. My mom was the one who took me out. We were planning to go backpacking once the summer vacation started. But we never came around to do it.’ It was all Cas was willing to share with Dean, and the other boy noticed. So instead he talked a bit about himself. This calmed them both down.

‘Well moving can be quite difficult. After my mom died my dad used to drag me and my little brother all over the States.’ John Winchester, Dean’s father owned a garage together with his best friend Bobby Singer. ‘Bobby convinced my dad to cut it out with the travel, that we needed a stable environment. I took him a while but the last few years he finally convinced the old man to take things a bit slower. So we enrolled here and life’s good.’ Dean took a sip of his coffee, his face neutral.

Cas sat down with chopped apple. ‘It was the only thing I had left, I hope you don’t mind?’ Dean shook his head, ‘no it’s fine! You didn’t have to but it’s appreciated.’ As he took a bite Cas watched him in silence. The glow around had gotten stronger throughout the hour. It was a pleasant green, and Cas felt like he was sitting right outside in the sun. ‘I know I shouldn’t pry, but why did you dad travel around so much? Couldn’t he find a job?’

Dean shook his head. ‘Oh he could, he… was an exterminator for a while. Worried too much to leave us at Bobby’s. We also learned a trick or two while on the road.’ He gave Castiel a toothy grin, so he decided not to ask Dean why he wasn’t at school today. He said he had to do some stuff for his dad. So even if Cas _did_ wonder, _he was way too curious_ , he decided to respect the Winchester’s personal space.

Dean glanced over again, once again he seemed troubled. ‘I didn’t want to mention it, but I’m going to anyways, since we’re having a break.’ Dean thoughtfully pushed the homework aside. ‘Have you had something to eat yet?’ Cas couldn’t stop a grimace to form. ‘When I get sick I find it difficult to eat. So the answer is no, not this morning. But that’s okay. I’m not that hungry anyways.’

Dean’s expression was one of disbelief. ‘Alright if you say so, but I would feel less like an asshole if you help me finish this bowl.’ He pointed at the apples, and with reluctance Cas took a bite out of one of them. Seemingly relaxing Dean. The pleasant green slowly returned around him. It had become dark and murky because of the turn in events. They shared a few more pleasantries before Dean stood up.

‘Well I trust you won’t forget your bag the next time?’ Cas felt a little smile curl on his lips, it felt strange. ‘I’m sorry about that by the way,’ Cas felt a bit lame apologizing. Dean pulled on his leather jacket, it seemed too big on him, but who was Cas to judge? Instead of immediately leaving Dean suddenly pulled a face, he seemed nervous. ‘If you ever need any help or answers call me right?’ Cas pulled up his sleeve to look at the fading numbers on his arm.

‘Thank you, that’s kind.’ Dean’s light got a bit bigger and slowly turned pink as he smiled. ‘You know what? Just in case you forget again you should give me your number. I’ll text you. Sound like a plan?’ Cas felt his lips get dry, he quickly wetted them, he was thinking about the offer. ‘Alright then, you got some paper on you?’ Once Cas had scribbled down the number code he noticed that the distance between him and Dean was pretty small. ‘Personal space.’ He reminded himself out loud. Dean immediately looked up.

‘What?’ Apparently he also became aware of the small distance, since he quickly took a step back. ‘Sorry about that, that’s kinda…’ he gestured with his arm. Whatever he was implying got completely lost in translation as Cas took it as a warning.

This Dean wanted to be nice to him, he should stop making him uncomfortable. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, _well you know_. But I have a space problem, people hate it. Do you hate it? But you need to go, I have things to do. Yes, sick stuff. I mean I am sick. I’ll see you tomorrow, or maybe Monday who knows? But yes. Bye.’ The more words came out of Castiel’s mouth, the more he horrified himself. Without thinking he slammed the door in Dean’s face.

He buried his face in his arms, embarrassment taking over. _You ruined it_ , a little voice in his mind stated. Suddenly he heard a sound that tugged on his heartstrings. It was Dean, and he was laughing. He gave a soft little knock on the door as he tried to compose himself. ‘Man you really are something aren’t ya?’ Dean let out another snort. ‘Well I’ll see you when I see you. Get well soon.’

Once the Winchester had left Cas had thought he’d go back in depressive mode. Instead he found he was wearing a tiny little smile, he plopped down in bed. The smile only leaving him once he fell asleep.

**Wings flutter**

Castiel had felt relief when he sat down across from his therapist that evening. Mister Adler had looked crisp and neat like always. As they spoke Mister Adler gave him a slight look of concern. It was probably because the teenager had barely eaten anything the past two days, nor had he done much to appear at least a bit decent. They discussed his first days back at school. Cas decided not to tell the fact that he’d gotten into a fight.

He did however talk about his hallucinations, his emotions and he might have briefly mentioned the people at school who had taken him under their wings. But he didn’t speak about the glowing Winchester, or the sound of fluttering wings. And he definitely did not tell Mister Adler about the big bags of rock salt hidden under his bed. _Because monsters don’t exist, and I just like to have enough salt to last a life time_ , Castiel mentioned sarcastically to himself.

‘Mister Novak I want you to be honest with me for a second.’ Cas felt tired of talking, he felt tired in general. ‘As your mother has been seen again I have to ask this: Have you been thinking of committing suicide again?’ Mister Adler looked up, facial expression neutral.

Cas felt a cold air cut through him. ‘No. I saw her and I… closed the windows. I ignored her, told myself she wasn’t real.’ Mister Adler raised an eyebrow, his eyes fierce. ‘You’re repeating my words. I can’t help but to wonder if you actually believe them yourself.’ He wondered that too.

‘I do believe it, it was very hard, but I’m managing it.’ His own words sounded like lies, and Mister Adler noticed. ‘Alright then tell me the truth: What do you want? What are you goals? Do you remember those?’ Cas felt his own nerves getting to him, he knew it was better to speak the truth. But he didn’t want to, he simply did not trust himself. ‘I want to live a normal life. I want to study and…’ Cas felt his chest getting tighter and tighter.

When had things stopped?

When had he stopped believing his own words? It had only been a few days!

‘Listen, I see that you are panicking. In the beginning things _will_ be difficult. But you’re doing excellent. So take a deep breath and repeat after me.’ After taking a few deep breaths they practised the words again. The words that had to be written on Castiel’s grave.

‘My parents died, but it wasn’t my fault.’ _I killed them._ ‘I have problems, but I can be fixed.’ _My dad wouldn’t agree._ ‘I see things, but they are not real.’ _My mother begs to differ._ ‘Monsters aren’t real, angels aren’t real. So I have nothing to fear.’ _Wrong._

Cas took a deep breath. ‘I matter and I deserve to be saved,’ his mind wanted to contradict him. But for reasons he didn’t completely understand he stared at the fading numbers on his hand. He knew he had to keep it together. And for some reason Dean Winchester’s phone number was exactly what he needed in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol ok, so some chapters are really long, and some are really short. This was a short one. My apologies. I work terrible under pressure. I just want to write this. See you later. :D


	5. Chapter III

Sunday meant going to church. It was weirdly enough one of the few things to give Cas solace. Despite the memories that were intertwined with the place. The summer heat was getting so hard to handle that he decided on leaving his usual attire at home. Instead he walked through the streets in a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. They made the walk towards the church manageable.

His father’s church had been old and in desperate need of restoration. But the building that greeted him was fresh, clean and almost seemed to sparkle. It could also be the heat that was going to Castiel’s head. They welcomed him back with open arms. The group that attended had shrunken immensely. Probably because a lot of the elderly had died from old age and the youth was not interested in attending service. Castiel felt at peace as he listened to the new pastor. It didn’t matter what happened in the past. Because this was and would always be a place where he could feel save.

The man who had followed up his father seemed to be of the good kind. He stated he was going to keep the service short since the temperatures were still rising and people were using their program papers as fans. The man had given Cas a kind smile before starting the daily prayer. The man was indeed kind, _but that’s what they said about your father too_ , a small voice in the back of his head whispered.

Cas pushed the thoughts way and instead focused his mind on praying. Castiel honestly didn’t know if he still believed in God. He had when he was younger. After all that happened he still believed. But Cas was getting older, more pessimistic and it seemed like God had left the world a long time ago and he worried. Mister Adler had told him to attend church for the simple reason that it would bring back familiarity. And he was right of course, Cas did feel like he was back at a place he could trust. Despite the blood that he knew tainted the walls.

After the service a girl with flaming red hair approached him. Her name was Charlie Bradbury, he’d met her Friday at school. She was friends with Dean, Kevin and Jo. ‘I’m dying in this heat, where is the breeze when you need it?’ She had caught a nasty sunburn on her left shoulder, her pale skin flaming as red as her hair.

Castiel liked Charlie, she was nice. ‘I would prefer a breeze too.’ He wiped his forehead, he was sweating everywhere. He and Charlie shortly discussed the service before heading towards the shadows of the trees. ‘Jo said she would pick us up soon. But as usual she’s late.’ Charlie sounded incredibly annoyed.

Castiel didn’t blame either of the girls. It was way too hot to be in a hurry. As they waited in the shadows Charlie started naming movie after movie that Cas didn’t know. Just when he wanted to break the news that he had no idea who Harry Potter was a big car stopped in front of them. Hanging out of the window was Jo, her hair messy and a pair of sunglasses on her face. ‘Get in losers!’

Kevin who sat beside her groaned. ‘God I’ll never let you watch Mean Girls again.’ Dean swiftly climbed out of the truck’s boot while exclaiming: ‘We’re going shopping!’ Kevin’s hand swiftly collided with his forehead. Charlie let out a snort at the sight of her friends. ‘Please do tell me one of you guys has some sun screen?’

She made her way towards the car and showed them her shoulder causing the group to search for sunscreen. In the end Kevin found the fated bottle and threw it Charlie’s way. ‘Thanks,’ she turned to Castiel, ‘are you getting in?’ Cas slowly blinked and finally made his way towards the car. He tried not to look at one person in particular, but found it to be difficult. Probably because the tiny glow around Dean had turned enormous again. It was everywhere now, bright blue, warm and covering him from head to toe. And he didn’t notice.

Cas and Charlie took their seats in the back, Jo wanted to start the car but suddenly turned around. ‘Winchester get your ass in here, you can’t sit in the boot!’ Jo honked causing them to bicker. In the end Dean surrendered and wiggled himself in the back of the car. He sat right besides Cas, and for some reason that was a big deal.

‘Don’t panic.’ Cas couldn’t stop himself from talking, Dean turned to him curiously. ‘What?’ They weren’t sitting all that close, it was just the average space between two people. But the light around Dean was _touching_ his skin, and it was warm and tickling and Cas did not like this at all. ‘Nothing, I talk to myself don’t mind it.’ Dean nodded, he gave Cas a kind smile that warmed his heart. ‘My little brother Sam does that too. So don’t worry I’m used to it.’

Castiel did not like Dean. He didn’t like this guy. Because he had freckles on his face, and his eyes were bright green. And he was a thorn is his life, in his very normal life. Cas didn’t know how to react and Dean was looking at him. _Quick say something, anything_.

‘Why are you staring at me?’ He blurted. Dean seemed surprised, ‘staring?’ Cas nodded, deciding to just go with it now. ‘Yes you stare a lot. Do you do that a lot? And you must eat a lot of carrots because I don’t know if anyone has ever mentioned the glow, but it’s annoying.’ Dean wasn’t the only one who seemed confused. Charlie who sat on his other side tried to make sense of what he was saying. ‘What glow?’

Jo suddenly started honking. ‘Watch were you’re going bastard!’ She screamed out of the window, after another car tried to recklessly pass her. The almost accident made everyone’s focus shift, Dean’s gaze was no longer on him and the light around him had turned a worried purple blue. ‘Everyone still alive?’ A few nods and eye rolls later Jo had put on the radio and was loudly singing along with some pop song.

Dean groaned. ‘Come one Jo! Katy Perry? Are you serious?’ Cas hummed along with the song, finding it to be pleasant sounding. Jo had to shout over the music, ‘you know the rules Dean, like you always say: driver picks music!’ Two songs later the music got turned down a bit, Jo had to concentrate on the road to find the right path. Kevin and Charlie had been asking Castiel how he was taking his return to Sunday church.

‘And how about the lake, you ever went as kid?’ Dean hadn’t been able to add to the church conversation, so the topic change didn’t surprise Cas a lot. ‘Well I never learned how to swim, so no.’ _The other kids would try to drown me_ , he added darkly. Jo almost stopped the car, she turned around. ‘Wait you can’t swim?’ He quickly felt his nerves taking over. ‘Never learned to, don’t own swimming clothes either. Since there would be no point.’ The group looked at him with surprise. Suddenly Jo was turning around. ‘Alright that’s it. You can’t join us if you can’t swim. We’re going to the shop and get you some swimming trunks.’ She turned to look at him through the rear view. ‘Congratulations Mister Novak, you’re going to learn how to swim.’

**Wings flutter**

It turned out Cas liked water but didn’t like drowning. The lake wasn’t completely deserted as apparently some parents had decided to go with their kids. But Cas had enough space to learn. They did have to force him into the water, since it was colder than he’d expected. He felt exposed only wearing a pair of pants.

‘Come on don’t just stand there, come here!’ Charlie took his hand and brought him deeper in the water. The moment his feet stopped touching the ground he felt panic. ‘Alright easy buddy, we got you.’ Dean reassured him, floating next to him. ‘I don’t like this, I can’t do this.’ His pleas got ignored. Jo was trying to take the swim ring from Kevin a feet or two away, and at the sight of their water fight he got worried.

When they finally calmed him down Dean stole the swim ring from Kevin and gave it to Castiel, who felt a lot saver. After they showed him the basics Cas dared to swim around for a bit. It was actually quite fun once the basics were under control. Eventually he ditched the inflatable ring. It was difficult, breathing, keeping your head up and moving all at the same time. But once he finally figured it out someone tucked on his feet and he let out a startled yelp. Quickly he turned around to see a grinning Dean.

‘You’re a natural dude. Congrats!’ He felt a proud smile run on his face. ‘It’s fun, once you get the hang of it.’ He admitted, trying not to stare at the Winchester for too long. Dean took a dive and appeared right beside him. The colours around him were vibrant happy yellow. And he seemed comfortable in the water. ‘So Cas,’ Castiel wanted to take a dive in the water when he heard the nickname, ‘what does a handsome face like yours eat for lunch?’

Slowly he felt his face heat up. ‘Why are you asking?’ Dean pointed at Jo who was drying herself off. ‘She’s gonna catch us some food, what do you want? Most of us are getting fries and burgers. But mister AP over there is vegan so he’s just getting fries.’ He quirked a brow at Kevin, who was trying to do a handstand. Cas agreed to the fries with reluctance. ‘You sure you don’t want anything else? Like a burger?’

‘Yes please.’ Dean laughed at Castiel’s eager answer and makes his way to Jo. In the end Dean and Jo decided to pick up food while Kevin, Charlie and Cas played cards. It was quiet and peaceful except for a few laughing children and a splash once in a while. Cas looked with interest as some other students arrived at the lake for a swim. He recognized a few people. Meg and Ruby were in the company of a blonde girl this time. When Meg noticed him she shortly waved. The blond girl winked at him.

Charlie lets out a gasp. ‘What? This isn’t fair!’ Cas looked at her confused. ‘What is?’ Kevin held back a smirk. ‘She has the hots for Bela Talbot and she probably thought that wink was for her.’ Charlie quickly shook her head, ‘the hots for her? No way she’s too much of a bitch. I’m more surprised at the fact that she is able to show human emotions at all.’

The blond girl Bela, Ruby and Meg were long gone but Charlie wasn’t done ranting yet. But Cas already didn’t hear it anymore. ‘So you’re a lesbian?’ Charlie looked up and raised an eyebrow. ‘As I live and breathe. You find that troubling?’ It was funny, Cas had this whole internal-sexuality crisis going on. Yet here he was sitting next to a girl who was comfortable in admitting she liked girls.

 _If she can life like this, what is keeping me back?_ Castiel wondered. ‘Not a problem at all, just a bit surprised.’ He remembered his father’s disappointed face, the way he preached about homosexuality. Charlie smiled, ‘great and just so you know, we don’t judge. It’s not my place to say of course, but I’m not the only queer in town.’ After a suggestive wink they continued their game. They got interrupted when Jo and Dean returned with food.

In their company was a girl who was talking to Dean. ‘Who’s that?’ Kevin hardly looked up to answer Cas, ‘that’s Lisa. Dean’s fiancée.’ Cas stared at them in surprise, Kevin’s face didn’t change in a smile, he seemed dead serious. ‘Isn’t he a bit young to get married?!’ Charlie cracked a smile, finally giving the joke away. ‘I hear wedding bells?’ Jo arrived, sitting down right besides Charlie and handing her a few bags.

Lisa and Dean caught up, they weren’t holding hands or anything that seemed to indicate a relationship. So Castiel had to assume they weren’t ready for such a thing. He felt a nasty feeling creep up his spine. ‘Kevin here just told Cas about the wedding that Lisa and Dean are planning.’ Charlie swiftly informed Jo while attacking the chicken she’d gotten.

Lisa was a pretty girl with shining dark hair and at the mention of the word wedding her face turned scarlet. Dean on the other hand seemed normal as usual. Except for the colours around him that suddenly turned from shade to shade, he was unsure about what to say. ‘Lisa, this is the new guy Cas. And Cas this is Lisa.’ Lisa reached for his hand as they got formally introduced but Castiel quickly let go. ‘It’s nice to meet you,’ she said with a friendly smile. But Cas could almost hear the uneasiness. She’d probably been a witness from his past.

As they sat down and ate their food, (Cas couldn’t believe that hamburgers could taste so incredible), Dean tried to be a stern parents and told Kevin to stop the wedding jokes. Apparently it was a group joke as Jo too started wiggling her eyebrows. Castiel couldn’t help but to be curious. ‘So you two are a couple or just casual?’ This caused Dean’s colours to suddenly turn flaming pink and red. ‘We just… you know not official yet or whatever.’ He cleared his throat. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Castiel didn’t push the subject.

**Wings flutter**

They stayed at the lake the rest of the day. Swimming, playing soccer and talking. Castiel wondered how he’d managed to find such kind and friendly people. They hardly knew him and yet welcomed him with open arms. Even Lisa was warming up to him.

As evening fell all the children and their parents left and the lake was slowly turning into a party zone for students. His friends didn’t seem to mind this and in fact started socializing with other students who they deemed nice enough. Cas met a whole bunch of people, some calling him _freak_ others calling him _dude_. It was weird really.

Cas felt his throat tighten at the idea that he had to stay the entire night. This wasn’t what he’d agreed on. They were warming up at a fire with some others when suddenly alcohol became the main consumption. Castiel didn’t drink, he had his reasons. None of his friends seemed to notice his misery. It was getting too crowded, there were too many stimuli and it was making Castiel agitated and withdrawn.

Desperately he looked around for Jo, hoping she would give him a ride home. When he finally found her she was talking to an old classmate of his from primary school.  He hesitated, not knowing how to approach her. ‘Jo how late is it?’ When he finally mustered up the courage he decided to avoid Jo’s conversation partner’s eyes. Jo had been talking with a stoner named Ash. But once the guy caught sight of Cas he hugged him. ‘What’s up man!’ His entire body stiffened at the sudden contact. His head was pounding from the music and the people around him were talking too loud. He quickly pushed the guy away. ‘Yes, hello Ash.’

He quickly turned his attention to Jo, she seemed to have drunken a bit too much. ‘Cassie how can I help you?’ She too tried to hug him but he quickly took a step back. ‘I was wondering if you could maybe give me a lift back home?’ Jo nodded frantically and started looking for her keys. ‘Of course, next time don’t be scared to ask whatever you just asked. I’ll just get my keys and we’ll go and…’ she giggled, ‘…I can’t find them.’

Ash gave her a little push. ‘Hey you still with us girly?’ She nodded, ‘yes of course, I just don’t feel all that well…’ her face started turning slightly green, she looked like she was going to throw up. Ash turned to Castiel, ‘she had too much, Dean probably got the keys, although I wonder if he’s much better off.’ Castiel nodded, ‘I’ll find them and then I’ll come back for Jo. She should be at home.’

Castiel felt his ears ring as he tried to make his way through the crowd of people. He could feel their eyes on him, he could hear their opinion. _Freak_ , Castiel helpfully reminded himself. ‘Dean?’ He called around hoping that the Winchester would show. The blond girl from earlier that day (Bela?) tugged at his shoulder. ‘Handsome you’re looking for Winchester?’ Cas nodded, feeling relieved someone was finally helping him.

Bela pointed towards the forest, ‘he went that way.’ He nodded and smiled. ‘Thank you!’ He managed to scream above the music. He didn’t get why Charlie disliked Bela, she seemed nice enough. He made his way to the forest, making his way past stoners and dealers. He suddenly remembered how much he missed the sting of a needle in his arm. ‘I need to focus.’ He reminded himself, not bothering to keep the volume down. People wouldn’t care anyways.

He made his way through the dark, feeling slightly panicked. But at least it was a lot quieter around here. The buzzing in his head had finally calmed down. He felt relieve when he saw Dean. ‘Dean I found you…’ he felt a sense of peace flood him for maybe a split second.

It all came crashing down when he saw that Dean was making out with Lisa. It was funny how logic could be overwritten by feelings. In that moment he knew he had a few options. He could quickly turn away and leave them alone, or he could interrupt. Yet there was no decision to be made, because he was frozen, not able to move at all.

Dean has Lisa pinned as the tree and hands were wandering. And in all honestly? It looked kind of gross how they were sucking each other’s faces. What Cas couldn't help but to notice was how Dean's usual bright colours seemed to be have lost power and colour. Lisa opened her eyes and the moment she spotted Cas she quickly pushed Dean away. Dean turned around, the dull colours around him quickly came to life again.

Deep reds and pinks mixed with electric orange and brown. ‘What the hell Cas?’ When he saw the way Lisa held onto Dean’s arm Cas felt a strange sensation form in his stomach. It was eating at him and suddenly he felt irritated. ‘I was looking for you, but I see that you are otherwise occupied.’ Cas took a few steps back, determined to leave casually.

Dean was stammering something and quickly tried to catch up with him. But Cas was already leaving, confused as to what he was feeling. It didn’t matter right? Lisa was Dean’s girlfriend, and teenagers are hormonal, and people like physical contact. Everything was adding up, and yet it didn’t. Dean tried to catch up to him, but he simply took a sharp left turn, not noticing where he went. He assumed he was going back to the party.

He didn’t notice when he walked straight into a tall lean teenager. He mumbled a half-hearted apology and tried to leave, but suddenly someone was tugging at his arm. It was Raphael and he didn’t look pleased. ‘Castiel what are you doing here?’ He quickly looked around, he wasn’t at the lake but at the forest, and he was surrounded by Raphael’s friends.

He’d never learned their names, but he knew their faces. And he knew that some of those faces had enjoyed punching him when they were kids. ‘Raphael, hello.’ He felt lost at words, he felt corned too. ‘You should watch were you are going, it’s already dark.’ Raphael’s words were daunting, but the look in his eyes was even worse. The last few days Cas had felt those eyes on him with every step that he took.

Cas knew his expression was giving away how uncomfortable he felt. But he tried to stand up straight and look as brave as possible. ‘Yes, thank you for the warning, but I ought to go. Evening.’ He only got a few steps before his path was blocked by another boy. ‘Where do you think you are going?’ Raphael quickly looked around before speaking: ‘Uriel this is not the place or time.’ The guy named Uriel didn’t seem to care. ‘I know that. Let us take you back to the lake Castiel, so we can make sure that you don’t get lost in these woods.’ Uriel’s eyes had a spark of evil that made Cas fear the worst.

He knew that whatever Uriel was planning, Raphael didn’t care enough to stop it. So he tried one more time to get past time, reassuring them he wouldn’t get lost. ‘I was just looking for a friend, he is nearby I’m sure.’ His words got lost as the group made its way back to the lake, Uriel held Castiel’s arm tightly, he was unable to escape.

‘It’s dangerous to walk through the dark on your own.’ Uriel declared as they reached the lake, somehow they managed to get on the other side where not a soul was to be found. ‘I mean if you’d just run around blindly you could’ve fallen into the lake.’ Cas desperately tried to free his arm now. ‘Please let me go.’ His pleading didn’t help.

Uriel seemed set on throwing him into the dark water. The other boys seemed amused and laughed. Raphael stood there quietly observing, his facial expression one of boredom. ‘Please I can’t swim, don’t do this.’ He hoped that partly lying would bring out Uriel’s more decent side, but the guy didn’t seem bothered. ‘Let’s get you flying, heard you tried jumping of a rooftop. So here is for take two.’

Cas felt his breathing quacking at the mention of the incident. _I can’t fly, I learned that. Please don’t make me do this again._ He couldn’t utter his plea. Some of the spectators made their way towards Cas and after a struggle they managed to get hold of his arms and legs. They were swaying him back and forth at the edge. ‘Let me go!’ He shouted in vain. There couldn’t possibly be a soul that could hear him.

The group laughed. ‘I SAID LET ME GO!’ He felt the grip on his legs and arms loosen. ‘What’d you say? Letting you go above the water? You sure?’ One of them called out. ‘You heard the guy, put him on the ground.’ A voice suddenly shouted. Everyone quickly turned around. Dean Winchester had decided to show up, he’d probably tried to sound heroically but he sounded drunk more than anything else. He could barely hold himself up.

He pointed at Uriel. ‘I knew you bastards would be here. Having fun I see? Well game time is over, let him go or else I swear to God I’m going to stab your face.’ His words came out surprisingly even and calm. But the colours around him had flared up. No longer warm and lovingly but hate filled and burning.

Uriel smiled, ‘the mud monkey has arrived. Here to retrieve your new pet?’ Castiel tried to kick one of the guys in the gut but failed. ‘You better get over here so I can kick your ass or I swear to God.’ Uriel smiled, ‘alright then.’ Before Cas could prepare himself he got thrown heads up in the water. The water was cold, dark and because of the abruptness of it all he failed to hold his breath.

He wildly swinged his arms around, finally managing to get to the surface. He could see Raphael dragging away Uriel as Dean was shouting to them. ‘Dean!’ He quickly called out. He felt dizzy, couldn’t orientate, his glasses filthy but somehow still hanging on his face. He felt his limbs going stiff all of a sudden and he was down again.

He couldn’t remember his swimming lessons. He couldn’t even remember how to breathe, let alone get himself back to mainland. A sudden pull made the cold disappear, someone was calling out his name. Cas groaned, feeling the dizziness disappear.

‘Do you hear me? Cas!’ The voice shouted again, he felt a warm hand on his face. A sudden urge overwhelmed him as he started coughing out water. He rolled over, breathing raggedly, someone pulled him up. ‘Thank God you’re alive, man I thought you were a goner.’ It was Dean’s voice, filled with worry and panic. But he couldn’t see him, he grasped the grass beneath his hands. ‘I can’t see, I can’t see a thing.’ He whispered with panic, Dean chuckled and removed his muddy glasses.

‘That must be better. You scared the hell out of me buddy.’ Dean was face to face with him, close enough to be sharp. This meant he was pretty close. His face was graced with a relieved little smile. The colours around him spinning in concern. They looked haunted, yet there was a beauty in it. ‘So pretty,’ Cas muttered without thinking, making Dean rapidly blink. ‘You hit your head or something?’ He quickly checked Castiel’s head for any wounds.

Once he was done he focused on Castiel’s face again. Their breaths were mingling and Castiel’s heart was still beating at a crazy beat, but for very different reasons now. ‘How many fingers am I holding up?’ Cas smiled. He was cold, wet and covered in mud. And Dean’s pupils had gotten bigger with the minute. Could be because it was dark, but Cas couldn’t dare but to hope it was because of actual attraction.

 _Because,_ ‘you are very attractive Dean.’ The words left him before he could think about them. He was used to talk with himself, and now it was showing itself to be a curse. There was truth to his words of course. Dean was attractive, not that Castiel would have ever admitted so. Dean immediately increased the distance between them. ‘You got a lot of water in your lungs didn’t you?’ He chuckled. ‘You’re lucky you woke up when you did. Otherwise I’d have to blow air in your lungs. And that ain’t pleasant.’

When Castiel finally got his marbles back in order he stood up with shaking legs. ‘Thank you Dean. They had me cornered, I really appreciate your assistance.’ Only now did he realise that Dean had jumped in the water for him, he was as wet and as cold as Castiel. Yet the colours around him got brighter and more pleasant for the eyes. ‘It’s no problem really. Uriel is a son of a bitch. Could’ve guessed he was up to something’ Cas wouldn’t disagree with that.

‘I’m glad I found you when I did. You seemed pretty upset earlier, I looked everywhere for you man.’ Castiel felt himself numb even more as he thought back at Dean and Lisa kissing. ‘I guess it made your uncomfortable, I’m sorry for that. Are you still angry?’ Dean seemed to have trouble looking him the eyes now. Did he genuinely care about what Cas thought about him? ‘Why would I be angry?’ Cas asked dumbfounded.

Well, maybe he’d be a little bit angry, but he was mostly upset. ‘Well you seemed pretty shaken. I guessed that physical contact makes you uncomfortable.’ Dean was still avoiding his gaze. ‘Uhm Cas, you can stop the staring for a sec?’ Castiel had apparently been staring, he quickly looked away, Dean immediately seemed to relax. ‘Thank you Dean, for helping me out. And don’t worry, I’m not angry at you, like you said: I was a bit surprised that’s all.’

Dean helped him stand up, Castiel couldn’t see his expression as everything was blurry without his glasses. ‘Let’s go back. We can get dry at the fire.’ When Cas didn’t move along he gentle took placed a hand on his back. ‘Is that okay?’ Cas nodded, ‘you’re actually wrong, I don’t mind physical all that much. As long as it isn’t unexpected.’ Dean nodded, probably memorizing the rule for later use. They didn’t say a word as they made their way back towards the crowd. Some people gave them weird looks as they passed, but Dean simply kept up the pressure at his back, forcing him to move along. The touch was calming, reassuring.

But Castiel was tired. It had been a long day, and socializing was making him very tired. And he’d been at the brink of a sensory overload all day. So when they made their way through the crowd Cas tried to object. ‘It’s loud Dean.’ He started getting irritated again, he was sweating, and breathing got difficult. Dean didn’t seem to recognize the warning and pulled him along anyways. If Castiel had been a normal teenager he wouldn’t have had any problems moving through the crowd towards the fire. But he wasn’t.

People were talking, but it sounded like a constant screaming in his ears. Darkness had been replaced by flashing phones and a roaring fire that made his eyes hurt. Every little touch that he got was starting to hurt, it became too much for him to handle.

Cas felt desperation hit him. He needed to get away from here. He knew that if he didn’t he would shut down. ‘Come on Cas.’ Dean pulled at his arm now. He pushed the boy away angrily. ‘Leave me alone!’ His brain was like a computer, and it had decided to shut down. He left the building and with trembling legs sat himself down on the ground. He closed his eyes on instinct, put his fingers in his ears in the hope the sounds would stop existing.

A silence fell, a serenity welcomed his chaotic head. _I need to calm down_ , he reminded himself. This definitely wasn’t the first time this happened. _Ok, first of all breathing, deep breaths_ , he’d started hyperventilating. He put his head between his legs, hoping it would help out. His progress got interrupted by someone shaking him. With reluctance he opened one eye, Dean was staring at him. Concern and confusion written all over him.

‘Cas you alright? Talk to me?’ He heard Dean’s muffled voice speak. Castiel knew what he had to do. ‘Dean you have to take me away from here. A quiet place. Can you do that?’ He could hardly speak at this point, but the message got across. Dean picked him up without trouble and after a little walk he put Castiel under the trees far enough away for a silence to form. Castiel returned to his foetus position and he quickly reassured him that he needed some time. He once again closed his eyes and started counting to twenty.

 _Who am I? I am Castiel Novak._ He reminded himself. _Where am I? I’m at the lake with Dean, sitting under a tree._ His breathing slowed down. _What do you do? I’m calming down. I’m here and I’m okay._ He sat there for maybe fifteen minutes before he opened his eyes again. Dean was looking at him, still holding on to his glasses. ‘Want these back?’ He’d cleaned them, Cas took them with gratitude.

‘So how are you feeling?’ Castiel felt horrible really, completely drained and not ready for anything crazy. ‘I feel fine, I just want to go home. That’s why I was looking for you in the first place.’ He admitted, feeling stupid that he hadn’t said so earlier. Dean nodded, he didn’t seem worried anymore. Instead he looked mature and relaxed. ‘Good. Let me just get Jo’s car and I’ll take you home.’ And so it was decided.

Dean found Kevin and asked him to keep an eye on Charlie and Jo. Cas apologized to Dean for his outburst at least six different times as they made their way back home. Not that Dean cared. ‘I honestly only want to know what happened exactly so we can avoid it next time. You worried me.’ His eyes left the road for a short second to look at Castiel, who avoided eye contact completely.

‘You sure you are alright buddy? You seem really tense.’ Castiel smiled slightly. ‘I appreciate the concern. But to answer your question I was experiencing sensory overload. When there are too many stimuli around me I start getting over-sensitive. Kind of like a computer that can’t keep up. So I crash.’ The music Dean had turned on made the silence easier to deal with. ‘I’m sorry man, now that you’re telling me I remember. You warned me before, it has to do with your thing right? I’m sorry, I should’ve had kept an eye on you.’

It was probably the left over alcohol in Dean’s system that caused him to be so harsh on himself. ‘Should’ve kept an eye on you. I should’ve protected you but I didn’t. I’m such a useless son of a-’ Castiel couldn’t bear to see Dean’s torment anymore. Without thinking he put his hand on Dean’s leg, efficiently shutting him up. ‘Dean you need to stop being so harsh on yourself. Next time we should both be more considerate of the other. I’m letting you drive despite the fact that you’re clearly drunk.’

‘And you were obviously having fun before I spoiled it all. So you are not the only who should be apologizing.’ Cas is surprised at how soft his own voice is. He feels calm and in control. Dean on the other hand seems on edge. Conflicted is written all over his face. And the colours around him seem to agree. Finally the car arrives at the apartment complex. And the tense air from earlier disappears as Dean laughs.

Castiel feels awkward, has he missed something perhaps? ‘Why are you laughing?’ Dean let’s out a content hum sound. ‘This is like the second time I’ve driven you home. But like last time we looked normal and look at us now.’ He pointed at his own dirty wet clothes. ‘Jo is going to kill me for driving around like this.’ Cas can’t help but to huff in amusement too. ‘She was quite intoxicated, but Kevin promised to keep an eye on her so don’t fret.’

Only now does Cas realize that his hand is still lingering on Dean’s leg, he removes it quietly. Hoping the movement goes unnoticed. Dean’s eyes linger on him, a confused little look on his face. ‘Probably sounds weird but have we never met before?’ Cas felt the intensity getting worse, something about Dean was pulling at him. The guy was like a black hole, a breath taking all-consuming force of nature. ‘Why are you asking?’ It’s ridiculous how self-conscious he suddenly felt.

He was wet, dirty, smelly and tired-looking and sitting next to Dean Winchester in someone else’s car. And they were having the most intense staring contest Cas had ever participated in. Dean’s little confused frown got deeper before he spoke: ‘It’s funny, it’s like I’ve met you before you know? But I still can’t read you.’

 _Probably for the better_ , Castiel reminded himself of his favourite yet most dreaded dream. The one of a mysterious boy who would sweep him off his feet. _I’m glad you can’t read my mind, because there’s a small part of me that wants you to be that guy Dean_ , Castiel shamelessly thought. It did make his cheeks heat up. And Dean noticed this time, if he hadn’t been intoxicated he could’ve maybe guessed it was because Cas felt attracted to him. But Dean instead put a hand on his forehead.

‘You should get inside and warm up. You might just catch a fever, you’re burning up.’ Dean shakes every inch of sense of out you and turns you back into the very essence of yourself. And a terrible realization dawns Cas. He’s hooked. ‘I will, you get home quickly too.’ Dean let out a whine. ‘You don’t have to look out for me like that, I can take care of myself.’ There was playfulness in his tone that Castiel couldn’t place.

‘Well that is were friends are for Dean.’ Dean immediately perked up. His eyes suddenly shining. ‘Good that’s great. I want us to be friends alright? You will be that right?’ Cas himself nod immediately. Directly all the stupid ideas of attraction and romance flew out of the window. ‘Of course I will be. Call me if you ever need anything.’

He felt like someone had punched him in the face. That’s what Dean wanted. Friendship and comradeship. Basically bros being bros. ‘Once you’re home you text me alright?’ Dean required. Cas couldn’t help but to smile a little. ‘I think I can survive a few stairs Dean.’ Dean however kept insisting. ‘Fine I will text you, but you should do the same, drunk driving is extremely dangerous. I would feel guilty if something happened.’ Dean nodded, agreeing to the terms and conditions.

‘Awesome. See ya later man.’ After Dean drove away Castiel forced himself up the stairs of his apartment instead of cheating with the elevator.  Once he’d showered, dressed and gotten himself a under the covers of his bed he reminded himself to text Dean.

 **Castiel:** I got home safe and sound. Although the stairs did almost eat me.  
**Dean:** Awesome  
**Dean:** But stairs? Your building has an elevator dude.  
**Castiel:** I am aware yes.  
**Dean:** I just delivered Kevin back home, his mom ain’t happy and I’m back at home too  
**Castiel:** I’m glad. Did Jo get back safely too?  
**Dean:** She did but she almost threw up in the car. It was disgusting.

They kept texting like that for a few hours before Dean finally threw the towel in the ring.

 **Dean:** Man I’m done for the night, goodnight handsome

Cas decided to ignore the word handsome. A happy smile on his face as he drifted off to sleep. You could say it was the start of fascinating "friendship".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOP! So this one was pretty decent right? So quick something: They way I portray Autism may not be 100% accurate but it's mostly based on personal expierence. Takes one to know one right? ;) And I totally forgot to warn you guys for super serious topics like suicide, depression, anxiety, self-acceptance issues, slightly homophobic under-tones and a whole bunch of angst.  
> So there's the warning. :') If you get quickly triggered by those subjects I ask you to be careful and kind to yourselves and others. And it may not be wise to continue reading. But secretly I hope you guys love it and keep reading it. Because thanks for your support!  
> Until next time :D


	6. Chapter IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought I'd update quickly because it's my birthday Saturday. So this is my present to you guys! :D

A month passed. A month in which Castiel learned how it felt like to live an ordinary life. The world was getting colder and slowly autumn took over his small world. Trees died, losing their leaves in an explosion of colours. And the lake got abandoned. Cas was taking a stroll, enjoying the cold breeze and the sound of the leaves crunching under his feet.

He’d talked to his therapist a few days ago. Things were going exceptionally well. Castiel didn’t bother whispering as he found himself at a crossroad. ‘Speak of the Devil.’ He laughed, enjoying the feeling of peace. His life could be split up in four roads, just like this crossroad. And all four of them seemed to bring him to a better life.

Road number one would be education. He tried going to school as much as possible, and every time that he missed a class one of his friends would visit and help him out. His grades were extremely good, he found out that he enjoyed most courses well enough. The teachers told him that if he kept up his good grades he could probably study at any place he wanted to. But studying was the future, and he didn’t dare think about that.

Number two was health. The one he worried about most. The last month had been peaceful. No hallucinations, his medication worked fine. Even the fluttering of wings had gotten softer, the nightmares had disappeared and monsters were nowhere to be found. Zachariah praised him on his progress. It suddenly seemed ridiculous to keep salt hidden away under his bed or to hide iron in his closet drawer.

He kept telling himself that he should throw all the weird objects away but his friends kept him busy. That was road number three: friends. He couldn’t always keep up with his new friends, but they seemed kind and understanding. He’d also made a few new friends. There was Ash who despite seeming like an idiot was actually really smart. There was Garth who just seemed to grow on you. And there was Benny at German classes who was a bit of a lone wolf.

They were all interesting individuals, strange but fascinating. He and his uncle Emmanuel had also finally found their way to interact. (It was cold and distant but it worked for both of them.) And his neighbour Daphne was very friendly and often helped him out. She’d taught him how to cook and how to wash his clothes.

Yes everything was going great wasn’t it? Castiel felt himself stand frozen in place, not able to move away from the crossroad. Everything was going great, yet one thing remained a problem. A problem that he considered a road, and no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop himself from walking down that particular road.

‘Dean Winchester.’ The name was embarrassing to say out loud. But Zachariah had encouraged him to say it out loud. Since it would help him out of his denial. Because yes: Cas was in denial about Dean. Dean who was surrounded by light. Dean who shook every inch of sense out of him. Dean’s friendship was a difficult one to explain. Sure Castiel was friends with other students, but with Dean there was something different. Things were more profound really.

It started out small. They would speak at school. But soon they got more involved. And it seemed like the others noticed too. If Cas wasn’t with Dean you could be sure that they were texting. They seemed to be glued to each other. The Winchester was one of the main reasons he didn’t get enough sleep at night. They talked for hours about cars, movies and other pop culture things that Castiel didn’t understand. Dean was of course deeply shaken by his lack of knowledge and often dragged him around. He would teach him things about cars, take him to the movies and in the weekends he would knock on his door and hold up popcorn and some sort of classic for them to watch.

Once Castiel got a taste of pop culture he became rather passionate in his opinion. They could discuss for hours on end whether Castiel was better fit for Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Cas liked his time with Dean and often felt lonely when he wasn’t around him. He wanted to be the best friend he could possibly be for the other teenager. It wasn’t easy tough. Dean was very considerate of him, and whenever they had to take things slower Dean didn’t hesitate to do so. Things changed when Dean and Lisa starting to date officially. They seemed happy, everyone was supportive. And Cas knew that as Dean’s friend he should be happy too. But he couldn’t help but to feel… well not-happy.

And the last few weeks Cas had noticed something odd about Dean. He’d gotten pretty good in reading the guy by simply observing his aura. (Yes he’d Googled it, he’d come to the conclusion it had to be aura he was seeing.) The colours had always been duller around Lisa. But nowadays when he was around her they stopped moving all together. They became as small as possible and all colours were drained from his aura.

He wondered if things between Lisa and Dean were going well.

Not that that was any of his business. He was Dean’s friend, he was allowed to be concerned. But he shouldn’t stick his nose where it didn’t belong. So he decided not to bother Dean with it. Instead choosing to keeps things easy. Besides, Dean had many secrets. Castiel was surprised about how much yet how little he knew about him.

Dean liked classic rock, food and his car. He cared deeply for his little brother Sam and often acted like a shameless flirt. He claimed to hate "chick flick" moments, yet knew every single song from the Little Mermaid. Cas hadn’t seen Dean’s closet. But he could guess the guy owned too much plaid, it couldn’t be healthy.

It was funny how Dean could reside some movies lines for line, yet hardly spoke of his father or his past. But could Cas blame him? He wasn’t exactly an open book either. Dean knew a bit more than the others about him at this point. He knew he got treated for depression and survivor’s guilt and that was as far as he was willing to share for now.

 _Why is he on my road?_ Cas wondered as he looked at the different roads. Cas was in denial about a very important aspect of their friendship. The part at which his heart would beat faster when he was around Dean, or how he dreamed about how his hand would feel when linked with his own. He couldn’t admit it out loud yet, but he felt attraction towards him. It was ridiculous really, how he kept denying this. But how could he lie to himself? He knew he was feeling _something_. And he doubted friendship could feel this strong.

Immediately he saw his father’s disappointed face. He was the reason he couldn’t feel these things. But Dean was the other reason. He was dating Lisa, only seemed to desire friendship from him. He had to remind himself of the facts sternly. He wouldn’t make a stupid mistake and loose the only friend he’d had in such a long time.

‘Found you.’ Cas got pulled back in reality by a male voice. British, with a tone of amusement and victory. Cas quickly turned around. A man was standing in the middle of the crossroad, dressed in a black suit. His dark hair and beard were a stark contrast to his pale skin. The guy held up a hand, he smiled. ‘Hello Castiel, we finally meet.’

Castiel didn’t recognize this mysterious man, but he could already sense he was trouble. ‘Who are you and do I know you?’ The man grinned, showing off his teeth. ‘The name is Crowley, how rude of me not to introduce myself. And no we’ve never met before. But I’m a big admirer of your work Mister Novak.’

Cas took a step back, not trusting the man at all. ‘An admirer? I didn’t do anything.’ He turned around, ready to leave in whatever direction. Not feeling like talking to this stranger at all. But Crowley spoke up: ‘You don’t have to be so rude, I just wanted to say hi.’ Cas slowed down, if he’d turned around he could’ve seen a little smile form on Crowley’s face. ‘How do you know me?’ Crowley had a scary look in his eyes as he spoke.

But the words never reached him as he heard a loud knock.

**Wings flutter**

‘Hey earth to Cas are you there?’ Cas blinked, feeling confused. Where was he? Quickly he opened his eyes. He was lying in bed, while in the meantime someone was knocking on his door. ‘Cas can you open the door?!’ He felt his breathing quicken. ‘How did I get here?’ He looked at the time, it was Saturday evening.

He stumbled out of bed, he’d probably fallen asleep. ‘I’m coming Dean!’ He quickly made his way to the door. Dean was standing there, with what seemed to be at least three layers of unnecessary clothing. Once he came to the door Dean’s expression perked up. A smile formed on his face and the colours around him seemed to dance. ‘Heya Cas.’ His expression immediately faltered. Cas was confused as to why.

Dean opened his mouth to quickly close it again. His eyes grew big a he was going over Cas with curiosity, the beginning of a blush formed on his face. His aura slowly turning red. ‘I-I movie?’ He clumsily held up a bag. Castiel wondered what had gotten into the Winchester, that’s until he met his own face in the mirror. Oh God he looked like a wreck. His sweatpants too big, a big baggy AC/DC t-shirt he’d probably bought a while ago but never properly worn and his hair was an absolute mess, like someone had tried to make it stand up on purpose.

‘Oh I see you like the shirt.’ It finally clicked for him why Dean was behaving strange. ‘You’re a fan right? Don’t you have all their music?’ Dean made his way inside, he seemed confused by the questions, not sure how to react. ‘Oh yes, yes the shirt of course.’ The thought that Dean might possibly feel attraction towards him didn’t even cross Castiel’s mind. Dean was a very macho guy, he was probably the most heterosexual person on the planet.

And even if he could have a thing for boys he would never see Cas as more than a friend. At this point the odd dream Castiel just had was completely forgotten, as was the gap in his memory. ‘So guess what I actually got us some pie and-’ Dean started sneezing. He tried to retry speaking but was once again sneezing. ‘Oops sorry about that. That usually only happens around cats.’ He started sneezing again, he quickly looked around.

Cas felt his heart turn into a heavy stone and sink into the ground. ‘You are allergic to cats?’ Dean nodded, ‘yeah, you have one around?’ Castiel felt his face heat up as he looked around. ‘Oh no, rules strictly forbid any sort of pets. But I…’ He turned to Dean, ‘I might’ve had a cat in my apartment the other day.’ Dean’s expressions switched between irritated and amused as he sneezed. ‘You savage. You finally broke a rule all on your own,’ he patted him on the shoulder, ‘you make me proud.’

Castiel rejoiced at the touch. His brain somehow very happy with that simple gesture. ‘Well the cat is gone now, you’re sneezing because it hung around the front door. I had a little basket for it to sleep in. So I’ll clean it up and open some windows.’ Dean helped him out. In the meantime Cas felt as if something in Dean’s demeanour was different today.

Every time he secretly wanted to look at him he saw Dean’s eyes quickly averting. He was making more jokes than usual and seemed nervous in general. His touches seemed to linger too. Castiel could be oblivious to the obvious, but today Dean’s behaviour was worse than ever. When they finally sat down on the couch Dean was just explaining how he wasn’t fond of animals in general. Cas however immediately noticed that Dean was sitting closer than usual. It was partly thrilling, because a tiny part of him wondered if this could mean something.

But he immediately pushed the thoughts away. Dean was probably just acting weird because something was going on. ‘How about you? I didn’t just offend the biggest animal lover on earth did I?’ Cas smiled not able to tear away from Dean’s intense gaze. ‘I do happen to be fond of animals. The cat I housed yesterday was lost and kept bothering my front door. So I took care of it. That same evening I found the owner and gave it back.’

Dean’s colours seemed so bright and warm. Sometimes Cas forgot that they weren’t natural. Dean was suddenly closer, ‘you are quite something aren’t ya?’ Castiel could find his heart stammering in his chest at the small space between them. Dean had been reminding him about personal space several times now, but suddenly he seemed to be the one who was forgetting. It felt like an eternity as Dean’s gaze lowered slightly to Cas’ lips.

Slowly his eyes travelled up again, he bit his lip in frustration. Castiel didn’t dare to move. A shadow of a smile disappeared from his face. ‘Dean…?’ The Winchester seemed to lean in even closer and it was driving him mad. He couldn’t breathe and his brain was shutting off. ‘Are you alright?’ Castiel’s voice started squeaking. Dean blinked in confusion and quickly leaned back. ‘Yeah I’m fine, totally fine.’

Dean didn’t seem fine. The colours around him became dull, Cas new something was wrong now. ‘Dean is there something you’d like to talk about? You’re behaving oddly.’ He put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, who instead of stiffening under the touch became more relaxed. Dean’s expression remained neutral as he spoke: ‘I kinda need some advice. But I can’t go to anyone with this shit, I don’t feel like getting shitty reactions.’ Cas felt a rush of empathy.

‘Know that you can always talk to me Dean, I am not here to judge.’ Dean seemed torn. When he finally spoke up he seemed cautious. ‘It’s about Lisa Cas.’ Castiel felt a rush of emotions run through him, and Dean gave him the strangest look, his eyes wandering all over him. ‘I thought you guys were happy?’ Cas asked the question, but really didn’t want to know the answer. Dean let out a huff that was probably supposed to be a laugh.

‘Well she does seem happy.’ Dean said, his expression unreadable. ‘But you aren’t.’ Castiel knew he shouldn’t assume, but when Dean nodded and said bingo, he got the feeling that he knew where this was going. ‘Dean we are not playing bingo, you are aware of this right?’ Dean looked up, suddenly there was amusement in his eyes. ‘Cas when I say bingo I mean-’ he cut himself off. He shook his head, ‘never mind buddy’, and turned on the television.

Castiel took away the remote and pressed the mute button. ‘You can’t just stop a conversation. Do you like Lisa Dean?’ Cas vaguely understood why this was so important for himself to hear. Dean’s hand were bald into fists, he looked away before quietly whispering: ‘I don’t.’ Both fell quiet, Cas knew he should help his friend, he knew he should give him the right advise but he couldn’t. He had no idea what to do.

So a bit uncomfortable he gave Dean a pat on the back. ‘You should figure out what you’re going to do with that information.’ He finally managed to say, Dean simply took away the remote. They watched Oprah in silence. Dean was still sitting close. Cas decided not to mention it.

**Wings flutter**

‘Hey Jo it’s Dean here. You wanna hang out at Cas’ place? I’m making dinner.’ The other line was quiet for a moment or so. ‘Dean are you seriously at his place again? Jesus Christ we do have to talk about this one of these days-’ Dean’s face slowly coloured red. ‘Jo you’re on speakers.’ Jo was quiet for a moment before casually greeting Castiel.

‘I can’t come guys, some of us have jobs you know?’ Another female voice came to the line. ‘Jo can you get here? The new girl doesn’t know how the coffee machine works!’ Jo let out a sigh and called back: ‘April can’t you do it? It’s my break!’ The female voice became clearer. ‘Your break ended ten minutes ago.’ Jo started cursing before hanging up.

‘Heya Charlie, you wanna come to Cas’ place? I’m making dinner. Could be fun.’ Charlie was quiet for a second or so before speaking up: ‘Dean I can’t. I have very important business to attend to.’ Dean was quiet before saying with smug expression: ‘Red wedding?’ Cas could now make out that Charlie was crying. ‘I hate you Winchester. I’m never watching your series again!’ She hung up.

Finally they tried Kevin. ‘Kevin here.’ He sounded tense. Dean smiled at Cas when Kevin picked up. ‘Hey Dean here. Feel like eating?’ Kevin laughed. ‘You cooking? Then of course.’ Cas smiled, happy that at least someone was agreeing. ‘Great, I’m at Cas’ place. You can get here in twenty minutes?’ Kevin was quiet, Cas took the phone from Dean. ‘Did the connection break?’ Kevin was speaking again.

‘Actually I suddenly remember I’ve got to do something really important.’ Dean raised an eyebrow. ‘What important things?’ Kevin let out a nervous chuckle. ‘Homework, and cello and stuff. Very important. So you _and Cas_ have fun, catch you later!’ There was an odd implication in Kevin’s voice that Castiel didn’t understand. Once Kevin hung up Cas felt his emotions press down on him. ‘He doesn’t want to be around me.’ Dean quickly shook his head. ‘No man, he was definitely lying about the homework stuff, but probably because he had a girl with him or something. Don’t take it too personal.’

Castiel brightened up slightly. ‘If you say so.’ Dean made his way towards the kitchen. ‘Well then I guess it’s just going to be you and me buddy. Ever had bacon cheeseburgers? Mine once made a man cry.’ Dean was smiling brightly, he looked relaxed. The conversation from earlier today momentarily forgotten. ‘That sounds nice.’

Dean seemed to know his way around the kitchen. And Cas noticed. ‘You like cooking?’ Dean looked up from the bacon he was currently making nice and crispy. ‘Cooking? Uh yeah sort off. Dad wasn’t always there to put dinner on table. Sometimes he was gone for months for the job. But you know Sammy gotta eat right? So I picked it up.’ Dean seemed to regret his words as instantly as he spoke them.

He suddenly looked tense. Probably wondering how Castiel would react. Cas considered how to react too. ‘How old were you?’ Dean answered, looking a bit reluctant. ‘Old enough to be able to take care of myself. Dad used to be a marine back in the good ol’ days, he taught me everything I know.’ Dean handed Cas a bowl. ‘I’m not much of a salad guy. So I’ll leave that part up to you.’ Castiel blinked, ‘uh sure. But it’s good to see that you still enjoy cooking. I know few people who can make decent food.’

Dean let out a huff, but immediately his smile faltered. ‘After you’re ready with that salad you get your ass towards the dinner table, we are not eating this piece of art on the freaking couch.’ Dean looked around, ‘by the way you got beer somewhere?’ Castiel opened a little cabinet in the corner of the kitchen, it was filled with several types of beverages. Dean let out a low whistle at the sight.

‘Didn’t expect a goody two-shoes like you to have this. How did you even get this, you are seventeen right?’ Castiel made his way towards the dinner table and started setting it. ‘I’m actually eighteen and the legal drinking age in Russia is eighteen.’ Dean didn’t react as he put the food on table. Suddenly he looked up at Cas with suspicion.

‘Wait you’re Russian?’ Cas smiled and looked away, ‘my mother was.’ The look Dean gave him was one he recognized. ‘I can see that you want to ask if I speak Russian. Yes I do. Will I say something for you in Russian tough?’ Dean gave Cas his most pleading eyes. Castiel finally gave in. ‘Fine but I’ll only do it this once. And you’re not getting a translation.’

He quickly spurted out some Russian, immediately hearing how rusty he was. Dean however seemed impressed, his expression big and child-like as he took out two beers. ‘Man is there anything you can’t do?’ Castiel's serious expression didn't falter as he said: ‘I can’t touch my nose with the tip of my tongue.’ Dean snickered and helped him set the table further.

When they finally sat down for dinner Dean seemed pleased with how everything looked. Dean had made them bacon cheeseburgers, curly fries and with some help of Cas they’d even put down a decent salad. ‘This picture looks almost right.’ Dean squinted his eyes as he looked at the scene through his fingers, who came together to form a rectangle. He was probably trying to make it look like he was making a picture.

‘Maybe candle light?’ Cas helpfully tried to add. He made his way towards the light switch. ‘We can put out the lights and instead put candles everywhere if you prefer?’ Dean looked up with a serious expression: ‘Yeah sure you do that. I’ll put on the violin music.’ Cas nodded and switched out the light, instantly darkening the room. Dean seemed to be surprise. ‘Jesus what are you doing!?’ Cas cocked his head to the right in confusion.

‘I’m sorry. I was not aware that looking for music might be difficult in the dark.’ The light returned to the room. Dean’s face was red, really red. ‘Dean are you blushing?’ Castiel still didn’t understand what exactly he’d done wrong. Dean shook his head frantically. ‘I’m not blushing, it’s just really warm here we should open a window.’ He opened one as Castiel took out a candle. Once he noticed the candle he quickly took it from Cas. The colours around him dancing nervously.

‘Listen I was joking man. About the candles and the violin. That’s not stuff you’re supposed to do when you eat with someone.’ Castiel felt a bit embarrassed. ‘My apologies, I didn’t understand the joke. I was just trying to be helpful.’ Cas sat down, determined not to make any other mistakes. Dean sat down too. ‘It’s no problem really. It’s just that the stuff you suggest is shit that people do when they go on dates.’

At the word date Cas felt his heart race a bit faster. ‘I understand.’ Dean smiled and nodded, trying to play things off. But Cas didn’t fail to notice to big gulp he took from his beer. He decided to do the same. Castiel immediately tried to finish his bottle. Even tough Dean tried to stop him. ‘Easy there buddy. Not all at once, you need to keep a clear head ok?’ Cas nodded, feeling a nice hot feeling run through him.

‘Look at us. Seventeen and already breaking the law.’ Dean joked as he started digging into his food. Cas followed his example and let out a surprise noise at how it tasted. Dean had a smug expression on his face. ‘Actually I’m eighteen Dean, but you are right. We are participating in an act that is legally forbidden in America-’ he couldn’t finish his sentence because _shit_ he was almost crying, this tasted like Heaven.

Dean’s grin grew wider. ‘You know what never mind. Don’t tell me if you like it. Your expression is already telling me everything I need to know.’ Castiel gave Dean’s foot a little push under the table. ‘Shut up, this is the best burger I’ve ever tasted Dean. It’s incredible!’ Castiel happy open expression was one of admiration of the other teenager. How was this man even real? He was kind, funny, his food was the best and he was giving Cas this look.

This look that Castiel couldn’t place. But it was so open, so kind. It almost looked like admiration. Before things could become awkward Dean started a whole other subject. They talked, laughed and had dinner. And for desert, because Dean insisted they should, they finally had the pie. They sat on the couch, watching a documentary about bees, because Castiel had an odd interest in them.

Dean didn’t seem to mind. They became intoxicated too. Castiel’s alcohol tolerance was non-existent and Dean seemed to be a nervous drinker. Although Cas was clueless as to why Dean would feel nervous. As the evening progressed Cas couldn’t stop laughing and talking about bees. They’d somehow ended up sitting closer, their legs almost touching, their looks lingering as Dean listened to Cas with fascination. ‘And bees have been here around 30 million years. Isn’t that incredible Dean?’

Dean nodded. ‘Fuck those things are old.’ Cas nodded, not being able to help his own enthusiasm. He was feeling light, loose and relaxed. But he did have to resist the temptation of laying his head on Dean’s shoulder. ‘And it isn’t even always the same colour. Honey comes in different colours and flavours. It all depends on the flower.’ Dean chuckled, he took another sip from his beer. Suddenly his head was resting on Castiel’s.

‘Man never knew this would be your obsession. I thought it would be religion or science or something.’ Instead of tensing up Castiel relaxed, he moved a bit so Dean could lay his head on his shoulder. ‘I know a lot of stuff about that too. But that’s because of my dad. And I hate the guy.’ Dean’s eyes widened. ‘They said you killed him, but that ain’t right, right?’ Cas felt his mood swing. ‘They say I didn’t kill anyone, survivor’s guilt or whatever. But I hated the man, he beat me up for needing glasses. For having Autism, he tried to kick me out of the house when he figured out I was-’

Castiel quickly changed the subject: ‘I’m happier now that he’s gone. I met you guys, and you just gave me the best birthday I’ve had in a long time. So thank you.’ Dean let out a yelp. ‘Wait it’s your birthday today? I freaking knew you weren’t eighteen when we first met. Congratulations man!’ Before Cas could say anything he was pulled in a hug.

‘But shit man why didn’t you tell us?’ Castiel didn’t let go of Dean yet, wanting to enjoy the contact while it lasted. ‘It didn’t cross my mind honestly. But I’ll promise I’ll inform everyone next time.’

Dean pulled away, he yawned. ‘You’re tired Dean, you should go home.’ Cas knew he had to be the responsible one of the two right now. But Dean let out a whine. ‘Too drunk, not allowed to drive.’ Castiel looked around and finally found a blanket. ‘You can sleep on my bed if you want to. I’ll take the couch.’ Dean frowned, ‘nah buddy, I’m great here. You go to bed and have a good night sleep. Wouldn’t want to see that pretty face of yours upset.’

Cas felt himself blush. ‘You think I’m pretty?’ Dean grinned. ‘Prettiest angel out there.’ Castiel ignored the small sting in the back of his mind, instead focusing on Dean who tried to stand up straight. ‘Tomorrow I’ll get ya a present. Not because I have to but because I’d like to. Because you’re nice.’ Dean steadied himself on Cas. ‘What on earth could you give me that I would need?’ Dean frowned, ‘I dunno. But we’ll think off something. Until that time this will do.’  He leaned forward and left a kiss on Castiel’s cheek.

He snickered as he pulled away. ‘But that’ll be our little secret okay?’ He sat down on the couch again and finally found a comfortable position to lay in. ‘Goodnight angel.’ The moment Dean had dozen off Castiel finally recovered from the shock, and with a red face and a fluttering stomach he fell unto the bed and fell asleep.

Everything seemed to be going in Castiel’s favour. But what the sleeping teenager did not realise was that soon everything would turn against him. Starting with his new medication. That night was the last time he would dream peacefully. Because after this evening all of his dreams would be filled with angel feathers and their owners.


	7. Chapter V

Castiel knew he couldn’t be dreaming. Because he hadn’t slept in three days. Yet he was in his childhood home, and his father was giving him a terrified look. Cas looked around, feeling disorientated. He couldn’t be dreaming, yet here he was. ‘Castiel, how could you?’ His father’s terrified expression turned into anger as he threw a mug to the floor. ‘How can you do this to us? To me? You can’t be a fag!’

Castiel remembered this moment. A classmate of his had asked him out on a date. The boy seemed nice enough, and Cas decided that if they kept it a secret they could go out. The boy of course had been part of a prank to out the fact that Castiel liked… boys. Of course he was angry at the kids who’d planned the prank. But even more so he was afraid. Because if his father discovered he knew he might just loose his home.

So yes this memory was familiar. Because his father knew, and Castiel thought this would be the end of it. But it wasn’t. After the initial anger disappeared his father’s expression emptied. He’d given up on the child that was once his son. And from that moment on Cas was a stranger to his father.

‘I don’t want to see this.’ Castiel said, hoping Anna would hear him. The sound of fluttering wings informed him that indeed the angel Anna had arrived. Castiel turned around to meet her eye. This time the angel had taken on the form of a girl. Pale, young, flaming red hair and big friendly eyes welcomed him. ‘So you’re pretending to be human today? I preferred the big ball of crazy light more.’ Cas couldn’t stop himself from sounding bitter.

The angel Anna talked and acted like a gentle creature. But she had a very sadistic and cold way of torturing him. Anna smiled. ‘Castiel, it’s good to see you finally fell asleep.’ Anna was dressed in a white suit, her hazel brown eyes never blinking. She was like a statue, not breathing, not living. ‘I’m not sure what is worse. Not being able to sleep because of your pals or you torturing me with memories when I’m asleep.’

‘Oh Castiel, I wish things could be different.’ There was a sincerity in her words that made Cas’ stomach turn. ‘No you don’t. You can’t feel. So you don’t feel guilty and you don’t regret.’ It was a painful truth that Castiel had been able to see mysterious creatures ever since his parents died. At first he was clueless as to what they were, they entered his dreams, talked to him. Sometimes they were animals, other times they were made out of sound waves, colours and light. And sometimes they would take a human form.

The creatures called themselves angels. And their leader seemed to be Anna. ‘Why are you even doing this? I was doing fine. Things were going well.’ The scene around them changed and suddenly they were in a white empty space. No walls, no windows, only a big white emptiness. ‘No Castiel, that’s what you’ve been convincing yourself. You know you can’t escape the truth.’ Anna seemed passive, her voice sweet and kind.

‘There is no truth to your lies. Angels don’t exist. You are a figment of my imagination. A way for me to deal with the traumatic experience of my families dead.’ Anna was suddenly standing right in front of him and ever slowly she touched his shoulder. Cas immediately tensed up under the contact. It felt incredibly real. It made him sick, he hated it when people touched him.

‘This is very real. And we are no hallucinations. We are real, and you need to repent for your sins and come with us.’ Cas quickly took a step backward. ‘I won’t, leave me alone.’ The scenery was changing as Anna spoke: ‘There is no choice in the matter. You have to repent. And you know how to do it.’ They were now standing on the top of a roof. Cas looked down, seeing the streets below him. ‘You were ready to come with us. You were ready to follow the plan. And I can read your mind. You think you have found reasons to life. But you are wrong.’

Cas quickly took a step away from the edge. ‘I can’t believe that you think I could ever fall for your words. You are no angel. Angels are good and kind. They serve God and men.’ Anna smiled, a soft little smile that showed she was not hurt by his words. ‘It doesn’t matter what you believe or as what you see me as. But I am an angel, and its God’s will that you are brought to Heaven. We have plans for you Castiel, and the sooner you accept the better for everyone.’ She shook her head and Castiel woke up in the middle of class.

He got another little push and quickly blinked. Kevin had awakened him and asked if he was doing well. ‘I’m good thanks.’ He quickly pushed up his glasses. Immediately noticing his movements were being followed by the angel Inias, who stared at him, he was standing right next to the teacher. And the moment their eyes met the angel let out a horrible screech that made his ears hurt.

This is how it had been for a few days now. He hardly slept, and when he did Anna would propose to take him to Heaven. And like every other night he would refuse and wake up to either the angel Inias or the angel Hester. Two angels who hardly spoke but constantly followed him and made his life a living hell. Cas tried to concentrate on the teacher, but the screaming got more and more intense. Castiel quickly put in earplugs but they were to no avail. And the very worst thing? He was the only one bothered, because he was hallucinating.

**Wings flutter**

‘Heya Cas, you okay buddy?’ Castiel slammed against his locker in frustration. The angel Hester had thrown his books in the river yesterday. Or at least that’s how it looked like. More likely he’d lost balance and dropped his books. It didn’t matter tough. He would have to buy new ones soon if he wanted to learn for the upcoming test. It was ridiculous really, how his hallucinations complicated the smallest of things.

‘Hey Cas you with me?’ Cas finally looked up when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. For a brief second he was afraid it was Anna’s. But this hand was big, warm and glowing. Cas looked up to meet Dean’s eyes. Immediately his heart started racing. Dean was looking at him with this curious look, his eyes wide with happiness and his aura was practically hugging him. Dean’s light had become very affectionate with him.

Always glowing with happiness and always trying to get close to him. It was calling out to him, thus he felt himself being pulled to Dean like a magnet. The moment he got closer the light immediately flickered and dulled down. The bright colours got replaced with worry and fear and Dean subconsciously did a step back.

‘What did your locker do to you?’ Cas looked between Dean and his locker. ‘Nothing really. I’m just frustrated, but you wouldn’t understand.’ Dean nodded, his look one of understanding. ‘Life can be tough.’ Dean’s expression became completely neutral again. But that didn’t mean Castiel couldn’t read him. He easily could because of the colours. ‘Are you doing well Dean?’ Dean nodded vigorously. ‘Peachy!’

They stared in silence at each other before both turning away. Things had changed after Castiel’s birthday. Cas had woken up to find a wide awake Dean no longer sleeping on the couch. He’d been making breakfast and they only shared a few words that morning. Dean had seemed distant, avoiding Castiel’s gaze and looking tense.

Dean didn’t seem to remember or didn’t want to remember everything. But Cas would never forgot how the boy had kissed his cheek and called him an pretty angel. But neither of them ever mentioned Castiel’s birthday again. Right over Dean’s shoulder he could see Hester stare at him. The angel had no specific form, yet he could feel her gaze on him. ‘What are you looking at?’ Dean turned around to follow Castiel’s gaze.

He slowly blinked before he spoke: ‘Hey Lisa.’ He shortly waved at her. Cas blinked, and the celestial being disappeared to make place for Lisa. She waved back reluctant. ‘You think she’s angry?’ Castiel shook his shoulders. ‘I don’t know? You broke it off?’ Dean quickly turned to Cas, his expression intense. ‘Listen about that-’

All the frustration, fear and anger that had been pinned up in Cas broke free as he interrupted his friend. ‘I honestly don’t want to hear it. I don’t care Dean. You are a walking contradiction and I’m so tired of constantly trying to give you advice that you don’t follow up.’ Dean fell quiet, his expression going from: _wait what_ , to: _excuse me_? Dean hadn’t acted like himself after that evening. He kept his distance, didn’t visit him and they hardly spoke. And he was spending almost every waking moment with Lisa.

The colours around Dean were a complete mess. He seemed unhappy most of the time and whenever Cas tried to reach out to him he pushed away. ‘Well if that’s how it is.’ Dean finally spoke, his expression not giving away the hurt he was obviously feeling. He turned away, leaving Castiel behind with Inias. Who whispered in his ear how useless he was.

**Wings flutter**

Over the week Castiel hardly slept and eating became a disaster. Mostly because insects would crawl out his food. Every night Anna would try to convince him to let go of his life.

‘Your father hated you. Your mother killed herself. Dean Winchester will never love you.’

And every night Cas would tell her she was wrong. That life was worth living. Days became torture. He couldn’t focus on anything, breathing became difficult when Hester would suffocate him with her hands for hours on end. Although she did apologize before doing so. She kept saying it was for his own good. Even showering didn’t work anymore. Inias would touch the showerhead and the water intensity changed drastically.

After burning his back badly he gave up on trying to shower. Castiel hardly knew how he managed to drag himself around anymore and Jo had been giving him a worried side glance every now and then. Cas knew he was simply hallucinating, that he should tell Zachariah about the situation and get re-entered in the mental hospital.

But something was stopping him this time. Maybe it was the fact that he had friends who cared for him. Maybe it was Dean, or maybe he was just too accustomed to freedom to give it up now. Castiel found free will a fascinating thing. He was deliberately choosing to slowly fade under the pressure of his mental illness.

He was glad he could at least make the decision. But he knew he would hit his breaking point eventually. And when he did it hit him hard. They were running laps during PE when he suddenly collapsed. He lost consciousness and woke up at Nurse Ellen’s office.

‘Heard you’ve been pushing yourself over the edge.’ _Of a building?_ A dark twisted part of his mind added. Cas groaned, feeling light headed. ‘You’re looking terrible boy. Can you tell me what’s going on?’ Nurse Ellen, despite being rough around the edges, seemed genuinely concerned about him. ‘I haven’t slept or eaten in days. I think… I think something is wrong with my medication.’ He admitted, not caring what the consequences could be right now. Cas was absolutely broken. ‘You’ve been alienating yourself from your friends. Kevin told me, they are worried about you.’

Castiel tried to reassure her it was simply bad medication taking its toll, but the look in her eyes was one of distrust. ‘Well you catch your bag from the classroom and go home. You’re going to eat something and go to bed.’ Castiel obeyed, but knew he wouldn’t get any rest soon. The angels wanted him to end his own life. They would keep making it a living hell until he surrendered.

In the hallway he walked right into Dean and a girl. Dean turned towards him, worry written over his face. ‘Hey there, we were worried about you. I was just heading towards the nurse office to see you.’ Dean’s light almost felt healing. Inias who stood beside him obviously didn’t like the small smile on his face as he tried to do something about it. But suddenly the light around Dean did something it had never done before.

The moment Inias tried to enter their personal space the light pushed him back. Inias seemed shocked. He tried once again but the light around Dean formed a solid wall between them. He tried to fight it, but it was everywhere. It was overwhelming and one moment he was trying to fight it with a blade and the next moment his body started glowing and he disappeared. Castiel was completely awestruck but what just happened.

‘Cas?’ Castiel quickly looked back up to Dean, the light was still around them, Hester who appeared behind Dean kept her distance. Cas could see fear in her eyes. ‘Thank you Dean.’ Dean seemed surprised, they hadn’t spoken in days. ‘What?’ Castiel felt joy and sadness surge through him like a train. ‘Thank you for everything. I don’t deserve your friendship.’ He felt so much relieve, because momentarily Dean was protecting him from the evil.

Dean still cared for him. And for a second he had stopped the non-stop torture. Dean seemed taken back my Castiel’s words. ‘Oh, you okay?’ Castiel could feel tears burn in his eyes. ‘Forgive me Dean, I’ve been a terrible person. You always listen to me, take care of me. And how do I repay you? With hate and incomprehension.’ Dean noticed the tears and immediately grabbed Castiel’s shoulders. ‘Hey it’s alright. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you. But we’ll get through it okay? We’re all here for you okay?’

Castiel nodded, finally calming down by Dean’s kind touch. A female voice let out an awkward cough. ‘Uuhm I can leave if you want to? I mean I don’t want to bother…’ Dean turned to the girl and quickly shook his head.

‘It’s alright. Don’t leave.’ Castiel also turned to look at the girl. She had big hazel brown eyes and flaming red hair. Her pale face had a worried expression etched into it. And Castiel immediately recognized her. ‘Anna?’ Dean’s hand disappeared as he nodded. ‘Yup, she was looking for you. Had something to tell you so I brought her with me.’ Castiel turned towards Dean, fear etched in his face as he whispered: ‘You see her?’

Dean nodded, seemingly unbothered. ‘Sure do. I’ll just go to Nurse Ellen for a sec to ask her if I can do anything for ya.’ He was gone, leaving Castiel alone with the angel. Anna smiled, she looked different. More human, her skin not as pale and she was dressed like a teenage girl instead of a business woman. ‘I don’t think we’ve ever met in person, but my name is Anna Milton. I’m a friend of Lisa Braeden.’ She shook Castiel’s hand.

He remained unresponsive. ‘Anyways I was looking for you since Lisa wants to ask you if you know what’s going on with Dean.’ Cas opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again as he saw the humanity in Anna’s behaviour. She looked like she’d rather be somewhere else. She had her phone at hand, and she was obviously only doing this as a favour. ‘Why are you doing this?’

Anna rolled her eyes, ‘Lisa asked me to alright? She’s going out with Dean so she asked me if I could just do it. I still owned her a favour so here I am.’ Cas shook his head and checked his surroundings. Now that the warm light of Dean had disappeared Hester was standing right beside him, although she seemed too afraid to hurt him. ‘You’re lying, I already told you no. I won’t do it. Leave me out of this!’

Anna seemed confused. ‘What are you talking about? Lisa is just worried about Dean. He’s been behaving strange, if you don’t know anything you can just say that. Don’t have to be rude about it.’ Dean had returned, Cas immediately turned to him. ‘Who is this girl Dean?’ Dean seemed stunned for a short second. ‘Uh that’s Anna Cas. You know? Lisa’s BFF? You briefly met her at the lake.’

Castiel shook his head, he felt like they were playing a trick on him. ‘No Anna’s not human Dean. We have to run, she’s dangerous.’ Cas started hyperventilating, Dean slowly helped him sit down on the ground. ‘Easy there. You’ve been going through a rough time, Ellen told me. I’m going to get you home, I’m going to make you some soup and then you’re going to get some proper rest.’

Castiel resisted Dean calm pull. ‘No my bag, I need my bag.’ His eyes never left Anna. Dean nodded. ‘I’ll get it for you ok? Anna can stay with you alright?’ Anna didn’t seem to like this idea but didn’t protest. Dean left, even though Cas begged him to stay.

After he turned the corner Anna frowned. ‘You okay?’ Castiel felt his stomach twist. What was happening to him? Angels weren’t real, monsters weren’t real. He was hallucinating. Yet his illusions were interacting with the real world now. It couldn’t be possible… it couldn’t be real! ‘So you’re going to just sit there. Alright. Well it was nice to meet you, but I’m leaving. That okay?’ Cas simply stared back at Anna. This wasn’t the same girl from his dreams. Whoever this was, she wasn’t the cruel angel he’d gotten to know.

‘Hey Clarence, what are you doing here?’ Ten minutes past as Cas sat in silence. He quickly looked up to see Meg approaching. She looked casually bored as usual. ‘Meg.’ She nodded, ‘that’s my name yes. What are you doing on the ground?’ Meg wasn’t exactly a friend, yet oddly enough she was one of the nicer people at school. Cas often felt the desire to befriend her, but he didn’t know how. ‘You look terrible handsome. Ever heard of personal hygiene?’ Meg pulled a face when she smelled him.

‘God you reek. When was the last time you had a shower?’ Castiel felt annoyance swell in his heart. ‘Do not use that name in vain.’ He warned her, trying to act as normal as possible. But his eyes constantly looked around for Inias and Hester, who were suddenly nowhere to be found. Why had they disappeared? And why was Dean taking so long? He had to get home, he had to contact Zachariah.

‘Sorry, just wanted to strike conversation. So tell me: you’ve done anything for math lately?’ Meg sat down next to him, something about her presence was always very grounding. Meg was the realistic no-bullshit type. If Dean was giving of aura and spiritual energies and what-not, then Meg probably was the complete opposite. She was probably the most normal person around. Well maybe aside from Kevin.

‘It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m going to check myself into the hospital again. I thought I was ready to live a normal life. But I was wrong.’ Meg raised an eyebrow. ‘Really you’re giving up?’ Cas felt a cold feeling take over as he nodded. ‘It’s best for everyone.’ Meg let out an exasperated sigh. ‘God you’re so whiny. So what if you’re insane? Or mentally unstable or whatever? You are you, who gives a fuck? Just live your life because things aren’t getting any simpler any time soon.’ She smiled at him reassuring and he managed to smile back a bit.

‘See? You look better already. So what are we doing here exactly?’ Cas raised an eyebrow. ‘Do you care?’ Meg seemed to think about it for a second. ‘I don’t care, because it ain’t my business. But I am a real curious girl.’ Before Cas could share anything Dean had returned with his bag. ‘Got your back, you ready to go?’ He looked around, probably looking for Anna. ‘Fuck she ditched you?’ Castiel stood up, feeling a lot better now that Dean had returned. ‘It shouldn’t surprise you Dean, you are paranoid and prone to distrust.’ Dean almost dropped the bag, Cas recognized his error. ‘I said something rude again didn’t I?’

Meg who still sat on the ground let out a snort. Dean decided to brush it off for now, his focus completely on Cas as he shortly thanked Meg for looking out for him. Dean tried to guide him towards the exit but he resisted. ‘Meg I just wanted to say-’ he wanted to thank her. Not because what she’d said had been so enlightening or because she’d cheered him up. Because neither was true. He wanted to thank her because she’d graced him with her presence without asking anything back.

He could appreciate such actions. But when he turned around to face her he started smelling sulphur. The smell was so strong that it almost made him puke. And he recognised it. He knew what it meant, he knew what caused the smell. For a second everything faded away as he looked at Meg, or the thing _in_ her to be more exact. It looked hideous, dark and sharp teeth smiled at him. Black eyes stared in his, the hideous monster seemed unware that Castiel could see its real face.

Cas didn’t hesitate. Once he got over his initial fear he screamed at Dean to run. ‘She’s a demon!’ Dean took a step back, looking from Meg to Cas. He didn’t look like a teenager anymore, there was no more worried expression, no more stupid jokes. Suddenly his expression darkened, his stand became one of a warrior, his eyes going from Meg to Cas as if to figure out what Castiel was saying. ‘Castiel calm down,’ he ordered. Dean the teenager was gone as he shook Cas at the shoulders.

‘Get a grip right now!’ Cas freed himself from Dean’s surprisingly strong grip without any difficulty. Instead he made his way to the monster, intend on killing it. ‘GET OUT OF HER YOU MONSTER!’ The monster took a few steps backwards, intend on running probably. And Cas could only focus on the demon’s face. He could only focus on the thing that was possessing Meg. That was until someone tried to pull him back and he carelessly pushed the person away. ‘Cas,’ came a quiet pain-filled voice.

Immediately he snapped out of it turning to see Dean on the ground. ‘Dean.’ All anger disappeared to make place for shame, fear and panic. He’d hurt Dean, he’d hurt his friend. He dropped next to the Winchester, the colours around him looked distressed, he was feeling confused, even a bit scared. But for what? The demon? Castiel turned to look for the creature. But Meg was simply standing there, her mouth wide open, fear in her eyes.

Once she met Cas’ gaze she took a step back. ‘Easy there.’ Her words were slow, she raised her hands to show that she was unarmed. ‘I’m not going to hurt you Castiel. I am just going to get someone to help out Dean ok?’ She tried to turn around but Dean stopped her. ‘No, I’m fine. They’ll take Cas away.’ Dean grimaced as he sat up straight, Cas didn’t dare touch him. Afraid he would hurt him more. Meg suddenly seemed angry. ‘That’s exactly the point Dean. He needs help, he tried to attack both of us.’

Dean wouldn’t hear any of it. ‘I’m going to take Cas home. He needs some rest. You just promise to keep it under wraps.’ They both ignored Castiel’s constant apologies. His shame-filled expression and his lost demeanour. Dean didn’t seem hurt, but he’d gotten hit pretty hard on the head. He rubbed it, probably hoping the pain would soon fade.

Meg finally agreed to keep her mouth shut, but she gave Castiel a cautious look when she walked away. This scene wouldn’t be forgotten soon. Dean didn’t speak, look or even motioned at Cas as he made his way outside. Castiel followed in silence. The teenager felt like he deserved it tough. His hallucinations had completely derailed him, made him violent.

Finally when they stood in front of the Impala Dean turned to Cas. ‘There are a lot of things that I’d like to say right now.’ He sounded angry, stern; there was no friendliness in his eyes.

Cas avoided Dean’s gaze, feeling ashamed with himself. ‘But I’m tired. We can both use some rest. So we’ll talk later.’ Cas nodded, not daring to see the colours around Dean, he simply didn’t want to. ‘But when we do talk Cas I want you to know one thing: No more secrets alright? We can’t function like this.’

Dean opened the door. ‘Now get in.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUHAHAHAHA. So I thought: let's update. :3 Here ya go. Have fun peeps! If there are any grammar mistakes I apologize. I was just really excited to get this out. x'D


	8. Chapter VI

If Castiel had to give himself a virtue he was definitely not choosing candour. Because if he wanted to or not, lying was a big part of his daily life. His sub-conscious on the other hand had probably never heard of the word _censoring_. His brain was always rubbing the truth violently in his face. For example Castiel’s love for danger took form in the park dream.

And if Cas was really honest? He was getting tired of that dream. He was having it almost every single night. Of course he wasn’t aware of the dream, but his sub-conscious was. So when he found himself in the park again he let out an annoyed groan. He would have to go through the motions again. He would have to walk through the park until he would find his date, a girl, sitting on a bench.

And because he was a horrible person he would be seduced by a mysterious man who kissed like sin. And adrenaline would rush through his veins because he didn’t know him, had no idea what the intention of the stranger was. _But he knew he wanted more_.

 A familiar sound ringed in his ears. ‘Anna go away.’ He felt upset, didn’t want the angel to see his secrets. But the voice that spoke to him was deeper, richer and amused: ‘What a nice way to greet an old friend.’ Castiel turned around, eyes widening as he saw Balthazar. The man was spreading his arms like he’d just preformed a magic trick and in combination with a shit eating grin he also wore a captains cap.

‘Tada I’m back!’ Cas could have said many things in that moment. He could’ve asked where Balthazar had gone, why, he could’ve asked about what had taken him so long and he could’ve demanded an explanation from the mysterious visitor. Instead his focus went to the cap: ‘Nice hat.’ Balthazar pulled it off. ‘Nice isn’t it? It turned out that the sailor’s life wasn’t for me, love the uniforms tough.’

The cap disappeared and the two men smiled. Slowly Castiel’s smile disappeared. ‘Why are you here?’ Balthazar snapped his fingers, the park disappeared and he found himself in a fancy living room sitting on a couch. Balthazar offered him a cup of tea but he refused. ‘This isn’t a joke Balthazar. You just disappeared on me without any reason given. And now you sudden appear after more than a month and want to drink tea with me?’

Castiel shook his head and removed himself from the couch. ‘I’m going to be blunt with you: Are you Anna’s replacement tonight?’ Balthazar gave him a puzzled look. ‘Anna?’ Cas had to keep back an angry scoff. Was he really playing dumb right now? ‘I know that you are an angel. I’ve known since your _friends_ started making my life a living hell!’

Balthazar snapped his fingers, and suddenly Castiel couldn’t move his lips. ‘Alright hush Cassie. I haven’t gotten much time and I would _love_ to chat for a bit. But I’m short on time.’ The angel stared intently at Cas, his voice growing softer as he looked around: ‘We don’t have much time until Anna notices that something is off. So here’s the thing: I am not Anna’s replacement. Well actually tonight I am, but not really. I would never do anything to hurt you long-term. I’m in fact on your side.’ Balthazar decided he did want tea and started sipping from a little cup. ‘So before you start accusing me of being evil or whatever, I am in fact one of the good guys.’ He snapped his fingers and suddenly Cas could open his mouth again.

‘So be good and keep quiet for a bit while I answer some of your answers.’ Cas tried to protest but Balthazar raised an eyebrow, indicating he didn’t have much patient. ‘I almost forgot how terrible you are in following orders. But to get to the point: Anna is my superior and she got orders from above to collect you in whatever way possible. Since I also have a knack for ignoring orders I’m secretly going against her, from the moment you entered the mental institution you were in fact unbeknownst to the other angels under my protection.’

Castiel remembered the glowing sigils. ‘Those were yours?’ Balthazar seemed rather proud as he nodded. ‘It was a pain in the arse to get them all to work, but once they were installed correctly the angels weren’t able to reach you. Well… all accept for me of course. So I started visiting your dreams, to check if you weren’t going nuts. And you seemed to be doing pretty well.’ Cas raised his eyebrow to indicate his distrust. ‘Then why did you let me leave that safe haven? Because they are back now, and it’s worse than before. I can’t separate reality from my imagination anymore.’

Suddenly a sound like thunder went through the rooms, both men tensed up. ‘They are almost here Cassie, we have to hurry.’ Balthazar didn’t seem nervous, he looked cautious, like a warrior heading into battle. ‘I was in fact planning on keeping you into that hospital for the rest of your life, but that twat Inias found the sigils and destroyed them. And they manipulated the staff into letting you go. I had to disappear for a while because they were starting to get suspicious of me.’

Another rumbled went through the room, this time shaking its foundation. ‘So what now? How can I know that I can trust you, you are an angel after all.’ The big difference between Cas’s mind and sub-conscious mind was the level of acceptance. Castiel mind had been told that there was no such thing as magic, monsters or angels. It had all been fake and was not worth his trouble. Castiel’s sub-conscious on the other hand still believed and saw no harm in participating in the fantasy.

Balthazar seemed genuinely hurt by his question, and that was maybe the biggest difference between him and the other angels. Most angels were made of stone, they seemed alien and were simply wearing meat suits to move around. Balthazar on the other hand seemed like a real person who experienced real emotions. ‘You don’t know if you can trust me, you’ll need faith.’ The living room disappeared, they were back in the park.

‘I have to go Castiel. Usually when I leave I wipe your memory but tonight I won’t because you need to know that there is someone on your side.’ Thunder was lighting up the sky. ‘Our next moves are pretty easy, Heaven has plans for you and so does Hell. The moment you wake up and you remember me my last protection spell will wear off. This means you’ll appear on the Supernatural radar again, and since you’re a special snowflake you’ll probably die within the next week.’

Cas couldn’t even swallow, his head was dizzy and spinning. ‘So I just have to survive on my own?’ Balthazar nodded and proudly gave him a thumbs up. ‘You see an easy plan right? Meanwhile I’ll return to Heaven and pretend to be on their side. When I return I’ll hopefully have something that can protect you against evil forces, but I’m not promising anything.’

Balthazar took a step back as if he was making himself ready to leave. ‘But for now it’s important that you just keep living. So don’t do anything stupid! Pretend you’re healthy and don’t be easy of trust. I’ll return with a late birthday gift.’ A loud crash filled Castiel’s dream and he hurriedly looked at Balthazar. ‘How can I defend myself?’ The wind was suddenly blazing him back.

Another lightning bolt crossed the sky and the flash was illuminating the park. Cas’ eyes fell upon the angel’s wings. They stretched out, flashing their colours and power. Castiel could’ve sworn the harsh wind came from them. ‘Honestly Cas? You have bags of salt under your bed, I’m pretty sure that you’ll be fine.’ When he saw the pleading blue puppy eyes Balthazar gave in. ‘Ugh _fine_. You need to find the human who sings the song.’

The angel winked, ‘good luck!’ The wind got stronger and Balthazar disappeared, leaving Cas motionless in the park. The air cleared up again, and in fearful anticipation Castiel awaited his awakening.

**Wings flutter**

It had been a quiet drive in the Impala. The smell of leather and cigarettes had flooded Castiel’s senses. He’d been surprised to notice that they took the wrong turn. ‘My place is that way.’ He reminded Dean, who’d been quietly sitting behind the wheel. Dean simply shook his head. ‘Not taking you to your place.’ Instead they made their way towards the outer ring of town. ‘We are going to my place, can’t leave Sam alone.’ Dean had simply stated as they stopped in front of a poorly maintained house.

It was old and small. The garden had withered away and the grass was obviously in a dire need of a trim. Cas didn’t protest, feeling curiosity take over as they made their way to the door. Dean had panicked slightly when he noticed a big black car parked in the garage, but when Castiel asked him what was wrong he simply stated that his father was home.

Instead of using the front door they made their way to the back. ‘I thought he’d already left town but he hasn’t. So I’m going to give you a little push and you’re going to climb through the room into my room. My dad… doesn’t like visitors. Just keep quiet and wait for me upstairs.’ Dean looked extremely stressed and his colours were still cold and distant. Why was Dean afraid of his father?

Castiel decided not to question the situation. Knowing that things were already tense enough. Instead he climbed through Dean’s widow like they’d planned. Once he fell on the wooden floor he got greeted by a pathetic sight. Dean’s room was small, messy and dark in nature. Everything looked like it was being maintained by a teenager who didn’t know what he was doing. Which Castiel feared was exactly the case. Posters of bands were everywhere and Cas was surprised to see how few belongings Dean had. He could probably pack them up within five minutes and skip town if he wanted to.

What interested him most was the fact that there wasn’t one but two beds. In fact: one of them was occupied by someone who was now completely focused on Cas. It was a boy, probably fourteen years old. He was pale, thin with brown hair that was a tad too long. His eyes were soft and friendly and seemed too wise for his age. He’d been reading a comic but immediately dropped it in favour of holding his hand under his pillow, were he probably had something to defend himself with. Although Cas wasn’t thrilled on finding out what exactly.

‘Hello.’ The boy who had to be Sam Winchester blinked, his hand slowly appearing again and to Cas’s relieve unarmed. ‘Hello?’ Cas nodded. Sam approached him carefully. ‘Hello?’ He questioned again. Castiel slowly got on his feet again, feeling extremely uncomfortable. ‘Yes?’ Sam let out a sigh, worry etched in his face as he made his way towards the window.

‘Dean, next time you really need to give me heads up when you bring back a friend.’ Sam quietly hissed, slight annoyance obvious in his voice. Dean had apparently still been waiting for Castiel’s signal that he’d arrived safely. Cas joined Sam in looking out of the window. Dean was grinning. ‘Sorry Sammy. I’ll be there in a minute. Cas this is my little brother Sam. And Sammy this is Cas.’ Sam looked up at Castiel, his distrust disappearing, there was a slight amusement in his eyes.

‘Oh so you’re Cas?’ His tone indicated that Dean had mentioned him before. ‘Yes, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you Sam. Dean has told me many great things.’ Cas had reached out his hand to give him a formal handshake, but Sam didn’t notice and walked back towards his bed. Awkwardly Castiel lowered his hand again. ‘I would like to talk, trust me. But dad is downstairs and the walls are thin. So we better be quiet for a second.’

Downstairs they could hear the front door open. Dean called out that he was home, and a murmur was the reply he got followed by a: ‘Why aren’t you at school?’ From a man’s voice which had to be their dad. ‘School was out early sir.’ Dean’s reply was clipped, his voice lost its amusement. Cas shuffled closer to the door to hear more. John Winchester had started talking softer. ‘I pay for your education, and here you are skipping school. Don’t think I’ll let you go to college kiddo. I don’t care what Bobby thinks, I need you on the hunt.’

Dean voice didn’t betray any emotions. ‘I understand sir.’ John mumbled some more, and suddenly Cas realized that the man was drunk. ‘I’ll be gone for two weeks this time. Another shifter, Dean you make sure Sam makes his homework and don’t let anyone in.’ He mumbled some other things and Dean seemed to reply. Cas was still trying to understand the information at hand. John was supposed to own a garage with a friend, yet he seemed like he was going out for two weeks on a hunt? Something about a work shift?

He turned towards Sam with a questioning look. The boy ignored him in favour of his comic, but he didn’t blame him. It took around twenty minutes before John Winchester finally stepped into his car and left. The moment the car disappeared from the house’s point of view footsteps went up the stairs and Dean quickly joined Sam and Cas.

‘Man that took forever, sorry for the long wait.’ Dean’s smiled, but not for Castiel’s sake. He did it purely to keep Sam from getting worried. ‘Sammy you heard dad right?’ Sam looked up from his comic and made fleeing eye contact with Cas. ‘Yes we heard him. Two weeks, the usual. He left cash on his desk.’

There was an unspoken tension in the air that Cas didn’t dare to ask about. It was obvious that Dean’s home situation was worse than he’d thought. He’d sold Cas a lot of lies and the scruffy teenager wasn’t sure how to handle that. ‘Anyways, Cas and I had a bit of a rough day, so he’s joining us for dinner.’ It was supposed to be a statement but it sounded more like a question. Sam nodded, ‘sure no problem. After dinner could you bring me to Jessica’s house? We still need to work on our project and I promised I’d be there.’

It was probably Castiel’s imagination but he could’ve sworn that Sam suddenly got a bit of a blush. When Dean started to wiggle his eyebrows he realized he’d been right in his assumption. ‘You get her!’ Sam panicked and threw a pillow at his older brother. ‘It’s supposed to be a secret jerk!’ Dean’s colours got lighter, the dullness disappeared as he pulled Castiel into the fire to protect himself. ‘Don’t be a bitch about it! You’re in love.’

Cas felt a tiny smile form on his lips. Once Sam’s fit was over Dean pointed at his bed. ‘So here’s the deal Cas. You’re going to take a shower and get some sleep while I make dinner. And after that’s done we’re going to have a nice little chat.’

**Wings flutter**

Cas hadn’t expected to dream about Balthazar. Nor had he expected to wake up with the angels name in his head. It wasn’t part of the _make Cas calm down_ -plan. Once Sam was gone to visit his female friend Cas and Dean made their way to the couch in silence. They had barely spoken after what had happened at school, and Cas wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk yet either. ‘You need to find the human who sings the song.’

Dean looked up, ‘what?’ Cas shook his head. ‘I was talking to myself.’ Dean let out a sound that was probably supposed to be a laugh. ‘You know what Cas? I wish you’d talk less to yourself and more to me. That would be a real nice change.’

When Castiel didn’t speak up Dean shut off the television. ‘Talk to me Cas.’ Cas didn’t dare to look his friend in the eye, afraid of what he would see there. ‘Come on Cas. I know that you’ve been through some shit, and I’m really trying my best to be there for you but you need to give me something to work with.’ He sounded so tired, like he was really trying his best to keep it together. When a hand got placed over his own Castiel finally looked up.

Dean suddenly looked old, his face made out of harsh and sharp lines, all the child-like featured had melted away. His eyes tired and his colours dark, muddy and lifeless. When he blinked the imagine disappeared and made place for the normal Dean. ‘You look terrible.’ Cas was surprised how sad his own voice sounded. He tried to free his hand from Dean’s grip but to Winchester held on tighter.

‘Listen Cas, I’m not a real emotional guy, I don’t do that stuff. But when I ask you to talk with me, know that I mean it. I don’t know what happened but today you snapped man. You attacked Meg, called her a monster. You could’ve seriously injured yourself or someone else.’ Dean took a deep breath, every word seemed to be a struggle for him, like he wasn’t sure how to pronounce the words.

‘You… already know more about me than most my friends Cas. I’ve never let anyone see my house before. I don’t want them… to judge.  Our dad? He has seen stuff, he has gone through stuff. And he might not be the perfect guy but he still cares you know? I care about you too. But you just keep closing yourself off and I can see that it’s eating at you.’

Castiel had no idea he could feel so overwhelmed. His past, his feelings for Dean and now his dreams. _My dreams that inform me that I have twenty-four hours before I die._ ‘Dean... I care a lot about you too, more than you could probably imagine. The truth is… I should have never left the institution. Mentally I’m not well. I can’t separate my illusions from reality anymore and I have to go now. I need to readmission myself now that the damage that I’ve cause is still minor.’

He freed himself from Dean’s grip, ‘I’m sorry.’ Cas was already making his way towards the door while holding back tears when suddenly Dean gripped his hand again. Intertwining their fingers and holding on tight, Cas was suddenly unable to move. ‘So you’re leaving me?’ Dean didn’t sound emotional, he sounded like he was giving up, like he was angry but too upset to form words.

‘Yes, it’s for your own safety.’ Dean stepped forward, suddenly his colours were lighting up like a fire. ‘I don’t need protection. I can fucking take care of myself! I don’t know what’s going on in that funny little brain of yours but all this shit you’re doing? Demons, monsters and trying to beat up people? That’s wrong and I won’t accept that that’s the real you!’ Castiel tried to push him away.

Dean quickly shook his head. ‘If you leave now this will be over. Can’t you see that? I won’t be able to help you anymore. But if you stay and you talk to me we can sort this out together.’ Castiel felt a throb in his heart. ‘I… can’t Dean. I don’t even know if all of this is real anymore.’ He felt something hot run past his cheek. ‘I’m not even sure if I’m dreaming or not and I don’t even know what my eyes are doing. Are they supposed to leak?’

He touched his face in confusion, surprised at the wetness in his eyes. Dean seemed to be taken back by the situation. ‘How am I supposed to trust you Dean? You could be one of the angels for all that I know!’ His vision got blurry by the tears and suddenly he heard Dean swear. ‘Oh dammit come here.’ He pulled Cas towards him, wrapping his arms around him. A bit roughly he put Cas’s hand on his chest. ‘You feel my heartbeat Cas? That’s real man, this ain’t a dream.’

Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck, suddenly feeling like crying. ‘I’m so sorry Dean, it’s my entire fault. Everything is.’ Dean’s aura hugged him even more tightly. ‘It ain’t your fault Cas. Life is just fucking awful, but you shouldn’t be so harsh on yourself. Whatever happened... it happened.’

Cas nodded, feeling embarrassed at his crying. ‘This is so embarrassing.’ He mumbled into Dean’s skin, hoping the words would just carry away. ‘It isn’t trust me, you’re allowed to feel Cas. You’re allowed to be human.’ Dean was still firmly holding unto Castiel’s hand. The boy was surprised at Dean’s heartbeat. It felt familiar.

‘Just remember that this is real. I am real Cas.’

Cas took a deep breath, finally managing to calm down. Dean pushed him away carefully. ‘Any better?’ Cas wiped away some tears from his face, ‘yes much.’ Castiel had expected for Dean to let go by now. To take a step back and pretend it had all never happened. Instead he kept holding on to him. Cas could hear Dean’s heart pace quicken. ‘Why are you like this Dean?’ Cas felt frustrated, somehow his words always lost their meaning, he’d sounded rude instead of curious.

Dean’s face flashed several emotions. Most of which Cas couldn’t distinguish. ‘Like what?’ Dean’s aura was still wrapped tightly around him, and the soft caring blue was slowly bleeding red and pink again. ‘You know how. Why did you start avoiding me? I thought you were just hanging out with Lisa at first. That you wanted to spend time with her. But then you just… kept avoiding me whenever you could. What did I do wrong? If you dislike me so much then why do you help me?’

Dean opened his mouth, as he looked ready to say something. But suddenly he shut it again. ‘I don’t know.’ He admitted softly, looking away from Castiel’s intense gaze. ‘I’m not satisfied by your answer.’ Cas finally pulled away, although he did so with a lot of reluctance. He cared too much about Dean, he’d let the boy creep into his heart, it was stupid. ‘It’s alright Dean. It’s fine.’ Dean seemed torn between using his words and just keeping silent.

‘I know it’s difficult to… talk. And I won’t force you.’ Castiel started cleaning up his face again and sat himself down on the couch. ‘No Cas… I’m sorry I can be such a dick. I didn’t mean to avoid you... I just got scared. Because I care a shit ton for you. And I didn’t know why. And that made me real fucking scared. And I never get scared, so when I do? I run man.’ Dean kept his distance but also sat down. ‘It wasn’t your fault, things got confusing for me… I had to clear my head, I thought I needed time away from you.’

Castiel nodded in understanding. ‘You could have told me Dean, I would’ve understood.’ Dean shook his head. ‘Turned out I didn’t need time away from you, I needed time away from Lisa. She’s wonderful Cas, she really is. But we ain’t right for each other, and I understand that now.’ Cas felt stupid for getting all tingly.

‘I’m glad Dean that you dare to share this with me. And I’m glad that you care for me, in whatever way you do.’ He gulped knowing he shouldn’t overshare his feelings, afraid Dean might run away again. ‘I care a lot about you too Dean. I’m glad to have met you.’

An intense silence followed in which they didn’t break eye contact. Castiel couldn’t help but to adore the man who was staring at him. ‘Dean.’ He whispered, not sure why the silence was suddenly so important. Dean seemed nervous, yet he never backed away as Cas leaned in.

There was this electric buzzing between them. Castiel’s mind was experiencing a blackout. His only thought was the boy next to him and the idea of kissing him. They were only inches apart, breathing in the same air, and Cas suddenly felt nervous and he lingered.

Dean had never showed interest in other males, and as far as Cas knew his track record consist of girls only. There was no way Dean would ever allow this to happen. Yet the situation was telling something differently. Dean’s pupils were blown wide as he intently stared at Cas, and then at Cas’s lips. He seemed to ask without using words.

And Cas knew he should ask for consent first, his mother had raised him well after all. And he should probably not kiss Dean to begin with. And he should probably tell about his messed up life first before Dean could have any regrets. But all those thoughts failed him as Dean spoke: ‘Oh fuck it.’ It was spoken angrily, he’d closed his eyes in frustration but then he opened them again. And with shaking hands he pulled at Castiel’s coat until their noses touched.

And from there on out things just seemed to work out as he and Dean both closed their eyes and simply started breathing together. Their foreheads touching and Dean’s hand holding on to his jacket, as if afraid Castiel would disappear otherwise.

Slowly he put Dean’s other hand over his own heart, to show the Winchester that he was real too. This wasn’t a dream. His heart beat probably felt crazy under Dean touch. He felt like he was melting away at the intimate action. He felt like he could actually fly. Neither of them noticed they had gotten company. ‘Holy shit.’ The boys immediately pulled away from each other, panic written over their faces as they looked up at Sam. He was still wearing his coat and in his hand he held the house key. ‘I interrupted something didn’t I?’

He quickly looked away, probably afraid he would see something else that might actually traumatize him. Castiel had never felt embarrassment before, but that feeling that was eating at him right now and turning his face red? That was definitely embarrassment. Dean seemed even worse. Stuttering as he tried to explain that it wasn’t what it looked like and that Sam had to learn how to knock next time and how rude it was to not call him before coming back home.

Castiel felt dazed as Dean pulled on his coat and dragged him outside while calling out to Sam that he was taking Cas home because it was getting late. The moment they stepped in the car Dean seemed to calm down, he turned to Cas, still red as a flame. ‘I’m sorry about that, this is the worst I’m so sorry-’ Cas silent him by pulling him in for a very careful small kiss on the lips. His head was roaring and it felt like fireworks were going off inside his brain.

The kiss was short, soft and sweet and he pulled away quickly. Dean seemed completely stunned. His aura a vibrant colour party, colours that indicated romantic interest. Castiel smiled. ‘It’s okay Dean. I like you too.’

**Wings flutter**

Dean had brought him home with a shit-eating grin on his face. They didn’t kiss, because Dean felt like he had to come clean to Lisa first. Castiel agreed with that decision. Before he left Cas had to promise him to tell him about his life before and during his time in the mental institution. He promised he would. Before Dean left the Winchester nervously pulled him in for another kiss. This time slightly longer and a bit more intimate.

And it made Cas feel like his heart was about to explode. ‘I thought we wouldn’t do that for now?’ Cas raised an eyebrow, completely out of breath by the intensity. Dean’s face slowly turned red. ‘Couldn’t help myself angel.’ Cas frowned slightly at the nickname. It was the same Dean had called him when he was drunk. ‘I think you were right.’ Cas whispered when he finally pulled away from Dean’s arms. ‘About what?’

Cas felt the weird itch in his brain again, the one that told him something was off but he didn’t know what exactly. ‘You really do seem familiar Dean. Like we’ve really met before.’ Dean eventually left. Leaving Cas alone with his thoughts. With a happy little stride he made his way towards the kitchen and without much of a ceremony he took his medicines and fell unto the bed. He stared at the ceiling for maybe an hour. First with blazing eyes and a sloppy grin. But eventually the smile disappeared.

Hester and Inias would return eventually. And Anna would probably await him in his dreams. ‘I need to find the human who sings the song? What does that even mean?’ He felt himself growing restless as he sat up again. Eventually he took out a pen and paper. He started writing quickly, hoping his handwriting wouldn’t become too sloppy. When he was done the silence that followed got filled up by the sound of clothing getting packed.

Castiel abandoned the apartment, suitcase in hand and with a sad expression. The only thing left behind were some books and a letter on the table. He didn’t know what drove him to believe Balthazar. Something about his words suddenly seemed to make sense for him now. Cas knew that by leaving Dean for the institution he was betraying him. But knowing that he might only have a day or less to live made the decision easier. Dean had to be safe no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOP. Hahaha this one was a bit of a struggle at first. But now I'm rather proud of where it's going. :') (Because I finally figured out the plot lmao. I sort of knew the basics but I didn't really have a big baddy or something amongst those lines. But now I've finally gotten my shit together.) One more chapter to go hopefully and then we can get into the serious badass shit.
> 
> If you enjoyed please leave a comment and if you wanna talk you can always contact me.


	9. Chapter VII

Dean’s expression was cold and detached. He stared at the lift numbers, going up and up and up. Cas felt disorientated and he wondered where Dean was going. ‘Dean?’ The boy ignored him. Instead he checked if his gun had enough bullets before loading it. He did so with the efficiency of someone who knew what he was doing. Cas didn’t know what to think of the scene. ‘You have a gun?’ The thing looked foreign in the hands of his friend.

Dean was still ignoring him, but when his phone went off he picked up quickly. ‘Jo you found him yet?’ Dean’s voice sounded clenched. Like he was in the middle of an internal panic attack. Jo’s voice was loud enough for Cas to hear: ‘Nothing yet. His guardian didn’t call the school either. Where are you now?’ Finally the lift opened. ‘I’m almost at his place, took everything with me, since we don’t know what we are dealing with.’

Jo was quiet at the other side of the phone. With a determined stride Dean made his way towards Cas’ apartment. ‘Dean I’m right here!’ Cas followed him quickly confused as to why Dean didn’t see him. ‘We have to consider all our options alright?’ Jo sounded extremely tense. Dean slowed down, the grip he held on his gun tightened. ‘You think he’s possessed?’ Jo didn’t try to deny the accusation. ‘That’s also a possibility. But we also have to take into account that maybe Castiel… isn’t who he said he was.’

Cas felt a painful sting in his head at those words. Dean tried to keep his cool but he was obviously angry. ‘You’re wrong Jo. Cas isn’t… Cas is Cas. He ain’t that thing, you seriously think he could hurt someone like that?’ Dean stopped at his apartment door, hid his gun from sight and rung the bell. When no reaction came he started knocking and ringing again. ‘Cas open the door!’ When no reaction came Cas saw that Dean was obviously losing his composure. ‘Cas you there!?’ Dean picked up his phone again, ‘I’m going to break in.’

Jo’s voice got replaced by Ellen’s. ‘Hey there Dean, Jo is trying to call him, he isn’t picking up his phone.’ Dean cursed and took out two tiny pieces of metal. One of them was a lock pick. Dean didn’t seem awkward using it and the door was open in seconds. He searched every corner of the apartment. ‘He isn’t here Ellen.’ Ellen seemed very calm and rational as she started asking Dean some questions. ‘Is the place still in good order? What do you smell? Is there blood anywhere?’

Dean gripped at his hair as he started looking around. ‘No sulphur, no forced entrée, everything looks fine-’ he got quiet when he opened the closet door in Cas’ bedroom. ‘What did you find?’ Dean stared at the empty closet. ‘His clothes are gone Ellen.’ Dean closed the door carefully and looked further around. ‘What the hell… He has rock salt under his bed. A lot of it.’ Dean commented that he couldn’t find any guns, but when he re-entered the living room his eyes did fall on the carpet.

‘I think I’ve found something else.’ He pulled away the rug to reveal a large pentagram. ‘Ellen, I’ve found a Devil’s trap, one of those big fancy ones.’ Ellen didn’t react for a second or so. ‘So you checked everything?’ Dean looked around one last time. ‘Yeah I’m pretty sure I got everything-’ He fell quiet at the sight of an envelope on the table.

‘Wait a second I think I missed something.’ He grabbed the letter and ripped it open. Once he started reading a frown appeared on his face. Cas could exactly remember the words on paper. He’d written the letter quick but carefully. And he was glad that Dean had found it.

_Dean,_

_If you find this letter you might’ve noticed that I left. It’s for the better. I could never life with myself if you or any of our friends got hurt because of me. I’m returning to where I belong, I won’t harm anyone anymore._

_I did however make you a promise. So I will tell you about the life I lived before I knew you. I got raised in this town in a traditional family setting. My father was a priest who led the local church and my mother worked around the house. My mother was a sweet woman, but couldn’t stand her ground. My father was very controlling. To the community he was a saint. He was a good man, a friendly neighbour and a great father. At least that’s what everyone was led to believe._

_From a very young age I was already struggling with understanding who I was. Other kids found me strange so I didn’t have any friends. I was very quiet and withdrawn. Eventually I got diagnosed with Autism and my father wasn’t supportive. He said I would grow out of it. When I needed glasses he got angry. He saw me as the proof of his impotence. He was a man filled with anger and very prone to violence. And when he discovered I got bullied he tried to punch to "girl" out of me._

_My father did his best, I truly believe that he was simply not made to raise a child. My mother couldn’t protect me, and as I would later discover she was depressed. Because one day she jumped of the roof of the building she worked at. Effectively killing herself. Afterwards my father became even worse. He blamed me for her dead._

_For what felt like ages I had to carry on living with the guilt of her dead. Things just started piling up. My father who hated me, my mother who killed herself because I wasn’t a good son and the bullying at school. Things ended the day that a few guys at school pranked me._

_They set up a guy. He wasn’t very hostile towards me, sometimes he even smiled at me. They probably blackmailed him into it or something. They had their suspicions that I might be gay. So they forced him to befriend me. And it was great. I finally had a friend. Until he asked me out. I had lowered my guard too much and although I knew the consequence could be terrible I went with it. He took me out and brought me to the lake. The prank got revealed and they all appeared out of the shadows of the trees. They laughed loudly at my upset face. They’d taken pictures. They threatened to show them to our classmates, to my father._

_I did whatever they asked of me. I carried around their shit, went through every humiliation possible. And on several occasions they forced me to do or say things that I didn’t want to._

_Apparently depression is a family thing. Every day I woke up wishing I could just fade away. I wanted to stop existing. I started seeing my mother everywhere too. The doctor later told me I had started hallucinating. I became paranoid too. I felt as if something was following me. I didn’t feel safe. I saw no escapes any more. My options became smaller and smaller with every passing day._

_Being suicidal… it’s a very difficult thing to explain. You don’t really feel anything. It’s like you’re alive but you don’t feel like it. But I held unto the idea that maybe somebody would one day need me. That I could still be a useful tool to someone. Because when I looked at myself in the mirror I didn’t see someone who deserved anything. I saw a ghost. Someone who was already dead._

_One day I snapped in class. I became violent. The teacher was a monster, my lab partner was a monster. They all panicked, wondered what had gotten into me. I ran, past ghosts in the hallway. People who were long dead and begged me to join them. I don’t know what happened, but suddenly things became so clear to me._

_I had to die and the revelation relieved me. Suddenly I saw an end at the tunnel, and it gave me hope. I went home, convinced dad wouldn’t be there. But he was and he was drunk and he screamed at me. The kids had told him I was gay, he’d probably seen the pictures._

_He was completely broken. He couldn’t believe that his own son, someone from his own blood could be a faggot. From that moment on I wasn’t his son anymore. And I was fine with it. Because I already had a solution to all my problems. Mother encouraged me. I left no goodbye letter, with some struggle I managed to find a good rope._

_Mom told me to wait for the right moment. So people wouldn’t notice too much. So I waited a week. A whole week in which I felt nothing and everything. Dad was drunk every day now. He probably couldn’t handle it. When I left he tried to stop me from leaving. He yelled in my face, tried to pull me back. I felt scared but determined._

_I pushed him back as hard as I could. The floor was wet from spilled beer, he slipped. An odd crack could be heard as he fell on the ground. He died. Humans are very fragile. I had killed both him and my mom._

_I didn’t know many high buildings, nor did I know how to reach the top of said buildings. So I went with the most logical option: school. The rest you’ve probably already heard of other students. Me standing at the edge of the rooftop, ready to jump. The hysterical reactions of the students beneath. And how I eventually got talked out of it by a teacher. I got thrown into a nut house and the next weeks, months and eventually years I got diagnosed with almost every issue they could come up with._

_I used every form of medication that was available on the market and I went to hours of therapy to chase away my inner demons. Eventually I was doing really well. And I returned to school. To a "normal" life. And I met you. And I guess that’s all there is._

_Dean I know that you want to seek blame in your own actions. But know that I take full responsibilities for my actions. I was foolish to think I could deserve any of this. I want to thank you for everything you did for me. Your kindness truly helped me when days got hard. I very much enjoyed our time together, words don’t describe how much you mean to me. Don’t worry too much about me, I’ll be fine. I hope you will be too. Goodbye._

_Your Cas_

Dean was quiet for a moment as he put the letter in his pocket. The colours around him where oddly enough not visible but it still hurt Cas to see how upset Dean was by the situation. Slowly Dean picked up his phone again, ‘Ellen it’s me. Yes I broke into his apartment. It’s not what we thought. Listen to me for a second. Cas ran away.’

**Wings flutter**

Castiel opened his eyes, suddenly wide awake. Someone was shaking at his arm. When he looked up to the stranger he met the eyes of a bearded man wearing a trucker's hat. His brain was still tainted by the sleep and a bit aggressively he tried to push the man away. ‘Easy their kiddo.’ The older man had a friendly face accompanied by a gruff voice and a gun.

 _A gun_.

Cas immediately panicked of course, despite that the man held up his hands in the air in surrender. ‘Easy kid, I just wanted to check if you were alright. I’ve got the gun ‘cause I just came back from hunting. Calm down will ya you idjit?’

Cas scrambled up quickly from under his shelter under the tree. The phrasing sounded familiar. He looked up at the guy. He didn’t recognize him tough. He didn’t seem to have any ill intentions. ‘Good you finally calmed down. The name’s Bobby. What the hell are you doing here sleeping on the side of the road like that?’ Bobby’s eyes moved towards the suitcase that Cas had used as pillow. ‘Ya running away from something?’

Cas felt cold, wet and tired. Yesterday night he’d been walking for what felt were hours. He was pretty sure he shouldn’t have run away. But at the time it had been the wisest decision. He’d packed his suitcase, left a note for Dean explaining that he was leaving and he had stepped outside. Of course it was a terrible evening. It had started raining and the wind was cold and nasty and biting away at his skin. He’d pulled his old coat tighter around him, but to no avail. The jacket’s best days were long gone and it hadn’t helped him keep dry at all.

Cas had been wandering aimlessly next to a road. He didn’t have much money on him. Emmanuel demanded that he started paying rent. (Although he did pay a family price). Cas started paying rent and soon he was as good as broke. He’d planned on finding a job but with angels whispering in his ear he’d never got around to it.

That night he only had one goal in mind: Return to the institution. But he needed a vehicle to execute his plan. But neither the cabs nor the busses took him. He didn’t have enough money on him, they claimed. So they let him stand in the rain. He was stuck walking. His destination was at least two cities away… He could of course try to hitchhike, but he doubted someone would pull-over. It didn’t hurt to try tough. And soon enough Cas was walking through a nasty rainstorm in a thin jacket and carrying a suitcase while every so often holding up his hand. Nobody even bothered slowing down.

He’d probably have to look for a highway. But his legs started to hurt. He wasn’t sure if he could walk much further. Finally with a defeated little sigh he stopped walking and instead he looked for the nearest tree so he could sit out the storm. He wasn’t supposed to fall asleep. But apparently he had.

‘Hey you still with me? I asked if you were running from someone.’ Castiel looked quietly at the man named Bobby and slowly shook his head. The guy’s truck was only standing a few feet away. It looked warm and inviting. ‘Not running away, running home.’ Cas admitted as he slowly stood up to meet eye to eye with Bobby. It was a difficult task, the man had very intelligent eyes.

The hunter raised his eyebrows at Castiel’s words but didn’t say anything at first. He seemed to observe Cas’ behaviour. Finally he took out a little flask. ‘You seem hungry. Are you hydrated?’ Cas shook his head and eagerly took the flask. Bobby was still eyeing him carefully. ‘Don’t worry, no funny business, just water.’

Cas started gulping it up like his life depended on it. Finally he gave Bobby back his flask who was now visibly relaxed. ‘Good, tell me your name and destination kid and I’ll bring you there. You shouldn’t be running around like this.’ He pointed at Cas’s wet clothes, ‘you must be cold so step in.’

And that’s how Cas found himself in the car of a stranger. Bobby as it turned out lived in the same town as Cas. This was odd considering Castiel had never seen the guy around. For a while they sat in silence. ‘So any particular reason you needed to run?’ Bobby’s eyes never left the road as he asked the question. Cas was busy munching on an energy bar. ‘I’m not running.’ He simply answered, not feeling like answering questions at all. Bobby smiled, ‘if you say so, I was just curious.’ The drive was quiet, the only sound was the radio quietly murmuring in the background.

**Wings flutter**

When they finally reached their destination Bobby was reluctant to let him go. ‘I could call ya parents if you’d like to? I’d be no problem kid.’ He offered. Cas shook his head. ‘This is my stop.’ He opened the door with determination. ‘That aside: my parents are dead. So thank you for the ride.’ He added grimly, effectively closing the conversation.

‘No problem, good luck kid.’ It had stopped raining but Cas still shivered when he left the warmth of the car. Bobby gave him a sympathetic look before starting up the car. Neither said anything. Cas noticed the fluttering of wings that informed him an angel was once again by his side. It was the angel Hester, this time in human form. She was a woman with blond curly hair and a sharp suit. Her facial expression was stony and cold but when she spoke up her words almost coloured with panic. ‘Castiel, leave this place immediately.’

Cas simply ignored her as he crossed the street. He could hear Bobby drive away. Hester followed him. ‘This place isn’t safe for either of us.’ Cas was surprised to see that the institution had a warding on it. It was a small glowing blue symbol placed on the front door. Balthazar had said all the warding sigils would be gone but apparently he’d been wrong. The moment Castiel stepped through the door Hester disappeared.

He felt relieved to be rid of the angel. He quickly made his way towards the counter. The lady behind it smiled at him. He probably looked like he’d jumped in a pool and rolled around in the mud but if she was bothered by it she didn’t show. ‘How can I help you sir?’ Castiel looked around, feeling nervous. ‘I would like to sign in please.’ Usually when someone wants to sign in at a crazy asylum they happily give you a room. Castiel was more than surprised to find that the woman first demanded all sorts of information.

When she heard this wasn’t Castiel’s first time living here she immediately contact his therapist Mister Adler. Not even twenty minutes later he found himself in the small cramped office of Zachariah. The old man studied him for a second or so. ‘Tell me Castiel, what exactly was your plan when you decided to come here?’ Cas knew his therapist had an office in the institution. But he hadn’t expected to be dragged here. Uncomfortably he looked around. In front of him stood a cup of hot chocolate. Like he was a child who needed comfort. ‘I don’t see why this conversation is necessary. I want to sign in. I’m eighteen and should be able to do so without the permission of my guardian.’

Zachariah seemed frustrated, showing off his whitened teeth. ‘That was not my question Castiel. Why do you feel like you need to return here? In our last conversation you stated things were going quite well.’ Cas felt a shiver run down his spine. Partly because he was still not dry and a bit cold. But mostly because he couldn’t even remember their last talk. ‘When was that?’ Zachariah seemed surprised at the question. ‘Last week, we talk every week at my other office. Why suddenly decide to come here instead?’ It didn’t matter what Castiel would say. He could explain in detail how his medication didn’t work for him, and Zachariah would simply tell him he still had to get used to them.

He could explain in detail the torture the hallucinations put him through and Zachariah would simply explain to him again how sometimes the mind would do terrible things to progress terrible memories. He wouldn’t be able to convince Zachariah he was doing terrible, because the man didn’t want to hear it. Which of course made Cas wonder where exactly Mister Adler’s priorities lay.

Maybe he was simply paranoid, but he wondered which sort of man Zachariah really was. ‘Tell me Mister Novak: Are you really ready to throw all of your good work away?’ Mister Adler gave him a look of worry. His eyes big with concern. ‘Things aren’t always easy, you should know that more than anyone else. But to immediately give up and roll over?’

Castiel felt his hand tighten into fists. His therapist was missing the point. He wasn’t giving up. In fact he wanted to return to his friends. Kevin with whom he could talk for hours on end about music and science. Jo who constantly teased and joked with him. Charlie who allowed him to borrow her books so he could stay up all night to read the Hobbit.

And of course Dean.

Dean who texted him all night and who he could ask about everything he didn’t understand but wanted to understand. Dean who sat next to him on the couch as they watched the Untouchables for the hundred time. Simply so he could see the spark in Dean’s eyes. The same Dean who’d held him close and the same Dean who’d warmed his heart when they kissed.

Castiel considered his next words carefully. ‘Mister Adler, I know that my actions might seem irrational. But I’m not giving up. In fact, I’m fighting back.’ He probably looked like a mad man. ‘So please let me return so I can keep fighting.’ Zachariah probably saw a young man with messy hair, a thin pale face and dark bags under his eyes who was nervously swaying in his chair as he looked around. As if he was expecting someone or _something_ to walk in at any second. Mister Adler seemed torn but finally let out a defeated sigh. ‘Very well then.’

So not even an hour later Cas was in an assigned room. They’d done some tests to determine his physical health, and they’d sent him to bed the moment they realized he wasn’t doing well. He didn’t feel like sleeping tough. He simply kept thinking about Balthazar’s words. He kept thinking about the strange dream in which Dean had a gun too. But eventually his thinking got interrupted when a woman walked in.

She was dressed as a nurse and walked over to his bed and handed him a pair of pills. ‘What are these?’ He didn’t look the woman in the eyes but something about her seemed familiar. ‘Sleeping pills and painkillers.’ Castiel shook his head, determined not to fall asleep while drugged. ‘No thank you.’ The woman frowned, and Cas finally gave her a look over. The pills dropped abruptly in his lap. ‘Hester.’ His voice was surprisingly calm.

Suddenly the sounds on the hallway seemed to disappear and an unsettling silence fell. The clean, empty room seemed cold and small. How had she gotten in here? ‘I am an angel Castiel. You might run away from your problems, but eventually we will find a way to reach out to you. That little warding was useless.’ She firmly took his wrist. ‘As I said before: This place is dangerous. We have to leave. It’s for your own safety.’ Castiel shook his head. ‘You don’t care for my safety.’

Hester’s blank expression didn’t change. Her eyes stared at him, as if calculating how to best approach the situation. ‘No we don’t. But we do need you. And there is no point in protecting damaged goods. So I need you to cooperate Castiel.’

She took the pills and harshly grasped his jaw. Cas tried to protest but Hester was already forcing the pills down his throat. He tried hard not to swallow them but Hester was already forcing the glass of water down his throat. Gagging and growling Cas finally managed to gasp for oxygen. ‘Now let’s go.’ Before he could even try to puke his conscious was already fading and within minutes he was out. Completely to the mercy of the angel.

**Wings flutter**

Dean was calling around again. ‘Well if you hear or see him please do tell me Benny.’ He hung up and immediately went to his next contact. Sam was sitting shotgun, he gave his brother a concerned look. ‘Dean you need to relax. You look like a wreck.’ Dean was already on the phone again, he spoke rapidly, barely keeping his eyes on the road where they were supposed to be. Castiel felt bad for Sam. Dean could be so thick-headed at times.

‘Dean listen!’ Dean looked up reluctantly. When he saw Sam’s expression his own immediately faltered. ‘Stop the car Dean.’ Dean did so the moment he got the chance. Dean hung up the phone as Sam gave him a knowing look. ‘Listen Dean, I get that you are worried. But you need to collect yourself for a moment. I’m worried about you.’

Cas watched in silence in the back of the car as Sam tried to talk some sense into Dean. It was interesting to see how Dean took his little brother so serious. He seemed to genuinely listen to his advice, but something in his expression was still stubborn. He was probably picking out the parts that he liked and ignoring the parts he didn’t like.

His expression got angry when Sam called Cas Dean’s boyfriend. ‘Don’t give me that look. The point is simple. You need to trust that Ellen will find him. You know that she doesn’t like hunting with kids, and no matter what you say, she is still considering you a child so please let it go.’ They sat in silence for a while. Dean looked at the road, obviously contemplating. Slowly his eyes got bigger and more curious when he saw a familiar truck pass.

‘That’s Bobby!’ Bobby’s truck had already slowed down and soon the man with the beard had made his way towards the Impala. ‘What are you kids doing here on the road? Aren’t ya supposed to be at school?’ Sam looked slightly guilty, but Dean didn’t even bother to apologize. ‘We’re on a hunt, there was a demon roaming around town you remember? Well a… friend of mine disappeared. And I fear the worst. So we’re looking for him.’

Bobby didn’t seem all too pleased. ‘What does he look like and what’s his name?’ Castiel wondered if he’d ever given Bobby a name. He was pretty sure he didn’t. ‘His name is Castiel. He has dark hair, blue eyes… he’s a dorky little guy with glasses.’ Sam rolled his eyes at Dean’s stammering.

Bobby’s expression faltered as he recognized the description. ‘I think I might know the kid. I saw him sleeping next to the road. He had a suitcase with him. Said he was running home, I was already suspecting he was running away. Gave him some holy water, did nothing he was clean. He wore this old coat…’ Dean could barely hide his relief.

‘Where was he heading Bobby?’

**Wings flutter**

Cas wasn’t sure if his dreams meant anything or not. They seemed realistic and pretty much fitted his situation. But something was holding Cas back in believing they were real. He was not sure what. He groaned, his body felt heavy and his head was spinning. Looming above him was a man. He could barely make him out, but underneath his touch he could feel grass, and the sun was shining harshly into his eyes, disorientating him even more.

As slowly the world returned to slightly-normal he could make out screaming. He turned his head towards the source of the sound. And to his surprise he saw a group of people attacking a familiar looking woman. One by one they fell, but the woman still stood. ‘Castiel?’ Cas couldn’t react, his mouth felt heavy, instead he looked at the fight. Dead bodies lay on the ground; their eyes had been burned out of their sockets.

‘An ugly sight, isn’t it?’ Cas turned his eyes towards the source of the voice that was speaking to him. The man looking at him seemed very familiar. A small slightly cubby man in a black tailored suit with a foreign accent. ‘You still with me Castiel?’ The man seemed amused. ‘That angel must have really drugged you up, from one chap to another: you’re drooling a little bit.’ He pointed at the corner of his own mouth. ‘There a little.’

Castiel’s eyes widened as he suddenly recognized the man in front of him. ‘Crowley.’ He managed to mutter, the man in question gave him a wicked grin. ‘You remember me? You really do warm my heart. I did only visit you once so I thought you’d already forgotten about me.’ Cas did not only remember the man’s name, but he could also see the man’s true face. The face of a demon with red eyes.

Desperately he tried to move his limbs but he felt paralyzed. Crowley had however moved his attention to the fight again. The demons were tightly holding on to the angel, who was still furiously fighting back. Cas wondered why the other angels had not yet arrived to help out their sister. Crowley’s smile grew and he winked at Castiel. ‘It’s show time.’ He made his way towards Hester who was now furiously screaming.

Crowley opened her suit jacket to reveal a long silver triple-edged dagger. Crowley seemed to like dragging out his victory but he was apparently aware that the demons wouldn’t be able to hold the angel for much longer. So quickly and with precision he stabbed her with the blade. Right through the heart. Hester’s body started glowing and she screamed in agony. She fell to the ground and with a flash she was dead. The only thing she left behind was an empty meat suit and the shadows of her wings on the ground beneath her.

Crowley seemed pretty pleased with himself as he gave the blade a good luck. ‘I’m really starting to like this.’ He turned to look at Cas. ‘And you Castiel? Are you enjoying yourself a bit down there?’ Cas groaned angrily in response. He could move his fingers, but they felt numb and heavy.

Crowley casually cleaned the mysterious blade with a handkerchief. He looked Castiel up, as if disappointed by what he saw. ‘No need to thank me by the way. It’s not she was a bother to you or something.’ Sarcasm dripped from his voice but Castiel barely noticed. He was focused on the demons who were now walking in all directions of what seemed to be the garden’s institution. They seemed to be looking for something.

Crowley seemed to love to hear himself talk: ‘Hester tried to warn you not to go here. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so stupid and should’ve actually listened to her?’ He grabbed at Castiel’s arm, pulling him up without much of a struggle. He held the blade against Castiel’s neck. ‘But I’m glad you didn’t of course. My men are already looking, but I’d like for you to bring me to the fallen grace.’ Cas felt his head getting dizzy. A painful stabbing that seemed to get stronger by the minute. ‘I don’t know what you are talking about. Let me go.’ He pleaded.

Crowley didn’t seem all that sensitive to begging. ‘Don’t go crying now. You are a warrior Castiel, this sort of behaviour is far underneath you. Come on show me your favourite place in this garden.’ Although he chit-chattered away it was obviously a command. Castiel was to the complete mercy of the demon. He remembered Balthazar’s words. _‘Heaven has plans for you and so does Hell. The moment you wake up and you remember me my last protection spell will wear off. This means you’ll appear on the Supernatural radar again, and since you’re a special snowflake you’ll probably die within the next week.’_ Demons obviously had to be the agents of Hell his companion had warned him about.

‘What if I don’t? Are you going to kill me?’ Castiel’s voice was surprisingly even. Maybe because he could barely feel his legs let alone stand on his own. Crowley seemed to consider his possibilities. ‘If you are a good boy and do as I say I guarantee you that this transmission will not end with your blood on my clothes.’ Cas gasped at the sting in his neck, he could feel his blood run down his neck. ‘But if you refuse to cooperate I can assure you that dead is the last thing you’ll have to worry about.’

The sinister cold detached look in the demon’s eyes told him that he wasn’t joking around. ‘Alright.’ He hated giving in, but Crowley was already giving him a push. ‘Well go on then, where to go?’ Soon enough they were walking down a familiar path. Castiel didn’t understand why Crowley wanted him to go towards his favourite part of the garden but he suspected that the demon had his reasons.

‘We’re here.’ The words left him before he could take them back. Crowley nodded and without so much a warning let go of Cas’ arm. Almost making the boy loose his balance. They had arrived at a big lake, the water was crystal blue and was filled with life. The willow next to the water was a rich green and despite the time of the year animals had gathered in the small sanctuary.

It didn’t make sense, but it was beautiful. Castiel had always felt at home here, and when he heard Crowley whistle he knew that the demon despite having no soul was quite impressed too. ‘You obviously took us to the right place feathers.’ Crowley seemed to scan the area and eventually his eyes fell on the lake itself. A wicked grin formed on his face.

‘Found it.’ He took out a tiny little bottle from his pocket. The bottle was as big as his pinkie. He lowered it in the water as if wanting to fill it with water. Castiel was confused as to what Crowley was doing. But what he did know was that the demon was obviously distracted. He was still standing on his feet and slowly he forced his numb legs to start moving. He wanted to get away from here as fast as possible.

The demon had obviously gotten what he was searching for. But if he would let him life was a mystery that he was not eager to unravel. A part of him screamed to stay, a part of him told him that whatever Crowley was searching it didn’t belong to him, nor should it fall into his hands. A shining blue mist slowly surfaced out of the water and made its way into the bottle.  Whatever Crowley had found it was dangerous, it was unnatural it was- ‘that’s mine.’

The moment he spoke up was the moment he realised it was the truth. Whatever Crowley had found, it belonged to Castiel. It was calling out to _him_. Crowley stood up, closing the bottle and putting it in his pocket with a satisfied look. ‘Well finders keepers as they say-’ A loud bang interrupted the moment and Crowley looked at his chest in surprise. A bullet could be seen and blood was pouring out.

Another bang got accompanied by another bullet. And both Castiel and Crowley turned to look who’d fired. Appearing out of the shadows was a man with a rifle. ‘Bobby?’ Castiel’s eyes widened in surprise as Bobby calmly entered the scene. ‘Hello you son of a bitch.’ He nodded his head at Cas. ‘Hey kid, heard you were in trouble.’ Castiel nodded slowly, still processing the fact that Bobby was here. That there might be a chance to survive this. Crowley let out an annoyed huff. ‘You know I just bought this jacket’, he peeled the bullet out of his body, ‘now you got blood all over it!’

Bobby didn’t seem to give a crap. ‘Well boohoo. Cas you get your ass away from here. We’re covering this.’ Crowley seemed genuinely interested. ‘Oh right I forgot your kind usually travels in groups. So where is the other one?’

‘Right here asshole.’ Castiel turned around to meet eyes with Ellen. She too was holding a gun. Fury was burning in her eyes. ‘Are you okay Castiel?’ Cas shrugged. ‘I think… I got drugged.’ He admitted, still feeling weak on his knees. Ellen nodded and slowly without breaking eye contact with Crowley she pulled Castiel towards her.

Crowley held up his hands in surrender. ‘Well you obviously got me. So what now? You can’t kill me. So what are you going to do?’ Bobby took out a flask. ‘Well we can always exorcize your ass.’ Crowley smiled, seemingly amused. ‘Oh sure let me just stand right here and wait well you do that. It’s not like I can disappear into thin air.’

Bobby and Ellen gave each other a short look. They seemed to be communicating with expression. Crowley found the situation highly amusing. ‘Well it was a pleasure to meet Castiel’s friends. But I got to go, always in a hurry you see.’ Castiel felt panic rise in his chest at the idea of the demon leaving with the bottle. A shot was fired again and this time Crowley grabbed at his chest in pain. ‘Holy bullets, take that you asshole!’ Smoke was coming off his chest as he tried to remove the bullet. Two shots later he lay on the ground gasping for air.

Castiel turned to see who had shot. It was no other than Dean Winchester. And he looked ready for murder. His cold expression serious and concentrated and his hate filled eyes completely focused on the demon. He shot again for good measure and Ellen saw it as her chance to start exorcizing. ‘Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus.’

Bobby’s eyes flicked around and finally focused on Castiel. ‘You have to leave!’ He yelled. He turned to Dean, ‘take Castiel away from here.’ Dean looked up, eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head. ‘And leave this bastard here? No way, he hurt Cas. He’s going to pay for what he has done!’ Bobby roughly pulled at his arm.

‘Get it together. Castiel is in danger here. We have the situation under control Dean. We’re going to exorcize it but just get him to safety.’ Dean’s expression softened and slowly he nodded. Ellen hadn’t stopped chanting in the meantime but Crowley was clearly resisting now. Dean gave his gun to Bobby and turned to grab Cas’ hand. ‘Let’s go.’ Cas shook his hand and quickly removed his hand.

‘He has something important Dean. I can’t let him leave without it.’ It was dangerous and it was stupid, but he ran towards Crowley to obtain what was his. The demon lay struggling on the ground, his true form twisting in pain of the exorcism. Cas somehow managed to find the bottle, it was as if it wanted to be found by him. He grabbed it tightly but before he could take a step backwards the demon suddenly grabbed unto his sleeve.

Red eyes bored into his own blue ones. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ A silence had fallen. Ellen wasn’t speaking anymore and when Cas turned to look around he realized that the demons that had arrived with Crowley had surrounded them. Dean was lying on the ground, unconscious. Blood dripped out of his nose. Castiel’s face turned white as if he was seeing a ghost. Ellen was lying beside him. Her arms were both twisted in directions that they shouldn’t be in. Bobby tried to look up but his head was kept in place by a demon’s feet.

Crowley stood up, his true form had calmed down again. He pulled out the last holy bullet and with a hiss he dropped it before it could burn him more than necessary. ‘You know, I was going to let all of you live. But after this asshole move I’ve changed my mind. You’re all going to die.’ Cas tried to escape from the firm grip but he was stuck. Crowley turned to Castiel. ‘Starting with you.’

Castiel knew it was over, he should’ve closed his eyes in surrender. Think about something beautiful in his last moments on earth. But he couldn’t. Because the demon’s sharp teeth were eager to bite and he didn’t want to die…

He wanted to life.

_Castiel wanted to life._

A flashing light and screams made both of them turn around. Crowley’s hand slowly let go of Cas as a blinding light filled up the garden. Castiel saw Bobby close his eyes in reflex. And Crowley quickly followed in pursuit. A creature manifested in the air. A being of light, sound and colour as big as the empire state building had appeared. It wings caused rough winds and Cas was so shocked by the sight that he wasn’t able to look away.

He was completely entranced as he saw Crowley’s minions die one by one by the sight in front of them. Their eyes burned out of their sockets. The creature became smaller and smaller until it finally touched the ground. The light extinguished and in the place of the creature stood a human woman. Her eyes still glowed as she turned to Cas and smiled. ‘Hello Castiel.’ Cas blinked several times, but still couldn’t believe his eyes.

‘Anna?’ She nodded. ‘Yes Castiel it is me.’ She looked exactly like she’d looked at school. Human, she was even wearing the same colourful clothes. ‘I came to save you from Crowley.’ She turned towards the demon. ‘You have no business here demon. Be gone before I smite you.’ Crowley managed to keep his fear well hidden.

‘I already killed one of your sisters. What makes you think you have any more right to be here than me.’ Anna brought her fingers together as if she was going to snap them. ‘Leave before I break every bone in your body. And leave the blade, it does not belong to you.’ She pointed at the blade that he’d used to kill Hester. Crowley smiled, it was a thin one. He was giving in, for now. ‘Until next time, Castiel.’ He disappeared into thin air.

**Wings flutter**

After all the supernatural creatures had disappeared back to their own realms four humans remained. Ellen whose arms were broken, Dean who seemed fine but was covered in blood. Bobby who was seemed dazed and Castiel who still looked pale and worried. Things quickly went back to normal when Bobby’s other hunter friend afraid. His name was Rufus, and even from a distant Cas could smell the alcohol.

He would apparently cover the story up. ‘So that’s at least fifteen dead bodies, a few camera recordings that need to be deleted…’ Rufus checked the list he’d made, ‘and this magic blade needs safe keeping?’ He held up the angel blade, his eyebrows scrunched together in distaste. Bobby seemed at ease with the hunter, ‘that about covers it. While you’re at it I’ll take Cas here home and Dean will take Ellen to the hospital.’

Cas had been sitting on the ground after Anna had disappeared, he’d been waiting for Dean to wake up. The moment he did he found it difficult to let go. Both boys looked confused. Dean spoke up loudly: ‘You should take her, someone has to watch over Cas. I’ll do it.’ They hadn’t spoken a word yet, and Castiel was afraid to look Dean in the eyes, afraid of what he might find.

It was oddly quiet in the garden and it was Bobby’s anger that filled the silence with angered words: ‘I told you to stay with Sam in the car, but you didn’t listen. You could’ve brought us all in danger. So here’s what’s happening: you get into your car, you take Ellen to the hospital and goddammit you take Sam home. We’ll take care of the rest. I’ll take care of Castiel, you hear me?’

Dean nodded, reluctantly he let go of Castiel’s hand. ‘I’m glad you’re okay Cas. See you later.’ Neither dared to look the other in the eye.

As Rufus got to work Bobby started checking Castiel for wounds. They both knew there were more important matters to discuss. But they were simply setting priorities right now. After what felt like hours they were hitting the highway. Castiel’s hands were twitching, he felt exhausted. He wasn’t used to things like this. ‘You sure you’re alright?’ Bobby gave him a curious glance. Cas shook his head in reply, ‘no I’m not. We need to discuss what happened. You lied to them, about Anna.’

After Anna had disappeared both Dean and Ellen wondered how they’d survived the ordeal and how all demons had been killed. Bobby had said that neither he nor Cas knew. They’d blacked out too. ‘How would you have explained that thing to them?’ Bobby seemed uncomfortable. He was the kind of man who knew his way around things, yet what he’d seen today had probably riled him up quite a bit.

‘Her name was Anna, and she’s an angel of the Lord.’ Bobby huffed, he didn’t seem all that impressed. ‘An angel huh? Do they always make such dramatic entrances?’ Cas was reluctant in answering. ‘No usually not. I’ve never seen one in its true form, usually they stick to human bodies.’ Bobby didn’t react, which seemed to be a silent invitation to tell more.

‘It’s a good thing you closed your eyes, their true form can kill you, only a few people can look at it without burning their eyes out. They’ve been torturing me. They say that Heaven and Hell have plans for me. But so far I’ve refused to help them. I don’t want to, I’m not even sure what I have to offer. So it seems that today’s conflict was partly my fault.’ Shame was rising to the surface although he knew it was slightly ridiculous.

A war between heaven and hell? It was like a bad video game, and Cas definitely wasn’t the right person to play the main character. ‘What do they want you to do? Can’t you just give it to them?’ Or maybe he was, he was at the end of the day a coward who would rather run than fight. ‘They want me to end my life.’

It killed the conversation. For five minutes straight not a word was spoken. Bobby simply drove and Cas looked out of the window. Pondering how things had turned out so messed up. How did Crowley enter his dream that one time, and how did he know who he was anyways? He was just the umpteenth ordinary high school teenager with issues. What made him so different all of a sudden?

It was raining again, but only slightly. A rainstorm was probably not on the schedule for today. ‘Anyways… I’m just glad that you saw her too. I thought that I was finally losing it.’ Bobby hummed in agreement. He’d seen her alright, a freaking angel, his life had probably just gotten a lot weirder. ‘You ever saw anything else strange? Or just those angels and demons?’

He raised an eyebrow at the hunter. ‘Why do you want to know?’ Bobby took the turn for the gas station. ‘Because when I moved here I heard all about this kid that claimed to see monsters, and he tried to kill himself. Back then I didn’t think anything strange of it. Sometimes it’s out of this world, but other times that’s just how crazy people can get.’ He gave Cas a knowing look. Cas felt reluctant as he shared his information.

‘It started after my mother past away. I saw people who… didn’t look like normal people. I saw people who were stuck in our realm, but obviously didn’t belong here.’ Bobby nodded as he stopped the car. ‘And then you started seeing the demon bastards and no-one believed you.’ He almost sounded guilty. Cas felt the need to reassure the hunter. ‘Don’t worry about it. I think I really might’ve been a little crazy about the monsters.’

Bobby shook his head. ‘No you were right. I used to be a normal hunter. But as you saw today, Ellen, Rufus and I are a different type of hunter. The type that kills monsters.’ Cas felt his mouth open and shut again. ‘It was my job to check around for weird events. I could’ve seen the signs. But I didn’t see them. And now it seems that you and a bunch of other people might be in danger. So I have to ask: what are you Castiel? And what are you hiding in your pocket?’

Cas suddenly realized why they’d stopped. Bobby was expecting him to be dangerous in some sort of way. ‘I’m… I’m just human. My parents are too, just normal regular people.’ Cas felt like he was being crushed beneath Bobby’s steady gaze. ‘Fine I’ll believe you, but at least show me that weird bottle. He needed you to retrieve it right?’ Cas reluctantly showed the bottle. The shiny misty liquid was awfully still. ‘He called it… grace if I’m correct. I’m not sure why he needed my help to find it. But it seemed important to him.’

He handed the bottle to Bobby who studied it. ‘Well in my professional opinion I can say that I’ve never seen anything like it before. We’re not touching the stuff, who knows what it might be. It could be poison for all we know.’ Cas wanted to go against it, but decided wisely to shut up. He knew it belonged to him, but he didn’t want to freak out Bobby, who was suspecting him not to be human. He almost laughed at the idea. He was as human as they could get.

‘What are you going to do with it?’ Bobby was shaking the bottle as if waiting for it to do something. ‘I’ll probably lock it up somewhere safe. It might be cursed. In the meantime I gotta make sure that you are well informed about the real world. Because whatever you did to piss off heaven and hell or whatever, they are after you now.’

As they hit the road again Cas got the courage to open his messages on his phone. Most had been sent by Dean. ‘Dean really cares about you Castiel. He’s a good kid you know.’ Cas nodded, feeling an odd feeling bloom in his chest. ‘Do you care about him?’ It was an odd thing to ask but Castiel answered truthfully. ‘I care for him more than anything else in the world.’ Bobby seemed to think about how he was going to formulate his next sentence.

‘Dean’s dad is a hunter. He and Sam… I fought for them to have a normal childhood. He’s studying and I’m saving up so he can go to college.’ Cas felt a sense of relieve at the idea. ‘They aren’t my kids, but they could just as well have been. So you understand that I want to protect them from this life right?’ Cas felt something creep in his stomach.

‘I… want to them to have families of their own someday. I want them to be as far away from this life as possible. But Dean likes you, he seems to really care for you. So once he’s figured that you need help he’ll drop everything in order to be there for you. And I know that I can’t stop either from you, but I’m asking you as a concerned father: please try to leave him in the dark as much as possible. Go to me for help, just please keep him out of this mess.’

Castiel looked down at his lap. ‘I’ll try. But I can’t promise you anything. Once Dean has gotten his mind on something he’s awful at letting go.’ Bobby’s serious expression melted into amusement. ‘That’s sounds like him alright.’

**Wings flutter**

The official story that everyone heard went like this: After a mental breakdown a panicked Castiel ran away from home. After a day wandering around and getting lost, crazy alcoholic (and proud mechanic) Bobby Singer had found him and taken him home. Castiel had to promise to several people to never do anything like it again.

Not that he could promise anything. Because Balthazar’s warning was still hanging in his mind. But lucky him he’d probably found the key to his survival. If you ever get a riddle that asks you to find the human who sings the song simply look in the phone book. You’ll probably find someone with the last name Singer in there.

That’s how easy things can get apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here's the last part of story act 1. I hope you enjoy and have a wonderful day! Please leave a review or comment down below, those really give me life. Thank you for sticking with me. It turned out I was having a run-down. So I wasn't allowed to do a lot, including writing. Which was driving me crazy. But here it is, finally!


	10. Sam - part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you might be thinking: WTF is this. Why did you put it in this place of the story. Well I wanted to write Sam's POV. But realized it only fitted here. SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY.

Like usual they were quiet. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence though. Sam liked that about Eileen, it was difficult to feel awkward, nervous or scared around her. 'I think it's a good thing, this road trip.' She spoke up, only to keep watching the road. Sam turned to look at her expression. She seemed nervous? Often when they had arguments she would start avoiding eye contact. Sam knew all too well he could, in those scenarios, just as well yell at his brother when he was wearing headphones.

'Hey', he gently put his hand on her shoulder. Finally she looked up. 'What's wrong? You've been acting weird lately' It had started out with small things, she seemed lost in thought, was sick a lot and got oddly emotional about things. She was closed off and Sam was starting to get really worried. Unsure about what to do. For a while he'd thought it was the stress that Bonnie was causing them both. She was their beautiful kid. But he'd learned from past experiences that raising a child wasn't always great.

He gave her an encouraging smile. And maybe he also threw in a bit of puppy eyes. 'I need to tell you something Sam.' Without even thinking she started using sign language. Sam followed along just well. His eyes wandering between her signing and watching the road. 'Anything, you know that.' Dean had been right about taking the road trip. He was pretty sure he couldn't be having this conversation in the bunker. Even if they had their own room. Something about a different area made them feel separated from the hunting life.

She moved her hand to her belly and slowly made the distance between her hand and belly bigger. He knew what that meant. 'You're pregnant?' The couple looked at each other. Eileen studied him curiously. 'Yes. Five weeks.' When Sam didn't give an intellectual reaction Eileen put her hand on the wheel. 'Maybe we should park.' Sam felt an ocean of emotions. He felt happy, _stupidly_ happy. And he was worried, _stupidly_ worried.

'Why didn't you tell me earlier?' Sam quickly found a place to park and turned to look at her. She shrugged, 'I forgot my birth control. I felt guilty, I mean... what should we do now?' Sam took her hands and kissed both of them. 'It's not your fault. We'll do whatever you want, you know I'll support you.' She pulled away her hands and quickly made her case: 'And that is great. But if you don't want another baby you should be honest with me.'

To people who drove past they would probably look odd. Sam had managed to almost fluently learn American Sign Language. With the help of Eileen of course. And Dean often commented on how ridiculously cute they looked when they argued.

Sam quickly shook his head. 'I know, I know. But trust me, I don't care whether or kid was planned or not. It's definitely not your fault. And I mean... this is amazing!' Apparently his enthusiasm was contagious because Eileen started grinning slowly, as if she was only realizing now what was happening. '...We're having a baby.' They kissed. Sam couldn't help but to kiss her again. 'Oh just wait until Dean and Cas hear. I bet they are going to be so excited!' Eileen's smile faded slightly, but in his current excitement Sam hardly noticed.

**Supernatural**

The rest of the trip was pleasant. Once again quiet. Until Eileen put on the radio, she often did this. Sam never really understood why but he always let it happen. He also always put the volume down because he was afraid his ears might start bleeding otherwise.

When they finally found a decent motel both hunters wanted to just sit down and sleep. So that's exactly what they did. Or tried to do. Sam often wondered how he and Eileen made it work. He remembered their first meeting pretty well. It had been just another hunt, and ever since their meeting they'd kept contact. Dean had teased him about it, he'd also asked himself what the hell he was doing. He knew how it went, he met someone and they died.

But talking became meeting up. Meeting up became dating. No-one died. Dating became Eileen moving into the bunker. And them living together had ended up with a marriage proposal. And nobody died. Cas had found the proposal quite romantic. One of them had accidentally taken a possessed object to the bunker. Probably a left over from their last hunt. The ghost was pretty pissed once he made himself known. The results? Sam almost died, Eileen proposed and Dean was magically stuck to a wall while Cas burned the object.

Cas had a curious taste in romance. Heck because Sam was dead on paper they couldn't even marry officially. But they knew a priest who owned them a favour and here they were, together. 'Sam?' They had laid close together, she had probably noticed that his breathing wasn't slowing down. He turned on the light, quietly apologizing for whatever way he'd woken her up.

She quickly shook her head. 'It's alright, I just noticed you weren't sleeping. Did you have a nightmare again?' In the light her features became warmer, softer. He shook his head, 'just thinking. You?' She fumbled with her hands, apparently thinking too. 'I know this is a bad moment.' She admitted, 'but I've been thinking about the future. And I think it's time we move out of the bunker.'

The only sound that entered the room was the sound of the trees rustling. 'What?' Sam wondered what Eileen meant. Moving out of the bunker? 'I'm not following you, why would you want to leave?' Eileen looked away, and he wished she didn't do that.

He wished she'd never look away again. Because what if she'd turn away next? Walk away? Leave him behind? He would lose her like he'd lost so many others. 'Think about it. Bonnie is growing up in the bunker right now. And things are fine. But what about when she grows up? Where will she go to school? Are we going to make her a hunter like us? Our kids will be ghosts if they are locked up underground. Don't get me wrong, I love the bunker. It feels like a home to me. And Cas and Dean are amazing. But it's time we think about the future.'

A part of Sam's brain found it all very logical and reasonable. But the part of him that won out was the ingrained instinct to think about his brother. 'What about Dean?' Eileen shrugged her shoulders. 'I don't mind if he wants to come with us. I know that you guys care a lot about each other. The same goes for Cas.'

He started raising his voice, Eileen saw his distress. 'And then what? Have an ordinary life? Stop hunting? Sending the kids to school? People will notice in the long run that something is off. Why do you think that Dean and I never stayed in one place for a long time? It's dangerous. And what if Bonnie and the baby are in danger because of the job? Isn't the bunker the safest place?'

Eileen frowned, her disbelief clear in the way she spoke. 'I don't understand Sam. You told me that you would like to leave the life. Now the option is possible and you say things like that?' Both hunters looked at each other in confusion. Sam felt agitated, he couldn't just leave his brother and Cas behind to fend for themselves. He knew how their story ended. They died together. Whether they wanted it or not, that's how things had always been.

'Yes I would like to leave the life. But you know that we can't!'  
'Then what about Bonnie? Was your plan to throw her life away? Her future because you don't want to leave your brother and Cas?'

Her words stung him. They fought so often, sometimes it made Sam wonder if they were even compatible. 'This is not about Dean.' He didn't even sound convincing to himself. Eileen's eye roll said it all. 'With you two? It's always about the other. You know that I respect that. And I'm not saying you have to choose. You know I would never do that to either of you. I love Cas and Dean. They are my family too. But I bet that if you ask their opinions they will agree with me.'

She always did that. Whenever they had an argument she would get Dean involved. And every time he would agree with her. He would look Sam in the eye and explain carefully why Eileen made a good point. Was she right? It felt stupid to get upset but he was. He cared about Bonnie, of course he did! And she wasn't going to be a hunter right? But the longer he was thinking about it, the more he found that he was sounding just like John. He took a deep breath. 'You know what. You might have a point. But we're both tired and we shouldn't fight on our anniversary. I'm sorry for getting angry and raising my voice.'

He pulled her in for a hug. One she returned after a few seconds or so. She nodded, looking guilty. 'I'm sorry too, I love our family. And I just want us to make the right choices while we still can.' Sam nodded. They sat for a while, talking about simpler things. For a while everything was okay. The spell got broken by a message from Dean.

_You guys don't pick up the phone. Hope you're having a nice road trip. Cas called, he has a case. I'm driving over, left Bonnie in the capable hands off Claire. When you get the chance you need to head back, sorry to disrupt._

Filed to the message was a picture of Bonnie wearing a Batman outfit. 'Oh my god I can't believe him.' Sam mumbled while Eileen quickly replied. She seemed mostly amused by the picture, and she seemed tired. 'I told him we'll head back tomorrow. We'll dive in some lore.' Sam nodded. 'I'm just glad they're talking again.' Eileen seemed surprised. 'Another fight?'

Sam and Eileen might argue a lot. But not as much as Dean and Cas. Years ago Sam had still hoped that maybe their staring would eventually lead to something more, but that was never the case. And although Eileen often gave him a knowing look they never spoke about it out loud. Whatever happened between Cas and Dean was their business.

Eileen brought him back to reality, 'hey, they are going to be fine. Just like they always are.' But Sam had a feeling, the feeling that this time something was wrong. 'Cas has been acting strange. Things have gone very quiet out there. We haven't seen angels or demons for awhile. It makes me wonder if something is wrong.' Eileen bit her lip, she seemed to be thinking. Finally she yawned. 'Let's worry about that tomorrow. We need to get some sleep first.' She kissed him, slow and sweet. 'We'll take care of them.' Sam nodded and the light went out again.

'Like we always do.' She was neither capable of seeing or hearing his reply. And yet she hold his hand tight.

**Supernatural**

It was cold. Not cold enough for Sam to wonder if he might need salt, but cold enough that he couldn't sleep. Eileen had drifted off quite quickly. He'd listened to her breathing for awhile. Eventually he stood up, he tried to move as quietly as possible and to his luck Eileen only stirred a bit. He took out his phone, staring at the screen.

Should he call Dean? He might still be travelling... before he could make a decision his phone started buzzing.

_Cas calling..._

He quickly picked up the phone, 'hey Cas, are you okay?' There was a short pause. 'I thought you'd be asleep.' Sam moved to the window to look outside. 'No I'm still awake. So what's the matter?' Another long pause, it made him wonder if something was wrong. 'I need to tell you something Sam. I need your help.'

The room was still cold, the bed still inviting but restricting and Sam simply said: 'Of course.'


	11. Dean - part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Dean chapter. I'm working on the next chapter from Castiel's POV too. But I HOPE YOU ENJOY AND STUFF.  
> If you leave a review I'll give you chocolate. ( ° ʖ °)

Dean should've stopped to find a motel and get some rest. But as he saw the sun come up he decided it was worth it. The sooner this case was finished the sooner he could talk with Cas. The address he'd been given was difficult to find but eventually he found it. Once he arrived it was almost midday. But despite feeling groggy and feeling his eyelids close a bit longer than usual he felt like it was worth it.

The motel was old and smelly and when he knocked on Cas' room the sound echoed through every wall. Of course Cas would pick out a dump like this. This was bad, even by Dean's standards. The door opened ever so slowly. 'Dean?' He felt ridiculous when he smiled. 'Good morning to you too Cas.' Castiel opened the door further, he oddly enough... looked like he'd just woken up.

'Have you been sleeping?' Shit. He sounded way too concerned. _You're angry at him remember?_ He reminded himself. Cas nodded, 'yes... I was tired.' The alarm bells went off inside his head. Blue eyes met green and for a second they just stared at each other. The atmosphere uncomfortable.

'Well you better be rested because we're going to crack this case.'

**Supernatural**

Things were weird... to say the least. It had started two weeks ago. People fell asleep and they didn't wake up. Comatose. It came out of nowhere. One moment they were awake, the next moment they were gone. It didn't matter what age they were, what gender they possessed or how many enemies they had. 'Is it a Shtriga?' They stood at the foot end of one of the victims. It was so far, the most logical monster that went bump in the night. Cas closed his eyes, probably trying to feel if it was indeed the case.

'No.' He finally spoke, he sounded confused. 'These people are all perfectly fine. Nothing seems to be missing. They are just sleeping.' Dean huffed. 'That's bad news. People keep dozing off and if they don't wake up soon they'll eventually die.' When one of the doctors past by Dean lowered his voice. 'So what... a witch maybe?' Cas shook his head. His face came closer, _probably just so we can talk better_ , Dean told himself. He didn't miss Castiel's blue eyes lingering a bit longer than they should.

'It's a possibility. We should go to some of the victims houses. See if we can talk to the eyewitnesses.' They made their way outside and before Dean could comprehend what happened he was already on the ground and huffing because of the pain. 'Dean?!' Cas was bending over him, looking at him in worry. 'Cas?' He blinked, surprised at how weird he was feeling.

'Are you alright? You fell unconscious for a second.' A nurse had apparently been warned because she ran out of the hospital and straight to Dean, who was now gaining an audience. 'Are you alright agent?' It was the nurse they'd talked to before. Dean quickly stood up, his body felt heavy and it was difficult to keep his eyes open. But he was fine, just tired.

...

Tired.

His eyes snapped open and he turned to look at the nurse. 'Have any of the victims ever experienced sleep paralysis?' The nurse seemed surprised by the question. Cas was still tightly holding onto Dean, probably afraid he would fall over otherwise. 'Really I'm fine. Can you remember if they've ever experienced something like it?'

The crowd dispersed, already losing interest. Which maybe was better because Cas still tightly held onto his waist and their fingers were intertwined. It felt strangely intimate. The nurse shook her head. 'I told you before, the victims didn't have any sleep-related problems as far as we know. But I suggest you ask some of the family members. They might provide more insight...' she seemed to hesitate.

'Are you really okay agent? You made quite the fall.' Dean gave her his most cheeky smile. 'I'm fine promise, my partner and I need to get going though. He freed himself from Cas' grip and made his way towards his baby. 'I think it might be a Night Hag.' Castiel observed him quietly. 'What makes you think that?' He quickly started up the car. 'Rufus used to hunt them a lot when he was still flying solo. We should contact Sam and Eileen. Make them look into it.'

Before he could do anything else Cas slowly put a hand on the wheel. 'Dean wait.' Dean was surprised by the action. 'Cas come one let's go. We don't have all day.' Cas slowly put his hand on Dean's head. When he pulled it back there was blood on his fingers.

'Didn't you notice? You're bleeding Dean.'

**Supernatural**

They were back at the motel. They'd started up the laptop and were now talking with Eileen over Skype. 'So you guys agree it's not a Shtriga?' Eileen nodded. 'You say there is no life force missing. So it's something else. Probably sleep related. Maybe a Night Hag like Dean suggested?'

Castiel had hardly looked at him after what happened at the hospital. They'd gone to several people and they'd all told different stories. 'It might be, some of the victims did have sleep problems. But others didn't have any issues. No other signs of something strange happening either. No weird sounds, smells or flickering lights.' Eileen was going through one of the lore books. 'They are chosen randomly. It could be anything.'

Castiel leaned closer. He, like Sam, was fluent in ASL. Dean however was not, he was on it, but Cas was going so fast that it was impossible for him to keep up. Eileen nodded, her expression hardened and she looked at Dean with slightly accusing eyes. 'You guys are incredibly rude. I'm sitting right here. Eileen what did he say.' Cas gave her a glare but she didn't seem to be bothered by it. 'He said that you drove the entire night and haven't slept at all. He also said you fell unconscious at that you were bleeding. He calls you a moron who can't take care of himself and most of all... he's worried you might be next.'

Finally Cas looked him in the eyes. 'Yeah could be. But any of us could be next.' Cas gave him a knowing look. 'Unless our monster is not so much a monster as it is a human who came in touch with witchcraft.'

Dean felt like they were going at this discussion for hours now. 'It's not witches. No hex bags, no signs of occult practices. All crime scenes are clean.' Cas pulled a face. 'Maybe it's angels.' Dean suggested. But at the word angels Cas gave him a cold glare. 'No. I don't feel an angelic presence here. And I've already asked-'

'Oh so you're all besties again aren't you? Have you forgotten what you've been through because of them?' Dean asked, his voice heated with anger. Eileen had apparently not followed completed because she clapped her hands. 'Guys...' Dean looked at the screen. 'Eileen get Sam.' She shook her head, 'can't-do.' Cas was still glaring at him. When he spoke he seemed to be choosing his words carefully. 'Dean you were the one who suggested I tried to mend things.' Dean tried to ignore him, instead focusing on Eileen.

'What do you mean can't-do?' Eileen looked away, seemingly nervous for a second. 'Well... he left. He's joining you on the case. He will be there soon.'

'Dean...' Cas insisted.

'What do you mean he left?' Cas pulled at his shoulder. 'Dean!' Dean felt the instinctive need to protect himself. He pulled away. 'Eileen talk to you later.' She shook her head. 'No wait-' The call ended. Dean stood up and turned to look at Cas. Really look at him. 'You have my full attention!'

Cas huffed. 'Is everything a joke to you?' He asked, if he'd still been the Castiel he'd been years ago he'd be intimidating. 'No, in fact, I'm doing the opposite. I'm taking this case seriously. Which means I eliminate every possibility before drawing a conclusion. It can't be witches, it's not a Shtriga, not a ghost, demon, vampire or werewolf! But the moment I suggest it might be an angel your shit hits the fan.'

Cas started scolding him. 'And you are the one who gets angry at me for denying it! I told you, there are no signs of angel interference. What is your problem Dean? You were the one to suggest I should talk to them. You were the one who said I needed to figure out who I am!'

Dean shook his head. 'Oh no you're twisting my words. I told you to smooth things over. Not to leave us to join your dick family again.' Cas took a step forward. 'I did not leave you, I'm here aren't I?!' Dean glared back at him, he was NOT going to back down. 'Really? You disappear for weeks! Weeks Cas! You don't text, you don't call. And you finally call and it's just for a stupid case. It's the Apocalypse all over again!'

Cas seemed taken back. 'Apocalypse?' Dean nodded furiously, 'yeah, around that time you only called us when you needed something. And around that time you were also under the thumbs of the angels.' Cas was now standing in his personal space but right now Dean didn't fucking care. 'Don't give me that face. You know it's true.'

The sound that came out of Castiel's throat startled him a bit. 'You think I would betray you? Again? You think I WANT to hurt you? Again?! You were the one who said I needed to stop picking others over myself. I'm doing what you said. I'm trying to find a home. But it's difficult. I can't be at two places at the same time.'

Dean felt hurt. Because Cas didn't need to find a home. He _was_ home. Didn't he see that they were all a family? Didn't he understand that Dean needed him? _Of course he doesn't see, because he doesn't want you._ His mind replied.

'Well if I'm such a bother why don't you go? Go home to your family. We don't even need you. I don't want you here.' Dean's voice softened, and the anger dispersed seconds later. Cas' expression was one of hurt. And suddenly Dean wished that he could take it all back. Because it wasn't true. It was the opposite of the truth.

'Cas I-' Before Dean could say anything else the phone went. 'Who is it?' Cas' voice sounded hollow. 'It's Sam.' Cas seemed to be thinking, and suddenly he turned around. The phone kept ringing. Cas made his way towards the door. 'Cas wait...' Cas didn't even turn around as he said: 'Have a good night.'

He closed the door with a loud thud. Dean felt numb when he picked up the phone. 'Heya Sammy.' His voice still sounded tense. He swore his eyes were burning because of the gathering dust. Not because he wanted to burst out in tears. He was a grown ass man. He wasn't supposed to cry right?

Right?

'Hey Dean. Just wanted to say I'm almost there. Any more news on the case?' Sam sounded as depressed as Dean felt. '... No not really. But it must have something to do with sleeping. An old curse maybe?' Sam made a sound that he was listening.

'By the way I'm sorry.' Sam sounded guilty, Dean wondered what was wrong. 'Sorry about what?' He was still staring at the door, somehow convincing himself that Cas would come back. He felt something trickle down his face. He didn't even bother to try to wipe his eyes.

'Well... you and Cas finally had some time to bond again. And I feel like I'm an unnecessary third.' Dean nodded, he would have to keep his voice steady. Otherwise Sam would now something was off. 'What happened? Did you and Eileen have a fight?'

It was quiet for a second before Sam answered. 'Yes. It was pretty bad Dean... I had to get away. I'm constantly wondering if I'm making the right decisions. It's frustrating.' Dean took a deep breath, 'well things are going to be fine in the end. You know it, I know it. I'm going to bed soon. Didn't get much sleep yesterday. I'll put the spare key outside under the doormat. You just let yourself in.' Sam is talking again. Something about research and sleep monsters. But Dean barely hears him. 'Dean? Are you alright?'

'You're not the only one who had a fight.'

**Supernatural**

When Sam arrives Dean is startled awake and immediately ready to fight. Sam holds up his hands in the air. 'Easy, it's just me.' Dean opens his eyes, he feels like shit... again. 'What time is it?' His head falls back in the pillow. He takes a deep breath, surprised at the smell of it.

'So Cas went out?' Sam's voice is far away. Dean's reaction, although a bit vague indeed confirms that Cas is gone. _This smell... where do I know it from?_ His sleepy brain finally wakes up properly and he realizes he's fallen asleep on Castiel's bed. _Great. Totally not creepy, or weird at all. I cried on his pillow and probably drooled a bit but at least he wasn't here to see._

'Dean...? I've narrowed down our options. I also took some stuff with me that might be useful.' He got handed a cup of coffee. 'One of those things being coffee. You're welcome.' Dean felt everything but grateful. 'Sammy... I really fucked up this time. He's never going to forgive this.' The years had taken a lot of Sam's charming traits and made them better.

But the years had also showered Sam with sadness, grief and pain. And all was visible in his expression. 'You should call him Dean. Make sure he's alright.' At those words Dean almost choked on his coffee. 'No. He's angry, and rightfully so. I... We should give him space.'

Sam gave him a look, a look he also gave his daughter when she didn't listen to him. 'Just do it. Let's finish this case and go home. You and Cas definitely need to have a talk.' Dean raised an eyebrow, curious as to what Sam meant. But before he'd even realized it Sam had taken his phone, pressed some buttons and forced it into Dean's hand.

The phone kept going and going...and Dean wondered what he was going to say to him. And he wondered if Cas was choosing to ignore him right now. And right before he was ready to end the call Cas voice came through, whispering softly: 'Dean?'

A lump in his throat disabled his ability to speak. The other side of the phone stayed quiet too. 'Heya Cas. Just called to check in on you. Sam's here. We're wondering where you at.' The words left him in a hurry, but Sam gave him a thumbs up. There was the sound of footsteps in the background. 'I think I've found something.' Came a hushed reply.

Immediately Dean put the phone on speaker. 'Where are you?' But Cas didn't reply at first. 'In the forest. I heard something. It sounded like a... horn. I followed them to their lair.' Sam rolled his eyes, he hated the pronoun game. Dean shared the sentiment. 'Who is them Cas? What do they look like? Are you alright? You're hiding right?' No reaction, again.

'They looked like humans. One of them had wings. ... Like an angel.' The connection became bad. Dean was starting to lose his patients. 'Alright, just give us your location and we'll be there in no time.' Cas said something but it was lost in the bad reception.

Finally his words became clear: 'There is a river here... we're in a cave...' A loud bang and a growl burst through the silence. 'Dean! They're not Night Hags! They're-' the line went flat.

'Godammit!' Dean threw his phone through the room. Sam was already tracking Castiel's location. 'Got him! In the woods, it's twenty-five minutes from here.' Dean started packing the necessary equipment. 'Well get your ass in the car. We need to get to him before it's too late!'

Maybe a few years ago Sam would've disagreed with him. He would say something like: 'But we don't even know what we're getting into.' Or maybe something like: 'It could be a trap.' But this time Sam simply nodded. He had a look of determination in his eyes. They left the motel in a hurry. Not bothering with anything but the quickly made up a rescue plan. Dean only had one goal in mind: bringing Cas home safe and sound.


	12. Love Divine

**Part II**

 

_Castiel’s world is turned upside down after he discovers that angels, demons, monsters and ghost are all real. This might mean that he isn’t insane. Despite his relief he knows that he and the people he hold dearest are all in terrible danger. He must return to his old life and pretend that everything is fine while in the meantime the world is drastically changing. Dreams twist into reality and reality might turn out to be a dream. How far is Cas willing to go to discover the truth?_


	13. Chapter VIII

The apartment smelled like a garbage can. What was once a neatly organised and clean space had now turned into the world’s darkest dumpster. Dust was gathering on every possible surface. Charlie pulled a face as she wiped her finger over the nearest surface. ‘Cas you home?’ Castiel was hiding behind the couch. Charlie had been knocking on his door for what felt like hours. In the end she noticed the door wasn’t locked and she’d let herself in.

Charlie stood there, unmoving as she called out his name again. But Cas was hiding behind the couch, hoping she would leave. He couldn’t help but notice that she looked tired. She’d probably been up all night, again. Her hair was up in a ponytail, slowly she removed her rainbow striped jacket. She let out an exaggerated sigh. ‘Well Dean, I guess he isn’t home. Let’s make ourselves comfortable until he returns.’ That did the trick. Castiel’s head shot up, revealing his location behind the couch. ‘Dean?’  
Charlie had a sly grin on her face, ‘knew that would do it’, she turned to look around. The curtains were all closed and the television was the only source of light. It was showing some sort of drama. ‘So should I remove my shoes or can I just walk in?’ Cas stood up slowly, his expression unreadable. ‘You can keep your shoes on if you like.’ Charlie gave him a look over. She didn’t seem pleased with what she found.

‘You look like shit.’ Cas ignored her in favour of making coffee. ‘One sugar if you’re at it.’ Cas turned around to look at his friend. The silence swallowed all sounds as he slowly took out a second cup and filled it with coffee. ‘Sugar is in the left cabinet.’ He grumpily replied as he made his way back to the couch. He was not in the mood to be nice.  
He sat down, surrounded by empty cups, half eaten boards of food and empty food packages. Charlie squinted her eyes and turned on the light. Cas let out a groan as the blinding light violently entered his eyes. ‘Turn it off!’ He barked. Charlie quickly did so. ‘Man Cas… I knew things were hectic but what the hell happened here?’ She sat down next to him. Concern was written all over her.

‘Nothing happened. Just had a bad weekend, I’ve got a hangover.’ She tried to hold back a laugh but failed. It was short-lived and dry. ‘Very funny, but we both know that you don’t drink.’ She didn’t fail to notice that Cas did indeed smell of alcohol though. He rolled his eyes as he sipped at the bitter taste of the coffee. It revolted him. ‘Why are you here Charlie?’ Charlie seemed to gather herself for a second. She’d probably practised a speech.

‘You’ve been acting weird ever since you ran away…’ Cas wanted to scream for her to leave. Why couldn’t people just leave him alone? ‘Turn off the lights,’ he ordered. Charlie looked around. ‘The lights are off Cas,’ she turned to look at the TV, ‘give me a sec.’ She pressed some buttons and soon the light of the TV was gone too. His eyes still hurt. ‘Anyway, you’ve been acting weird ever since you ran away. You didn’t show up to school and I’ve checked the records, you didn’t even call in sick.’  
Her voice was buzzing sharply through his brain. He didn’t comment, instead choosing to let her finish speaking. ‘Jo said you just needed some space. And your neighbour Daphne? She says she hasn’t seen you in days.’ Cas wasn’t sure what would happen next. She probably expected an explanation. But instead she pulled at his arm. ‘Charlie what are you-’ she put him in front of the mirror. ‘Look at yourself Cas and tell me what you see.’

She was angry and her words were sharp. Reluctantly he turned to look at himself. ‘Honestly, I’m not seeing a lot.’ He admitted lamely. Charlie cursed as she turned on the light. Castiel closed his eyes in reaction. ‘Don’t be a baby, look in the mirror and tell me what you see.’ She encouraged him. His clothes were old and dirty, his hair a mess and he needed to shave. ‘Where are my glasses?’ He asked, knowing full well that wasn’t the point Charlie was trying to make.  
‘Don’t be a dick. You need a shower man. And you need to clean this place.’ She pulled a face. When Castiel didn’t react Charlie saw it as an invitation to open the curtains. ‘Let’s start by opening a window since you’re pulling a Winchester on me.’

He watched her with mild curiosity. ‘A Winchester?’ She rolled her eyes as she opened the windows. ‘You know, you’re feeling shitty and need to talk with someone but you keep insisting you’re fine.’ She threw her hands in the air. ‘And then I get to watch as you slowly ruin your life. That’s what Dean does too, I call it a Winchester.’  
Soon enough Castiel was able to see every corner of his apartment again, thanks to the light coming from outside. He stood absentmindedly in the middle of the room as he observed his friend. She was talking about the things they would need to clean up. When she noticed Castiel staring she smiled. ‘You know we have work to do, so you better lighten up.’  
Castiel seemed to be struggling to find the right words. He wanted to tell her he was broken, he wanted to tell her that there was no point in helping him. But he also wanted to tell her that she was brave, kind and loyal. He wanted to tell her that he wouldn’t disappoint her again. Before he could say anything Charlie appeared from the bathroom and threw a towel at his head. ‘You go take a shower and make yourself decent. I’ll get us the stuff we need.’

She made her way to the kitchen and opened every cabinet she could lay her hands on. When she found a half empty bottle of vodka she poured the content through the drain without any warning. She gave Castiel a knowing look. ‘You’ll thank me later, now hurry up. You reek of pity.’

**Wings flutter**

For Castiel being wrong was always hard. Probably because he had a sense of pride that simply refused to bow to anyone. But his pride could never win from unpredictably. Which was Charlie’s strong suit. ‘What are we doing at church?’ He asked, not bothering to hide his grumpy attitude. After they’d cleaned up the living room she’d told him they needed to go on a walk. He’d already suspected that she was planning something. What he hadn’t expected was that he would find himself at the doors of their local church. ‘My mom and the pastor are dating, so I thought why not steal the keys?’ She held up a key, ‘we’ll be gone before he can even notice he’s missing them. I promise.’

A strange wave of nausea hit him. Probably a side effect from the hangover. ‘Your mother…’ Cas looked at the sky, it was dark and menacing. It would rain soon enough. He let out a sigh, lowering his head in defeat as well. ‘Fine, but we’re not touching anything.’ They made their way inside quietly. Castiel’s head was pounding and he was wearing a pair of sunglasses to stop the light from hurting his eyes. The church was empty and every step he took was echoing in a way that made him want to cover his ears.  
He looked around, taking in the familiar area. ‘Why did you bring me here?’ When he looked up Charlie was already at the other side of the church and motioned him to follow. He softly and quickly made his way to her. She was standing in front of a stained glass window depicting an angel. ‘This is my mom’s favourite picture.’

Castiel quickly changed glasses and studied the window. The angel had eight wings with each a different colour. They started out golden from the top and turned different colours as he looked down. The angel was holding a horn in his hand, ready to use it. ‘You know who that is?’, he gave her a questioning look but she simply shook her head. ‘This is the archangel Gabriel. And the horn he is holding is the Horn of Truth. My dad used to say that Gabriel shall blow the trumpet blast that initiates the end of time.’  
Charlie turned to look at him. ‘What was your dad like?’ In front of the window stood a little altar with candles. Charlie took out a candle from her pocket and lit it. Castiel was quiet for a second. He wondered what Charlie was aiming for. ‘My father… he was a decent man that allowed his pride and hate to consume him. Under the right circumstances he could’ve turned out noble.’ Charlie expression softened. Only now did Cas realize how tense she’d been before.

She made a sound that was familiar to amusement. ‘I was born as Celeste Middleton, which I know is a funny name. I was named after my grandma I guess. Or maybe my dad just liked those sorts of names.’ She handed Cas a candle too. ‘Why did you bring me here Charlie? And why the candle?’ She turned to look around, her facial expression looked familiar to regret. ‘I come here every day to light a candle. My mom and I aren’t really that religious. But my dad used to be, so we still go.’ Her expression suddenly seemed familiar to Castiel’s. Closed off, cautious and hiding the pain.

‘How did he go?’ His voice echoed through the room. Charlie had never been fond of silence, so when she didn’t immediately answer Castiel wondered if he’d said something wrong. ‘Car crash. My mom was in a coma for a few years. When she returned I thought things would go back to normal you know? It felt like we were pressing the restart button. But things never became normal again, and for so long I thought I would never experience happiness again.’

Cas’ eyes widened in understanding. ‘It felt like you were being eaten alive right?’ Charlie didn’t look him in the eyes. But in that moment Castiel understood a quiet connection between them. Carefully he put a hand on her shoulder, ‘weakness although it feels like betrayal… is no sin. In fact, there is no such thing as sins, our good and evil. Our flaws make us human and I know you want to be strong…’ he took out his candle and gave it light. It was standing next to Charlie’s flame. ‘But sometimes admitting that you can’t handle it, makes you strong.’  
Charlie smiled, finally looking Cas in the eyes. ‘You should take your own advice Cas.’ He shook his head dismissively but she interfered: ‘You’re like some sort of ancient Doctor Phil, seriously.’ She grinned and looked at the window again. ‘If I’m honest: I really don’t care if there is a God or not. But if there would be one… I bet you would be told to forgive yourself. Because you’re the only standing in the way between you and your own happiness.’

For a little while they stayed, and Castiel understood. ‘Life is precious.’ He said as he admired the flames. Charlie seemed to agree, although she never said a thing. But Castiel knew he was right. When they left the church it felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Charlie was whistling, like nothing ever happened as she locked the door behind her. ‘Castiel can I ask you one more question?’ His silence was an invitation to speak.  
‘For who was your candle?’ Tiny drops of rain were falling from the sky, just enough to be noticeable. ‘My mother.’ Charlie seemed to take in this new information with care before moving on. Castiel followed quietly. ‘So your plan was to have some sort of bonding moment?’ She smirked, ‘sort off, when people pull a Winchester it can be hard for them to get their head out of their ass.’ They reached the car.

‘So what are we going to do now?’ Cas protected his glasses against raindrops. Not feeling like cleaning them later. The rain got more constant and soon a storm would tear through their home town. ‘Well we finished the living area, but your kitchen and bedroom are probably still a mess.’  
Castiel’s groan and Charlie’s laughter were distinct in the empty streets.

**Wings flutter**

Charlie convinced him to go back to school on Monday. ‘You’ve only missed a week. Go back on Monday. I don’t want you to ruin your future simply because of some boy.’ She had given him a meaningful look. She was as kind to not mention all his other non-discussed issues. So for once, Castiel shoved aside all the little voices in his head and now he sat in the school’s library.  
‘Hey Dean it’s Castiel, I thought I’d call you but you’re not picking up.’ He turned to look around, the library was deserted like always. ‘You’re not at school so I was wondering if everything is ok? Call me when you get this.’ He hung up, Jo was still busy making notes. ‘You know that he’s avoiding you right?’ She closed the book she was reading to give Castiel her full attention.  
A part of Cas regretted going back to school. But a part of him had also missed his snarky friends. It had been a wise decision because he needed to study for history like his life was depending on it. Joining him in the torture was Jo. She put on her best game host voice: ‘In what year did the battle of Hastings happen?’

‘In the year 1066. That’s not the difficult part, ask me something more complicated please.’ Jo shrugged her shoulders. ‘I can’t believe that you’re an ace student and yet here you are, studying with me for a stupid test.’ He wanted to tell her that this wasn’t just a stupid test, but he knew how she felt about history. Instead he changed back the topic, ‘what do you mean with that he’s avoiding me?’

He didn’t have to look her in the eye to see her sympathy. ‘Don’t tell this to the others, but when Dean first came here I had this awkward massive crush on him.’ His surprise must’ve been written on his face. She grinned and leaned back in her chair. ‘And trust me it was awkward because he’d basically already adopted me as his little sister.’ He tried to imagine Jo and Dean dating, holding hands. A nasty feeling crept up inside of him and quickly he pushed it away. ‘For a while he and I needed to have a little chat about it. We had to make sure that our friendship wasn’t ruined. But Dean being Dean thought I wasn’t going to be his friend anymore and he thought he had to break my heart or whatever.’

Jo told him the story like she would tell him about the weather. Calm and almost bored. ‘And sure it hurt like a bitch. But I knew it wasn’t going to work out anyway so he was worried about nothing. And you know it yourself: Dean isn’t scared off anything, he heads into danger like he wants to get killed or something. But when it comes to matters of the heart… well, he gets scared. He avoided me for weeks.’

When the librarian walked past she quickly removed her feet from the table. ‘So I’m giving you a little advice: Cas you’re super messed up, and he’s also messed up. But you’re clearly into each other so you need to talk about it. But you’ll have to be the one to approach him. Because if a girl with feelings for him scares him? Well, I can’t imagine what a boy must be doing to him.’  
Castiel shook his head. ‘I can’t do it Jo. After everything that has happened? My life was literally a lie.’ He quickly looked around, the librarian was long gone. ‘I mean… monsters exist! I wasn’t at school last week because… well I couldn’t! Not after the demons and the angels. I know that it looks like I’m totally okay with everything but, well I’m not. Do you really expect me to worry about stupid crushes and homework while I know what is really out there?’ Jo was quiet for a second.

Slowly she pulled away a strand of hair that was hanging in her face. ‘Let’s get real for a second Cas. My parents used to be hunters. And like most hunters, my dad died young. There is not a day to goes by that I don’t miss him. I want nothing more but for him to come back.’  
Jo still had a childish face from time to time, but right now she looked like a very tired adult. ‘But that will never happen. So I’ll have to move on. I need to live a normal life. I need to get papers to show I’m qualified to get a job and I need to have friends and have fun. At least that’s what my mom wants for me. For a long time I was like you. What’s the point right? With all the bad shit that happens that I would be able to stop?’

Absentmindedly she started pulling at her nails. ‘You’re going through that right now. And I promise you: If you keep calling Dean just a crush you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Hunting at this age will get us killed. Don’t waste your life just yet. So just try and pretend to be a normal teenager with normal problems. And. Go. Talk. To. Dean!’ She poked him to empathize her words.

‘Ouch stop stop! I get it!’ She smiled, ‘great. When school is done you should go to Bobby’s place. He’s probably working. And when you’re done you text me to tell me how it went.’ Cas nodded but Jo was not buying it. ‘You promise me or else…’ Castiel quickly surrendered. ‘I promise.’  
The librarian had returned and gave them a scowl. ‘The library is not a place to have a tea party. Either keep it down or leave.’ Quickly they pulled up their notes and started working again. Eventually Jo spoke up. ‘Who won the Vietnam War?’  
‘Are we even studying for the same test?’

**Wings flutter**

When school was over Cas quickly said goodbye to his friends. But before he could leave Jo grabbed at his arm. ‘What are you going to say to him?’ Castiel was thrown off balance by the question. ‘Not really sure. I guess I’ll explain how I’ve been feeling and he’ll tell me how he’s been feeling and the rest will come naturally I guess.’ Jo seemed not so sure about it but didn’t argue. ‘Will you tell him about the aura thing?’  
Cas could feel a blush creep to his face. ‘I don’t know.’ Jo shrugged, ‘maybe you should. I mean you told me of all people…’ It was unfortunate but true. Apparently Jo was a lot sharper than she sometimes let on, because after hearing what had really happened when he ran away she had threatened him until he spilt the truth. Cas looked around before defending himself. ‘I told you because you were noticing things! You would’ve told Bobby-’

‘-who’d put a bullet through your head. Yes I know, but you know that I trust you. Charlie and Kevin do too. But if you keep lying to Dean you’ll be more than just dead.’ She patted him on the shoulder when Charlie, Kevin and Ash walked towards them. ‘Well just think about it. Good luck and don’t forget to text me!’ Charlie smiled, ‘ready for some training in the art of nerdiness?’ Jo gave Cas a meaningful look before turning to her friends. ‘Born ready.’

Cas was already trying to disappear swiftly when suddenly Kevin called him back. ‘Cas you wanna join us? We’re going to Ash’s place to play Dungeons and Dragons.’ He knew his friends were worried about him ever since he’d "run away". ‘Maybe another time, I still need to take care of some things.’  
Castiel’s eyes started hurting as Kevin’s colours turned softer. He nodded, ‘well see you later.’ Castiel turned to walk towards the exit but he felt disorientated. Auras of strangers exploded in his field of vision in different colours, emotions and stories and he felt like he was going to be sick. Ever since his encounter with the demons he’d noticed things were changing. Were he once only saw Dean’s aura he now sometimes had little attacks in which he could see everyone’s.

Their thoughts entered his head like a constant buzzing. Just like last time it stopped the moment he was outside. Where fewer people could be found a fresh air filled his lungs and made him relax. He let out a relieved sigh and took out his phone. ‘This the voice mail of Dean Winchester’s phone. Leave your name, number, and nightmare at the tone.’  
He hung up without leaving a message this time. ‘Going the Bobby’s it is.’

He started walking into the direction of Singer Salvage Yard where he knew Dean worked. He still wasn’t in possession of a bike and to be very honest… he was broke. He still needed to find a job. He’d tried at the café where Jo worked as a waitress but he’d failed spectacularly at serving people. ‘Clarence!’ His head shot up at the familiar voice. Meg was grinning at him, slowly driving in her car to keep up with his pace.  
‘Hello Meg.’ He looked at the passenger seat, surprised to not find Ruby. ‘Where are you heading?’ She asked, her eyes looking at him intently instead of the road. Cas felt his face heat up, Meg always looked at him like she was going to eat him alive. It was uncomfortable to say the least. ‘Visiting a friend. You?’ She shrugged, ‘nothing really. Just driving around.’ He could already sense the question she was going to ask.

‘If you’d like to I could give you a ride?’ From any other person Cas would’ve seen the offer as a friendly gesture and he would’ve gladly said yes. But this was Meg Masters. ‘Thank you Meg that’s really kind of you. But I…’ She simply nodded, her eyes didn’t turn black and her body wasn’t consumed by darkness. ‘I get it, don’t worry ‘bout it.’ Castiel wanted to protest but Meg held up her hand.  
‘Really I get it. But if you ever change your mind and wanna hang out you know where to find me.’ For a second he thought he could see through her hard shell and see something kind. But it disappeared just as quickly as she smirked. ‘See you around Clarence!’ The window closed and she drove away. Leaving him behind confused.

**Wings flutter**

Singer’s Salvage Yard had a store at the front where they sold everything that had to do with cars. The big garage next to the house was where the fix ups were done and overall the store looked to be in a bad state. He’d expected someone to be behind the counter but the store seemed abandoned. ‘Hello?’ Castiel felt nervous energy run through him. He’d only been at Bobby’s house a few times. Every single time had been for Bobby to test whether or not he was some sort of supernatural creature.  
He wasn’t exactly excited to return just yet. ‘Hello?’ He looked behind the counter in the hope to find a clue when suddenly a woman stood in front of him. He looked up startled at the lady who looked at him expectantly. ‘Well you must be the new employee Bobby was talking ‘bout. Harry right?’

She reached out to shake his hand. ‘I’m Karen Bobby’s wife.’ Cas opened his mouth to say something but Karen was already talking again. Her reached out hand already busy with other things. An odd chill went through the room. ‘You’re a bit later than I expect but it’s good to see you. I just have a few questions for you and if you can handle it you can have the job. The store used to be under John Winchester supervision but to be honest I was always the one cleaning up behind him.’  
Castiel couldn’t get a word between. She was already on the move. ‘Miss Singer I-’ she made her way towards what he assumed was the storage room. ‘Oh please call me Karen. The last employee we had used to call me boss. Which sounds ridiculous I know. So this here is what we’ll do. You need to be able to clean, keep an eye on the store and a little bit of car knowledge might also come in handy…’

‘I’m not here for the job.’ Karen stopped dead in her tracks. ‘No?’ Castiel couldn’t help the wave of embarrassment. ‘I’m sorry. But my name is Castiel and I’m here to see Dean Winchester?’ Her surprised facial expression made him feel a little bit less awkward. ‘Oh! So you’re… oh you’re Castiel!’ Quickly she moved towards a different door. ‘Dean has been talking about you all week. I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding. Through this door is the garage. The boys are probably still fixing up Annie’s car. Dean is making over time again so just tell Bobby that his wife wants him here as soon as possible.’

She showed him through the door and he found himself in the garage. A few feet away Dean could be found lying under a car. Only his legs were visible. ‘Bobby hand me the wrench will ya?’ Castiel looked around, Bobby was nowhere to be found. When no one reacted Dean asked again. ‘Which one?’ Cas asked as he looked at the tools laid out.  
Dean was quiet before he spoke up again. ‘The one completely to the left. Next to the screwdriver. Castiel quickly found the exact one and handed it to Dean’s now visible hand. ‘Thanks Cas.’ Castiel stood awkwardly, wondering if Dean was ever going to face him. Bobby suddenly turned the corner. ‘Castiel? What are you doing here boy?’

Cas forced himself to smile. Smiling made people think you were likeable. ‘Your wife sends me. She wants you in the store as soon as possible.’ Bobby’s facial expression went from neutral curiosity to completely unreadable. He looked at his watch. ‘Well shit time flies when you’re having fun. Deano get here! Your shift is over, go home!’ Dean let out a grunt before slowly appearing. ‘I hear ya.’ Cas felt the oxygen getting sucked out of his lungs when Dean looked at him. His green eyes seemed more intense than usual. And he was covered in dirt. ‘Cas what are you doing here?’ His voice was cold and passive but his aura portrayed his happiness. It reached out to him like he was a long lost lover.

Suddenly Cas couldn’t remember his plan anymore. He’d come here to talk. About what again? Why? Bobby had only rolled his eyes slightly before he left. They were alone now. And without thinking it through he pulled Dean into a hug. Dean tensed, surprised at the action. He let go of the ice act. ‘Cas did something happen? Are you okay?’  
Carefully he returned the hug and for a second everything felt safe and good. ‘I’m fine Dean… I just... I’ve missed you and I’m here to talk.’ Dean pulled away slowly. He nodded, suddenly seeming embarrassed. ‘Alright…’ He looked at Cas’ coat. ‘It’s all dirty now. Sorry about that.’ Cas looked at his coat and shrugged. ‘I will be throwing it away soon anyways. You should get dressed, I’ll be waiting here alright?’

And so he waited. He waited for a few minutes. Not daring to go back to the shop and not daring to check if Dean was done already. He frowned, what was taking so long? Ten minutes passed and finally Castiel lost his patience. He turned towards, what he assumed was, the locker room. ‘Dean are you here?’ He remembered what Jo had said, about Dean running away from his problems. And for a second he was scared Dean had really run off.  
But to his relief Dean was sitting on one of the benches. Clean and talking on the phone. ‘Yes sir. I understand.’ Cas wanted to quickly walk away but Dean gave him a small smile. ‘I’ll inform Bobby. See ya.’ He hung up. ‘Sorry to keep you waiting. That was my dad with some instructions. He will be home this week.’ Despite Dean’s obvious tense demeanour he had a big smile on his face. Castiel couldn’t help but smile too.

‘That’s great. I’m happy for you.’ The words sounded shallow in his own ears. But this wasn’t about him. This was about Dean. And if John’s return made him happy he shouldn’t try to stop Dean from being excited about it. The awkward silence kept stretching and Dean finally patted the place beside him. ‘Come sit down. You wanted to talk right?’ Cas suddenly wished he was being threatened by demons again. It was a lot easier than talking things out with Dean.  
He gave himself a little pep talk. ‘Alright I actually have a plan for how this talk should go. So I hope you will cooperate.’ The words left him in a hurry, he almost tripped as he sat down. Dean simply kept quiet. He tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible. But his aura was slowly turning dark with what seemed to be worry. ‘Alright, I’ll cooperate.’ Cas realized he was staring and quickly looked away. Suddenly very intensely remembering their kiss. Or actually kisses.

Therapy never prepared me for this, he realized. He had to say something, do something. ‘A lot has happened since we met. And although all those subjects could be important discussions in which we share our experiences I would like to focus on the subject of our… relation to one another.’  
He took a deep breath. ‘It is clear that we are friends Dean. Something which makes me very, very happen. You are a good friend.’ Dean’s aura got darker and darker, and Cas wondered if he was saying something wrong. ‘As you know… I’m not a normal human being. That’s something I have to work for. And it’s difficult sometimes and I know that’s no excuse…’ Dean interrupted him.

‘You’re not normal. Nobody is normal. Don’t you ever dare to change who you are alright?’ Cas felt the odd fluttering in his organs again. ‘You promised to let me finish talking.’ He tried to sound stern but a small smile must’ve given him away because Dean went against him. ‘I never promised that. I said I would cooperate.’ Cas couldn’t help but groan. ‘Fine, you’re right.’ Dean’s carefree smile should’ve made him relax. But it didn’t.  
‘What I was trying to say is… despite the circumstances that we’ve found ourselves in, I’ve grown quite fond of you. And I…’ Suddenly words became difficult. Dean’s aura too distracting, it became darker and darker. He was doing something wrong. ‘Dean I… I can’t…’ Dean interrupted him. ‘I understand Cas.’  
Castiel was surprised but he couldn’t help but to feel relieved. ‘Is it okay if I react?’ Cas quickly nodded. Dean’s dark aura suddenly forgotten. ‘Listen Cas… you’re like a brother to me.’

…

Wait what?

Cas was roughly pushed out of his euphoria. ‘A brother.’ He repeated the words like a dead echo. Suddenly the need to be close to the other boy came to a dramatic halt, and a part of him that had already puzzled everything together suddenly wanted to run away. Dean nodded. ‘I don’t mind that you feel that way for me. And…’ Cas automatically cancelled out the rest. He’d been so sure of it. Everyone had been so sure of it.

He liked Dean. Really liked him, and Dean had liked him too. The empathize on had. Everyone had been so sure. A sudden wave of confusion and self-doubt hit him like a train. Dean had cared for him right? He could feel it too right? The thing they had? What about the kisses? Cas wondered. Did those mean nothing to Dean? Dean was shaking his shoulder, and reluctantly he looked up.  
But Cas didn’t hear what he said because suddenly he wondered why Dean had broken up with Lisa. Suddenly he didn’t understand any of Dean’s actions. Had he just been playing Cas? He tried to remember if Dean had ever clearly stated his interest in him. Either romantically or sexually. ‘Cas buddy?’

‘No.’

Dean seemed confused. ‘No?’ He repeated the words with a clear question mark. But suddenly Cas felt frustrated. Why did his words always lose their meaning? It was like someone had sowed closed his mouth and cracked open his skull. The words left him all wrong. He realized where this had gone wrong. ‘Dean I think I’ve communicated this in the wrong way so I will be blunter: I am attracted to you romantically. And if you reciprocate those feelings I would like for us to spend more time together as a couple. In a relationship.’  
Silence before the storm.

‘Oh.’

Cas was pretty sure he had a heart problem. It was beating incredibly fast. Dean saw him as a brother, he treated him like he would treat his brother Sam. He saw a friend in him, a pal he could apparently kiss to test his level of gay. In that moment Castiel wanted to be angry, he wanted to tell Dean to grow screw himself and he wanted nothing to do with him anymore. But all those thoughts disappeared because Dean’s aura was literally exploding.

It had suddenly turned into an explosion of colours that reminded him of how stars sometimes died and become a supernova. He could barely feel Dean gripping his hand tightly. Dean spoke again: ‘You idiot.’ His voice sounded affectionate. ‘I am the idiot?’ He was sneering but he didn’t care. He felt confused and he wanted to pull his hand away but Dean’s grip tightened. ‘Yes you dork. I thought you were letting me down. You were all like… "you are a good friend Dean".’ He deepened his voice to imitate Cas. ‘And you’ve also seen my world. My crazy fucked up world and you didn’t go to school so I was pretty sure you were avoiding me.’ Things suddenly became clear to him as Dean explained. ‘And you know I’m not the most outspoken emotional guy. So I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship so that’s why I said those things but-’

Cas cut him off by bluntly putting his hand on Dean’s mouth to stop the rambling. ‘Sorry to cut you off but it looked like you were in need of breathing so I felt like I needed to assist you. And you don’t have to explain anymore… I think I understand.’ Dean’s eyes sparked, if that was even a thing that could happen. Slowly he removed his hand again. Dean moved closer, and Cas was pretty sure he could hear a choir sing in the background.  
‘So…’ he wiggled his eyebrows to break the tension. Cas looked away, suddenly feeling embarrassed because Dean Winchester was quite an idiot. A smart, handsome and sensitive idiot. And he was blushing again. ‘So…’ he answered daring to look up, challenging Dean not to look away. They were smiling like fools now.  
‘Just kiss already.’ Quickly they looked up. Bobby was standing in the corner, washing his hands under the tap. They quickly scooted away from each other. Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘Don’t worry I haven’t been here for long. Just a few seconds. But I need to steal Castiel from you Deano so kiss and make up or whatever. I’ll be waiting in the store.’

Dean was making sounds of protest but Bobby simply chuckled and left. A comfortable silence fell. ‘You know, when you told me you saw me as a brother I got really angry. I wondered why you broke up with Lisa. I got angry because you’d kissed me… twice… and I felt used and…’ Dean gave him a knowing look. ‘I know and like-wise. But now that all cards are on the table… I would appreciate it if you would let me finish my speech.’

Cas shook his head. ‘No not all the cards. I still have something else you should know.’ Dean seemed taken back but also obviously curious. ‘You have a lot of secrets don’t ya? Well my amazing love declaration will have to wait. Go ahead I trust you.’  
Castiel shook his head. ‘No this last thing… Once I’ve told you, you won’t trust me anymore. But you have the right to now.’ He took a deep breath, if it wasn’t for Dean’s hand holding him he would’ve been shaking. ‘You shouldn’t worry that I will run away because of your paranormal world. Sure I seemed really calm and chill about it, but I was actually freaking out. That’s why I stayed home. But a part of me always knew.’

‘Listen all this stuff is new to me. I have no idea what the future has in store and I’m just a guy trying to do his best. But I have been keeping a secret from you.’ Dean waited patiently. He didn’t push him. ‘From the moment I’ve met you I’ve been able to see your aura Dean.’  
Dean blinked a few times. ‘Aura?’

‘Yes.’  
‘As in… those shiny lights around people?’

Castiel nodded nervously. ‘I wouldn’t say shiny lights. It’s more like an energy field. And it has allowed me a better insight into your emotions from the day we met. I now realize it’s a part of the paranormal world. But still… I should’ve told you sooner.’ Dean’s aura became a collection of bright pinks and oranges. He was embarrassed. ‘Wait… does that mean that you know how I feel? You’ve been able to read me this entire time?’ Cas shook his head quickly. ‘I am no expert in aura reading Dean. What I know I’ve collected from the internet and I’ve also learned a lot about your aura by our interactions. I can see that you’re embarrassed. I’m sorry.’  
He wanted to hold Dean’s hand again but refrained. ‘I will understand if you won’t be able to forgive me. And I also understand if this is a deal breaker. I have rudely and without permission made a breach in your privacy.’ Dean shook his head and quickly took hold of his shoulders. ‘No I’m glad!’ Cas blinked, this was not the reaction he had expected. ‘You’re glad?’  
Dean nodded, suddenly shy. ‘I’m glad you told me, that you dared to be honest with me. And also… I’m glad because there are things I can’t put into words, but I do wanna share with you.’ Cas got hit with a wave of emotions. Deep affection made him dizzy. ‘Are those your emotions Dean?’ He seemed surprised that it worked. ‘Yeah…’

They were staring at each other again. Cas didn’t want to ruin it now. Too lost in the moment. Yet he heard himself speak: ‘Bobby is still waiting…’ Dean turned to him and leaned closer. ‘Yes he his.’ Carefully he touched Castiel’s waste. ‘Is that okay?’ Cas simply nodded, he felt weird. All bubbly and happy. ‘Yes that’s fine.’  
A bit hesitant he touched Dean’s face. ‘Is this good too?’ Dean nodded, putting his flirty charms to work. ‘Maybe we should take his advice and kiss. That’s a thing couples do.’ Dean suggested, his voice barely louder than a whisper. Cas nodded in agreement. ‘Only if you feel like it.’ Dean gave it some thought. ‘What does my aura tell you Cas?’ Dean’s aura was like a protection blanked. Keeping out the bad.

It was soft and welcome. It was protective and strong. And Cas closed his eyes, afraid he might get a bit too emotional. But he felt happy. And he felt so many sensations all at the same time. ‘Well you do seem rather enthusiastic so-’ Dean didn’t allow the sentence to end. They were already kissing. Softly, deeply and it turned out to be almost impossible to smile and kiss at the same time. Cas tried to pull back. ‘Dean…’  
Dean shook his head. ‘Five more minutes. Bobby can wait.’ Cas frowned, ‘I’d actually forgotten him. I was actually trying to explain to you that-’ another kiss. ‘-there are other subjects that require our attention-’ Dean pulled back, suddenly very serious. ‘Yes there is one thing. How are we gonna survive Charlie’s I told you so speech?’

Castiel’s eyes widened in horror. ‘She told me she ships us. Do you know what that means?’ Dean shook his head. ‘No clue honestly.’ It was the perfect way to end the sentence because it allowed Cas to lean forward and kiss Dean again. Something he’d wanted to do for quite some time now. ‘Hey easy tiger.’ Dean chuckled as they both pulled away. Cas simply frowned. ‘Tigers are not indigenous to North America.’ He informed Dean with his most serious expression.  
Dean looked absolutely lost for a second. That was until Castiel’s neutral expression gave away for a grin. ‘Really? That was your attempt at a joke?’ He shook his head, ‘that was pathetic…’ Finally he stood up, pulling Cas up too. He didn’t let go of his hand.

‘Well I guess either Bobby really does need you for something important. Or he just wants to give you the I’ll hurt you if you hurt him-talk.’ The words left him before he could even consider them: ‘Does that make me your boyfriend?’ He instantly regretted them. Knowing Dean liked to keep things simple and easy. And for a second he was afraid Dean would let go of his hand and say: ‘No, what the hell are you talking about?’  
Instead Dean’s grip tightened and he said, easy as always: ‘Only if you’re my boyfriend too.’

**Wings flutter**

Dean had to leave for home. ‘Sammy will be wondering where I am. See ya soon buddy.’ Castiel had never had the need to sing or dance. But suddenly he felt like holding out a top hat and dance until his feet fell off. For a horrible second he thought he might be cursed.  
‘You came here walking?’ Bobby had taken out two chairs. He’d offer Castiel a drink but he’d politely refused. Suddenly afraid of any more tests. It became tiresome after a while for someone to accuse you of being some sort of monster. ‘I did sir.’ Bobby nodded as he opened up a bottle of beer. ‘Well don’t ya worry. I’ll take you back home. Don’t want your guardian to worry. Does he know where you at?’  
Cas shrugged. ‘He doesn’t care. As long as I don’t get myself into trouble.’ Bobby looked like he wanted to comment but he didn’t. ‘So Cas, is it alright if I call ya that?’ A shrug implied that it was fine. ‘How was your week? I heard you didn’t go back to school?’ Castiel felt confused. Why did this man care? Because of Dean? Because of the safety of others? Cas looked around the store. It looked dead.

‘I needed some time to think I guess. About all of this. And…’ Guilty thoughts crawled through his brain. Encouraged him to tell Bobby the truth. But how crazy would he sound?  
‘I also stayed home because when I went to the store, the lady behind me was thinking inappropriately about the cashier and I shouldn’t know what she was thinking, but I could hear her think. And light hurts my eyes and I might get killed soon because people, monsters and everything in between can’t leave me alone and I wish I had description sunglasses because seeing Dean’s aura turned my life around but to see that two of my classmates have anxiety and three of my teachers are depressed makes me want to cut my brain out.’  
Bobby had already said that some people were psychic and could see beyond the normal. And although Cas had secretly always liked the idea of superpowers these things didn’t feel like powers. They felt brain farts. Bobby was still waiting for him to continue. ‘I guess I just don’t feel safe anymore. I want to know how to protect myself. And preferably I’d like to be left alone and not get killed.’

Bobby didn’t ridicule him. Nor did he tell him he was pathetic and had to man up. He simply nodded. ‘Being a hunter… it’s a dangerous job and we don’t tend to live long. That’s why I usually-’ he looked around the store, ‘don’t go out on hunts anymore. I help others, make sure they have what they need to get the job done. But you’re right, you do need to know how to keep yourself safe.’

Suddenly Karen was standing next to the counter she smiled as she put her hand on the radio. Bobby seemed liked he was going to announce something to him because he sat up more, looked more active. ‘So you saw Karen earlier today right?’ Cas nodded dumbly not sure what Bobby was getting at. ‘Well she and I had a talk. And we agreed on something.’ Bobby looked around, ‘Karen you their honey?’ His eyes travelled past his wife like she wasn’t even there. The radio suddenly turned on and Karen started speaking.  
‘Yes I’m here.’ Her voice also came out of the radio. Making Castiel feel confused. Bobby saw his confusion and quickly reassured him. ‘You’re not crazy. It’s just that my wife is dead. Has been for some years now. But she hasn’t passed yet. So she haunts the store.’  
Next he was going to say that Dean’s Impala was also possessed. The thought crossed his mind briefly. Because you never know what is possible once the impossible happens. ‘Your wife is a ghost?’ It explained her pale features. Karen spoke up, ‘I might be a ghost but I’m still quite useful around the store. Sadly our last employees did get startled by me so that’s still something I will have to work at.’ Cas wanted to know why she didn’t just pass, he wanted to know why she was still hanging around. But seeing Bobby’s reaction to Karen’s voice… the sheer grief yet happiness…

It made him decide that this was none of his business.  
‘That’s why I want to propose you an offer Castiel. I will teach you how to protect yourself. And in return you work at the store. I’ll pay you for it of course. And in return for those two things I’d like you to keep an eye on Karen and I want you to help me in my research.’  
‘What research?’ Bobby pulled a face, ‘you’re not gonna like it. But it’s about angels.’ And Bobby was right, Cas didn’t like it. ‘I don’t want anything to do with that. They are out to get me.’ Bobby had that look again. That look that said he was smarter than he appeared. ‘If you help me figure this out we might find out why they want you. And how we can stop them.’  
He emptied his beer. ‘Also, have they tried to contact you ever since the confrontation? Have they tried to hurt you? Have you seen them as off lately?’ The answer to all those questions was a no. No, they hadn’t entered his dreams… no, after Hester’s dead Inias hadn’t tortured him. And no, he hadn’t seen them, at all. And he didn’t even have to answer, Bobby was reading him like he was a paperback you take with you on holiday.

‘Not even the red girl? What’s her name Anna?’ Oh Anna, horrible yet angelic Anna. Who’d saved their lives and who might have been at school today. ‘I don’t know about her. Also a reason I didn’t go to school. I’m afraid that she is pretending to be human… are the students in danger?’ Bobby seemed to consider it. ‘The more we know about angels, the easier it will be to protect the students. You taking the offer?’  
‘Alright. But what should I do if I see her?’ Karen had, without Castiel noticing disappeared again. ‘I don’t know son. But for now, I think we should keep it between us and these walls.’

**Wings flutter**

It happened more often now. Castiel was able to sleep again. But he was being plagued by horrible dreams that didn’t seem to make sense. He dreamed of green fields as far as you could possibly see. He dreamed of wars, chaos, blood and despair. He dreamed that he was a soldier. He dreamed of stars burning up, planets being formed. He dreamed of people who he didn’t recognize and words got spoken that he didn’t understand. Slowly the dreams fell apart to reveal a park. Cas looked around, immediately fearing the worst. ‘Congratulations on surviving the first weeks. It will be entertaining to see how this ends.’ He turned quickly, ready to fight. But to this surprise Balthazar was grinning at him. ‘You’re back.’

‘Good to see you too Cassie. I thought I’d run by. We can chat, have a drink I’d thought that’d be fun. Oh, maybe we can go to the pub?’ He was holding a big box in his hand. ‘I would die for a beer. Oh and before I forget again: here’s your present too!’ He didn’t even give the box to Cas, he opened it himself.  
‘There are few things in here. But the most important thing is that we need to talk about how you’ll have to stop the Second Coming of course.’ He spoke, like always, as if he was informing someone about the weather. With a confident but lazy smile and an arrogant tone to his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how are you all? It's been quite a while. I am currently in Spain and before I was here with wifi I was in Ireland WITH NO WIFI. So yes once I got the chance I started to write. And out came this. And a part of me HATES IT FOREVER AND WANTS IT TO BURN. Another part of me is kinda... sort of... almost... proud? SO THAT'S SOMETHING NEW AND EXCITING. So if you wanna be angry, go ahead because my stupid ass deserves it.  
> Like really.  
> I forgot the tell you guys I was going on holiday. I'm in nature forgetful... but really REALLY? So you know how Supernatural always has this life-ending theme going on? The apocalypse, leviathans, darkness etc? Well I decided to watch the Rapture film, the one with Nicolas Cage. Because I thought it would be funny. But it sucked. Like really. BUT THEN I did some Biblical research and SUDDENLY I THOUGHT: wouldn't it be great for my Supernatural fanfic to have a life-ending event?  
> Yes I thought so. So my atheist ass is going to do a LOT of research and is gonna be very interested yet bored. But in moments like these I'm glad I bought a Bible for the great price of 0,20 euro cents. Because that means I don't have to ask for one awkwardly at the library.  
> Like always I hope you're having a great time, I hope you're liking the story. If you have any advice I'd love to hear it. If you feel like it leave a review. AND WATCH GAME OF THRONES BECAUSE THINGS ARE REALLY GOING DOWN RIGHT NOW. Netflix is ruining my life. Also a quick apology that the layout MAY seem strange. It´s cause Archive hates me. So have a swell night/day and ttyl!


	14. Chapter IX

'There are few things in here. But the most important thing is that we need to talk about how you'll have to stop the Second Coming of course.' He spoke, like always, as if he was informing someone about the weather. With a confident but lazy smile and an arrogant tone to his voice. Castiel blinked. 'Second Coming?' Balthazar snapped his fingers, a table and two chairs appeared. On the table stood a cupcake with a little candle. 'Did I stutter? Yes I said the Second Coming. I also brought you a cupcake, blow out the candle and make a wish.'

Cas slowly sat down across from Balthazar. 'I don't understand.' He ignored the cupcake in favour of looking at the angel. Who at this point seemed slightly exasperated. 'Second Coming as in the return of Jesus Christ. Hark the herald angels sing and such. He returns to judge and takes the chosen ones with him to paradise?'

His raised his eyebrows, he talked to Cas as if he was a little child, slow to comprehend. 'Why do I have to stop that? It doesn't sound so bad. And where have you been? Did you know what happened with Crowley?'

Cas frowned, Balthazar constantly talked about being his friend. But where was he when he really needed him? Anna had saved their asses. Not the angel in front of him.

'I know everything. Anna was displeased about it. She got pretty pissed at me too.' Cas tried to keep the distain out of his voice. 'Well I'm very sorry that our lives are such an inconvenience to you. It's not my fault that we almost died. Maybe you should just leave.' Balthazar blew the candle for him. 'Who got your knickers in a twist?'

'You. All of you. I get it, they want to kill me, they hate my guts. Apparently their grand plans for me involves that I don't need to know anything. I have enough to fix already. I need to keep myself and my friends save. I need to convince Bobby that I have no connection to the bottle of grace-'

'Grace?' Balthazar's eyes widened. Cas ignored him. 'Yes you heard me, grace. Crowley almost killed us for it. Not that you care-'

Suddenly Cas was unable to move or speak, Balthazar looked around, as if waiting for danger to turn up. 'Alright I get it, you're angry. But you need to shut up now. Because I bring gifts. One of those being information. Do you want to know why your mother died? Do you want to know why everyone is set on killing you? I can finally answer these questions for you. But you have to promise to be quiet and first and foremost: tell me where the grace is.' For the first time in a long time, Balthazar was completely dropping his human persona.

Cas simply looked at him. 'Do you understand? Blink once for no, and twice for yes.' Cas blinked twice. The hold the angel had on him disappeared. 'I don't know where Bobby hides the grace. Just that it is important. What is it?'

Balthazar opened the present box again. 'You know, I feel like you don't always appreciate my companionship. I come bearing gifts and you treat me like your enemy. I must say that I'm disappointed in you more than usual.' Cas pursed his lips together to keep from saying something rude. He needed his companion to speak.

'Well let's not let the excitement build further shall we? I have brought for you...'

He put a thick old book on the table. 'A very special book written in Enochian. I might or might not have stolen it. I think you'll find it an interesting read.'

He looked in the box again. 'I have a gift card for you, that you'll have to spend on clothing. Because if your die, you should go out in style. A beautiful angel blade, but I warn you, it's sharp! And last but not least, precious information on how to save the world.' Balthazar grinned, seemingly pleased with himself.

Cas looked at the content on the table, and after choosing his words carefully he spoke. 'You shouldn't have. Thank you.' It was the correct response. 'You're welcome, it was no trouble. So shall we start?'

The lights in the park suddenly all darkened. And with a flash they found themselves looking at a woman with a child in her arms. 'A long time ago there was a man named Jesus Christ. You've probably heard of him. As you might know: Jesus was the son of God, and in his time on earth he performed extraordinary feats. He was humanities saviour. The humans gave him a god-like status.'

Jesus preformed his miracles, and people looked at him in awe. 'The fallen angel Lucifer, which you might know as Satan, got jealous of the young Messiah. And he started corrupting him.' The man was praying under a tree when suddenly and angel appeared before him. But Cas could see something that Jesus couldn't. The angel was Lucifer and his corruption darkened his soul.

'God knew there was only one way to save his son. So he let him die on the cross. So his soul could enter heaven and be freed from Lucifer's corruption.' Cas couldn't help but to think that was quite a cruel thing to do. No matter the reasons behind it.

Balthazar was one of those guys who liked to tell his story with a flair of drama. 'However...' they were surrounded by darkness again. 'Jesus was already lost, he was beyond saving. And he rebelled against God. And he fought using the power of the Crown of Immortality.' A bright light started hurting his eyes, he shut them in reflex.

'The Crown of Immortality?' When he opened his eyes his heart rate spiked at the chaos around him. War, chaos, pain and dead surrounded him. 'The Crown of Immortality possesses power beyond your imagination. And the son of God used its powers to cause destruction on the world. He was going to create a paradise on earth.'

Cas was frozen on the spot. In the sky flashes of light clashed together. 'Who won?' Balthazar looked around with grim expression. 'Nobody really won. God wouldn't interfere at first. His love blinding him. But when he did, he put his son to rest. Suddenly a loud bang made it difficult to hear anything, Cas quickly covered his ears. 'He separated his son's soul from his body. His body faded away, and was banished to the Empty. His soul got locked away in the only place that could contain him.'

The images disappeared like a watercolour painting that was slowly dissolving. 'Wait... he put the soul in the Crown? Does that even make sense?' Deep in his core, Cas found the story to be somewhat familiar. But he didn't understand why. 'Trust me, when the guy above wants something to work it works. But after what happened he was heartbroken. I guess that's why he didn't destroy Jesus just to get it done with. He probably hopes that one day everything can go back to the way it was.'

Balthazar talked about God like he was just a normal everyday guy. Which clashed with Castiel's idea that God was an almighty, all-knowing and perfect being. But he could think about the nature of religion another time.

'So he left. Hasn't returned since, he gave the Crown to the Seraph Cassiel for safe keeping and left the archangel Michael in charge.' Cas couldn't help but to raise an eyebrow. 'An angel named Cassiel?' He knew he was named after an angel, but still it felt weird to hear that name being spoken out loud.

'Okay, I understand. But what is my role in this? What have these events to do with the present?' Balthazar snapped his fingers. Like a bird they were moving past great landscapes all around the world. 'The angel Cassiel had the Crown for ages. Constantly on the run, knowing the Crowns power was desirable for many. In the end he failed and got himself killed. But not before passing the task to someone else...' The images stopped moving, a woman holding a baby was sitting outside, looking at the stars.

'This Cassie, is your great-great-great-great-great-great- oh you get where I'm going. This is your ancestor.' Castiel observed the woman, for a second he thought he could see some similarities between them. But those could be coincidental.

'She is my ancestor?' He took a step closer, hoping she wouldn't notice. 'She had a name of course, but it's not really what she's known for. She is usually called the woman of the apocalypse. She was the first saint, blessed by the angel Cassiel himself. And who came from her bloodline would also become saints.'

Balthazar gave him a pat on the back. 'This is where you come in. You see saints have been working with the angels for ages, to keep the Crown save. It's why you have such extraordinary abilities. Your mom however discovered something that has changed things drastically.' They were suddenly standing in an old library. His mom was sitting at a table. Her hair in a messy bun, her eyes had dark bags and she looked thin and like she was starving. Next to her lay a book and she had her eyes closed.

'Speak to me angels and guide my way.' She spoke. The symbols she had drawn on the table glowed. 'What is she doing? What did she discover?' His mother seemed deep in trance now, he tried to touch her, but her image faded if he tried. 'More and more saints started dying. Your mother was trying to figure out why. She discovered that the angels were the culprits. Michael had been trying to get the Crown in hands for ages. It's why he killed Cassiel. He found the Seraph too weak. The first few ages the saints were too powerful to attack. But he was power hungry and patient.'

Isabelle's eyes opened, a look of terror on her face. 'Your mother was in shock by this discovery. The angels whom she and her family had seen as allies for years turned out to be corrupted by the Crown just like all others.' His mother scrambled up, the candles she lit had all stopped burning. She was crying.

'What did she do? Did she search for help? When was this? Why didn't you help her?' Balthazar shook his head. 'There was no more help, you two were the only saints left alive. Your mother was desperate. She broke the Crown into five pieces and ended her life.' When he saw Cas' expression he gave him a sympathetic look. 'I'm sorry I couldn't save her. But I could save you. One of the parts had placed itself in you. It recognized you as the true owner. That's why everyone wants you dead.'

He shook his head, 'it's why I was hiding you. But now that you're out in the world again. Everyone will try to get to the Crown by using you.' They were sitting in the park again, his gifts still lay before him. Balthazar pointed at the cupcake. 'You don't want it?' Cas really didn't care about food right now. 'What a shame.'

They sat in silence for a short while. 'Why don't they just kill me like they did with the other saints?' Balthazar quickly sipped his tea. 'Excellent question!' You see you have something none of the other saints had. Grace is stuck to your being. If they killed you it would simply fade out of existence and the Crown would be lost forever. But there is a difference between murder and killing yourself. You see killing yourself would in this case be a form of acceptance.'

He pretended to grip something. 'So they can get the grace out of your without hurting it.'

Cas nodded, his situation seemed glum. Balthazar was however not done yet. 'Your job is actually quite simple. Find the five pieces, restore the Crown and keep it safe. And if you don't I can guarantee you that you and a lot of others will die. And whoever gets their hands on it will probably, even if it is by accident, bring back Jesus. And he has promised that his Second Coming will be apocalyptic.'

Balthazar had a shit eating grin as he stood up. 'Lucky for you, I hate the guy immensely.' Cas held onto his box with gifts, he frowned deeply. 'How can I find these graces?' Graces didn't sound like the right word. 'You mean Crowns. The Five Heavenly Crowns. Trust me that is a lot easier to say than graces.'

The park around them was slowly showing, to Cas' surprise, dawn. 'Oh, and you have already found the Crown of Glory and the Crown ofLife. That last one is currently in the hands of Bobby Singer.' So what should he do? Steal the grace in Bobby's possession? Couldn't he just ask nicely? Balthazar had apparently read his mind. 'Trust me, a Crown can have a weird effect on people. If you ask him to hand it over it will definitely end with blood. Stealing indeed seems like your best option.'

Ha. Cas knew it. There was no way Balthazar was as great as he claimed to be. 'What I get from all this is that you'll just watch and let me do all the work?' The angel nodded. 'That about sums it up. Besides, I am a double agent. I life in constant fear and doubt. So you understand right? Beside the Crowns would only corrupt me.'

He turned to give Cas a hug, but the teenager quickly did a step backwards. An awkward silence fell. The angel seemed disappointed. 'Well, I guess that was all. I hope you're alive the next time that I see you and good luck!' With a flash and a gush of wind and fluttering wings the angel disappeared. Leaving Cas behind to watch the sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So this is chapter 9, finally things are getting explained a bit. I did a lot of research, so most of these holy terms are in fact Biblical in nature. I really liked the idea of Jesus being corrupted by Lucifer. Because that's something he'd do. Why corrupt some tiny humans if he can catch a bigger fish and hurt Chuck right in the feels right?
> 
> Chapter 10 is already finished. So I will update it soon. I'm currently working on chapter 11 and I hope you guys enjoyed. Comments and kudos really do mean a lot to me. So I hope you have an awesome day!


	15. Chapter X

It was early morning. Cas could feel a chill go down his spine when Dean touched his back. It's wasn't the good kind of chill. It was the type that made him uncomfortable, and his skin sensitive and he pulled away immediately, almost dropping the gun in the process. Dean spoke. 'What's wrong?' His green eyes big in surprise. It's was an oddly sunny day. Cas couldn't help but to secretly like the weather. He liked to take a deep breath to enjoy the smells around him. (Every time he does so Kevin jokes that he's enjoying the smell of decaying leaf corpses.)

He and Dean had decided to take the early morning to learn how to shoot. They were in the forest, far enough away from civilization not to worry about the sounds. Castiel's thoughts lingered and worried. 'Why were you touching me?' It was oddly quiet around them, the sun had hardly made itself known and a chilly wind made him shiver again. Dean looked dumbstruck for a moment.

'I told you about standing firm right? I was just trying to correct your stance.' Dean's aura betrayed a slight embarrassment. Dean quickly offered him a smile, 'you can tell me when something is uncomfortable right? I won't hold it against you.' Castiel nodded, deciding that it was probably their best option. He raised the gun again and aimed, there was now a cold feeling at were Dean had touched him.

**Wings flutter**

Cas had finally managed to aim right and the sun started rising higher. 'It's time to go. We'll continue this another time. Sam is wondering where his ride is.' Cas liked how Dean always got this soft look in his eyes when he talked about his brother. Like he was the best thing that had ever happened to the world. Cas had unconsciously started to agree with that sentiment.

They cleaned the place up and made their way to the Impala. For a second it looked like Dean wanted to reach out and take his hand. But apparently he changed his mind at the last second.

Cas felt his mood sink. He regretted freaking out like he did earlier. It had been one of the more difficult things about his Autism. _Touches_. Sometimes they were easy, nice even. But sometimes there were days that he couldn't even shake someone's hand without cringing. Dean was in a way special. Because Cas had (until now) never really experienced troubles with Dean touching him.

They were officially together for eight days now. He honestly felt a little pathetic for counting. But the best thing about starting his day was waking up and knowing that breakfast would be decent, and that Dean Winchester was his boyfriend.

But ever since they'd become official it became hard to avoid the more casual touching. He kept telling the reflection in the mirror that he just needed to find the right moment to start the topic. But in truth: he was just lying to himself. They were almost joined at the hip from the moment they met.

They went to school together, messaged each other and spent a lot of their free time together. None of their friends had seemed bothered when they held hands in public. They were more careful around other students though. Definitely around guys like Raphael. Their semi-secret relationship wasn't drastically different from when they were just friends. Yet this casual touching was driving him crazy.

Cas shook his head. He was too negative. Dating had its perks. Dean looked at him with this softness that made his stomach do weird twists. Cas now had the courage to kiss Dean when he was sure no-one was looking. Dean sneakily held his hand under the table when they studied, and he felt giddy with excitement every time he thought about it. Sometimes he wanted to be affectionate with Dean when surrounded by people.

But for Dean keeping up appearances seemed to matter. He was known for being a flirt, a ladies guy. The girls always smiled at him and squealed when he gave them a wink. But he was also known for being an outsider, for having a drinking father and for causing troubles wherever he went. If Cas had to believe the rumours Dean had stolen cars, slept with a teacher (who had been fired afterwards),and threatened headmaster Campbell when the man considered expelling him for beating up several people _and_ threatening to kill them.

When he had told these rumours to Dean he'd almost peed his pants. 'They are just rumours, trust me, Bobby would kill me if those things were true.' And Cas believed him, and he guessed that in a way it made sense why he didn't want other students to know about them. He also feared that Dean wanted to keep them a secret... because he wasn't as out of the closet as he was fooling himself to be. Everyone knew that Charlie liked girls. It wasn't something she announced everywhere, but still everyone knew. The others had never really given a clear preference when it came to dating. Kevin had only shown interest in girls so far and Jo was even vaguer about her love life. Dean had taken Cas by surprise by returning his feelings.

Dean was explaining something about gun maintenance. And he couldn't help but to feel guilty for thinking badly about him. Because Dean liked him, cared for him and they were happy together. So it shouldn't matter to him if Dean was out or not. Wasn't he raised in a homophobic household himself? Cas had a strong feeling it had to do with his father John.

And maybe that's why Cas was worried.

'Are you still listening?' Dean gave him a curious look and he blinked a few times. 'Uh no, sorry I spaced out.' Dean grinned a cocky smile, 'yeah I know you've been staring at my mouth.' Cas could feel heat creep into his face, 'well I didn't mean to. I was thinking about something else.'

Dean's eyebrows shot up, he didn't seem convinced. 'If you say so.' Dean was whistling, he seemed to be in a good mood as of lately. 'So did you like your first lesson?' Cas nodded, ever since he'd made his arrangement with Bobby he'd been waiting to learn something. The hunter and Dean had apparently sat down together and made a list. It contained everything that Cas should know before he chased whatever was going bump in the night.

Not that he would ever chase anything if Dean had a say in it. How to aim a gun sounded like an easy thing. But it turned out to be a lot harder than Cas had expected. 'I know I shouldn't be saying this. But I'm curious... what will you teach me next?' Dean bit his lip as he stepped into the car. Cas quickly followed. 'What?' He had suspected Dean would go all serious and tell him that hunting was a scary terrible way of living, and that he shouldn't think it was a game.

Instead he said: 'Maybe it's me but everything you say sounds very suggesting.'

Maybe Cas really was a brick wall when it came to innuendo, because he tilted his head to the side. Wondering what Dean meant. Dean simply leaned towards him and gave him a quick peck. 'I was just messing with ya.' Before he even realized he was doing it he pushed Dean away as hard as he could. He could still feel the unpleasant touch of Dean's fingers on his lower back.

Dean seemed surprised by the sudden outburst. 'Hey, are you okay?' He leaned over but Cas quickly retreated. 'I pushed you and _you're_ asking _me_ if I'm okay?' Dean shrugged, 'you seemed startled. What happened?' This time Dean slowly put his hand on Cas shoulders. When he was inches away from touching it he looked at Cas and said: 'I'm going to put my hand there alright?' Cas nodded and Dean firmly held his shoulder.

Cas felt lame. 'I'm sorry.' Dean looked at him curiously, his hand firmly stayed in place. 'Do you have this a lot?' Cas shook his head, 'no not that often. Just sometimes. And around you it's all a lot easier because...' he trailed off, not sure as how to continue.

Dean quickly seemed to get it. 'Because I'm an incredibly attractive sexy Casanova who can sweep you off your feet?' Cas rolled his eyes, a habit that would probably become commonplace around his boyfriend. 'Something like that. Just let me know what you're going to do.'

Dean nodded. Then he leaned in and said: 'I'm going to put my hand in your sexy hair. And I'm going to kiss you until you need to take a deep breath. Does that sound good?' Cas was already ahead of him and started kissing him. 'Did you just call my hair "sexy"?' He wondered out loud when they finally pulled away. Dean shrugged. 'I'm not gonna lie. You have a bed head and it looks amazing on you.' They only started up the car when Sam called and asked what the hell was taking so long.

**Wings flutter**

Cas should have guessed that something was different today. But what he was not so sure about yet. Maybe it was the chill that seemed to follow him. Or the unusual dark thoughts that he seemed to have. Anyway Cas could see Jo and Charlie leering at someone. Scrap that. He could _feel_ it. It was curiosity, jealousy and surprise.

He was trying his best to dampen the volume of sensations he was receiving, but it was hard. Ever since Jo and Dean had become aware of his psychic abilities they had become a lot more careful with their thoughts. And he felt guilty for intruding their privacy. Finally Castiel's curiosity won out. 'What are you guys doing?' Jo quickly hushed him. He turned to follow their gaze to a girl he hadn't seen around before. She had curly hair and wore a white dress. This made her stick out in the ocean of jeans and hoodies surrounding her.

'Who's that?' He was being blatantly ignored. Jo's face formed into an almost evil laugh. 'That Gilda, Charlie's ex.' Charlie immediately puffed out her chest. 'She didn't break up with me. We came to an agreement that it wouldn't work out.' Jo raised an eyebrow. 'I never said that. But thanks for the reminder.'

He should have probably been interested, maybe even fascinated by the situation. Instead he nodded and continued eating. Their lunch break wasn't amazingly long and he'd been having trouble eating again. And if he didn't eat Dean would notice. He felt a shiver go down his spine and the weird feeling came back in his head. Like a cold and deadly caressing.

'Since when is she friends with Anna Milton?!' Castiel's head quickly shot up, his eyes shooting in Gilda's direction. Indeed she was sitting next to Anna Milton and the other girls from Lisa's friend group. (Although Lisa was nowhere to be found).

Suddenly his sandwich didn't look as promising anymore. The angel looked just as ordinary as usual. Red hair, pale face and normal clothes. But he couldn't help but shudder. He hadn't seen Anna around yet and here she was, pretending... waiting.

Jo seemed just as intrigued. 'Well I guess she really does have a thing for redheads.' It was obviously not the reaction Charlie was waiting for.

'Stop freaking out Charlie. You remember the project we have? Gilda and Anna work together.' Dean didn't even look up from his phone when he spoke. Charlie frowned. 'Really?' Dean didn't react. She let out a sigh. 'Stop watching porn and answer me.' Cas wished the sounds of the crowd around him had filtered the word porn out, but now it was stuck in his head.

'I'm not watching porn!' Dean put his phone away, he seemed uncomfortable if only for a second. Cas quickly tried to disregard it. But failed incredibly when Dean started explaining that it was called anime and not porn.

Charlie shrugged. 'Hentai, anime, porn, whatever. You know I was joking.' Kevin finally looked up from his book. 'Wait who was watching porn?' He looked bewildered. Charlie her focus had already shifted back to her ex again, and Dean was frantically explaining to whoever would listen that he was definitely _not_ watching porn.

The subject was slowly changing and Castiel tried to get himself involved. But whenever he tried to say something someone interrupted him. It was like he didn't even exist. He turned to the girl's table again. He wondered where Lisa was, maybe she was sick? He and Dean had hardly talked about Dean's break up. Only that it was done and that Lisa would come around eventually.

He'd seen her during certain periods. She barely talked to him, never looked at him. And he was wondering if she was angry. Finally he gave up and continued eating his lunch. When the bell rang everyone started to make their way towards their next classes. Cas gave Anna one more wary look but she didn't even look in his direction. To her he meant nothing. Just another tiny human trying his best.

**Wings flutter**

Tuesday didn't only mean gun shooting and porn jokes during lunch. It also meant English. The awkward silence continued. It was their last period of the day and a major project had gotten everyone's attention. In groups of two they had to read an assigned book and make a report about it. At the end of the project they would give a presentation. Cas liked these types of projects a lot. But there was only one small issue.

Lisa was not saying a word to him. Instead she was reading their assigned book. Life of Pi was one of those books Cas had always wanted to read, but he never came around to doing so. 'We'll have to make an appointment soon.' He tried to catch her attention. She didn't react. Lisa wasn't mean to him, or rude for that matter. It was more like she was absentminded.

'Lisa?' Finally she looked up. 'When works for you?' She spoke calmly, friendly even. But her eyes were somewhere else. He started ticking with his pen. 'Tomorrow?' She shook her head. 'Alright then Thursday after school?' She finally looked him in the eyes, he quickly looked away. Her aura was as still as he felt. 'Sure.' She said. Finally the bell rang and everyone started picking up their stuff. Jo was loudly complaining about how boring Pride and Prejudice was. And Kevin held onto it like it was the Bible. They laughed and Cas wanted to smile too.

But suddenly the cold feeling made itself known. _You don't belong here_. It said. And he couldn't help but to agree, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. _You are an outsider_. Dean saw his loomed expression and asked him if he was alright. He grinned, 'I feel great.'

**Wings flutter**

He felt his body move. He could hear himself talk. But inside he was unmoving, he was frozen. He knew whatever was happening was out of the ordinary. But no matter how hard he fought, everything stayed cold, and unmoving at his command.

Dean, as usual, gave him a ride home. Dean gave him no look of worry. He was fighting with Sam about a film of sorts. When asked who was right Cas automatically choose Sam, like always. But his word flow was controlled. Before he could make any other sound his mouth closed again. Wasn't there any way he could warn them that he was in danger? That they were possibly all in danger?

Dean winked as he left him at the front door. Castiel managed to relax his mind. Panicking and fighting was bringing him nowhere. He had to find out what controlled him and how. And if he could possibly stop it. He felt something drip out of his nose. He wiped it away with his sleeve. A black gooey mess greeted him.

'Castiel!' He looked up, feeling relieved someone came to his aid. He felt almost stupidly disappointed when he saw it was Daphne. She smiled, 'great to see you here, how are you?' She gave his arm a little tug, when she saw his nose she quickly got out a handkerchief. 'I think you've got a bloody nose.' He took the handkerchief and nodded. 'Thank you.'

He wished he could give Daphne a sign something was wrong. But she was already talking about her cousin Hannah coming to visit. 'When they're here you should come to visit! Hannah is our age and her friend Gabriel is very friendly.' Cas looked up, Daphne was still giving him a friendly smile. 'Cas you in there?' He felt disorientated. He quickly looked around. Slowly she put her hand on his shoulder. He pulled away immediately, the sensation was unpleasant. 'Are you really ok?'

He nodded, and heard himself say that he would like to visit sometime. The words had been forced out of him. His body moved without his permission and he made his way to his apartment. His mind was swirling. The clock on the wall said it was 18:00 PM.

He let out a shaky breath, and suddenly he noticed how cold the room was. 'Castiel.' A soft voice startled him from his trance. He was able to move again. A woman was standing near the window. Looking outside on the buildings, and the quickly darkening sky. Her soft eyes radiated sadness and grief.

She looked horrifying.

The woman was covered in blood, her limbs twisted in an odd manner. Bones were sticking out at places, the woman should startle him. He should be yelling for help. He should be terrified. Instead he felt a cold calmness take over when she smiled at him.

'Mom.'

'Hello, Castiel.'

Cas wanted to move, he wanted to run. He remembered Mister Adler's words, clear as day: 'Grief sometimes does strange things to humans. Sometimes we see things that are not really there because we can't handle losing it.' He made himself look taller, he tried to take on a pose that should strike confidence in him. 'Get out.'

Blood dripped on the floor. Staining the carpet and making the room smell oddly. His mother seemed unbothered by his order. 'Aren't you happy to see me sweetheart?' She stretched out her arm. His stomach twisted. It was obvious that the bones in her arm were anything but intact. 'Stay away from me, get out of my head.'

His voice trembled, his body shook. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears. He tried to swallow down a scared gasp. He tripped over his own feet as he tried to escape. She just calmly moved forward. 'I'm not here to hurt you Castiel.' Should he call for help? Should he scream? His hand moved towards his phone, he quickly sent Dean the panic signal.

His mother stopped moving, had she notice? She turned towards the window again. 'You know I would never hurt you.' He quickly scrambled up, taking a look around. This time her haunting was different. Usually she kept saying the same things. She would go through certain motions like a loop. This time she seemed too real. He really needed something made of iron.

Before he could move Isabelle was already taking hold of his arm. She had never really touched him before. All alarms went off inside his head. 'Can't you see I'm trying to save you? Save you from my faith?' She was shaking him with brute force. More than she should've had. Suddenly he knew where the cold presence had come from. She had been following him all day. Whispering madness in his ear. He reached into his pocket. The object was his mother's necklace.

He'd found it in her box of belongings and brought it to history class. He didn't know for sure, but he was positive that her spirit was stuck to it. 'You're dead.' His voice sounded soft, weak to his own ears.

'I did it to protect you can't you see? You're in danger. You need to save yourself. You must fly away. You've gone through such pain.' Her eyes widened, her hand softly touched his cheek, he couldn't move. The sense of peace got shoved down his throat again.

She looked at him knowingly. 'And have they told you why? Our family curse. Our burden?' She murmured softly. The cold returned inside him. The necklace burnt his hand. 'Why allow yourself any more pain? Come with me Castiel. We miss you so much, you have to come visit us.'

Castiel could cry. He missed his mother so incredibly so. And she had died, and that had been on him. 'I am dead Castiel. And you did this to me. Do you want to make things right? Do you want to keep your loved ones save?'

He nodded, slowly feeling all worries leave him. He felt empty, hollow. He felt at peace.

His mother nodded, 'then come with me. Fly away with me. I have shown you before. It's easy, it's the most incredible feeling.' Her voice was a simple whisper now, 'no more pain, no more grief. Just freedom.'

'Freedom.' The words left his mouth, once again forced out of him. They were not his own but they sure sounded like it. His mother took a step towards the door. His eyes stayed glued to her. Why he ever thought she looked like a monster he didn't understand. His mother was young, beautiful and full of life. And she wanted to share her freedom with him. How could he refuse?

The burning became worse. He felt a cold reach into his core. And he felt himself drift into sleep. He welcomed it.

**Wings flutter**

Cas was walking through the building, he wondered what he was searching for. He was in the state that humans enter when they are neither asleep nor awake. Every so often he would try to open a window or try to open a door. 'Cas?' He could feel his heart beating faster. Was that Dean? His mind dismissed the sound, he kept searching.

Suddenly someone was blocking his path. Someone was shaking him. 'Cas are you alright? What's going on?' For a second he thought he saw Dean, giving him a worried look. He smiled, 'I must fly. Let me fly.' He walked past a confused Dean who shouted and ran after him. Cas knew the building better than Dean, he pressed the lift button to the second floor and then proceeded to take the stairs to the fifth floor. He hoped Dean would fall for it.

He found what he'd been looking for. He knew that some of his flatmates had balconies. He also remembered that Amelia Richardson often forgot to lock her door. He opened the door with no problem. In the background he could hear a shower running, quietly he made his way to his final destination. His goal clear: He was going to jump.

And he would fly.

He closed the door to the small balcony. He imagined the owner of the apartment wouldn't appreciate the cold wind enter the living room. He looked down, this height would suffice. He put one leg over the edge and then the other. His mom was standing next to him. She seemed proud. 'Don't be scared, all you need to do now is jump. You can do it sweetie.' She nodded at the depth beneath him.

He took a deep breath. But before he could move he could finally pulled back, he fell to the ground with a smack. He started screaming. His body burned and someone shoved salt in his mouth. His mother wailed and disappeared.

Suddenly the coldness disappeared, things became clear again. Castiel felt himself snap out of dream like state. Dean was holding him down and put a hand on his mouth. He had apparently still been screaming. Dean picked him up without much ceremony and quickly made his way out of the apartment. When they were safe in a hallway two floors down Castiel's hysteria finally faded.

'Cas breath. I'm here, stay with me buddy. Take a deep breath.' Cas closed his eyes, still dizzy from staring at the depths beneath him. 'Dean let go of me. I need to go. I need to-' Dean held him firmer. 'Cas you can't jump. You'll get hurt.'

Cas tried to push him away, 'I can fly Dean. She told me, my mom told me Dean! I'll fly, I promise. Dean please.' He finally returned to his senses. He looked around. And he realized what he'd almost done. 'Dean? Did she- is she-' His head was spinning and Dean shook his head. 'Are you ok? Tell me what happened.' _What happened?_ Castiel felt mushy, like he'd been chasing a car.

**Wings flutter**

When he finished his explanation Dean had already picked up the necklace with the sleeve of his hoody. Castiel was still in shock. Dean had pulled him back from the edge at the very last second. His mouth still tasted like salt. 'Sorry about that, had to think fast.' Dean didn't seem very sorry. Mostly he looked around, waiting to see if the haunting would continue soon.

'So my mom is possessing the necklace. She-' Dean pulled him up. He felt unsteady on his feet. He wiped his nose again. More black goo had gotten out of his nose. 'Dean?' The hunter was quiet as he pulled him along. They excited the hallway. 'We have to salt and burn it. Is there anything else you have of her?' Cas remembered the box.

'Yes a box. Do we need to burn everything?' Dean frowned and finally shook his head. 'If she returns we do. She got vengeful. You're lucky I got here in time and didn't fall for that stupid elevator trick. You could've gotten hurt.' Finally Castiel realized why Dean sounded so angry. Dean wasn't angry, he was scared out of his mind. And who was Cas to blame him?

So far he'd gotten himself into some dangerous situations.

 _Should I tell him everything?_ A little voice in the back of his mind suggested. He quickly shook the idea. This was not the right time to tell Dean about the end of time. When they returned to Castiel's apartment they made an impromptu fireplace and destroyed the necklace. Dean finally relaxed a little. He turned to Cas.

'You worry me.'

Cas looked up. 'I know. You worry me too.'

Dean looked at the couch. 'Is it ok if I crash here for the night? I wanna make sure we both get to school alive tomorrow.' Cas nodded, that sounded amendable. His legs were still shaking. 'I'm going to take the car and pick up Sam, is it cool if he crashed here too?'

Castiel's words sounded hollow, but at least they were his own. 'Of course. You two are always welcome here.'

**Wings flutter**

Night fell, and both Sam and Dean were deep asleep, Cas was sitting near the window. He couldn't get his mother, nor her words out of his mind. Was he weak? Did he not deserve to be alive? _'And have they told you why? Our family curse. Our burden?'_ The words haunted him long throughout the night.

He stood up and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. 'Maybe she was right.' He murmured. He looked at himself. Pale, thin and weak. He used to do good in sports, he used to go outside a lot. 'Maybe I'm broken.' His reflection didn't speak. He turned to look at the living room. Dean was sleeping on the ground buried under a blanket and loudly snoring. He had given Sam the couch. Both were turning and twisting in their sleep.

He did know one thing. After what Balthazar had told him? After what had happened with the demons and angels? After what had happened tonight?

He was done running.

He was done hiding.

He was going to fight, because if it wasn't for Dean he'd been dead now. Sam and Dean, they needed someone to watch over them too. Someone who could protect them when they couldn't.

Cas moved back into the living room and he stared at the residue of his mother's necklace. He had to do something. He'd been pushed too many times. A feeling returned to him. Anger. It got followed by rage, determination and impulsiveness. He remembered when Kevin had been beaten in the hallway. He'd just stood there, afraid to act.

He would never regret saving him though. Something caught his eye. Something shiny lay in the residue of his mother's memory. His heart skipped a beat when he took a closer look. He recognized it. He'd seen it before but in a bottle. 'Grace.'

Once again it called out to him. Warm and familiar. He remembered Balthazar's words. Without thinking he reached out to it. This was his burden to carry. Not Dean's, not Bobby's not anyone's. He gripped it tight.

And suddenly he remembered something. Something important.

_The angel Cassiel, in love with humanity. Was doomed to fall, yet he set out to fulfil the will of his Lord. And so it was foretold._

Cas stared at the Crown he'd found in his mother's necklace. It seemed like the Crowns were connected to places and things he cared about. The moment he touched it the grace had nestled in his watch. He turned to look at Sam and Dean, they were still sleeping. Seemingly unaware about what had just happened.

Cas moved, returning to bed. It almost fell as if nothing had happened. But in the back of his mind he made a mental note. _Two found, three to go_.

The clock was ticking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER CHAPTER. SLOWLY MORE AND MORE PLOT IN PLOT REVEALS ITSELF. Honestly have no idea at this point if this story is even decent. BUT I LOVE IT. And I've always wanted to do this. SO HERE WE GO.


	16. Chapter XI

It was night, and lying on the grass, looking at the stars lay a seraph. 'Looking at the stars Cassiel?' Quickly the angelic creature sat up straight. The angel Hannah greeted him. This time in a male vessel. Cassiel relaxed, 'I had almost killed you out of reflex.' Hannah simply nodded, 'my apologies then. I'll keep it in mind for next time.' Hannah sat down next to him and commented on how beautiful the stars looked.

'You think the stars are beautiful?' Cassiel asked. Both of them quietly observed the earth's night sky. 'Of course I do. That's what humans are supposed to say right? They consider dangerous things attractive.' Cassiel felt that Hannah was showing a bit of humour, but he didn't dare comment on it.

The angel was one of the few with whom Cassiel dared to show a more human side of himself. He didn't want to scare his companion away. Hannah looked around. 'Where is Balthazar?' Cassiel disliked answering that question. 'He has left to join his garrison on their mission.'

Hannah gave him a calculating look. 'And when will you be leaving for yours?' Cassiel stood up and his wings slightly parted, ready to fly away if needed. 'Probably sooner than later.'

**Wings flutter**

'Mister Novak?' Someone was firmly shaking him and his eyes shot open. He felt disorientated. A few people laughed at his confusion. Their teacher miss MacLeod seemed less than amused. 'Good morning, I'm not interrupting you am I?' Castiel quickly sat up straight and Charlie gave him an apologetic look. She felt guilty for not keeping him awake. Her thoughts were clear like a bell.

'I'm sorry, what was your question ma'am?' Miss MacLeod pointed at his book. 'The answer to question four? And next time don't fall asleep. I will not repeat the content of my classes because you can't seem to get a good night rest.' Cas muttered a half-hearted apology. He closed his eyes, and concentrated. Slowly the thoughts of the people around him became softer, less harsh to his ears.

He was surprised it had actually worked. He was making progress. Whether this was a good or a bad thing he had yet to discover. When the bell rang he took his bag and ran into the hallway, Charlie was on his heels. 'Hey Cas wait up!' He slowed down a bit. Finally Charlie managed to catch up with him. From their group of friends they'd been the only ones to choose art history. So Charlie liked to call this class their bonding time. Castiel liked to call it: _how much can I tell Charlie?_

The answer? Nothing. And he knew it. But sometimes when they were sitting together, frowning at an ugly painting he wished he could just tell her _something_. But Charlie wouldn't believe him, even if he tried. It was odd, his life felt split between two things.

School used to be strange and new. And there was the unexplained, which used to be a common day at his old residence. 'Hey Cas are you getting excited for Dick's Halloween party?' Cas shrugged. Dick Roman wasn't necessarily friends with Raphael. But he was being cautious anyway. Although everyone was talking about how exciting it would be, Castiel doubted he would enjoy it very much.

Considering his last party ended with him being thrown into a lake.

Charlie gave him a pat on the shoulder. 'Don't worry about it too much. Yes Dick might be a dick. But trust me his parties are really fun.' Castiel honestly was not sure if he wanted to go, but Charlie and Jo had apparently made it their personal mission to make Cas go out more and "live a little".

They entered math. Kevin greeted them, he seemed nervous. Before Cas could ask what was going on he froze. He always sat at the same desk. Everyone knew. His desk had big angry carvings on them. Everyone was quiet and looking at him.

FREAK

FAGGOT

RETARD

COCKSUCKER

LEAVE OUR SCHOOL

For a second Cas was unable to breathe as he looked at the words carved in his desk. Suddenly everyone's thoughts hit him like a train. Some pitied him, others minded their own business. Some people were angry on his behalf. He finally moved again, he slowly turned towards Raphael. He wondered...

Finally Bartholomew let a thought slip that confirmed his suspicion. _His facial expression is priceless_. Before Cas could do anything a soft grip held his shoulder. It was Dean. Without saying a word Dean took Castiel's table and his own and switched them around.

'That's cute, the monkey is helping his girlfriend.' Uriel snickered. Dean's aura was terrifying to watch. The look in his eyes was the same he had when on a hunt. Dean was just about ready to open his mouth when someone let out a groan. It was Meg. 'You guys should all get a life. Honestly, your homophobic ass should be kicked back to the dark ages.' Ruby who sat beside her didn't seem to give a flying fuck about the situation.

Uriel pulled a face. 'A slut like you shouldn't be talking. Shouldn't you be sucking someone off in the restroom?' A soft buzzing whispering started. Dean was still looking at Uriel like he couldn't decide how to kill him. Jo walked in, she was late. She looked around, confused at the tension in the room. When she sat herself down next to Kevin and saw the table realization dawned on her face.

'Which fucker did this shit?' She interrupted Meg and Uriel's fight with a calmness that was almost scary. Cas wanted to punch something. He'd never felt this angry. Charlie read his anger as hurt and gave his hand a slight pinch when she took it.

'Jo, keep your prude ass out of this.' Bartholomew spoke up, the others laughed. Apparently it was a low blow because Jo's face slowly turned red. 'I swear to God, come here right now and fight me.' Everyone was talking now. Meg and Uriel were throwing insults at each other. Charlie was standing in front of Jo to keep her from punching anyone, (although she looked like she was having trouble with keeping her mouth shut as well), and Kevin tried to restore the peace but was failing.

Finally someone spoke up. 'Everyone please sit down. Mister Shurley is coming this way.' For a second Cas thought it might be good old Garth. But no, it was Raphael who had spoken up. Everyone became silent, Dean gave Jo a knowing look and she sat herself down. Her poisonous glare said more than words ever would. Cas managed to make eye contact with Meg, he gave her a friendly nod. She simply shrugged.

Dean sat down, looking at the words carved on the table. His aura only darkened more, it made Cas shift nervously in his seat. He looked at Raphael. The man smiled at him, it made him feel sick. Finally mister Shurley entered the classroom. He was late, everyone sat quietly. A nervous energy went through the room. 'So will you tell me, or do I have to figure it out by myself?' He simply said. He narrowed his eyes as he gazed for guilty faces.

His eyes lingered on a few faces but eventually someone gave in. It was Kevin. 'Sir, someone has carved a message on the table.' He pointed at Dean's table. Mister Shurley gave it a look. His face became unreadable. Cas didn't want to hear the man's mental response so he blocked everything out. Hoping it would be over soon.

'Dean, this message was for you?' Dean bit his lip, he looked at Cas. The teacher followed Dean's gaze to Castiel. 'Castiel this message was for you?' He gave Cas such a sympathetic look that for a second, Cas didn't feel like garbage. 'I switched our table's sir.' Dean finally said, he tried to keep up a calm exterior.

Mister Shurley nodded. 'Does anyone want to come forward and tell me why he or she did this?' He took a look around. Cas looked at Meg, hoping she would help out. But she was staring at the wall. She seemed bored. Kevin, Dean, Charlie and Jo all seemed eager to speak. But Cas imagined they would do it later after class had ended.

Castiel looked around at some of the other students. He took a peak in their minds. They were scared, didn't want to get involved. They feared about their own reputation. And that aside, nobody wanted to be a snitch. Finally mister Shurley gave up. 'Fine. But I'm not letting this go yet. Cas I want to speak to you after class.'

**Wings flutter**

Castiel couldn't help but to feel the support around him as Jo angrily started recalling the situation. She constantly got interrupted by Kevin and Charlie who were both eager to add anything she was missing. Dean and Cas quietly observed.

'And that's when I wanted to punch them in the face.' Jo finally finished.  
'Not that she did sir.' Charlie quickly added.  
'It was mostly just name-calling.' Kevin quickly added.

Jo pulled a face. 'Uriel called Meg a slut. I'm not her biggest fan, I'll admit it. But that was a low blow, even for him.' Mister Shurley nodded. 'I appreciate your concerns. And I'm sure you are not just making things up to accuse your classmates. But I will have to talk with them about this.' Charlie pulled a face, 'they'll just say that they didn't do it', she stared at the table with the carvings.

Mister Shurley pulled his hands over his face, he seemed tired. 'We'll see Miss Bradbury. But for now I would like for you to leave. I need to have a few moments with Castiel if you don't mind?' He looked at Dean, 'unless mister Winchester has anything to add?' Dean had been unusually quiet. He shook his head. 'No sir.' With those words his friends slowly charged off. They gave concerned looks before closing the door behind them.

'How are you doing Castiel?' Mister Shurley sat down in his chair. Cas uncomfortably sat down behind the desk. 'I'm fine sir.'

'Please call me Chuck.'

Cas nodded and looked at his feet which had suddenly become quite interesting. 'Tell me Cas, how are you really? Those messages were quite nasty. Do you have an idea why they might've done this?'

'Because I'm not straight. And I have a history with them. Honestly, I'm doing fine. I have my friends, this really isn't a big deal.' Chuck nodded. 'I understand. But know that school should be a safe environment for all our students. If things bother you I would like for you to come to me. I am your mentor after all.'

He smiled, but Cas didn't return the gesture. 'I know.' Chuck obviously realised he wasn't going to get him to talk. 'I got a call from your therapist, Mister Zachariah Adler? He said you've not been attending your appointments.' Cas felt a rush of heat and cold go through him. The last time he'd seen Mister Adler he'd gotten kidnapped by an angel and attacked by demons. Afterwards Mister Adler his memory had been wiped about the whole ordeal. This he discovered when the therapist called him and asked why he had missed their appointment.

He still was too scared to go. Afraid of what might happen. 'Mister Adler is considering getting you a different therapist. We all worry about you Castiel.' Chuck considered his next words. 'Listen I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. But we have contacted your guardian Emmanuel Novak, and informed him of the situation.' Cas could feel his mouth go dry at the mention of his uncle. 'So at least talk to him ok?'

With a fake little smile he nodded. And as fast as he could he left the room.

**Wings flutter**

Maybe it was paranoia, maybe it was just Castiel being careful. But as school finished he looked around for danger. He noticed Lisa was opening her locker. Garth handed her some papers, Benny stood next to them, they seemed to be chatting. He collected all the courage he had and went over. 'Hello Lisa, are we still going to study at my place tomorrow?' Lisa turned to him, her face unreadable. 'Yes.' She turned back to Garth and Benny.

But Cas wanted to ask a question. It was part of being the new and improved Cas. The Castiel who knew no fear and said what he was thinking. He'd noticed as of lately that Lisa was not with her friends anymore. And her aura radiated loneliness that Castiel was familiar with himself. He wanted to help her. 'And I was wondering, because your friends have seemed to abandon you, if you're interested in joining us this Sunday? We're going to have a game night. Dungeons and Dragons. Kevin is our wizard. Jo is our ranger, Charlie is the Dungeon Master and Dean is our fighter. I'm a cleric, although I'm not sure what that means.'

Garth nodded. 'I'm also coming on Sunday. My rogue character is awesome. He's a half-Orc with a torn past that discovers-' Benny gave him a soft push and he quickly shut up. 'Anyway, you should definitely come.' Lisa turned to give Garth a look and he quickly shut up. 'Well I better go. You have the notes so see you all around!' He ran away.

Lisa turned to Cas, fire in her eyes. Was she angry? 'Castiel, you are nice. And I appreciate your offer. But I don't need your pity. And what makes you think I would want to hang out with Dean? He still hasn't apologized so thanks, I think I'll pass.' She stormed away. Benny shook his head. 'What did I do wrong?' Castiel asked him.

'Well, you called her friendless and then told her she should hang out with you and her ex.' When he said it like that it sounded a lot worse. 'I was just trying to help.' Benny nodded, 'I know brother, but things are a lot more complicated than you might think.' Benny closed his locker and picked up his bag.

'Listen I'll do you a favour. I'll talk to her.' Cas perked up, 'will you also be joining us on Sunday?' Benny might be a loner, but Cas knew that he and Dean were tight. He laughed, 'oh hell no. I am NOT falling for Charlie's sorcery. No, I'll talk to Lisa and I might talk some sense into Dean while I'm at it. But no, I'm good.'

Hey said his goodbyes and left to catch up with Lisa.

**Wings flutter**

The parking lot was oddly crowded. Cas didn't have much time to wonder why because Jo punched Gordon Walker in the face, and everyone started cheering and laughing. Even his own friends found it amusing. 'Not again.' Cas quickly made his way over.

Gordon seemed a bit less amused but he didn't move. He simply looked at Jo. His eyes held a promise Castiel didn't like. Dean looked up surprised when he saw Cas enter the scene. 'Heya Cas.' Charlie seemed less than pleased. 'Hey Cas, could you maybe tell Dean to let this shit go so we can leave? He's going to get us in trouble with his behaviour.' She gave Dean a pointed look. Jo rolled her eyes, Dean mimicked her reaction before he spoke. 'You have to admit that seeing Gordon getting punched in the face is really satisfying.'

'Guys, this is all very interesting but what is going on here?' Cas could feel the tension around him. He quickly started reading people, searching for answers. Raphael and his friends had said something to piss off Dean. But what?

 _Oh_.

Dean had balled his fist and turned to Raphael, he was going to punch him in the face. He wasn't doing it yet, but he was thinking it. And that was enough for Cas to step in. He placed himself strategic between the two. Raphael seemed surprised by the action, but his expression stayed calm. 'Dean we should go. This is not worth our time.' Dean tried to push him aside but he refused to budge.

'I know what you're thinking. It's not worth it. Trust me.' He made himself tall and gave Dean his most intimidating glare. And it worked. Dean's frown disappeared. 'Fine.' He glared at the group, but wisely didn't say another word. Charlie and Kevin but seemed very relieved. Jo looked less pleased, she and Dean had always been more of the punching types.

As they walked away Cas tried to ignore the things that they were being called.

'Oh Winchester is running away with his girlfriend!'

'Scared Deano? Not so tough now huh!?'

'Go cry at home Winchester!'

Words like faggots fell. Words filled with hate. A part of Castiel felt relieved that the bullying had started again. Because he knew it would have happened sooner or later. The other shoe had dropped. But a bigger part of him wanted to be like Jo and punch someone in the face.

'Winchester is too chicken to give us a proper fight! Maybe we should challenge your brother instead!' One of the guys howled. Dean's walking pace slowed down. They realized they had Dean's attention. 'We can go to him right now if you want us to? We can break him the news that his big brother is a disgusting-' whoever had spoken would never finish their sentence. Because Dean turned around and looked them dead in the eyes.

Silence followed immediately. Cas quickly put a hand on his shoulder. But Dean's mind seemed surprisingly calm. 'If you ever touch Sam I will make sure you won't be able to walk again. If you bother my friends again I will make sure you'll regret attending this school. And if you ever talk shit about my boyfriend again I will rip your tongue out of your stupid mouth.' Dean took his hand. Cas was just as shocked as everyone else.

'Let's go on a date.' Dean's icy tone disappeared. Making place for its usual kindness. Cas blinked not completely progressing Dean's words. 'What?' Dean was going to kiss him. Cas knew because he was thinking it. 'We're in public.' Cas could hardly speak but he gave the warning anyway. Dean smiled, 'I don't fucking care.' He leaned in and kissed him.

Cas didn't notice Kevin's surprised: 'Wait have they been dating this whole time?!' Neither did he notice Charlie cheering or Jo making a fake puking sound. It felt like warmth wrapped around his heart. He pulled him closer. Finally when Dean pulled away he couldn't help but have a stupid grin on his face. Dean turned towards the group of boys. 'Do I make myself clear?'

'Crystal.' It was Raphael who had spoken. And for the first time in a very long time he gave an unpleasant reaction. He was angry. Cas could feel his aura lash out. Whatever happened next was a problem for another day though. Because right now Cas felt like he was glowing.

Dean had called him his boyfriend. He had kissed him in front of the entire school, and the odd feeling of happiness flooded him. He wanted to dance and sing. That's how joyous he was. He could hardly contain his excitement. Charlie was praising Dean's courage. Kevin was still trying to give himself the ultimate face palm and Jo had a small smile on her face. She didn't have to say a thing.

People started dispersing. The drama was over, so they went back to whatever they'd been doing. Charlie was lecturing Kevin as they arrived at their cars. 'I mean how could you NOT know they were dating!' She proclaimed. Kevin held up his hands in defence. 'I don't know! It just didn't cross my mind!' Jo didn't seem very convinced. Charlie seemed completely in shock now.

'They did EVERYTHING couples do Kevin. I mean WHY ELSE DID DEAN AND I SWITCH PLACES IN BIOLOGY?' He obviously seemed distressed and Cas found it amusing. 'I WAS REALLY BUSY WITH SCHOOL. And I mean it's not like they said that they were dating!' Dean's mouth tugged up in a little smile, 'actually we did tell you guys. You were there man.'

Sam was waiting next to the Impala. He seemed smug. Dean frowned. 'What are you smiling about?' Sam grinned, 'nothing in particular. News just travels really fast. You're going on a date?' Dean was good at hiding his embarrassment. 'Yes we are. Jo has offered to help you with your homework. Does that sound good?'

Sam's grin became wider, Cas was pretty sure that Dean would never hear the end of this. 'Oh, it's fine. You guys have fun on your _date_.' Dean rolled his eyes, 'yes alright, haha. Get into the car bitch.' Sam's smile didn't leave his face.

**Wings flutter**

Cas had never been on an official date before. He was quite surprised to find himself in a clothing store looking for a new coat. 'Dean is this really necessary?' Cas disliked stores, too many incentives. Dean gave him a grave look. 'Cas I promised you a birthday gift. You are getting a new coat. This one isn't winter proof at all.'

Maybe Dean had also never been on a real date. But it didn't matter, because Cas was highly entertained by Dean's failure in finding a good coat.

Cas let out a giddy smile when Dean showed him a leather jacket. 'Come one, I bet it would look amazing on you!' Cas rolled his eyes, Dean's bad mood had completely turned. He was excited and happy. 'Dean you've said that about all clothes so far.'

Dean shrugged, 'sadly it's the truth.' Cas noticed a t-shirt. Bees were flying on it and the text said: _Let it bee._ Dean noticed the shirt too. He gave Cas a look as if to tell him to restrain himself but suddenly his eyes wandered to the coat next to the shirt. 'Bingo!' He picked the coat up and showed it Cas. It was a beige trench coat.

Cas loved it.

After some fitting and discussing they made their way towards the cash register. Dean kept insisting he would pay. 'I promised you an amazing birthday present.'

'Dean my birthday is long over and it's fine.' Dean attempted the puppy eyes but failed incredibly. The woman put the clothes in the bag and waited for Dean and Cas to decide who would pay. She wasn't amused. Finally Cas surrendered. 'Okay, I give in. You can pay for the shirt, but I will pay for the coat. I have a gift card here somewhere...' He kept digging through his pocket.

Finally he found Balthazar's gift card. When he woke up from the dream the Enochian book was stored on his bookshelf, the angel blade had been under his pillow and the gift card had appeared in his coat pocket. He still didn't know how to feel about the gifts.

They left the shop, Dean insisted he should wear his coat immediately. Castiel put it on, a big smile on his face. Dean's expression faltered slightly. 'Dean are you ok?' Dean's gaze was far away, like he was thinking. 'Oh it's nothing you look good. Real good.' They made their way through the shops, talking and having fun.

When they passed the tattoo shop Dean suddenly seemed nervous. 'What is it?' Cas stopped walking, curious as to what Dean was thinking. Dean looked around before pulling his shirt partly away, revealing a tattoo on his chest. Cas had seen it before. 'What does the symbol mean?' Dean looked around quickly before answering. 'It's an anti-possession tattoo. We've been discussing it... it's probably for the best that you get one too. So at least demons can't come in without knocking.'

Cas had never considered taking a tattoo before. Dean's aura was moving uneasily. 'Listen you don't have to take one if you don't want to. But it might be better if you do. But I'm not forcing you-' Castiel took Dean's hand. 'Let's get this over with.'

**Wings flutter**

It was getting late. They were sitting in a café enjoying themselves a cup of coffee and fries. 'Dean why did you suddenly decide that we should go on a date?' His new anti-possession tattoo was sensitive and nicely patched up. He would have to be careful and take good of his skin to let it properly heal. Dean smiled, 'can't you just read my mind and figure it out?' Cas took a sip of his coffee. 'You know I won't do that.'

It was quiet, peaceful almost. Them just sitting together, having a date and pretending to be ordinary. 'Well I just really wanted to take you out on a proper date.' Dean finally admitted. He looked a bit flustered, like he was surprising himself with his honesty. It was nice, and a part of Cas wished they could just sit here forever and forget that the rest of the world even existed. 'I have enjoyed this day very much. I hadn't exactly expected to get a tattoo but it was fun anyway.'

They were staring again, Castiel carefully reached for Dean's hand. Dean took it, and Cas could feel how hard Dean was trying for him. His aura betrayed him. It felt different today. Like a weight was slowly suffocating it. Dean worried. And Castiel didn't know if he could help. Dean must've realized that Cas knew, he looked away. He was closing up again. He rarely showed his vulnerable side. 'You know my dad used to say that we are all born with sin. And that certain lifestyles were created by Satan.' Dean huffed, he almost seemed offended. 'I'm not sure if I have ever told you this before.'

He put down his cup of coffee. 'But your dad was a crazy fanatic idiot.' He quickly shut his mouth, obviously regretting his angry reaction. 'I'm sorry Cas- I didn't mean...' Castiel held up his hand. 'No, you're right. But for years I lived my life the way he wanted me to. I've been miserable for a very long time. But allowing myself to be with you, has been the best decision I have ever made. And it was my own.'

He felt his face heat up. 'But, I admit. Being with someone is difficult. So I might have looked up some advice using Google.' Dean's slowly blinked, slowly a grin formed on his face. 'Wait... you used Google for dating advice?' He tried very hard not to laugh. 'I'm not sure whether that's adorable or extremely stupid.' Castiel looked away, 'well you are a difficult person. I hoped the internet might provide me with advice. You _would_ think that it's a place of wisdom.' Dean couldn't contain his laugh anymore.

'But so far it has been quite disappointing.' Cas continued on, Dean simply started laughing harder. 'You're killing me Cas. You don't have to Google questions you might have about us. You can just ask me. You know you can talk to me right?' Dean took his hand, he didn't even check their surroundings first. He just did it.

'Thank you, I guess I was just scared...' Dean finally stopped snickering. Concern flickered in his eyes now. 'Scared of what?' Castiel could feel his heart beat faster. Faster than usual. This was his chance to tell Dean everything. About the Second Coming, about the Five Heavenly Crowns and about Castiel's place in it. He deserved the truth.

'Well our lives are dangerous. The things we know, the things we've seen. What if we don't work out because...' Cas noticed his hands were shaking. Dean noticed too. Maybe he could help him? Maybe he didn't have to steal from Bobby? Maybe Dean could convince Bobby to just give it to Cas?

'Cas are you okay?' It was now or never. 'Dean I don't want to ruin this day. But I need to tell you something...'

The waiter put a plate with chicken nuggets on their table. Dean turned towards the waiter to tell him that they didn't order it. And when the waiter looked up Castiel looked through his outer appearances and realized that they were in the company of a familiar angelic present. Dean was still talking to Inias, but the angel had his eyes now trained on Castiel.

'But could you bring us the menu again? I'm hungrier than I expected.' Dean finished his sentence. He looked at the waiter. Inias finally spoke up, Cas brain could hardly keep up. 'You killed Hester.' Inias said, it became oddly quiet around them. Dean's body was slowly tensing. 'Sorry, do we know you?'

Abruptly Cas could move again. He stood up, ready to run. 'Dean-' the angel was holding something, it was shiny and looked like a dagger. Castiel's mind got intruded. And the angel's true voice boomed through his body. _'It is nothing personal Castiel. We need you, but we do not need the human. You two are responsible for Hester's dead. So now I will kill him in return.'_

Cas knew he would never be able to stop Inias. Dean wouldn't be able to react quickly enough either, he would be stabbed and he would die from blood loss. And the culprit would simply disappear. Something odd happened. Dean's aura was starting to move. It pushed outwards like a shield. And the moment the angel got in contact with it his hand became red and he seemed in pain.

He yelped and dropped the blade like he'd burned himself. Dean blinked. Aware that something had happened. Aware that this guy wasn't their waiter. But did he realize he'd almost been stabbed? No one else seemed to notice what was going on.

Dean stood up, looking surprised. 'Cas?' He was asking for an explanation but he wasn't getting any. Inias growled and like it was a reflex Dean punched him in the face. Inias didn't even flinch. Dean took hold of his hand and kept in a groan of pain. Now they _did_ have the attention of some customers.

'Foolish human.' Inias hissed and reached out for Dean's face. Cas recognized the gesture. He was going to smite him. He had to think fast. 'I will help you. Spare his life and I will go with you. Crowley killed Hester, not me or Dean. I will give you what you want. But please let Dean go.' Cas pushed his pride away without hesitation. Inias was in his head again. _'Do you swear it? Do you swear your allegiance to heaven?'_

Before Cas could answer Inias got stabbed in the back. He looked down surprised, his eyes glowed and started flickering. His body slacked and the only reason he wasn't falling down was because Meg was standing next to him. She was also wearing work clothing. She turned towards her boss behind the counter. 'I'm not sure who this guy is but you're right. He's not one of ours! He has fainted.'

Quietly she slipped Inias' own angel blade out of him and she lay him down on ground. 'He's bleeding! I think he's injured!' Other customers looked horrified. An ambulance was called and the manager made his way towards Dean and Cas. 'My apologies, we have no idea who this man is. Meg told me he was bothering you and tried to hurt you?'

Both Dean and Cas hadn't moved an inch. Finally Dean spoke, 'he did. He seemed sketchy. I know I shouldn't be saying this. But I'm glad he passed out before he could do anything else.' Dean's words sounded very sincere and Cas was confused. The manager nodded. 'The ambulance is bringing him to the hospital as soon as possible. The police might come in later. They'll probably want to ask some questions. Can I offer you guys anything to make you comfortable?'

Cas hardly recognized his own voice when he said they were fine for now. Before they could share a word Meg had made her way towards them. She sat down next to Cas and smiled. 'Hello Clarence are you alright?' Castiel was horrified. She had just killed an angel. In a public place and she'd done it in such a way that nobody knew.

He could see it now. He could see the darkness crawl under her skin again. Meg was a demon. Cas could see it clearly. 'You're a demon.' Dean seem surprised. But the surprise quickly faded to make place for survival instincts. He was immediately ready to fight. He'd drawn his gun under the table and pressed it against her leg. Meg quickly raised her hands. 'I'm not here to kill any of you. Trust me sometimes I WANT to but I come in peace.' Dean wasn't taking any chances, obviously. Meg wasn't pleased. 'I save your assess. And this is how you thank me?' She shook her head, her black eyes empty and cold. 'I'm disappointed in you.'

'Get out of Meg. Before we exorcize you.' Dean gave her a final warning. Cas felt sick to his core. 'Dean... this is Meg. It is true she's possessing someone. But the Meg we know has never been human.' She casually handed Dean the angel blade. 'You're guys are lucky that I'm such a creative soul. But if you guys are ok I guess I'll have to take my leave now. My cover is ruined.' Castiel quickly stopped her.

He remembered all the times that she could've done something. But she never had. She'd just been there, going to school and living her life. 'Why did you save us? Do you work for Crowley?' She gave him an offended look. 'Crowley? Please, I hate that guy. He's such an asshole. No I'm my own woman.' An odd thought formed in Castiel's brain. His look on demons slightly changing by this encounter.

Apparently Meg had seen the light of hope in his eyes. Because she quickly extinguished it. 'You own me Castiel. The only reason I saved you is because I prefer Lucifer over Jesus. And you making a deal with heaven would get in the way of that. Next time you should be more careful.'

'Wait...' She left the table and disappeared.

**Wings flutter**

After the café had been cleared and both men had talked to the police they were free to go. But Cas first wanted to check if Dean was mentally ok. 'Dean I have seen you do this before, but it remains a fascinating thing. Your aura protected you. How do you feel?'

Dean tried to laugh but it seemed to hurt. 'Well I've had worse. Feel tired that's all. So much for our first date huh?' Cas didn't share his sense of humour. 'I still can't believe that Meg is a demon.' Castiel spoke softly. Dean's thumb circled over his hand. 'Well actually you did see it coming. But I thought you were losing it back then.'

'What will happen if you see her again?' Cas asked, somehow nervous to know Meg's faith. Dean thought about it for a few seconds. 'I guess I'll inform the hunters about it. She might go look for a new body to possess. If we act quickly we can catch her and send her back to where she belongs.'

Dean talked very casually like he was talking about the weather. He must have seen Castiel's worried expression. 'Cas, don't worry about her. Bobby and Ellen will find her.' And that was exactly what Cas was worried about.

He finally finished checking. 'You seem healthy. I guess I'm not the only one with special powers. But you should take it easy. If anything happens I want you to tell me.'

'Thanks Cas.' He dropped himself of the counter. 'So... are you going to tell me why Meg prefers Lucifer over Jesus? I sense it has something to do with what you wanted to tell me.'

Cas looked outside, the police was talking to the manager now. 'It's a long story Dean. And you won't like it.' Dean shrugged, 'hit me. I've heard worse trust me.'

Castiel sincerely doubted that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT, HELLO. So it's December and my ass is freezing off. And bless the world or whatever. NEW CHAPTER. FYI, I have never played Dungeons and Dragons. Do I want to play it? HELL YES. Anyway I love the idea of these guys playing the game. Cas seems like a cleric to me. YOU CAN DECIDE HIS RACE.  
> So ONE MORE CHAPTER. And then we're past 2/3 of the story!  
> So thanks to anyone who's still around. What do you guys think? Do you like it? Hate it? Reviews and comments keep me motivated so please leave one. :)  
> If I don't update in December anymore I want to wish you all a happy Saint Nicolas day, a Merry Christmas and a Happy 2019.  
> But I want to POST CHAPTER 12 THIS YEAR. So look out for it. ;)


	17. Chapter XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR

All brothers and sisters gathered to hear the news. 'Our father has won!' Angels shouted as they moved past Cassiel. 'God was victorious!' Slowly the theatre of heaven filled with every angel known in existence. All were talking, and music was played to celebrate the end of a bloody war. 'Cassiel!' Quickly the seraph looked up at the call of his name.

'Balthazar,' he greeted his brethren who quickly flew to greet him. The angel was in the company of his garrison. 'I heard rumours that you died during the fight. I'm pleased to see that you're alive.' Balthazar gave him a look over. 'You seem to be intact.' Cassiel wasn't bothered by this news. 'Many probably wish me dead. Sadly today was not that day.'

'You come from the heat of battle. You should be celebrating, yet you look like we've lost.' Balthazar's garrison leader Anna spoke up. 'The world is in disarray. Lucifer will use this chaos to his own means.' Cassiel tried to keep the dread from his voice. But failed. He remembered the promise that Jesus had spoken in his last moments.

His words had sounded everywhere. ' _When I return I will create a paradise. And whoever frees me will have a place at my side!_ ' Before any of his brethren could comment a silence fell over the crowd. Finally the archangels arrived. Michael and Raphael had led the armies of heaven. 'Today we brought justice to those we sought to create chaos.' Michael was the one who spoke up.

It was quiet as he pulled his sword out his sheath. 'Victory is ours!' Heaven must have been shaking as the angels started cheering. Cassiel joined in when he saw Balthazar giving him a look. 'Many brothers and sisters have fallen. They shall be remembered as heroes.' Michael looked around. 'God has decided to reward the bravest of you.' Cassiel could feel the excitement in the air. 'So come forward Daniel!'

The angel Daniel made his way towards Michael. Once he stood before the archangel he bowed. Michael raised his sword in the air. 'You have fought well. Our Lord has decided that it is time for you to lead your own garrison.' The crowd cheered as Daniel accepted the honour.

Balthazar let out a groan. 'Are they really going to make us watch as Michael brings forth every single angel that did their job?' Once the words left him he quickly closed his mouth. Aware of his own sin, he gave Cassiel an apologetic look. The seraph neither scolded nor corrected him. 'Netzach and Haniel come forward!' Every time a name was called the crowd let out a massive cheer. Remiel got promoted from cherub to angel. Leliel got promoted from angel to seraph and after many names had past Zophiel was called.

Zophiel got demoted from angel to cherub, but instead of sadness the now-cherub seemed grateful. 'Remember the time dad wanted to make Kepharel an archangel?' Cassiel remembered clearly, the angel had refused the honour. Later it turned out she'd become a follower of Christ and had fallen in love with a human. Zophiel had killed the angel in the heat of battle.

'You wouldn't think twice if God gave you such honour.' Cassiel remarked. Balthazar pulled a face. 'Yes but that's because I would make an amazing archangel. Kepharel on the other hand… let's just say that I'm glad that Zophiel ended her.' Michael continued calling out names and Cassiel started considering leaving. He started making his way through the crowd, leaving Balthazar and his garrison behind. Surely he wouldn't miss out on anything important.

'Cassiel come forward!'

The seraph froze at the sound of his name. The angels looked at him. Slowly a hesitating cheering sounded. Michael had found him in the room and gave him a pointed look. Cassiel spread his wings and flew up to meet Michael at the centre. A nervous energy went through the room again. Cassiel tried to search for a familiar face but failed. Michael gave him a serious look of disdain, and the seraph knew why.

Everyone knew why.

A blinding light made itself known. A gasp of excitement filled the room. God had arrived. God took a step forward and the seraph tried to remember if he had done anything special. He had fought the wars he was sent to. He had done what he always did. So instead he wondered what he'd done wrong. Why was their father here?

God gave him a knowing look, he could probably see straight through him. Finally he spoke: 'Cassiel, you have been with us for a very long time. In that time your loyalty never weakened. Your fighting spirit has inspired many of your brothers and sisters. You are also aware that the war is far from over.' Cassiel didn't dare speak as God let something appear in his hands.

'This is an object you must be familiar with.' He held up a crown made out of stars and light. Cassiel had seen it before. The enemy had used the holy object as a powerful weapon. 'This,' the Lord bellowed, 'is the Crown of Immortality!'

Cassiel felt the pull of the item immediately. Something about the holy object had changed; its pull had become gravitational. This was the eternal prison of Jesus Christ. Cassiel could see the hungry look in Michael's and Raphael's eyes and he wondered if he looked the same.

'This Crown holds one my dearest creations. And I bestow upon you the task of keeping it safe.' Michael's angry gaze was steadfast on Cassiel now. 'Me?' It was like chaos had taken over. Angels were shouting and seraphs panicked. The Seraph's mind was spinning.

He was however a soldier. And if he was given a task he would do anything in his power to do it right. 'This is your chance to redeem yourself my child. Take the Crown and hide on earth between the humans. Keep it safe. If you accept this task, know that you might do this for eternity.' Cassiel did not need a warning. He would do anything to escape his faith, to redeem himself. He was not going to fall. He took hold of the Crown and spoke: 'I accept my task.'

**Wings flutter**

'Cas?' Castiel felt his body tense, he looked around bewildered. In front of him stood Sam. The teen gave him a wary look. 'Are you ok? You've been staring at that wall for a long time.' Cas let out a yawn, when he closed his eyes he could once again picture his dream. 'Sorry I must've been sleepwalking.'

Sam raised an eyebrow. 'You're a bad liar.' A loud snoring came from the living room. He'd almost forgotten that Dean and Sam had stayed over. It would start to become a habit, Cas suspected. 'Well, we can't all have Winchester levels of lying.' Sam said as he settled himself at the end of the bed, he seemed nervous.

Cas took a closer look, he'd never given much thought to Sam's aura. But what he saw surprised him. Sam's aura was much like Dean's, an almost living organism. The colours around him were at its core a simple pure white. But as they bloomed and moved around the colours became darker and darker. Yet they never stopped moving around. Sam's thoughts were fast and racing around.

Castiel quickly retreated, trying to respect Sam's privacy. Sam opened his mouth to say something, but then he looked away, obviously hesitating. 'Are you ok?' Cas forced himself to ask. Sam was the type of boy who went through awkward growth spurts. He clothes always looked too small and uncomfortable. Dean kept joking that he needed to stay small and not get any longer. Cas remembered how he used to be the smallest kid around, that was until he started having growth spurts. His father got angry every time he needed new clothes.

Sam could just borrow from Dean. But as they sat there Cas noticed something he wished he hadn't seen. Sam had bruises on his arms. How far they went he couldn't see because of the jacket. But apparently Sam noticed the look on Castiel's face because he quickly pulled his sleeves down further.

'What are those Sam?' Sam looked away, 'nothing.' Cas was surprised at his own calmness. He pulled Sam's arm towards him for a closer look. 'Is this what you wanted to talk about?' Sam's resolve disappeared. 'If I go to Dean he'll hurt someone. You won't tell him right?' Castiel couldn't help but worry. He really wanted to talk with Dean about this. But Sam trusted him with this. He didn't want to push the younger Winchester away.

'I won't unless you tell me to. Did someone at school do this?'

'It doesn't happen often.' Sam looked at the door, like he was nervous that Dean would wake up. 'Is there anyone that I might know?' Sam seemed to hesitate, 'Gordon? I'm not sure if you know him…' Cas could feel anger build inside of him, 'Gordon did this to you?'

'It doesn't matter. I was just wondering if you could help me convince the teachers?' His aura darkened. 'Gordon keeps calling me a monster, the devil. It's getting worse every day, if I tell the teachers they might help.' For a second Castiel lost the ability to form words. He wondered why someone like Sam was getting bullied. He wondered why anyone would want to hurt the boy.

'Of course, whatever you need.'

They sat in silence for a bit, the only sound was Dean's loud snoring.

'You know, I'm glad Dean and you are together.' Sam eventually said. Cas could feel a smile form on his lips. 'I'm glad too.' He admitted. 'Dean probably already told you. But our mom died in a fire, she was killed by a demon.' Sam spoke casually, like he didn't want to come off as too emotional. 'I have no memories of her. My first real memories are of Dean, taking care of me.' Castiel wondered how such a childhood must have been like.

He grew up with parents to take care of him. He went to school and had never even crossed a border. 'Dean is all I have. So if you hurt him I won't hesitate to hurt you.' Sam's voice was shaking and broke a little because of puberty. It would have been funny if he hadn't given Castiel a daring look. Cas nodded, taking the threat seriously.

'I won't.' Sam studied him for a second before nodding, 'good, that's good.' He stood up, ready to leave, but Cas quickly stopped him. 'Sam wait.' The younger Winchester gave him a curious look when he revealed an old book hidden under his bed. 'What's that?' Sam asked, he took the book without hesitation, skimming through the pages in a fashion that showed familiarity with long hours of reading.

Cas wondered if it was the right thing to do, but there was no way back now. 'It's a very old book, written in Enochian.' Sam raised an eyebrow, he studied the pages more intensely. 'You mean like… the angel language?' Cas was impressed with Sam's knowledge, it made his request easier to ask. 'I want you to have it Sam. I feel like something important is within these pages. But I can't read Enochian. I was hoping that you might be able to translate the pages.'

Sam stopped turning pages. The look of shock on his face made him regret his request. 'You want me… to translate this ancient text? What makes you think I could possibly pull that off?' Cas felt like he was getting hit in the stomach. 'I- I don't know.' Sam closed the book again, his aura moved nervously. 'Where did you even get this?'

The snoring in the other room finally came to a halt, Sam seemed unbothered. 'Don't bother checking, he probably just turned in his sleep.' Sam put the book on the bed. Cas' hand went over the cover like he was soothing a child. 'An angel gave this book to me. And I know this is a big request. But I do think you might be able to crack the code.' Sam shook his head, like he couldn't believe the situation. Finally his shoulders sagged. 'Fine. You help me with the bullies. I'll give your book a try. I think I might be able to find some info in Bobby's library.'

Before Cas could utter a word of thanks, Sam stopped him. 'I can't start this week. I have a French pop quiz that I need to study for. And if I fail Dean will not hesitate to ground me.'

Both of them laughed, and for a brief second Cas swore he could see beyond Sam's soul and see an adult. With sad eyes and a war-torn face. The image was gone before he could even blink.

**Wings flutter**

Sam had already jumped out of the car, making his way to his friends and thanking Dean for the ride. Cas was about the follow the energetic fourteen-year-old across the parking lot, but Dean's aura stopped him. It's was dark and worrisome.

'Dean are you ok?' Dean's unreadable expression only made things worse. He'd been awfully quiet during breakfast. 'I'm just thinking about everything. Before all of this, I worried about whether I would become a high school dropout. Then you came along and suddenly there are angels and prophecies and apocalypses.' He pointed at Cas, 'the faith of the world is in the hands of an awkward dork in a trench coat,' he pointed at himself next, 'a trigger happy teen hunter, oh and some douche angel called Balthazar.' Dean shook his head bemused. 'Sounds like some shitty TV series for teenage girls.'

Yesterday after Castiel had finished his explanation Dean had gone outside to get some air. It had been raining, yet Dean had seemed unbothered. His aura had looked stressed and panicked. Cas had felt guilty for putting such a burden on his shoulders. But finally after what felt like hours he'd pulled Cas in his arms and kissed him.

Soft and careful, like he needed to check if Cas was still with him. Afterwards he'd told Cas that he needed some time to think it all through. He'd joked that kissing in the rain was supposed to be really romantic. And no further comments had been made about the end of the world. Until now.

'You know that you don't have to help me right? I want you to be save Dean. If it comes to it I'll steal the grace without your help. I only request you don't tell Bobby about what I'm about to do.' Dean's expression was one of shock and irritation. 'Don't be stupid. Of course I'm helping, you have no choice. But I don't care what Balthazar says. We both have work shifts at Bobby's after school. The guy's like a father to me, we can just ask him for the bottle. Stealing is just plain stupid and unnecessary.'

Cas remembered something. 'Wait work? We don't have shifts today.' Dean gives him a knowing look. 'We do. We are his only employees.' Castiel surprised himself by cursing out loud. 'Fuck its Thursday. I promised Lisa we would work on our project after school.'

**Wings flutter**

It was unspoken between them, but when the teacher put Meg as absent, both he and Dean knew that they shouldn't talk about it with anyone. So when Jo noticed he was acting fishy he told himself he would not break. The old Castiel would've broken and told her everything. But he was the new and improved Cas, keeper of secrets.

By fourth period Jo knew everything.

'I can't believe it. She's an actual demon. I could've known. Her bitchy-ness is far beyond human attitudes.' They had a study hour in the library. So Cas was trying to write an essay without much luck. Jo seemed to find it an amazing discovery that Meg was, in fact, a monster. But Cas didn't really feel like talking about it. Meg had always been one of the nicer ones of his classmates, albeit a bit creepy.

And now the hunter community was out for her. And for some odd reason the thought of her death was not agreeable with him. 'What if all of Meg's friends are demons too? Like Ruby and Bela? It would explain a lot!' Jo was talking like she usually did. She seemed completely unbothered by the fact that one of her classmates would be murdered.

Was this what happened when kids got raised in a hunting environment? Was Sam the same way? Was Dean like this? Cas looked over at his boyfriend. Dean seemed unbothered by Jo's words. 'Why do you hate Meg so much Jo?' Cas immediately regretted speaking up. But Jo simply gave him a short smile.

'Because her dogs tried to kill me once. And she found it amusing.' She spoke every word carefully, calm and Castiel knew she was not lying. 'Oh.' It was the only reaction he managed to form. Jo seemed to be gauging his reaction. 'Don't tell me you actually care about her.' Jo was known for being headstrong and kind to those in need. But she was also known for holding grudges and being set in her ways.

Cas truly disliked arguing with her. 'Well… yes. She was always kind to me. And I know that she is a demon… but doesn't it seem kind of… immoral to kill her? To hunt her down like this? What about her family? What about her rights? Has she ever truly hurt someone?'

Dean slowly put his hand on Castiel's. 'Cas, I understand where you're coming from. But demons… they are dark. There is no humanity in them. The Meg we know probably doesn't have a family. She has most likely killed innocents and even more importantly: she was keeping an eye on you. For unknown reasons I would like to add.'

Cas pulled his hand away, 'she saved us from Inias.'

Dean shook his head. 'By killing him without remorse. And she didn't do it out of the kindness of her heart. Listen Cas, Jo and I know how this goes down. We've seen it many times before. A monster claims it can change its ways. Maybe it does for a while. But in the end it's still a monster and it will always fall back on killing. So we need to put her down.'

The worst part was the sincerity with which he spoke. Jo seemed completely unfazed, she simply nodded when Cas gave her a look. Dean really didn't get it? Yes, sure maybe some monsters were indeed like he described. But Meg was a sentient, living breathing person. And Dean talked about her like she was a bad dog.

Cas had wondered why the saints had never looked for help in the hunter community when the angels started attacking them. But now Castiel had a very clear idea why no hunter had ever heard about the existence of saints. If Dean hadn't known him, he would've killed him without a second thought. He would've shot him, told Jo he'd gone on a successful hunt. And afterwards he and Sam would order pizza.

For the first time in a long time, Castiel didn't feel safe with Dean. He felt like he would be the next hunt. Cas voice sounded a bit soft when he spoke: 'Let's talk about this a different time. Right now we must discuss our plan b.' If either Jo or Dean noticed the change in the subject they didn't dare mention it. Jo pulled a face, 'why do we need a plan b?' Dean laughed, 'you really think you're funny. Jo, you're not getting involved in this mess. I swear if you tell any of this to your mom…'

Jo gasped, she seemed deeply offended. 'My mom? What the hell no! Here's the deal: I go help you guys save the world from evil Jesus. And if you don't let me in on this epic adventure then I will make sure that my mom visits your house personally.' She gave him a wicked grin. 'And my mom will most certainly tell Bobby that you're planning to steal from him.'

Dean immediately went into defensive mode. 'We're not stealing. I'm just gonna explain the situation to him and then he will hand it to me.' Neither Jo nor Cas seemed convinced of the plan. 'Trust me, we don't need a plan b.'

'A plan b for what? Can I go with you?' Sam sat himself down, dropping a ton of books on the desk. The look of excitement in his eyes told Cas that the younger Winchester was definitely as stubborn as the older one when it came to helping out. The librarian started hissing angrily for them to be less noisy. Castiel quickly apologized, earning him another hiss.

**Wings flutter**

One argument between Sam and Dean later, they finished making a plan b. The gang was ready to live the high school experience again. This involved Cas getting tripped, Charlie being called dyke, to which she retorted that she was, in fact, a queen. And of course Kevin being dumped by his girlfriend, to the shock of everyone.

Jo slowly blinked, 'so wait… let me get this right. You had a girlfriend, for like two whole weeks. And you didn't TELL US?' Kevin shrugged, his eyes were still a bit puffy from crying. 'I had my reasons for keeping it secret. Jo, you always get way too involved.' Charlie shook her head, 'I disagree, Jo is truly trying to help you. Me on the other hand? I am going to KILL HER for breaking up with you.'

She pulled Kevin into her arms like he was a child, 'Charlie this is unnecessary-' her grip tightened. 'Hush my child. You can cry, it's alright.' Kevin pulled a face, 'I can't believe I'm friends with you.' He sounded dismissive but his face softened.

Benny sat down, giving a curious look to Kevin who was still being tightly hugged. 'What's going on here?' Dean hid a smile behind his hand, Cas softly pinched his hand. 'Well Kevin got ditched by his girlfriend.' Jo spoke, she gave Benny a curious look. 'So has Miss MacLeod showed up yet? Or do we have a free hour?'

Benny shook his head, 'it looks like she won't show up. I guess we should just go home I guess.' Jo had been swaying on her chair and almost fell over when she heard the news. 'Wait, you're telling me you can go home?!' Benny raised an eyebrow, Jo we all share that class remember? It's mandatory. So unless you have any other periods after this you can go home.' Charlie started cursing. 'This is unfair, why did I need to take programming!' Dean gave her a pat on the shoulder.

'Don't ditch me, you take it because it's the best hour remember?' Jo was making a little dance, already packing up her bag. Castiel observed quietly before taking a look at his schedule. He didn't have any classes after this one, which meant…

'Lisa!' He shouted out loud. Everyone gave him an odd look. Jo gave him an odd look, she seemed to be holding in a laugh, but it seemed to be a struggle. 'Cas you ok?' Dean glanced over at him, still trying to strangle Charlie gently. Castiel quickly smiled, 'I just realised that if Lisa is free too, we can work on our project, and I will still be able to work my shift!'

Kevin gave him a thumbs up, 'good for you man, good for you.' He was wiping his eyes again, Cas felt a bit bad for him, he seemed so sad. But there was no time for that now. 'I've got to find her.' Benny sat down, 'what you don't have her phone number?'

'I'm afraid not.' Benny took out his phone, he dialled a number. 'Hey Lisa, it's Benny. Yeah, sure. Hey listen, I've got our pal Castiel here. He wonders if you can study now?' He glanced over at Cas for a brief second. 'Yeah sure, in the cafeteria. Meet you there, bye.' He put his phone away, 'congrats, she's coming. I hope it works out for you.'

Cas hoped the same thing.

**Wings flutter**

Lisa blinked slowly, the moment she and Dean made eye contact the whole group had started feeling awkward. So they'd quickly moved to another table nearby. 'So let me get this straight. You're telling me that you made a deal with your boss to do a work shift after school. So we can't work on the project?' Cas shook his head, his nervousness had made talking such a difficult task. 'Well, yes, but you're here right? So if you're free now we can go study at my place now?'

Lisa seemed less than amused at the idea. 'You know Cas, I have appointments too, I too have responsibilities. So yes, sure we can go study right now. But we would work on this project this evening, I had to clean out 4 hours of my schedule for it. And now you want to work on it for like, half an hour?'

Cas turned away, looking at his friends who were talking, some had already left at the idea of freedom. Cas wished he could apologize to her. But what would he say? _'I'm sorry but Jesus wants to destroy the world and I need to hinder him from ever returning to our reality?'_ Sure, she would love it. She would also call an ambulance.

'I know. And I'm sorry for it. But half an hour is more than not at all right? Please, you would do me a big favour if we can go right now?' For a second her expression seemed determined. Like she was going to tell him to shove it up his ass. But then she suddenly lost all her fighting spirit. 'Fine, let's go.'

**Wings flutter**

'So no parents?' They were in his apartment, awkwardly Lisa shifted on the couch. Her eyes roamed around, maybe looking for hints of his inner mind or something. Castiel wasn't sure how to read her. His house was clean, too clean. He had picked up a new hobby, stress cleaning. It worked wonders for his surroundings.

For a moment they just sat there, Cas sipping his tea like some sort of nervous elderly. 'Uhm yeah, no parents. I live on my own.' Lisa nodded, obviously neither of them were big fans of small talk. 'So how's Ben?' Lisa looked up from the very interesting floor.

'Ben?' She asked dumbfounded. Cas started fumbling with his hands, 'yeah… Ben?' Lisa took out their assigned book, she'd put colourful stickers at important places. 'You mean Benny? How should I know?' For a second Castiel could feel his head pound, he didn't mean Benny right? Or did he? The image of a young boy disappeared from his mind to make place for their classmate Benny. Strange, he didn't know anyone named Ben. 'Uhm, sorry…' he took out his own notes. 'Let's just start.'

For a good hour they were completely concentrating on the task at hand. Not really sharing any words outside of their comfort zone. But slowly curiosity got the better of him. 'So, why aren't you hanging out with your friends anymore?'

Lisa's eyes shot up, she'd been making a PowerPoint on her laptop. 'Excuse me?' Had he said the wrong thing? He thought back at what Benny had told him in the hallway. 'Sorry, it's just that, you used to hang out with your friends. And now you sit alone a lot. Why's that?'

Lisa's eyebrows shot up, she looked pretty. 'You don't know do you?' Cas didn't dare to move even an inch. 'Uh no?' For a second he could see her aura painfully clear, she seemed incredibly surprised. 'Are you going to tell me what happened?' He dared to ask.

For a second she seemed to think about it, then she closed her laptop. 'I got kicked out Cas. I dated Dean Winchester, and he broke up with me for a guy who is best known for trying to jump off a roof. It destroyed my reputation.'

She waited for Castiel's reaction, but when he just stayed quiet and looked at her she explained further. 'Rumours started spreading that I was an easy slut. Because I dated Dean. And when he broke up with me for you… well people decided I must've been a pyscho or something.'

Cas shook his head. 'But that's horrible. You are a nice person, and Dean is a good person too.' Lisa let out an amused chuckle. 'I used to think my reputation was so important. You know Dean's reputation. I knew I should've stayed away, but he was kind and sweet. But for those people it doesn't matter how you truly are. What matters to them is your image and how it affects them.'

Cas could hardly believe his ears. 'And those people were your friends?' Lisa made a sound of amusement. 'Yes they were. But I should've seen it coming. One of them held a grudge against me, and was always busy trying to get rid of me. This was the perfect opportunity. The first few days were horrible. I felt so shitty. But honestly? I'm happier on my own. I don't want those girls to have the last laugh in this. I know that I'm not what they say I am. I know Dean is not the guilty one here either.'

She gave Cas a kind look. 'Dean is a good guy, and we both know that. The only reason that I'm pissed at him is that he kept me on a leash. Our relationship was casual, we'd agreed to that. But I started having feelings for him anyway, and he said he had feelings for me too. But that was a lie, he said he didn't want to hurt me. But by lying to me he did hurt me. I have no problem with you Cas. I'm angry at him, and he still hasn't apologized.'

They were quiet for a moment or so, before Lisa opened her laptop again. 'Let's continue working. This assignment is not going to finish itself.'

'Lisa?'

She looked up. 'Yeah?'

'I think you're really cool. And if you ever talk to Dean and make things right between you, know that you can always join our game nights. The next one is Sunday.'

She smiled and turned back to her laptop again. 'I appreciate the gesture.'

**Wings flutter**

Cas had to get used to a lot of things in the beginning, but he was now finally settling into a rhythm. As soon as they arrived at the store that day Dean walked inside to greet Bobby. Cas followed after him. During the drive Dean had shortly asked him about his time with Lisa. But Cas had told him things had gone fine. Dean had smiled in relieve and they hadn't spoken another word.

Working at Singer Salvage Yard was quite the experience. The first few days Cas had to get used to managing the store with the help of a ghost. He needed to learn everything. From the products, to the rooms, even which toilet was broken and which one had a strange flush system. Castiel's knowledge about cars was also quite lacking.

Bobby had given him a sad look when he'd asked for a belt and he'd returned offering his own because he couldn't find them in the store. 'I meant a seatbelt idjit.'

Bobby has also warned him that slacking off was not an option. When he asked Bobby how he kept the garage from bankruptcy the man had given him a smile. 'Remember these words carefully: determination and networking.' Cas discovered what those words meant when a hunter came in with a broken car, a cut on his arm and the words: 'I hate ghosts.'

Bobby seemed to know his way around the more classic cars too. Because when grumpy hunters left, rich men with fancy cars came in. Dean usually had to stop himself from drooling when he saw them. Cas thought it was kinda cute. 'I don't understand, if they are so rich, why do they come to a place like this?' Bobby handed him a cup of coffee during break time. 'Well the trick is, these guys aren't really that rich. Sure they have expensive cars, but they don't have the money to go to professionals. So I fix them up for a cheap price. And usually they resell them to the real car lovers.'

Dean snorted and whispered in Castiel's ear: 'Bobby is full of crap. He used to date this rich lady, and she sends these guys as a favour.' Cas could feel the hairs on his neck jump up when Dean's breathe ghosted past his cheek. 'Alright that's enough lovebirds, we gotta get busy. You ready to get your hands dirty Dean?' Dean grinned, 'finally!' He jumped in excitement as he made his way towards the garage. Leaving Cas behind.

Cas was pulled out of his thoughts when they arrived. He prayed Bobby would just be understanding and give them the grace without asking questions. As they entered the shop Bobby and Dean disappeared, leaving Castiel alone. He was getting used to this. Although he knew that Karen was somewhere in the store too, ghosting around. He and Karen had really bonded in their alone time.

Apparently they had the same taste in music. The day went as usual, that was until Cas suddenly felt a chill go down his spine. He didn't stop sweeping the floor. 'Hello Castiel.' Karen spoke. Cas smiled, 'hello Karen, good to see you.' She gave him a look over, she seemed curious. 'You look different today,' she eventually said, 'did you do something with your hair?' Castiel mindlessly went through his hair, 'no, not really.'

She made her way towards the cash register and started ordering the papers at the desk. 'Oh really? In that case I guess it's just my imagination.' Cas wondered if dead people ever slept, if they could have dreams and use their imagination. It felt rude to ask.

Karen suddenly dropped the papers, her form fading a bit. 'Sorry about that.' She quickly picked up the papers. 'I'm so clumsy, my apologies.' Cas tried to brush it off, but somehow he had this weird feeling. Karen had been acting strangely from time to time. He usually didn't think much of it, but recently he'd been making mental notes. Could he ask Bobby about it?

His thought process was stopped when someone started shouting.

**Wings flutter**

'So what happened? What did he say?' When Dean and Cas arrived at Castiel's apartment Sam and Jo were watching TV. When she saw their pale faces she must've realised something was wrong because she went full on protect mode. 'Are you guys ok? What happened?' Sam quickly made space on the couch.

Cas and Dean gave each other a knowing look. 'Well,' Dean spoke up, 'I asked Bobby if we could borrow the bottle with grace. And he asked me why. And I…' Cas made himself comfortable on the couch. 'Dean told him the whole thing. And Bobby said no.'

Sam's mouth fell open in surprise. 'What?' Dean quickly defended himself. 'I didn't tell him everything. I'm not stupid. But he said no. He thinks I'm just making things up. He was all like: I trust you Dean, but let us figure this out. It's better if you kids stay out of it.'

Jo pulled a face. 'God I hate it when adults don't take us seriously. Cas quickly interjected, 'he does sort of believe us. But he knows we're keeping things from him. And well… he actually doesn't trust me all that much. So when Dean kept insisting they both got angry and they started to fight.'

Sam pulled a face, 'so what are you going to do now?' The group was quiet for a bit until Dean finally spoke. 'We have a plan b. We're doing this.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO GUYS. It is NOW 2018. And I'm going to HOPEFULLY finish this story this year. I have 11 chapters to go. SO let's do this! So here is the last part of the Second Act. Honestly, what am I doing? I should be sleeping. Or doing something productive... BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. Destiel is just too beautiful and evil-Jesus is now my favourite Jesus.
> 
> Y'all have a splendid day/evening. And till next time ;)


	18. Sam - part 2

His brother was cursing the entire trip. Sam didn't blame him. 'Dean easy, keep your eyes on the road.' Sam was scanning pages. He'd Googled keywords like _horn_ , _wings_ and _sleep_. He was getting somewhere thanks to whatever Cas had discovered.

'So what, not going to protest?' Dean asked. Sam felt uneasy when Dean suddenly took a sharp turn. 'What do you want me to say Dean?' His brother shrugged, 'I don't know. Something like: But we don't have a plan! Or something like: You just wanna go in guns blazing and get yourself killed?!' He widened his eyes in disbelief to make the act complete.

Sam shook his head. His brother was panicking, he had to remind himself that things were a bit chaotic at the moment. 'Well, I'm not going to say those things. Cas is in danger.' Dean nodded his head, 'exactly, he's in danger. So we have no time to lose!' Sam returned his attention to the screen. 'So get this, I think I might be on to something.'

Dean quickly turned to look at the laptop screen and groaned. 'Gods? You kidding me?' Sam opened another page and started reading out loud: 'In Greek mythology, Hypnos is the personification of sleep. He was known as having four children called the Oneiroi. They all represented types of dreaming. He is depicted with wings on his shoulders or brow. His attributes included, now get this, a horn of sleep-inducing opium, a poppy-stem, a branch dripping water from the river Lethe and an inverted torch.'

Dean closed his eyes for a second. 'So this guy is putting people to sleep and probably trying to eat them?' Sam scanned the pages, 'he seems to team up a lot with his brother Thanatos, who presented peaceful death, so it wouldn't be much of a surprise.' Dean took another sharp turn. 'We're almost done. So let's assume that the guys are teaming up. How do we kill them?'

Dean pushed the break of the Impala. They'd arrived at the woods. 'Well, both Hypnos and Thanatos are night deities. So I'm thinking that they're not the biggest fans of light. Cas was talking about a cave. Here it says that he lived in a big cave with the river Lethe running through it. It's one of the Underworld rivers, this one causes forgetfulness.'

Dean checked his gun, 'sounds peachy. So to summarize, we have no idea how to stop them?' Sam nodded. Dean seemed to think for a second. 'Well here's the plan. I can't wait for a second longer, so I'm going to look for Cas. You will keep looking for a way to kill them.' Dean stepped out of the car. 'Dean wait!' Sam quickly followed.

'Don't be stupid! We're not even sure if it isn't something else entirely.' Dean shrugged, 'listen I don't like it either. But here's the deal. Bonnie and Eileen are waiting for you back home. So you can't go, Eileen would be pissed.'

Sam pulled a face, this reminded him of the old days, when Dean still treated him like a child. 'Well, then we don't kill them. We just wait for them to be distracted and then we take Cas with us.' Dean seemed to want to protest, but finally he gave up. 'Fine, just ask Eileen to look up how to kill these sons of bitches and we can get this show on the road.'

**Supernatural**

'His signal is around here.' Sam looked around, hoping to find signs of his friend's presence. Dean looked around too, 'shouldn't there be like a cave here somewhere?' He hardly finished his sentence or he walked straight into a hole and disappeared. 'Dean are you ok?!' Sam whispered as loudly as possible, he turned the flashlight down.

Dean let out a groan and a soft fuck. 'Oh fuck yeah this is a cave. Get down here.' Sam slowly let himself slide down. He fell down a few metres and hit the ground with a soft thud. The first thing he noticed was flowers. A whole lot of flowers.

'Dean cover your face!' Quickly he stopped breathing and put his jacket over his face. Dean sneezed. 'Are you hurt?' Sam inquired. Dean nodded, 'a bit dizzy that's all. Let me guess, these plants are magical or poisonous or something?' Sam nodded. 'You're feeling alright?' Dean stood up, he seemed unbothered. 'Yeah, I think these are just flowers. Nothing to worry about.'

Sam felt disturbed. Aside from their voices it was deadly silent and without their flashlights it would have been completely dark. 'Better safe than sorry. These are plants used in morphine and opium.' He removed his jacket from his face.

Dean moved his flashlight around, checking their surroundings. 'The area seems clear. Let's follow the yellow brick road.' They followed the path and slowly left behind the entrance. Still no sound could be heard, so it surprised Sam quite a bit when they came to halt at a river. He gave his brother a quick pat on the shoulder a pointed at the streaming water. Dean gave him a weird look and mouthed 'How?'

The river made no sound, Dean threw in a rock but there was no splash, just utter silence. 'We can't cross this. We have to go right or left.' Dean gave both ways a look. 'Well they both look dark and terrifying, so let's follow the stream.' And so they continued. Sam started noticing that Dean was speeding up, his expression getting more worried by the minute. Sam wished he could've calmed Dean's mind in some way. But if Eileen was in danger he would've been in the same state of mind.

If Bonnie was in danger, oh Chuck he would lose his mind. So instead of saying anything he quickened his pace to back his brother up in case of danger. Dean suddenly came to an abrupt halt. Before Sam could ask what was going on he silenced him. Sam waited, and he waited…

A sound.

It was the sound of people arguing. Dean's eyes lit up with determination. They'd probably found their targets. They continued walking next to the river, which must've been the Lethe. Sam made a mental note not to touch the water.

'I don't care. I had the idea. So I get the horn.' A muffled laughter met the Winchesters. 'Yeah but who of us did the dirty work? I did. So it's only fair if I get the horn.' A third voice spoke up. 'What if this was a mistake? What if he wakes up?'

The Winchester finally found the end of the tunnel. They had reached a big room divided by the river. Quickly they put away their lights. There was a bit of natural lighting that came from a split in the ceiling. The floor was at random places covered with plants. On one side of the room stood four people, they seemed to be arguing. They were hidden away in the shadows. And on the other side was a bed with a man sleeping on it. Completely unaware of the fight going on.

'Are you really regretting this now Phantasos?' Oh yeah, that was definitely a name of one of Hypnos his children. Wasn't he the one who created unrealistic dreams? The guy named Phantasos seemed offended. 'I'm not regretting. I'm simply saying: dad knew how to use the horn. We've been fighting over leftovers! Clearly, we're doing something wrong.' He only wore a bathrobe, he looked like a model but had the angry expression of an old man.

The fourth guy had been oddly quiet, he stood a little bit to the left, hunched over. The first man with the wings turned towards him. 'How is the angel doing?' Dean made a little gesture that meant that they were going to move. Cas was here, how were they going to distract these deities? Sam tried to come up with a plan of sorts but found it difficult.

They moved swiftly hiding behind groups of rocks scattered around. It was like a very dangerous game of laser gaming. 'The angel is doing well, but he'll soon wake up. But as long as the bindings stay intact he should be neutralised.' The fourth guy commented. Now that they were closing in on the Oneiroi Sam could start to make out more than just their silhouettes.

The one with the wings was dressed as a doctor. 'Great, you're the best Ikelos. Well when he wakes up you should call me. I'm going to do something entertaining. I'm done arguing. I'm taking the horn, I'm hungry.' A man dressed as a pastor spoke, he grinned as he left the room. Ikelos created realistic dreams. The first one with the wings spread his wings in agitation. 'Phobeter come back here!' The nightmare Oneiroi left with a laugh. The brother with the wings, who had to be Morpheus and Phantasos quickly followed him. Leaving Ikelos behind.

This was their chance. Dean silent told him to go left. Maybe they could bluff their way out of this? Ikelos didn't look much like a God. He looked like a librarian with a severe case of bedhead. He stood back up straight, leaving Cas on the ground who seemed to be unconscious.

He turned to look at the sleeping man. 'We're such a bunch of losers without you.' He spoke clearly, but whether he was angry or sad was difficult to guess. He left Castiel behind and made his way towards the sleeping man, he floated over the river without any trouble. Dean moved swiftly making his way towards Cas while Sam was on the lookout. Cas was surrounded by Enochian symbols, Dean swiped a few away with his feet and gave Cas a little shake. Ikelos suddenly froze.

Sam rose up, pointing his gun and wishing that the deity would just keep still for a few seconds longer. Dean moved to pick Cas up and swiftly made his way back. Sam felt relieve crash over him, they were going to make it.

'Dean?' A loud painful groan came from a deep voice. Cas had woken up. Ikelos turned around, his face alarmed when he saw them. Chaos followed.

Ikelos was with them in an instant. Without thinking Sam shot. The sound echoed through the caves for what felt like an eternity but the God seemed unbothered. He gave the bullet hole a look. 'That hurt.' He pulled Sam's face close and without much ceremony he realised a purple gas from his throat. Sam quickly took out his flashlight and the God screamed in pain at the blinding light.

Sam felt dizziness take over. He'd tried to hold his breath but failed. The smell of flowers surrounded him. He was still quite capable of seeing his surroundings and managed to keep his balance. But suddenly he could hear the river whisper. He felt tired. Before he could close his eyes he was being shaken by Cas. 'Sam are you alright?' Cas gave him a firm slap on the face and a bit of the dizziness left him. 'Cas behind you!' He called out. Cas turned around quickly, the other brothers had arrived. It was four against three.

They were fucked. Sam felt himself being pushed away. He tried to take aim on one of the brothers but instead shot the wall. 'DEAN WE HAVE TO GO.' He heard himself say. But the walls were closing in on him, he couldn't hear anything anymore. He lost his balance and fell down. Looking down on him was Phobetor. He looked terrifying, with big eyes that looked at him like he was dinner. In his hand was a knife used for offerings.

Sam had never felt so stupid in his life. He was going to die, and he would leave Eileen behind. He would leave his daughter behind. She was going to grow up without her father. All this time Dean had done everything to protect him, and now they were all going to die because they didn't come up with a plan.

Dean was being strangled by the winged Morpheus. The brothers seemed to be arguing about something. Phobetor turned away from Sam. 'Come one Morp, let's kill them!' Dean let out an involuntary chuckle. The man with the wings tightened his grip, 'stop calling me that, and stop laughing human!'

'A little bit of help would be nice, we're trying to restrain an angel!' Phantasos called out, his bathrobe was starting to get a little bit too loose. Ikelos was helping him hold Cas down, but his expression was focused on Sam.

With a shock Sam realised that the brother who'd been holding him down had left him to argue with Morpheus. He could move. He had to do something, anything. _Come on, think, think!_ He gave Dean a look, his brother raised an eyebrow at him. He looked up at the ceiling again. It was like a lightbulb went on in his head. Could he still do it? He had to at least try.

He felt his hand shake as he reached out for the ceiling. How long had it been since he'd last tried to use his powers? Years. It was a part of himself that he'd carefully put away, afraid of what it could unleash in him. A small voice inside of him told him he couldn't do it. _Too weak_. Cas had managed to free himself of the two brothers and stabbed both. They screamed, but were not dead. Sam yelled, it was like he was using a muscle that he hadn't used in ages. Slowly the room started to rumble, a little bit more light entered the dark space. He could feel himself fade from consciousness. But not before seeing Cas fall into the river.

As Cas fell, the light of grace left him. He made no sound as he hit the water. Dean got hit in the face by the light. He fell down and started to cough like he was trying to get water out of his lungs. The Oneiroi hissed as the light hit them and retreated to the shadows.

Sam couldn't help but let out a sigh of relieve. He tried to stop it, but one moment he was crawling to his brother. And the next moment he blacked out completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO GOODMORNING. I'm so tired, at my internship right now. Couldn't wait any longer so here's the new chapter.


	19. Oh Fortuna

**Part III**

_Castiel must carry out his duty as the last living saint and stop the Second Coming before it is too late. Will he and his companions be able to save the world? Many mysteries are yet to be solved. What is his connection to the angel Cassiel? And why is Dean's aura so much different than that of ordinary humans? One final time Cas needs to choose between his duty and humanity. His decision will either break or make the world around him._


	20. Chapter XIII

Cas nervously stepped from one foot to the other. 'So has anyone ever tried to sneak into a building before?' It was night time, Singer Salvage Yard was abandoned and closed. The lights were out in Bobby's home. 'Sure lots.' Dean and Jo spoke at the same time. Sam shuffled his feet before also nodding.

Castiel thought he'd feel calmer. But instead he felt even more nervous. They were about to commit a crime. Sam seemed to see his struggle because he made a soothing gesture. 'Relax, we going in and out. He won't even know we were here.' They were hiding behind a group of bushes. Cas once again gave the house a look. 'So you really think he's hiding it in the library?' Dean smiled, 'I don't think. I know. Bobby is smart, but he's also predictable. And besides if it isn't there then I'm sure you can trace it.'

He gave everyone a stern fatherly look. 'We don't speak unless necessary. We whisper. If you're in pain you suffer in silence. We leave everything behind exactly how we found it. Capice?' Jo saluted him. 'Aye captain.'

They quietly made their way towards the back door. The first thing Dean tried was to open it. When the door stayed locked he took out his lock pick. _Relax Cas, everything's going smoothly._ Castiel looked up at Jo who smiled. Sometimes it was difficult to keep his own thoughts separate from those of others.

Finally the door clicked and opened. Dean lacked his usually proud expression. Cas gave his hand a soft pinch. Dean felt embarrassed for breaking into the house of someone who he considered a father. Dean's expression quickly focused on Cas. He gave him a smug grin, but they both knew that the Winchester was fooling himself.

Castiel had never put a foot in Bobby's home. It looked like it could use a decent cleaning. Books were scattered everywhere. The sound of the creaking floor made everyone cringe. Cas could feel an energy buzzing through the house. At first it felt odd like someone was pulling at his organs. But suddenly he realised what it was. It was the grace, he could sense it again.

They made their way towards what Castiel assumed was the living room. Books were scattered on every surface. Dean and Sam gave each other a look. Carefully Cas bend down to pick up one of the books that were probably thrown on the ground. The page was opened on a painting of the archangel Michael. Bobby had been doing his research obviously.

The pull of the grace didn't get stronger though. Bobby hadn't hidden it here. Cas shook his head, indicating that they had to look somewhere else. Slowly they made their way towards the hallway. _Cas can you hear me?_ Castiel stopped to turn towards Dean. Slowly he cocked his head, indicating that Dean could continue. _Great, hey listen, pal, you're not sending us down to the basement right?_

Cas wished he could send Dean a mind message as well. Instead he gave him an apologetic smile before heading down the stairs. The stairs creaked even worse and for one terrifying second they thought they would get caught. But Cas could sense that Bobby's mind was still blissfully unaware. They continued down the stairs.

The only one who seemed comfortable was Jo. She seemed unbothered as she walked around the dark basement. She was shining her flashlight around like she knew no fear. Cas made a quick note to keep Jo close. Sam had silently clutched Dean's jacket. But his expression was not fearful, simply cautious.

Who knew what Bobby Singer was hiding down here?

A growl got followed by Jo getting tackled to the ground by a creature. Dean immediately pulled his gun, ready to shoot the creature. 'Stop!' Jo quickly hissed, she pulled herself up. The creature was a dog. And it was licking her face.

She let out a soft chuckle. 'Hey Rumsfeld, how ya doing bud?' Dean dropped the gun immediately. 'Shit I forgot about the dog.' The way he said it implied that he wasn't the biggest fan of Rumsfeld, in comparison to Jo who was petting the dog. Sam's eyes lit up like he was seeing the most beautiful thing in the world. He quickly joined the petting. The dog loved it. 'Not the biggest fan of dogs Dean?' Cas asked.

'To quote a dorky dude: Don't ask stupid questions.' Dean looked up nervously. 'Jo can you stay with him and keep him quiet?' Jo smiled, 'no prob.' Rumsfeld was making himself comfortable, turning to show her his belly. Cas refocused on the object they were looking for. The pull was definitely stronger down here.

Cas followed the call without hesitation. He stopped at a big locked door. Dean raised his eyebrows, _here?_ he asked. Cas nodded, he felt less nervous now that they were halfway there. Sam however was biting his nails. Dean was just about to open the door when a voice spoke up. 'Dean? Sam? Castiel? What are you doing down here?'

The three boys quickly turned around to meet the curious gaze of Karen Singer. Her ghostly appearance would've been terrifying if it wasn't for the bright pink apron that she was wearing. Sam was the first to find back his tongue. 'Hey Karen.' Cas managed to wave at her, his shoulders hurt because of the tension he was experiencing.

'Well we were just preparing a little surprise for Bobby.' Dean suddenly blurted. Karen's confusion didn't disappear yet. 'A surprise? His birthday is not around the corner… so what do you need from him?' She looked at her watch, 'isn't it kinda late? Don't you have school tomorrow?' Dean looked from Sam to Cas but neither said a thing. 'Well you know, he has always been good to us. We bought him a gift and we hid it away in this room, and we thought that tomorrow would be the perfect moment to give it to him.' Sam nodded quickly and added: 'So we'll just grab it and be on our way.'

Karen stared both Sam and Dean down, but neither flinched. Finally Karen turned to Cas, he felt nervous energy swirling around him at her cold eyes. 'And what are you doing here?' Dean opened his mouth to say something but Karen quickly hushed him. 'Well, I didn't feel like staying behind, and Dean told me about Bobby's dog so I really wanted to see him…'

Karen nodded, 'Rumsfeld is a doll, and he wouldn't harm a fly. Well I suppose you don't want me to tell Bobby?' For a second her appearance became translucent. Cas wondered what Jo was thinking, she was just around the corner, but Castiel didn't hear the dog, it was oddly quiet. Karen smiled.

Cas knew it was just a feeling, but for some reason he knew something was wrong. Sam was nodding, 'we appreciate it Karen! He'll love it. We'll see you tomorrow?' Dean put his hand carefully on Cas' shoulder. _Are you ok?_ Dean gave him a worried look. He wished Dean could read his mind and realise something was off.

Dean turned around to open the door as Karen disappeared into thin air. Cas felt nervous as Dean finally managed to open the door. Sam was already walking into the round room, his gaze curious. Cas followed him but turned around at the last second, ready to call Jo. Dean was one step ahead and was already walking back to get her. 'Hey Jo, you coming or what?'

Cas felt a sting go through his head, like he hit his head. He knew, for some reason that this was Dean's pain and not his own. 'Sam, stay here. Dean is hurt.' Sam quickly followed him instead of listening. Both Jo and Dean lay unconscious on the ground, the dog was sitting in the corner. Completely unaware that Karen had hit Jo and Dean with a baseball bat. She glared at Sam and Castiel. 'You lied to me.'

Her form flickered, blood was dripping from her body. 'Karen what did you do…?' Sam seemed quite upset to see his brother on the ground like this. She ignored his question completely, instead she started screaming. 'YOU ARE LIARS AND YOU'RE HERE TO HARM US. YOU CAME HERE TO STEAL.' She pointed at the round room. 'I KNOW WHAT BOBBY IS HIDING IN THERE. AND YOU WON'T HAVE IT.' Her eyes got big as she looked at Cas.

'I know who you are. I know WHAT you are. And you won't take it.' Cas had been silently observing so far, but he felt something catch in his throat when she focused her anger on him. 'Karen please!' Sam was hunched over, checking if Jo and Dean were alright. Karen seemed to calm down a bit. She suddenly looked extremely pale, a slow smile formed on her face.

'If I kill you all our worries will go away. You're the reason that everything is a mess. If you're gone everything will go back to the way it was.' She nodded, convinced of her decision. Cas shook his head, suddenly regaining the ability to talk.

'Sam, run back to the room and if you can lock the door.' Sam nodded, seeming hesitant to leave his brother and Jo behind. Karen paid him no attention. Castiel took a step forward. 'Karen, let's get Bobby and talk this out.' Cas sometimes felt like he did not truly belong in his body like he was an outsider looking through someone else's eyes.

But sometimes he felt like he was watching scenes unfold. Like in this moment. He saw a dark basement. Two teenagers lay on the ground. A pale woman with a bat was bleeding, her breathing ragged in rage. Across from her stood a teen, with messy hair, dark bags under his eyes and a nervous expression.

Cas saw himself standing there, trying to talk sense into Karen while she deformed, left reality in flashes and let go of the baseball bat. He saw himself take a step backwards as she moved towards him. Her eyes said murder. Her smile promised dead.

Castiel snapped out of the outer body experience as he was flayed towards the brick wall. He managed to protect his head but did badly scrape his hands. He hissed in pain. 'Who is there?!' A rough voice boomed through the house. It was Bobby, he'd woken up from the noise. His heavy footsteps were bursting through the house and towards the basement.

Karen's head suddenly snapped up, 'Sam don't touch that!' She yelled and suddenly disappeared. Bobby was downstairs and was aiming the gun at a confused Castiel. 'Don't move or I will shoot your ass!' Cas immediately raised his hands and got a splash of holy water in his face 'Bobby it's me! Karen lost it; Sam is hiding in the round room. We need to check if he's ok.'

Bobby didn't even flinch as he looked at Jo and Dean. 'They're just unconscious. We tried to steal the grace from you, it was my idea. Karen found us and suddenly freaked out.' Cas tried to stand up when he heard a smash against iron. 'If you even flinch I will shoot your head off.' Bobby warned him. 'That round room is the panic room. It's designed to keep out supernatural folks. She won't get to him.'

He slowly lowered his gun, fire in his eyes. 'Karen, you there?'

Karen appeared almost immediately, she looked normal again. 'Bobby, these boys were trying to steal from you.' Cas slowly stood up, Dean let out a groan as he looked around. 'What the hell?' His eyes met Bobby's and he muttered a string of curses. 'You keep your potty mouth shut.' Bobby warned him before he turned his attention to Karen, 'did you hit them with the bat?' His voice sounded very neutral, neither kind nor angry.

But Cas could see a different read on him. Bobby was scared, he was being cautious. Dean looked around, 'where is Sammy?' Cas didn't dare speak up, so instead he helped Dean stand up. 'Your brother is hiding in the panic room.' Karen answered, all her craziness had melted away. She looked like a concerned mom. 'He seemed scared.'

For the first time in his life Cas felt like making a sarcastic comment, instead he quietly observed Bobby. 'Well I need to ask him a question so let's call him.' Bobby turned towards the panic room, 'Sam? Can you come over here? It's Bobby! We need to have a talk!' Slowly a pair of footsteps was drawing near, and with those footsteps did the pull of grace. Sam had found it.

He had a guilty expression as he saw Bobby. 'I know what you want to ask, I just want to start by saying that we're sorry for causing you so much trouble.' He held up the little bottle of grace. 'We just wanted to help Cas safe the world…' A strange thing happened, Bobby took the bottle from him quickly. His eyes shimmered with something strange. 'It's alright, just don't do it again.'

Cas decided to take the plunge, 'Bobby please hand it over to me. I know what it is, it belongs to me. Let me take care of it.' Cas reached out his hand, Karen shook her head. 'No! That's ridiculous. How dare you claim to know what's best?'

Bobby's grip tightened. 'No, I won't give it to you.' Dean shook his head, he'd been trying to poke Jo awake. 'You're joking, right? Bobby we need this to _stop the end of the world_. Just give it to Cas.' Cas felt confused at Bobby's odd change in demeanour. 'This is mine you hear me? You. Can't. Have. It.' Karen too seemed strange again, but Bobby paid no attention to his wife.

_Of course,_ Cas remembered his dream. The way the archangels had looked hungry for power. This was a powerful object, of course it would corrupt. Cas surprised himself when he reached out his hand and pulled the object away from Bobby with no problem. It flew out of his grip and the moment Castiel got it he felt strange. Cas hardly heard Bobby yell in anger as he opened the bottle and poured the substance into his hand.

The moment he touched it, everything disappeared.

**Wings flutter**

Cassiel had everything he needed. He'd said goodbye to those he considered good friends, and had been spit on by those who wished him a miserable life on earth. Rumours had spread around like hellfire. The doomed angel Cassiel, the betrayer of his own kin, the seraph destined to fall in love with a human was going to protect one of the most powerful objects ever created.

It was ridiculous, and it was the way their father intended for it to be. Cassiel, of course, knew the words written about him. The words that predicted the apocalypse. He was going to fall from grace to be with the Righteous Man. The idea of falling in love, of being corrupted in any sort of way was ludicrous to the seraph. Cassiel only had one loyalty, one family and one purpose. And he refused to let himself fall into darkness. So taking on this task was the only way to redeem himself, to make him feel like he belonged again.

Before he could leave heaven a voice called out to him. Cassiel lowered his wings and turned to find Anna flying towards him. Once she landed she greeted him. 'Nice to see you here Anna. How can I help you?' Cassiel awaited Anna's instructions. Had she been sent by Michael to inform him they'd found someone more suitable to protect the Crown? She spoke quickly, like she was forcing the words out of her being. 'I come here to request to take your place. I know many must've tried to do the same. But please consider letting me carry this burden.'

Her eyes had that look, that look of desire that he'd only seen a few times on her icy expression. 'I've observed the humans for a long time. I will fit in well. I know how they think, I know how they act-'

'You know how they are capable of feeling,' Cassiel interrupted. Anna's wings moved nervously, '… well of course, but that won't be an issue!'

Cassiel shook his head. He felt pity for her. 'You are the only one who wants to take my place, no-one even dares to cross me right now because of what I have in my possession.' Anna stayed silent. 'You have to talk to Naomi, Anna. I've quietly observed your behaviour, you seem obsessed with these humans. I can feel your desire to be there instead of here.' Cassiel tried to give the angel a friendly look, 'but this is where you belong.'

Anna nodded, 'I take that as a no.'

'I apologize. I must go now, I have a long journey ahead of me. Take care of yourself.'

Cassiel could feel the jealousy radiate from her but did not comment.

'I guess I'll try to visit Naomi sometime. I wish you good fortune Cassiel. And until next time.' With those words the angel spread her wings and left. Cassiel watched her fly away for a bit, knowing that soon he would not be residing in heaven anymore.

He turned towards the edge of his world and looked down unto another. It was time. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and allowed himself to drop to a new purpose.

**Wings flutter**

'Castiel? Cas you there?' Cas was being shaken, his eyes quickly opened and he regained consciousness. 'I'm alright. I'm alright.' He quickly looked around, Bobby sat in the corner, Sam was talking to him, he seemed worried. Karen was nowhere to be seen.

He felt strange, a bit tingly. Dean seemed relieved that he was alright. 'Do you remember what happened?' Cas shook his head, he remembered taking the grace and taking it out of the bottle. Other than that… 'What happened?'

Dean sat himself down. 'Well Karen totally flipped and tried to hurt you. And you… well you almost… you almost made her explode?' Dean's aura was nowhere to be seen, he couldn't get a read on him. 'Care to elaborate on the exploding part?'

Sam pulled a face from across the room. 'Guys tone it down?' He asked, he seemed really concerned. Cas looked over, Bobby's eyes were closed. 'What happened to Bobby?' Sam looked up, his expression angry. 'You did this Cas.'

For a second Castiel was convinced that the ground would disappear, that he would fall into a pit of darkness and pain like he'd done so many years before. It didn't happen, and it filled him with confusion. Sure he knew that this was supposed to be bad, sad even. He knew he should feel guilty and be filled with dread. But his heart didn't miss a bit, his breathing was relaxed and calm. He tried to make a face of regret, he attempted to feel bad. But he failed.

'I see.'

No-one said anything. 'Jo is upstairs; if you need me I'll be there.' Sam's voice tried to conceal his anger but failed miserably. 'Try to wake Bobby up will you?' He left. Dean's face was unreadable. But he didn't event take hold of his hand. He just kept looking at Cas.

'Don't mind him too much, he'll be alright in a few hours.' Cas knew he should feel bad that the younger Winchester was angry at him, but he could neither remember nor care about it. 'Dean tell me what happened, I need to know.' His own voice sounded strange to him, he shifted awkwardly. His whole body felt strange, like he was wearing a layer of tight uncomfortable clothes that was meant for a child and not a teenager.

Dean seemed to think for a second, eventually he spoke. 'Well you took it and you gave us all such a strange look. Said these verses like you were reciting something, but we couldn't understand a word of it. Do you remember?' Castiel couldn't remember that at all. 'When I took hold of it I blacked out. I had a dream. It was about the angel Anna.'

Cas remembered Anna's cold empty expression as she told him that there was no escape from his faith. What had happened to her? She had changed. He remembered her true form, and how it suddenly became clear to him that angels were no humans. And never would be.

'Well you were talking, so I tried to snap you out of it. Bobby suddenly started acting normal again but Karen flipped. She tried to hurt you and your eyes started glowing. And I'm pretty sure she almost exploded. But then Bobby tried to stop you and you touched his forehead and now he won't wake up.'

Cas nodded, he looked around. 'Where is Karen? Is she ok?' He didn't really care if she was hurt or not, but if she was alive he needed to know. 'She snapped out of it a bit later, she was very upset and disappeared.' For a second Cas was sure he could feel something move in his chest, maybe worry? Regret? Dean seemed to notice because suddenly he took his hand.

'Don't worry too much about it. Karen was not your fault. She has been stuck in this world for a long time. That she's acting this way happens eventually. My dad has tried to convince Bobby many times to just let her rest. But he can't do it, and Karen refuses to leave his side.'

Cas stood up, still holding on to Dean. His insensitivity was slowly fading. He took a sharp breath and there it was. Fear, sadness, anger, self-hate and remorse. His mind was chanting. _You worthless piece of garbage. You should die, just die, die already. End it now._ All thoughts hit him like a train. 'Dean… I _hurt_ him. I hurt Bobby. Oh, God… What have I done?!'

Dean's aura returned, making his eyes hurt. 'Make it stop Dean. Please!' He tried to free himself but Dean pulled him into his arms. 'Easy Cas. Close your eyes. Bobby will be fine. You didn't do it on purpose. We're all fine and we got what we came for. _So close your eyes, take a deep breath with me. And relax_.' Cas had never known how full his head was with thoughts. Until now. Slowly the ringing in his ears disappeared, he relaxed.

'Man I'm really relieved that you're you again.' Dean admitted. Cas pulled back slightly, 'what do you mean by that?' Dean's aura was softly touching him like he was still a bit afraid of him. Dean afraid of him? It made his stomach turn.

'Well you acted so strangely just now. Like you just couldn't care at all. You gave me this look like I was a stranger.' Cas understood, he'd felt it too. Like someone had cut away a part of him that was capable of feeling. 'Yeah I felt it too, but it's gone now. I feel fine.' Dean nodded, his eyes went from worried to relieved. 'Man, I could kiss you right now.'

'Not again, Jesus Christ, you two must be the two biggest idjits I've ever laid my eyes on.' Bobby spoke up, he'd woken up. He sat in the corner with a grumpy expression. Both Dean and Cas quickly pulled away from each other embarrassed. 'Oh please continue. The sweetness is making my teeth rot. And when you two are done playing Romeo and Juliet you can help me upstairs and explain to me what the hell is happening here.'

He pointed at Cas, 'and I should fire you for breaking and entering _and_ stealing.'

Cas felt a pit form in his stomach. Bobby's angry expression faded. 'Ugh, you know what? Never mind. Just help me upstairs and make me some coffee.'

'I would definitely be Romeo in this scenario.' Dean said.  
'Dean we all know that you would be the chick.' Bobby dismissed him.

**Wings flutter**

After Bobby had had five strong cups of coffee and some really early breakfast he turned towards the kids. 'So you're telling me that Jesus Christ…'

'We call him Evil Jesus.' Jo interjected.

Bobby gave her a look. 'Alright… so you're telling me that _Evil Jesus_ is real and that the angels want you to help bring him back?' Cas nodded, 'that's the short version yes.'

Bobby poured another cup. 'So why didn't you guys just ask me if I wanted to hand it over? Would have saved you this little fiasco.' He took a big gulp of a flask next. Dean pulled a face, 'we did and you said no!' Bobby looked at him, genuinely surprised.

'So why do you think I can't remember?' Cas nervously pulled his hand on his watch where both pieces of grace where residing. They still needed to find three other parts. And if he had them all… what would happen next?

Jo dropped her own coffee and suddenly fell down. Her face a strange expression as she got surrounded by a blinding light. Suddenly her eyes opened again. 'Jo are you alright! What happened?' Sam and Dean were helping her get up. She looked around, a smile slowly formed on her face. 'I'm fine, it's a little bit off a rush I will admit, but I'm fine.' Jo stood up. 'I've come here to give you information.' Her way of speaking was strange.

She smiled and turned towards Cas. 'Hey Cassie!'

Castiel felt like he was getting punched in the stomach. 'Balthazar?' He blinked a few times, behind Jo's aura was clearly a blinding white light that looked awfully familiar.

Jo- no _Balthazar_ smiled cheekily. 'The one and only!' He gave his body a good look. 'And this time in the form of a pretty girl, if this isn't my lucky day.' Everyone looked at Cas now. 'Is this the angel?' Dean asked. His expression murderous, Cas hardly confirmed it or Dean was already aiming his gun.

Balthazar quickly raised his hands. 'Easy tiger! Your tiny female friend is fine for now. She was still a little bit dizzy from the hit she got, so convincing her to give me access was pretty easy. Kinda sure she actually needs to go to the hospital. But I'll just heal her head now while I'm at it. That aside, bullets don't hurt me.' Bobby was muttering under his breath. Whether he was praying, cursing of reciting an exorcism would remain a mystery.

Sam seemed most upset of all. 'Why are you here?' Cas requested. 'Hurry up, we don't want you here. Your presence attracts the attention of others.' Balthazar seemed slightly upset, Cas felt his stomach turn when he saw Jo's empty eyes look at him. 'Well I wanted to congratulate you for having found two parts already. Honestly I'm surprised you're not dead yet. With you-know-who going to school with you.'

Dean's aura was distrust to the bone. 'But you're here, so I guess she hasn't started her plan yet.' Balthazar looked out of the window, he seemed a bit nervous again. 'Because the Crown is so powerful it has a weird effect on humans. It makes them corrupt, they want to keep it to themselves no matter what. So that's why you don't remember Mister Singer. But it's safe with Cassie now. He's the only one who can't be corrupted by it.'

Dean spoke up, loud and threatening: 'why should we trust him? Why are you helping us?' Balthazar scoffed, 'First and most of all: I'm in a female vessel so I prefer female pronouns thank you very much. And second: easy, I'm helping because I'm nice.' Bobby laughed, it was dry and short. 'That's bull, everyone wants something. What is it that you want?' Balthazar smiled mysteriously. 'That's for me to know.'

Cas felt like he was being punched in the gut. He'd never considered if the angel had other motives. 'This vessel is reacting badly to my presence so I need to leave soon. Cassie, stay cautious. It has been awfully quiet out there so I'm pretty sure they're planning something.'

She handed Sam a little roll of paper. 'This is what Cas was residing. I heard you're the one who does the decoding? Because this might be useful.' Sam took it quietly, the angel gave him an intense look. She smiled, 'Mmm… you're an interesting one Sam Winchester. I'm sure we'll hear from you again.' She turned to look at Dean, her smile broadened. 'Both of you.'

A bright light, and a cheerful cheerio later the angel had disappeared. Leaving a confused Jo behind. 'Did-' she pointed at her herself, then she pointed at the ceiling. 'Did that just happen?' She let herself fall down in a chair.

**Wings flutter**

Castiel tried to list his activities for the day when he woke up. He knew that his neighbour Daphne wanted him to meet her cousin and that he still needed to finish some homework. Oh and of course there was the fact that the apocalypse was getting closer every day.

His morning went strangely easily. He didn't wake up feeling terrible. His alarm went and he stood up immediately. He ate without any trouble too. It was really quiet. He got a message from an unknown number.

**Unknown:** _Good morning Castiel, I hope you slept well. It is Anna._

Cas should probably call Dean. Or Bobby, tell them that something was wrong. Instead he calmly saved her number on his phone and made his way towards the door to start his school day. Dean picked him up and tried to kiss his cheek. Cas leaned away. His phone pinged, another message.

**Anna:** _I am warning you to stop looking._

Dean seemed taken back by his cold behaviour. He took hold of Cas' hand. 'Are you alright?' Cas pulled his hand away, he knew he should feel something. But he couldn't. His suspicions got confirmed when he received another message.

**Anna:** _The more grace you find, the more humanity will be suppressed to make space. Eventually you will not be capable of feeling anything anymore. The damage will be permanent. Stop now, and surrender. And we will release you from your suffering._

'Cas?' Castiel quickly put his phone away and smiled at his boyfriend. 'I'm fine. Let's go.' Sam gave him a concerned look from the back seat but didn't comment either. Cas felt an odd feeling wash over him. Relief? He didn't feel guilty for lying at all!

They started driving. And for a second he swore he could see Crowley standing across the street. Watching him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK. Another chapter and this time things are happening. Honestly at this point, I'm just hoping you guys don't hate this fic. I like it... sort off. So I would appreciate it if you left a comment so I know what you guys are thinking!


	21. Chapter XIV

For once there was no rain. The air had felt dry and cold, and the wind had felt rough and harsh on Castiel's skin. He hadn't been very motivated to go to therapy in the first place, but the weather sure was not helping. Castiel was glad that it was Friday. He was in need of some rest. When he'd arrived it sure felt strange to sit in the waiting room. It felt even stranger to greet Zachariah Adler.

Zachariah had seemed to be in a good mood when the teen entered his office. His suit was neat and shiny like always and his cold detached eyes curious. They had both sat down, Adler behind his desk and Cas on the chair. Castiel felt quite uncomfortable but did not dare address this feeling. Instead he smiled.

Zachariah opened his laptop, his hands floating on the keyboard. 'Welcome back mister Novak. I'm very pleased to have you here again.' He returned the smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. 'How are you doing Castiel?'

'I'm doing quite well. How have you been?' He spoke in a calm and collective way. His question was not meant to be answered. Mister Adler had never told him anything about himself, not even his age. Let alone how he'd been doing.

Adler seemed surprised by the question. 'Oh I've been doing fine.' They both allowed silence to eat up the room. Castiel couldn't help but wonder who had wiped Zachariah's memories and why. He suspected it to be the angels. But Cas had better things to worry about. Like what he was going to tell his therapist.

'So much has happened since our last conversation.' Fingers started moving as the keyboard made the familiar ticking noise. Adler kept quiet, waiting for more. 'Good things happened too, don't get me wrong. But I discovered things that have changed my perspective on things.' Castiel tried to keep his voice controlled. Adler finally spoke: 'do you want to start with the good or the bad?'

It felt kinda nice to know that his therapist had to keep his secrets. It felt nice to know that he wouldn't be judged. But he also knew that he would be declared mad if he told the real truth. He would have to step carefully. 'Let's start with the bad.'

**Wings flutter**

'I remember feeling so afraid about who am I. I remember denying myself everything because I kept thinking about my dad. But now I just don't care anymore, I like Dean. I really like him. And he likes me, so I don't see the point in trying to fight those feelings.' Cas had been gushing for over 30 minutes by now. His voice was hurting from all the talking.

His therapist nodded, 'you're learning how to accept. That's very good. I advise you to be careful though. First heartbreak can be very rough. I want you to call me if something is wrong.'

A breakup? That wasn't even on the table right now. Instead of mentioning it Cas continued to tell the rest. Zachariah seemed pretty impressed with his progress.

A subject that had bothered Cas for a while suddenly came to him. 'One of my friends ran away from home. Her name is Meg. I'm worried that she'll get hurt.' Zachariah was quiet for a second longer than usual. 'Meg Masters?' He asked. Cas looked up from his feet, feeling his stomach twist. 'You know her?' He asked carefully, afraid of how much his therapist knew. 'Yeah, a few years ago she attended a few group sessions. I'm sorry to hear this. I hope she'll return home safely.'

Castiel sincerely doubted it. Meg might not even be alive anymore. She could be dead and he would never know. How could he contact her? How could he warn her? 'Castiel, if you do run into her, you will call the police right?' Zachariah always looked the same, Cas had suspected for a bit that his therapist did not feel anything at all. But the look in his eyes clearly told him what he needed to know. His therapist was suspicious of him.

'Of course I'll call the police. Why wouldn't I?' Once Cas spoke those words he realised he was lying through his teeth. If by any chance he _did_ see Meg, he would not hesitate to help her. Why he felt so much sympathy for the demon he would probably never know. But he did know that his new hunter friends would disagree.

'Alright, I'm just making sure. How about your mental health, have you seen anything as of lately? How are you reacting to your meds?'

Castiel wanted to be honest in that moment. He wanted to tell about the angels about the Second Coming and about the saints. He wanted to tell his therapist about the dangers, the hunters and the monsters that roamed the world.

'I'm alright. I feel stable. Sometimes I will have a sudden mood swing, it can be quite troubling. I haven't been seeing anything as of lately. Sometimes I think… I can hear wings, but I know it's just the birds outside or my imagination. I've been very focused on school.'

Zachariah nodded, 'that sounds good. I suggest we take the next step in your healing progress. What you told me about your mother, the fact that you resent her for killing herself… I know that you feel angry right now. But I want to higher your dose gradually over the next month to see how your mood swings react.'

Castiel didn't agree, but really did he have a choice? Adler had always been his only therapist, and this was simply how he worked. 'I should warn you, you might feel a bit sick at first. If you pick them up today than we will have our next talk next Friday. Sound good?'

Cas took the piece of paper. But when he tried to pull it out of his therapist's hand Adler's grip tightened. 'And maybe, you should try to connect with what is left of your family. Maybe they can tell you why your mother was the way she was.'

He wanted to protest but felt a rush of nothing all of the sudden. And within seconds he didn't feel anything anymore. It was happening again. No more worries, no more pain. 'Sounds fine to me.' Adler didn't notice a thing.

**Wings flutter**

It was Saturday afternoon and Dean and Cas had just ended their shift at Bobby's. Dean had jokingly put on Castiel's glasses and was squinting so hard it gave Cas this warm fuzzy feeling. 'Cas are you blind?!' Cas could feel his eyebrows rise, 'No not blind. But if you keep going I might have to take my glasses back by using force.'

Dean grinned as he sat himself down in the Impala. 'I surrender,' he handed Cas his glasses, 'they make you look hotter anyway.' Castiel felt an impulse take over. He grabbed the collar of Dean's jacket and pulled him into a kiss without much warning. This was different than their other kisses. Their lips clashed and it was fast and needy. Dean gasped when Cas' teeth scraped his lip. His thoughts all wiped away, his aura colouring a deep red.

'You trying to kill me?' Dean asked, his voice unsteady. Cas ignored the question in favour of kissing him again. His hands in Dean's hair, 'go on a date with me.' He pulled a bit too rough on Dean's hair. Cas was surprised by his own boldness. Dean nodded, too occupied to answer. Suddenly a weird tune ruined the moment before the kiss could deepen. Dean groaned as he pulled away.

'Dammit, that's my phone.' Cas pulled away, his heart was beating in an unhealthy quick pace, his body still shimmered. 'God it's Sammy I knew it.' Dean sighed as he picked up the phone. 'What do you want cock block?' Dean put the phone on speaker. Cas could hear Sam laugh. His voice was going through puberty, making his voice sound weird at times. 'Oh please, trust me this is important.'

Cas leaned towards the phone. 'Hey Sam. What's going on?'

'Hey Cas, well I finally translated the text that the angel guy gave us. Balthazar?' Dean and Cas gave each other a quick look. Dean's thoughts were all over the place. He was impressed with his brother. His red aura was slowly fading away to make place for the regular colours. 'So what did Cas say when he was spacing out?'

'Well he was speaking Enochian. He said that _to break it, you have to lose faith_. Does that ring a bell?' Cas gave it some thought before slowly shaking his head to Dean. 'Doesn't ring a bell.' Cas admitted. Sam let out a sigh, 'well it's something at least. I'll be studying at a friend's place. See you guys at dinner.' Sam hung up.

Dean turned to Cas. 'So you wanted to take me out?' Cas nodded, 'not sure where to yet, but we'll figure something out.' Cas wanted to grab his phone from his pocket but noticed something was missing.

'Dean I think I've lost my wallet.' Dean turned to look at the floor. 'Oh shit, when was the last time you saw it?' Cas felt a slight panic rush through him. 'I can't remember.' The next five minutes the searched the whole car and checked all of Castiel's pockets four times. Dean looked at the store. 'Maybe you dropped it in the store while we were working?' Cas quickly shook his head. 'I wouldn't be so careless.'

Dean shrugged and stepped out of the Impala. 'Only one way to find out. Come on.'

**Wings flutter**

Cas knew that when Dean and Cas weren't working, Bobby was running the store and the garage, with the assistance of Karen of course. But because customers were rare you could usually find Bobby at his house, helping out hunters.

Cas and Dean entered the store, expecting Karen to be floating around. Cas got startled when a monotone boyish voice spoke: 'Welcome to Singer's Salvage Yard. How can I help you today?' The guy looked like he was thirty and very moody. His name tag said _Steve_ and Castiel immediately started freaking out. 'What the hell?!'

'Hey man, Cas dropped his wallet during his shift. Have you seen it by any chance?' Dean asked the guy, he didn't seem weirded out at all. They both gave Castiel's startled expression an amused look. Cas felt frozen in time as he saw the casual conversation between Dean and _Steve_ taking place. The guy nodded, 'oh yeah, I put it in the back.'

Cas tried to protest but Dean was already walking towards the break room. 'Dean wait-' Cas tried to keep his tone quiet, but his confusion was clear. Dean grabbed the wallet from the table and gave it to him. His aura was not any different, he seemed completely relaxed. Cas turned to look at the closed door. 'Dean who is that guy? What the hell is he doing here?'

Dean smiled, 'yeah sometimes I wish I didn't know him either.' Dean was obviously missing the point. Cas took a hold of Dean's sleeve, his expression dead serious. 'Dean I don't remember this guy working here. He is wearing my name tag. We're Bobby's only employees!' He tried to keep his voice down, but it was a struggle. Dean's face went from calm to surprised. 'Don't you remember?'

Castiel felt like everyone was pulling a joke on him. 'No I don't! Where is Karen? She didn't mention taking on any new employees-' Dean's thoughts made him stop.

'What do you mean Karen is dead?' Dean quickly tried to shut him up.

He didn't seem amused and quickly replied: 'Cas lower your voice. Yes Karen is dead. Stop acting so strange!' Castiel felt the heat rise up in his chest, aching to flood out. He tried to keep his emotional reaction in check. Dean's thought were all over the place. Confusion, anger, worry and most of all he was upset. His eyes big, green eyes not as bright as usual. 'Cas stop it. Karen has been dead for years. She's no ghost. Why are you being so-' Dean cut himself off, but his sentence got finished in his mind. And Cas turned away. 'Weird Dean? You think I'm being weird?'

'I remember Bobby introducing me to Karen. I remember how she hurt you and Jo when we wanted to take the Crown. Please do explain to me how else-' Cas could feel his stomach turn. Dean's angry thoughts faded away, 'Cas are you alright?' He doubled over, dizziness took over. Dean's cold hand was on his face. 'You're burning up. I'm taking you home.'

Cas could hardly remember how he got in the car, or how he eventually ended up in bed.

**Wings flutter**

It was Saturday. Turned out that Cas had a slight fever. It was the first one in what felt like years. Dean and insisted on keeping him company. They didn't talk about Karen. Probably because Cas felt a bit stupid for losing his shit. Of course Karen had been dead. She'd been dead for years. He'd never met her himself, but he knew how much Bobby had cared for her. His fever had confused him into thinking things that were not true. It was the only explanation.

Dean could be quite the mother figure when he wanted to be. He scolded Cas for leaving the bed and made him soup. Instead of kissing him on the mouth he kissed his head. It felt like such a strangely intimate gesture. One Dean made without thinking or blinking. He seemed at peace in his mind, or at least that's what he wanted Cas to believe. Sam spend a large portion of the day at the apartment too. He sat in the corner and was making homework, when he was done he said he was going to meet up with Jess. Dean jokingly told him to wear protection.

'You mean a knife right?' Sam said. Dean simply grinned, 'a knife, sure.' Sam's face was priceless as he left and wished Cas a speedy recovery. Cas nodded, _if only_. Cas returned towards the bed. He lay down with a huff.

He had wondered several times if he should just stop this ridiculous quest to save the world. He knew that it was his job, he knew it was his responsibility. But knowing that his mother had just chickened out made him feel lost. They had three pieces now. The one from the garden that they had taken back at Bobby's, the one in his mother's necklace and of course the one inside him.

' _I'm sorry I couldn't save her. But I could save you. One of the parts had placed itself in you. It recognized you as the true owner. That's why everyone wants you dead.'_ He remembered Balthazar's words. He'd never noticed something foreign inside of him. But now he suddenly wondered if the grace inside of him could have a strange effect.

They couldn't stop now. They were still missing the Crown of Righteousness and the Crown of Exultation. And Cas had honestly no idea where to find them. 'Heya Cas, what are you thinking about?' Dean entered the room with a hot cup of tea. He put it down on Cas' nightstand.

Cas grunted in the pillow. 'Just thinking.' Dean sat himself down at the edge of the bed. 'If you tell me I will make you burgers when you feel better.' Cas chuckled. 'That's low Winchester.' He turned to look at the young hunter. The freckles on his face were fading away because of the lack of sunlight

'I was thinking about what Balthazar said. I wonder what the angels are planning, the same goes for the demons really. We're like pieces of chess, we need to get ahead of these creatures.' Dean nodded in agreement, still giving him a curious look. 'I agree, but shouldn't you be resting?'

Cas looked over at Dean, no aura, no thoughts to be heard either. Just normal ordinary Dean. Should he suggest his plan to Dean? It was like a mantra in his head. _Let's find their weakness and kill them_. His mind suggested. It was a cold, unfeeling solution. And Cas didn't understand why.

Dean carefully took hold of Castiel's hand. 'We'll figure it out.' Cas noticed the lack of reaction at Dean's touch. He smiled, not because he felt like it. But because he knew that was how he was supposed to react. 'Like we always do.' He replied.

**Wings flutter**

Castiel woke up because of a blinding light. One moment he felt terribly ill and the next moment he sat up alarmed. The glow seemed to come from his body. He was ready to call for help when the glow disappeared just as quickly as it had arrived. His mind wasn't foggy anymore, he didn't feel sick either. He felt… normal. Better than normal even, he felt good.

With a clear head he jumped out of bed and towards the couch where Dean was reading. 'Dean!' The young hunter looked up, his green eyes curious. He quickly threw his book aside. 'What's wrong? Why are you out of bed?' His trigger-happy fingers moved towards his gun. Castiel quickly stopped him. He was surprised to see, or actually _not_ see any aura.

'Dean the fever is gone. There was a glow and I-' Dean blinked, 'you what?' Castiel opened his hand, convinced he could make it glow again. But it didn't work. Dean nodded, 'alright why don't you just sit down and let me take your temperature?' Cas sat himself down, surprised by his own lack of protest. Dean was about to take his temperature when the doorbell rang. Dean muttered something about terrible timing and went to open the door, followed on the foot by Cas.

Daphne smiled when Dean opened the door. 'Hey Dean,' she looked at Cas, 'hello Cas.' She was dressed in a fluffy sweater and behind her stood two people. A girl from her age with brown hair and an awkward smile. And a guy with a cheeky smile with a glint of mischief in his eyes. 'My cousin came to visit. I told you I would introduce you right?' Cas quickly straightened out his shirt. 'Oh right, yes I forgot. It's nice to meet you I'm Castiel and this is my boyfriend, Dean.' The girl nodded, 'I'm Hannah Johnson and this is my friend Gabriel. We're in town to visit Daphne. It's a pleasure to meet you.'

Gabriel gave Cas a look over. Then he turned to Dean. 'So you're his boyfriend huh?' He was trying to conceal a smile but wasn't very successful. Cas wondered what was so funny. Dean nodded he gave the guy a warning look. 'Yes?' Gabriel held up his hands in peace. 'Oh just surprised that's all. I just remembered that someone owes me money.' Hannah gave him a stern look. 'I'm not giving you any more money Gabe.'

Daphne quickly interrupted them. 'So how do you feel about having a bite with us? Nothing to fancy. It's just that I promised them I would introduce them to some of my… friends.' She said the word friends like it was foreign to her. Cas didn't know much about his neighbour if he was being honest. He knew she was in college and he knew she attended church. Dean gave Cas a look over. 'I'm not sure, Cas had a fever and I'm not sure if he's feeling good again.'

Daphne nodded, she seemed slightly disappointed. 'I understand. In that case, it's better to take it easy.' She gave Cas a smile. 'Trust me you need to take your time to get better. We'll see you around.'

Hannah seemed eager to leave. Daphne and Hannah left down the hallway. Gabriel, however, stood still and gave both Dean and Castiel a meaningful look. 'I just wanted to say… you two being a couple is sweet. Too sweet, even for me.' He waved and was ready to leave, but Dean stopped him. 'Do I know you?'

Gabriel winked. 'I've never been much of a player. I prefer watching things unfold. So good luck! You'll need it!' He turned around to follow Daphne and Hannah. Leaving a confused Dean and Castiel behind.

**Wings flutter**

Sunday used to mean going to church. It used to mean identity crisis as his father preached about how homosexuals would burn in hell. It used to mean sadness. Now it meant a Dungeons and Dragons night. This time it was at Ash' place. He was the type of guy who was friends with everyone. Including Charlie. So it shouldn't be strange that Cas was sitting on the couch of the guy. But in reality, he had been here before.

When he got himself addicted it started out harmless in this exact same room. Ash was friends with a group of stoners and used weed on a regular basis. He and Cas had been forced to do their project together back when he'd just started Highschool. So every time he was here they'd been smoking. The room still smelled a bit like weed.

It was of course not Ash' fault. How could he have known that Castiel had depression? How could he have known that he was being bullied and that he harmed himself? Getting in touch with the wrong people had happened fast enough after that. He went from weed to stuff that was not twice but thrice as hard and a lot more dangerous.

His addiction had been pushed out of him once he was put away at the mental hospital. Cas liked to think that his short adventure as a junkie had come to an end a long time ago. But as he saw his friends talk and laugh he couldn't help but rub his palms together. Thinking about how the needle had felt in his arm, thinking about how peaceful he'd felt. Relieved and free.

'Dude you still with us?' Ash asked him, the guy wasn't smoking. Wasn't even aware of Cas' odd flashbacks. He probably didn't even remember. Cas smiled, the doorbell rang. 'I'll go. I need to use the toilet anyway.' He spoke a bit louder, so his friends would know where he was heading off too. He quickly made his way towards the door, towards the smell of fresh air.

He was surprised, to say the least, to find Lisa at the door. She gave him an awkward smile. 'Hello Castiel. Or is it Cas?' Cas was more than surprised to see her. 'Cas will be fine, I can't believe you came.' Lisa laughed, 'that's what Dean said too.' Castiel shouldn't be surprised that Dean forgot to mention that he'd talked with Lisa.

'Well come in, we're just about to start, you're right on time.' Lisa turned around, 'Benny get out of the car!' With a lot of aversion Benny stepped out of the car. He immediately proclaimed: 'I am NOT playing!' Cas looked at Lisa, 'how did you convince him to come? Dean has been trying for years apparently.' Lisa shrugged, a small smile on her face. 'I have my ways. So what are we playing?'

'I am NOT PLAYING LISA.' Benny shouted as he made his way towards them.

**Wings flutter**

Charlie let out a dramatic gasp. 'Oh noble heroes, do tell us your names so we can reward you with our greatest treasure!' Kevin opened his mouth to speak. Benny was ahead of him. 'I am Garotir of the lonely mountain. And we refuse to receive your treasure. It was our pleasure to save the village from the water demons!' He swiftly got hit on the head by Kevin. 'Shut up, she asked me.' Benny shut his mouth quickly. Kevin quickly thanked the leader of the village and took the reward. Charlie smiled from behind her cardboard wall.

'Alright, you have found the treasure. Now, will you be able to awaken the prince?' She looked around and whispered: 'We'll figure that out next time.'

Everyone started to protest, except for a pretty confused Lisa and Cas. Garth and Benny were loudest to complain. 'Hush! I have another announcement to make.' She started cleaning up, 'my birthday is coming up in November. And I want to invite y'all to go LARPing with me. My mom will bring us to the event. If we're lucky the weather will be decent.'

Cas turned towards and excited Dean. 'What is LARPing?' Dean leaned closer to block out other noises. 'It's Life Action Role Playing. It's sorta like we're going to be playing this game but then in real life, all dressed up.' Cas nodded, a bit distracted by his boyfriend's eyes. He wondered if November wasn't a bit too cold to be running around the forest.

Then again, he was the one who slept on the side of the road during a rainstorm. Charlie probably knew what she was doing. As they put away the game everyone started talking about watching a film. Cas allowed himself to relax and made himself comfortable on the couch. It had been a while since he'd even thought about how his friends were doing. He turned to Sam.

The teen seemed relaxed and was loudly talking with Garth about a book of sorts. Dean always pulled Sam along to these events, but never explained why. Sam seemed to get along with the others pretty well, but right now his mind seemed to be consumed with thinking. Cas turned away, not feeling up to hearing what Sam was thinking. Instead he turned his attention towards Charlie and Kevin and tried to remember his therapist's advice about initiating conversation.

'Nice weather we're having right?' He muttered. Charlie smiled, probably appreciating the fact that he was trying. 'It sure is! I know you've never LARPed before but trust me, whenever I go out its _always_ good weather.' Kevin tried to hide his laugh by coughing. 'Anyway you will be in need of a costume. Kevin this includes you too. So I would like to have your measurements.' Dean had apparently heard the word measurements because he grinned looked at Charlie and said: 'Cas has double C's,' Jo snorted, 'and how would you know?'

Dean wiggled his eyebrows but was quickly shut up when Sam gave him a look. Cas felt his face heat up, and he quickly protested: 'don't objectify me.' Laughter erupted, and for a good second or so Castiel felt really good. His good mood was quickly turned around by a cold sweat, and a painful stomach. He ran to the toilet and started puking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO. So here is the new chapter. I'm currently working on chapter 15, but school has also started again so I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up.  
> I hope soon but I won't guarantee. FOR WHOEVER IS STILL READING CONGRATULATIONS. How am I doing guys? REVIEWS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME.  
> Have a nice day-evening everyone and till next time. ;)


	22. Chapter XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can explain. TRUST ME. SO, I lost my harddisk. And this story was on my harddisk. BUT I HAVE IT BACK NOW. So we can continue guys.! For more check out the end.

It was a nice evening. The last bits of sunlight coloured the clouds in different shades. Castiel knew where he was. It had been awhile since he’d had this dream. He slowly moved, he could see a girl sitting on a bench, she seemed to be waiting for someone. Cas knew that this was his date so he kept walking. As he got closer he started noticing vague features. She looked small, her hair seemed a bit frizzy. His movements slowed only a bit with every step, but it was enough for someone in the bushes to take hold of him.

Green eyes bore in his own. The man smiled a gorgeous smile. ‘Dean?’ Cas could feel his heart stammer, his date all but forgotten. ‘Heya Cas, missed me?’ Dean spoke softly, his voice warm as he leaned over, something about him was different. Cas knew how this usually went. He got swept off his feet by a mysterious stranger that kissed like sin. And he liked it. He never stopped the stranger.

Until now.

‘Dean you’re not supposed to be here.’ Cas could feel his heart stutter when Dean put a hand on his neck. He brushed softly passed his hair. ‘Why not? It’s alright if you wanna dream about me. I dream about you all the time.’ He had a knowing look in his eyes. The way his eyes travelled down Castiel’s body seemed predatory.

A part of Cas was happy to let himself get lost in this world, in this moment. But for some reason he knew something was wrong. ‘Dean what’s wrong?’ It was in the casual way that Dean showed him affection that Cas was disturbed. Dean was always tense, even when he was not on guard. Right now he was stroking Castiel’s neck as if it was no big deal.

‘Nothing is wrong. Things have never been so right.’ Dean’s grin broadened as he spoke, Cas felt an uncomfortable chill go down his spine when Dean took hold of his face. Cas tried to pull away but his grip was firm, painful even. Cas couldn’t move. Dean’s green eyes disappeared to make place for dark puddles of nothing. ‘What’s wrong angel?’ Dean asked, his voice sickening sweet. ‘You look scared.’

 Desperately Cas tried to free himself, but to no avail. This was no dream, this was a nightmare. Finally Castiel felt like he could breathe again. Dean had let go of him and next to him stood another demon. ‘Crowley?’ Castiel didn’t know whether to feel agitated or petrified. Crowley was wearing the usual gear, his smile was friendly as he helped Cas stand up.

‘The one and only, it has been awhile has it not?’ He looked Dean over. ‘You like my creation? I hoped he would catch your attention.’ Cas wrapped his arms around himself, he tried to make himself look taller, but Crowley’s intimidating stare made him shudder. ‘I knew you would show up eventually. If you’re here for the grace you’re out of luck. It’s stored away safely.’ Crowley seemed unimpressed.

‘What, in your watch? Please, I come here for something far more important.’ Crowley moved in a circle around him, slowly, like he was watching prey. ‘If I wanted the Crowns I would just have to threaten your beloved Dean.’ He snapped his fingers, the fake Dean disappeared. ‘You have made the terrible mistake to _care_. And that makes you weak.’

The park faded away into obscurity, leaving Cas and Crowley behind. ‘How do you enter my dreams?’ Cas managed to keep the trembling from his voice. His legs however felt weak. Crowley didn’t answer he simply smiled. ‘How much are you willing to pay for that information?’ He asked.

Cas pushed away his thoughts, his fears. He needed to not feel, _right now_. ‘Either get to business or leave. I want nothing to do with demons.’ Crowley nodded, he held up a finger. ‘You’re arrogant and think you know everything. But you know absolutely nothing Castiel. That’s what I like about you. That’s why I want to offer you a deal.’ For a second Cas saw past the crossroad demon and he saw a man. ‘I don’t deal with demons.’ Bobby had taught him to be careful. He didn’t care what Crowley had to offer him. He wasn’t foolish.

‘You haven’t even heard what the deal is.’ The demon’s grin faded, he seemed genuinely annoyed. Cas shook his head. ‘You want the Crown of Immortality. Probably for power or something. And what do I get in return?’ His questions were meant to be left unanswered, instead Crowley took out a paper. ‘Well the contract says a lot of juicy things. But I give you my word. You will be very satisfied with the end result.’

Cas stayed motionless ‘Give it some time to sink in. I’ll return to discuss the details later.’ Crowley picked up a black suitcase. ‘Just think about it: Who can you trust? The people who are manipulating reality to mess with your mind… Or the demon who is telling you right now that Karen did exist but that she was purposely erased?’

Cas opened his eyes, his breathing was quick and panicked. Someone was telling him to relax. ‘Cas you’re alright. It was a dream. Just relax.’ Castiel quickly reached out to touch his boyfriend. ‘Dean? Dean?’ A light appeared, making the darkness disappear and Cas could finally see his surroundings again. Dean seemed tired, his eyes sleepy. ‘Hey, you alright? You started thrashing around.’ Cas didn’t immediately reply, still confused. ‘I think I had a nightmare.’ He felt sweaty and cold and he turned around. ‘I’m sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep.’

Dean nodded slowly pulling Cas close to him, ‘alright just stop hogging the blankets.’ Cas finally managed to calm his breathing and allowed himself to get lost in his dreams again, Dean’s warm body pressed tightly against his.

**Wings flutter**

A nice comfortable silence got rudely disturbed by the sound of someone shouting. The angel opened his eyes. He’d been meditating in a small alley. Hoping to find some rest and maybe his connection with heaven. But now his trance was rudely broken. Had they found his hiding place already? Cassiel wasted no time picking up his stuff and spreading his wings. Ever since he’d started living on earth he’d walked from problem to problem. If it weren’t wars and diseases then it were monsters and demons trying to take the Crown of Immortality from him.

Usually he was one step ahead. Learning about humanity while travelling around. But a new problem had risen. The humans tended to hold a grudge. And some had decided to hunt him down. Over the course of a few hundred years Cassiel had learned a thing or two about humans and earth. Most importantly, humans were tough. No matter how much he ran, no matter where he travelled, humans were always chasing him. Either for power, revenge or help.

The Seraph was impressed and rightfully so. Humans needed to eat and drink every day, they were cunning. And they were smart for such a young species. The humans had dozens of different languages and they had to be constantly aware of things like weather, animals and dangerous food. The Seraph couldn’t fathom why God loved this creation so much. Humanity was more trouble than he’d anticipated.

‘Where are you going?’ The seraph froze before quickly turning around, ready to attack the enemy. A young human girl looked at him, she had big kind eyes, and behind her soul Cassiel saw someone else. ‘Michael?’ The angel felt genuinely confused as the archangel grinned. ‘Yes Cassiel. I’ve come here to bring you important news. The sound of shouting got closer. ‘Or are you busy right now?’

The seraph pulled a face, ‘just acting on my orders. But if you have a message for me please do tell me.’ Michael snapped her fingers, and time slowed down. Through the years Cassiel had slowly lost his powers, as they were in connection with heaven. He felt envy when he saw Michael use her powers so easily. ‘I came to my attention that no-one informed you. But God has disappeared and left me in charge.’

Cassiel’s face stayed expressionless. ‘Oh.’ He finally spoke. The truth was ugly, he _did_ know that Michael was in charge. It was his other reason for travelling around as much as he did. He could feel Michael desire from across the small alley. It would be a matter of time before Michael would start abusing his power. ‘Cassiel, you’re a good and loyal soldier. I request you give me the Crown of Immortality, so we can keep it safe in heaven from prying eyes. You’ve worked hard and you must miss home. So come home with me.’

The seraph shook his head, spreading his wings in an unconscious matter to intimidate. ‘We can’t go against our father’s wishes. I’m doing well enough. It was an honour to see you again sibling. Be well.’ Cassiel flew away quickly, leaving the archangel to look at him. Her expression unreadable.

**Wings flutter**

‘Wake up.’ A soft huff left him, someone was tickling him. ‘Wake up dummy.’ A kiss on his cheek. ‘Dean, please give me five more minutes.’ Cas groaned as he turned around, hiding his face in his pillow. Dean chuckled and whistled. ‘Alright fine, I don’t mind the view.’ Cas quickly turned around again. ‘Stop looking at my ass.’ Dean’s hair was messy, he still wore his pyjama. ‘Come on its Halloween! I made breakfast.’

Cas felt his head spin a bit. ‘I think I’m going to be sick… again.’ Dean gave him a curious look over, probably wondering if he was going to glow again. Dean called it his instant healing ability. Cas didn’t know what to make of his self-healing trick so he shrugged it off, he was used to the strangeness by now. ‘Well you better start glowing if that’s the case. Because you promised me to go trick or treating with Sammy and me.’ Dean left the room, whistling an unfamiliar tune.

When Cas sat up straight and saw Dean walk away, he felt his body shudder. He remembered Dean’s eyes turning an inky black. ‘Right… trick or treating…’ Cas pondered out loud. ‘They go every year. I can’t ruin it.’ Cas had never celebrated Halloween. His father feared dark magic, forbid him to watch things that promoted Satan and insisted that too much sugar would do more harm than good. Cas had always been jealous on the other kids. They went out, they dressed up. He sat at home, reading the Bible. Scared out of his mind for the Devil.

He could hear Sam and Dean argue in the living room, and somehow it made him feel at peace. The month October had flown by. Dean and Sam stayed over regularly, so much that Cas insisted that Dean should sleep with him. It turned out that there was an innuendo in that sentence that made Dean stammer. So Dean was a gentleman and stayed on top of the covers with a blanket for the first two nights. But later on Cas had pulled him under the blankets anyways. Sam took the couch, without much protest. And in the mornings Dean would make breakfast.

As they started eating Dean gave him a look over, Castiel knew why. Despite feeling ill a lot Cas had actually started to gain weight. The doctor had told him he wasn’t underweight anymore. And he’d slowly started to pick up track again too. It had been a difficult thing to do. Jo had to drag him towards the field and had mentioned to the coach that Cas wanted to join. He’d tried to run away but she’d tackled him to the ground and dragged him back.

He remembered it like it was yesterday. His new team mates had given him a sceptic look. And once his first training was over he was known for being out of shape, but light on his feet. It was a strange feeling to wear clothing that didn’t feel over-sized. One morning he’d noticed with surprise that he was slowly gaining more muscles.

It made some of his clothing a bit difficult to wear. After school Dean would wait for him so he could watch him train. Cas appreciated the gesture, but did feel embarrassed that Dean was seeing him get sweaty and gross.

Dean’s gaze didn’t falter for a second and Cas started squirming a bit. ‘Dean’s what’s wrong?’ Dean snapped out of his gaze. ‘Nothing. It’s just that… where are your glasses?’ A bit surprised Cas touched his own face. ‘Oh I forgot them. I guess I’ll get them after breakfast.’ Dean nodded, ‘you look fine either way.’ Sam was apparently not in the mood for cutesy couple behaviour because he quickly interrupted the moment. ‘So Cas, what colour am I thinking about?’ He asked. Castiel turned to look at him and he frowned. His powers had gotten less. Even disappearing from time to time. And although Bobby saw it as a good sign and Dean thought it meant Cas was gaining more control, Castiel didn’t feel the same relief. It felt more like his abilities were being forced away from him.

‘Purple.’ He answered.

Sam nodded, ‘you seem to be doing better. How did you sleep?’ Cas wondered if Sam was going to be a doctor when he grew up. ‘I slept alright. I had some bad dreams but that happens a lot.’ Cas felt guilty, he wasn’t exactly lying, but still. Who knew what Crowley would do next? Cas had waited for about a month or so, and nothing had happened. But now the demons were finally making their move. He wouldn’t bring them in unnecessary distress. Besides, it was Halloween. ‘Well we better get ready.’ Dean started washing off his plate. ‘It might be Halloween, but it’s also Friday. So get ready for school’

**Wings flutter**

At school Castiel quickly discovered that he wasn’t having the greatest day. His powers had suddenly become painfully strong and people were extra loud and absentminded. Probably because of the party at Dick Roman’s house. Dean gave him a curious glance every so often. Probably because he wasn’t wearing his glasses.

Before they’d left this morning he’d quickly put them on. To his own surprise the world had become a weird blur and he quickly removed them again. Dean had frowned when he showed him but for some reason he’d stayed quiet about it. His lips had been pressed tightly together, his aura darkening.

They were ready to go on break when Dean asked him how he was feeling. ‘I… Dean I feel alright.’ Cas quickly wiped the sweat from his forehead and smiled. Dean didn’t seem convinced. ‘You’re getting sick again. You should go home, wait until you heal again.’ Charlie sat beside them but was so caught up in her conversation with Kevin that she didn’t noticed what Dean was saying.

‘No, really I can handle this. I promised I would go trick or treating with you. I will.’ Cas felt his arms starting to shake. ‘Just tell me, does Bobby have any news on the grace inside of me? Can there be side effects?’ Dean’s aura started shaking, and Castiel’s eyes widened. ‘…Dean I can sense your hesitation. What do you know?’

Dean nervously put his hands together suddenly he seemed irritated. ‘You’ve been acting differently… so I just… I called Bobby to pick you up and take you home. I would do it myself but if I pass anymore classes he will kill me.’ Castiel’s gaze softened only slightly. ‘Dean… I am not a baby, I can decide for myself whether I go home or not.’ He tugged at his tie, suddenly feeling frustrated.

Dean nodded, his mouth moving downwards. ‘I know. Really I do. But until we have a way to see what this grace stuff is doing to you. You should stay home and rest. You don’t have to go out with me and Sam tonight. And you shouldn’t come to the party either. He will pick you up in a few minutes. I’m sorry but this is the best decision.’

 _No_ , Castiel thought, _this is your decision_.

**Wings flutter**

Bobby calmly told him about some hunts he’d done in other countries. Most prominently Japan. It was his way to fill the silence that a grumpy Cas was creating. ‘Anyhow so always take a little bit of rice with you. Could save your life someday…’ When he saw Castiel’s blank expression he raised an eyebrow.

‘Alright there princess. I hope you were making notes because that story will never be told again.’ Cas didn’t much care how Bobby would refer to him. He could already see his body starting to glow, he was healing. There was no point in going home. ‘You can drop me off at my church.’ He finally stated, trying to make it sound as friendly as possible. Bobby gave him a knowing look.

‘You sure? It might not be open at this hour.’ Cas shrugged. ‘I need some time to cool down. I don’t care how much Dean cares. I’m supposed to be a saint. This is supposed to be my birth right, my job. But this grace inside of me… I think it’s slowly killing me.’ They’d finally arrived. ‘Where does Dean get his controlling behaviour from Bobby?’ He gave the man a questioning look. He seemed taken back by Castiel’s words.

‘Well… we’ll figure out how we can fix all this. And as regards to Dean… he gets it from his father. I know you’re angry right now and frustrated. But keep in mind that you’re not the only one who has issues.’

Bobby drove off. Leaving Cas in the dust. In that moment Castiel didn’t care about Bobby’s words. Yes of course everyone has problems. But did those problems involve the apocalypse and the Second Coming? Probably not. Cas made his way towards the front door of the church. He took a deep breath and held out his hands when he noticed the door was locked. With a click it flew open.

How he knew it would work he didn’t know. But it did. He quickly made his way inside, carefully taking his steps as not to get caught by someone. ‘Castiel, what a pleasure to see you here.’ A voice spoke from the darkness. Cas’ natural instinct was to punch and throw as much salt a possible. But something held him back. He calmly turned to look at the angel.

Anna was standing underneath the stained glass window. She was smiling an unnatural smile. ‘I knew I would find you here.’ Cas made his towards her, somehow feeling less scared than usual. Anna gave him an unreadable look. ‘I am a messenger of God. A church is always the best place to start.’ She turned towards the portrait that was showcased on the stained glass.

Her white suit shimmered in the sunlight. Her human features seemed a bit blurry, like she was ready to drop them completely. ‘So did Bobby tell you about the crimes of John Winchester?’ Her voice echoed through the room. Cas didn’t dare to move, Bobby had told him a lot in that short car rit. But not a word had been spoken about Dean and Sam’s father. Should he defend the man? He’d never met him, why would he?

‘You angels are hypocrites.’ He instead answered. ‘So you call abandonment of small children for weeks on end good parenting?’ She smiled, ‘I guess you would’ve preferred that over what you got.’ Castiel neither agreed nor disagreed. But he did take the information with some surprise. ‘John Winchester seems to be a complicated man. Who am I to judge? Who are you to judge?’ He instead asked, but Anna simply continued walking past the stained windows, slowly leaving his sight. He followed like a shadow.

‘I can see into your mind Castiel. I can feel your hatred, I can sense your love. If it was up to you the man would be punished for what he did to you beloved human. So why not follow that desire?’ She finally turned around to look him straight in the eyes. He remembered Bobby’s words from the car drive. John was controlling. Dean was the way he was because of how John Winchester treated him.

Dean had never gone into much detail, but it sounded like he was gone much more than that he was around to raise them. A cruel part of Castiel’s mind agreed with her. It was the same part that wasn’t capable of feeling anything. It was the part that was growing stronger every day. But… ‘because Dean and Sam love him. He’s still their father. And family… is important.’ Of course Anna was wrong.

Anna didn’t seem taken back by his answer. In fact, he was pretty sure that she was rolling her eyes. A very human gesture. ‘Alright if you say so. How’s the lack of humanity going? I’ve observed you, I’ve seen it grow. Have you decided to back off yet saint?’

Somehow the word saint sounded even worse from Anna then from Balthazar. Cas didn’t feel like much of a saint at all. ‘I’m not backing down. This is my duty. And you are the ones who betrayed us, not the other way around.’

Anna’s form was slowly fading, making place for simple wavelengths of energy. ‘If you say so. But you make it sound like you know what you’re doing. But you haven’t found them all yet. And if my information is correct the demons are closing in on the next piece. Who will you trust? Us? Or a bunch of monsters?’

Cas shrugged, ‘neither of you is very kind. I prefer to choose who I trust out of free will.’ For a second Anna was quiet, like she was thinking. ‘Well, you sure do remind me of someone. But I will be taking my leave. It’s not yet our time. But in the end we will get what we want from you.’ Castiel scoffed at the idea. Anna’s face became visible for a short second, a smile that was almost human like graced her face.

‘Just think about Castiel… when you DO restore the Crown, what will happen next?’ She disappeared. The only sound that indicated her presence was the sound of fluttering wings. Somehow her words sounded very familiar… _‘Just think about it: Who can you trust? The people who are manipulating reality to mess with your mind… Or the demon who is telling you right now that Karen did exist but that she was purposely erased?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed and once again I apologize! I am going to be painting my room the next days but I will try to update regularly again. Comments make me happy and kudos feel like hugs. See you next time.


	23. Chapter XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND HERE IS THE UPDATE. I want to thank all of you guys for being patient. I hope you enjoyed and if you'd like leave a comment. Those really motivate me.

Richard Roman, also known as Dick, was probably one of the richest residences in town. So to say that Castiel's mouth dropped when he saw the villa is not an understatement. He had to travel to the outer ring of the town. Dick lived in the richest neighbourhood in town yet most houses seemed quiet. The music was loud, even from outside. The house was decorated in Halloween decorations. Everyone was dressed up. Cas saw monsters, characters from series and movies and of course a lot of superheroes.

Castiel looked at his own clothes, he didn't have an outfit. 'Cas!' Running towards him was a red-headed girl in a black outfit waving a stick. 'Hey Charlie.' She came to an abrupt halt when she saw Castiel's clothes. 'Where's your costume?' Cas shrugged, 'I've never done Halloween before. I didn't remember to get an outfit.' If he remembered correctly Dean had reminded him several times to take care of a costume. How had he forgotten?

Charlie pulled a face, 'oh right I forgot.' Before Cas could apologize again her eyes lit up. She had an idea and Cas wondered if he wanted to know it or not. 'I have an outfit in my car that you can wear! I always have some extra with me in case of emergencies.' She ran away, back to her car. Cas felt a wave of loneliness hit him. Dean was still out trick or treating with Sam.

'Hey!' Cas turned around, he got greeted by a very pale and dead looking Jo. Kevin wore black clothes and had covered everything but his eyes. He held fake weapons in his hands. And of course, there was a very hairy, sharp teethed Garth.

'I'll do a quick guess.' Cas pointed at Jo. 'You're a zombie.' She shook her head. He looked Garth over, 'you're Bigfoot,' Garth of course was too nice to correct him. Kevin quickly tried to strike a pose, in his hands he held two sticks with some rope between them. 'And I guess you're an assassin of some kind?'

He sighed, 'I'm a ninja!' Charlie had returned she looked her friends over. 'Garth you make a fine werewolf. And you Jo are not allowed to be a zombie again.' Jo quickly shot to her own defence. 'I'm a ghost!' Garth grinned and removed his fake teeth. 'Thanks, you look really nice as well. Ginny Weasley?' Charlie did a little twirl. 'The one and only, now if you will excuse us, Cas needs to change clothes.'

She pulled Cas along with her, leaving their friends behind. 'Alright so these clothes should probably fit you, thank God you're not extremely buff.' She pulled out a pair of fake white wings, a golden aureole and a white shirt.

Cas felt like he was being punched. 'You want me… to dress up as an angel?' Charlie didn't know what was going on. So she simply smiled. 'Yeah it will look good on you! Come on, try it on.' Cas felt his arms move forwards to take the outfit. He turned around to put it all on. When he put on the wings he felt a strange feeling creep through him. Homesickness? Maybe he should've stayed at home after all. He put on the wings, moving his shoulders a bit to test out the feeling. 'You look awesome. Now let's go back. They're probably waiting. Next year we'll get you a proper outfit.'

The group had grown. Benny was dressed as a vampire and Lisa wore a brown leather coat. She had a thick wooden stick in her hand. 'Cas who are we?' She quipped. She was frowning at Benny. 'Uhm, you look like a vampire and… a gardener of some kind?' It was a futile attempt at remembering his pop culture lessons with Dean. Benny laughed, 'ha I told you he wouldn't know!' Lisa looked away, a small smile formed on her lips though. 'We're Count Dracula and Abraham Van Helsing.' Finally something Cas recognized! 'Oh I know that one! That's the inaccurate vampire that-' Jo gave a warning cough, 'that uh is _totally_ accurate.'

It was the sound of the Impala that made them look up. Behind the wheel sat a small kid with a terrifying mask that Cas recognized as belonging to Jason from Friday the 13th. The car stopped in front of them, the boy removed his mask to reveal a smug Sam. 'Hey everyone.' Cas knew that Sam could drive a car, but he was surprised to know that Dean trusted Sam with the Impala. Dean stepped out, Cas had to take a breather when he saw him.

Dean had obviously decided to go for… demonic. He wore a pair of horns and on his back was a pair of red bat-like wings. However Cas got a little bit distracted by something else. The rest of Dean's outfit seemed to be themed black. He wore a black leather jacket that Cas had not seen before, a form-fitting black t-shirt and a pair of tight dark jeans. When he saw Castiel's face he gave him a knowing smile. Like he knew what Castiel was thinking.

A strange feeling made itself master of the usually unnerved Cas. You see Castiel didn't do… attraction. Sure he found Dean to be quite pleasant looking, and he did have an idea of beauty. But it was like someone had changed the atmosphere. His eyes kept ranking over Dean. It had been so many years since he'd last experienced this feeling, he was a bit overwhelmed with it now.

'Dean, I think you just broke your boyfriend.' Kevin stated, giving Cas a quick poke in his cheek. Cas quickly closed his mouth, oh God he'd been staring. The strange feeling of attraction finally went away. Dean seemed pretty pleased with himself. 'Yeah well, Charlie forbade me to dress up like Batman again.' He gave Cas a look over. 'You look great… but are you ok with this outfit? It's a bit… angelic isn't it?' The undertone was clear but Cas quickly shook his head.

'I forgot to get a costume so Charlie helped me out. You look quite… demonic yourself.' Cas could feel heat rise to his face as he said: 'You look good.' Dean's eyes didn't leave his for a second as he thanked him. Someone was making a puking sound on the background, but Cas hardly noticed. Finally someone's car honked. Quickly the couple broke apart. Dean glared at Sam who was still waiting in the Impala. 'You kids have fun, call me when you need a drive back!' He gave them all a serious look: 'And don't do drugs.'

Dean laughed, 'Jesus', Cas cringed inwardly, 'you sound just like dad. Have fun drinking lemonade!' Sam smiled, put on a pop song and drove away. Leaving Dean in the dust. 'He's such a brat.' Dean complained. The group smiled, knowing that Dean was lying through his teeth. 'Well I think it was sweet of you to go trick or treating with him.' Cas spoke up, taking hold of Dean's hand. It sent a pleasant buzz through him. For some reason they had both silently agree to let the angry discussion from earlier today drop.

Jo managed to hide her laugh with a cough. 'It's the other way around.' She fake coughed again. 'Alright everyone.' Dean spoke up, for a second Cas was afraid he would do his dramatic Braveheart speech again. 'Let's get this party started!'

**Wings flutter**

Castiel's senses where immediately in overdrive. The house smelled like weed, smoke, people and alcohol. The music was just loud enough to make his ears ring. People were everywhere, dancing, wearing ridiculous outfits and playing games. Cas got hit harshly with even more incentives. People their thoughts, their auras and within seconds he was plagued by a sense of regret. Had this been a wise decision?

Dick greeted them, he looked like the most sober person in the room. 'Welcome to my humble abode!' He had to shout over the music, something he did pretty well all things considered. 'We have three rules! Number one: don't touch anything. Secondly NO SEX IN MY ROOM OR IN MY PARENTS ROOM. And thirdly: No fights tonight.' He turned to look at Cas. 'You're a weird freak, but this is _neutral_ ground. If someone bothers you come to me and I will kick them out.'

Before Cas could answer Charlie made a humoured remark: 'Where is your costume? Oh right you don't need one. You already are a dick.' Dick didn't seem to care much and instead left to welcome some new guests. Charlie's smile quickly faded when she saw Gilda.

'Oh God, I need more liquid courage.' She quickly made her way towards the alcohol dispenser. Cas had a tight grip on Dean's arm as they followed her. Jo was already gone and Kevin had been swallowed by the crowd. Cas turned to Dean to ask if they could find a place a bit more quiet. Maybe the kitchen or the garden. But Dean didn't hear him and was quite busy with drinking.

Cas frowned, suddenly realizing that he could see everyone's aura except Dean's. 'Dean are you ok?' He shouted again, this time closer to his boyfriend's ear. Dean immediately put on a charming grin and nodded. 'Let's just forget our worries for tonight.' He replied handing Cas a cup. He took it was slight hesitation.

His friends worked hard to make him more comfortable. So Charlie told him about the time that she dressed up as the Hobbit and Garth as Gandalf and how they had won a piggyback contest. Garth told him that Kevin went as a carbon box most years and Benny and Lisa had headed off to meet up with Ash who was dressed as a cyborg. It was all things considered alright so far. But one thing plagued him more than it should, Dean's behaviour. The Winchester just kept on drinking.

Cas had seen him drunk before, when he'd been thrown in the lake and Dean had come to save him. Yet Dean didn't look like someone who was truly having fun. He looked like someone who was forcing himself to have fun. What had happened? Dean had been doing fine at school. Did it have to do with earlier today?

'Guys I found you!' Kevin shouted as he squirmed his way through the crowd. His face was sweaty, and his expression a little bit too excited. Charlie immediately noticed. 'Please don't tell me someone gave you a brightly coloured pill.' Kevin shook his head, raising his arms in the air, 'what no?!'

Cas looked at Dean for an explanation. 'For some unknown reason Kevin always gets drugged. Usually it's harmless, but his mom isn't very pleased with it.'

Kevin shook his head, eating another piece of cake. 'Shit, Kev is that space cake?' Charlie quickly took it from him. 'No it is not!' He started to laugh. 'That takes like… maybe an hour to start so I wouldn't be-' His eyes widened, 'oh…'

Dean was taking a shot, he didn't seem to care that much. 'Oh what?' Charlie was snapping her fingers so Kevin would focus. He smiled, 'I just remembered that my dad was going somewhere tonight, he made some cake so I had some. It didn't occur to me that it was space cake.' He laughed. 'My mom's gonna kill him!'

**Wings flutter**

With Kevin over the moon and Charlie talking with some girls and Jo still nowhere to be found, Cas felt the need to be alone for a second. He made his way, steady and easily towards the hallway. He felt a bit tipsy and it made the sensations around him feel less painful. He finally reached the kitchen, which was surprisingly calm.

Kevin had told him that his dad wasn't in the picture, it was just him and his mom. Yet now he was talking about his dad like it was nothing? And last week he swore Ruby had looked like a different person entirely. Was someone really messing with him?

'Cas? You ok?' Cas looked up, Dean had opened the door, giving him a curious look. 'Oh Dean, hey.' The young hunter quickly made his way towards him. 'I'm fine really. Just needed to clear my head for a bit.'

Dean nodded and took his hand, 'do you wanna dance? They are playing some decent music right now.' Cas bit the inside of his cheek carefully, 'Dean I can't dance, I never learned.'

Green eyes met blue. 'Then I'll teach you. Let's not worry tonight. Let's be impulsive drunk teenagers who wants to have the night of their life.' Cas nodded, 'yeah alright.' Dean opened the door and carefully guided Cas through the hallway. The first thing he noticed was Dean's aura returning. It was fuzzy, unclear. He seemed to be troubled with something. His aura stretched out like a shield, protecting Cas against too many incentives.

The room seemed to buzz with sound, motion and finally they reached the dance floor. Dean started to dance, he was acting ridiculous on purpose. Charlie was head banging and Jo did an amazing robot move. Cas grinned and started to move from one leg to the other. He must've looked extremely stiff. They danced for a while. As time passed Cas became looser in his movements. His body was shaking, dispersing. Dean pulled him closer, kissed him. He tasted like alcohol and _home_.

They left the dance floor shortly to drink. Cas decided that Dean was right. He _wanted_ to be an impulsive drunk teen tonight. He pulled Dean close on the dance floor, told him about bees. Dean looked at him like he was seeing the sun for the first time. In wonder, and slightly squinting because of the bright disco lights that sometimes flashed.

Cas pulled at Dean's hair, 'you look really hot.' He whispered in his boyfriend's ear. He could hardly believe he'd just said that. Dean grinned, his hands moving to Castiel's hips. 'You too.' Castiel's lips crashed into Dean's. Neither cared who was watching, neither cared about anything in that moment. Cas gasped as Dean deepened the kiss. It was the strangest sensation to feel Dean's tongue. What he found gross from a distance his brain found fascinating when drunk. Cas could feel Dean's aura like it was stuck on his skin. Burning away at him.

A hand on his ass ruined the moment.

Cas move away as quickly as he could. Away from Dean. 'Did you just?' Dean seemed a bit surprised. Dean spoke but Cas couldn't understand. Cas hesitated before moving into the empty space between Dean's arms again. 'Did you just touch my ass?' Dean nodded, he moved in to kiss him. Castiel's mood immediately shifted. 'Alright it's time to go home.' Dean didn't see Cas moving his face out of reach as a rejection.

His lips instead made contact with Castiel's neck. 'Dean stop that.' Dean started whining. 'I don't want to go home. Let's stay here.' Cas felt a very unpleasant buzz go through him. 'Dean I said stop.' Dean might be drunk, but he still spoke English. He stepped away, looking hurt. His aura was bright now, and he was obviously hurt. He nodded and removed himself from the dance floor. Leaving Cas behind.

'Dean wait!'

**Wings flutter**

'Sam it's Cas. Pick up your phone please. Dean is very drunk and needs to go home.' He put his phone in his pocket, frustrated that no-one picked up his calls. How could he find Dean? Where could he possibly be? Cas ran into a high looking Kevin who was talking up a portrait. 'Oh hey man. You here to keep my company until Charlie comes back?'

'Hey Kevin, did you run into Dean by any chance?' Kevin looked at the portrait and seemed to give it some thought. 'Oh yeah totally, he went upstairs to cool down or something.' Cas nodded, 'Sam will be picking Dean and I up soon. Do you need a ride?'

The teen shrugged. 'You decide man.' Cas made his way upstairs and knew that the house was way too big to find Dean easily. He would have to open a lot of doors. He just prayed he wouldn't see something vulgar on the other side. The first two doors went fine enough. One was another toilet. And the first room seemed to be a girl's bedroom. He kept going down the hallway like that.

Some doors he didn't need to open because the sounds that reached him across the door told him enough. Other rooms were occupied by stoners, socially awkward people who were befriending the Roman's pets and Cas hated walking past make out sessions the most. Simply because the people had a very clear intention in their mind where they were heading. In those moments Castiel wished he couldn't read minds at all.

Eventually he found a dark room, it looked like an office. 'Dean are you here?' No reply. Yet Cas felt a pull. 'Dean I know you're here. I can sense your thoughts.' Dean didn't reply so Cas entered, closing the door behind him. Cas knew that this would happen someday. Dean would desire something that Cas wouldn't be able to give him.

Dean was sitting in the corner on a small couch. His hands in his hair. He was frustrated, angry and sad. 'Cas go away.' Of course Castiel didn't listen. 'Dean…'

The young hunter shook his head and stood up, 'I'm so sorry Cas. It doesn't matter how much we drink or were we are or how I feel. You said I should stop and I didn't.' He pulled a face and it became clear to Cas that Dean was trying to hold back tears. Suddenly talking became really hard, but Cas did not hesitate to pull Dean in a hug.

'Apology accepted Dean. And I'm sorry too. You were obviously not feeling well. But you came here anyway. I should've talked you out of it.' It felt strange, Dean had always taken care of Cas. He'd always been the shoulder Cas would cry on. And now it was the other way around. Cas carefully took hold of Dean's face and kissed him. 'Because I said no doesn't mean it will always be-' Cas stopped his own track of mind. Knowing he might make promises he couldn't fulfil. Dean saw his silence as permission to kiss him again.

And again. And Cas knew that Dean was pouring all of his emotions in their kiss. What he lacked in words he was trying to convey like this. In movement, in action. Cas stopped him again. 'No Dean. We can't.' Cas felt guilty for distancing himself again, but he knew it was the only way.

Dean's expression went from sad to confused. He shook his head, walked towards the desk and looked outside. 'Do you hate me Cas?' His aura started darkening in a way Cas recognized. Anger.

Cas was flabbergasted. 'What? No I don't…' Dean shook his head. 'Dad hates me. He hates me a lot. He is always telling me what I do wrong. Constantly telling me that I have to grow up. He doesn't want me to go to college. He wants me to help him out on hunts. He gets so angry. He's always so angry. I think I hate him.' Dean words became faster and faster.

'He's always angry. Yet I still love him you know? He's my dad. Of course I'll listen. Of course I'll obey. But here's the thing: I'm constantly, every second of the day, worried about you.' Castiel didn't know what to say or what to do. 'Dean you're drunk, we should go home.'

It was the wrong thing to say, Dean finally snapped. 'I'm constantly worried about you. Constantly acting like your babysitter. And I just want one thing. _One thing_ that I can share with you. The only way I can express how I feel. And you reject me.' Dean pushed at the table. 'But I'm not good enough for you. I'm poison. I ruin everything and kill everything I touch.'

Cas shook his head, afraid to touch him. 'I'm such an idiot! I'm a fucking asshole.' He looked up, tears in his eyes. 'Because I'm so mad at you right now. I'm not your boyfriend, I never was. I'm just your babysitter. And when I try to take care of you, you get angry at me! I have to make sure Sammy is happy, gotta make sure you don't fucking kill yourself.'

He started pacing. 'Can't get a read on you. One moment you're all about touch and wanting. And the next you get these weird gay panic attacks and suddenly everything I do is wrong.' When he saw Cas' hurt expression he quickly explained. 'I get it though. Your dad was a piece of shit. You have a lot going on in that brain of yours. But I'm weak…' Dean's voice _cracked_. Tears started spilling.

'Sometimes I need you to hold me and tell me that you'll take care of it. That you can handle it. Sometimes I need Sammy to… to clean up after himself. Sometimes I wanna punch my dad in the face and leave…' He started rubbing his face, convinced he could stop himself from crying. 'I need… I need things too. And you're going to break up with me eventually. Eventually everyone leaves. Dad has noticed my absence, thinks… is convinced I'm seeing a girl.' He finally managed to stop crying.

'Said I had to dump you. That we would never work out.' The hollow laugh that followed send a chill down Castiel's spine. 'Doesn't even know you're a guy. Doesn't know shit about me.' For a minute it was dead quiet.

'In the end… you'll leave me. Sam is leaving me, he is planning on going to college… He thinks he can hide it from me. But I know better.' He sat himself down on the ground. Observing Cas before slowly speaking, 'do you even love me? Do you realize why I'm angry at you?'

Cas wanted to answer, but was afraid it might be rhetorical. When he stayed quiet Dean's shoulders started shaking. 'I'm angry, because I'm in love with you.'

It was like Castiel was freed from a terrible trance, his body moved quickly. He dropped on his knees, next to Dean. Dean laughed. 'Even now, _I don't understand_. I'm in love with you. Like… I know you for like… a few months maybe less. And BOOM love.' Cas quietly handed Dean a tissue which he threw across the room. 'It doesn't make sense Cas.' He whispered again. The tissue didn't come far and softly floated to the ground. 'Is this even real Cas? Is this a nightmare?'

Suddenly he clutched his own body. He started shaking his head, his breathing became rapid. 'This is a nightmare. I'm dreaming, I'm just dreaming.' He kept repeating it. 'Dean…'

Dean suddenly moved, his sweaty hand took hold of Castiel's face. Fear was in his eyes. 'Cas this isn't real. It's just a nightmare. A horrible dream. I can't-' Cas knew he had to stay calm. 'Dean you're having a panic attack. Listen to me very carefully. We're going to be breathing together alright?' Dean was obviously incapable of breathing anymore. So Cas started making the breathing motion.

Dean mimicked him. Eventually calming down a bit. 'Alright I want you to keep breathing. I'm getting you something to drink and to eat. Don't move alright. I'll be back soon.' Cas basically sprinted down the hallway, crashing the first water tap and grabbing the first snack he could find. Cas, true to his word returned, finding Dean curled up on the ground.

'Dean I'm back. How are you feeling?' Dean was visibly shaking. After drinking and eating and taking some more deep breaths he started to nod. 'Dean I want you to know that this is real. You're not dreaming. I got you.' He moved Dean towards the couch and wrapped him up in the blanket that was probably more for decoration than for use.

'I'm sorry Cas…' Cas quickly shook his head, pulling his boyfriend into a tight hug. 'Don't you dare apologize. I might not have all the answers. But I love you too. And I'm not leaving. As long as you'll have me.' Dean nodded, 'I always want you Cas. Cursed or not.'

Dean finally found his bearings, slowly sobering up a bit. 'I have these weird nightmares. I'm being tortured and people are screaming. And it just goes on… forever and ever.' He snuggled up to Cas. 'But you're also in those dreams. And you just come down in this fiery glory warrior type of way. And you hold me tight and tell me there is nothing to fear. And you save me.'

Cas shivered at the mention of the dream. 'You save me from this hell and tell me I deserve a second chance. And I haven't been sleeping well lately. With Sam planning on leaving me behind… and dad disapproving of us being together…'

Cas nodded. 'Dean you have every right to be overwhelmed, sad and scared. But drinking is not going to solve your problems. Neither is sex. But talking… and being honest?' He felt a tear run down his cheek. 'That can do miracles. I would know.' Dean's aura is beautiful, shining, warm and alive. And it's yearning for Castiel.

'I'm sorry I haven't been a good boyfriend to you. We both have a lot to learn. But please understand… me saying no to your advances is not a complete rejection.' In that moment he allowed for his aura to reach out to Dean's. He didn't know if it would work or not. Dean nodded, he was almost smiling again. 'Castiel, I love you.'

Cas felt like he was being slapped in the face. He quickly shook away the shock and instead leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend. It was a soft kiss, they lingered their breaths mingling. 'I love you too Dean.'

And it was like something hit him in that moment, as he could feel Dean's aura touch his own. The colours disappeared, simply making place for Dean. For Dean's essence in the centre of it all. A bright beautiful light. Cas recognized it immediately.

Dean's soul. It was never just aura. Cas was seeing his soul.

Dean seemed unaware of what had just occurred. 'Do I have something on my face?' Dean rubbed his face. Cas pulled away from Dean's soul. He wanted to speak, he wanted to say something, but he felt a strange feeling take over. A feeling of emptiness. Within seconds all emotions left him and he became an empty husk.

**Wings flutter**

Sam had a look of worry on his face when he parked the car. 'Hey, how is he doing?' Cas realized in that moment that this was not the first time something like this had happened. 'He's doing alright. He had a panic attack so he's exhausted.' Dean's face was buried in Castiel's neck. Nuzzling him like he was a cat.

Cas gently pushed him inside the car. 'Are you two staying over tonight?' Castiel tried not to be bothered by Sam's worries. He knew worrying was a normal thing, but right now he wished Sam could focus on getting the car started.

Sam looked at Dean, who was splayed out over the backseat. 'No, we have to go to Bobby's…' He seemed nervous. Cas simply nodded, 'alright let's go.' Sam gave him an odd look. 'Are you alright Cas? You seem a bit off.' The teen didn't answer at the first. Simply observing the road. 'I'm fine. Focus on the road.'

Sam however, seemed eager to speak again. 'I know that I'm not supposed to pry. But Dean has been noticing it too. You've been acting… different. If you want to talk…' Cas took a deep breath. He forced the corners of his mouth up. He gave Sam a smile. 'I appreciate the offer. But I'm alright.' The look Sam gave him wasn't one of worry or curiosity. It looked colder, he looked disturbed.

'Why are we going to Bobby's anyway?' Castiel asked, quickly changing the subject. Sam focused on the road again, his expression unreadable. 'You'll see.'

**Wings flutter**

Dragging Dean inside turned out to be rather easy. He looked absolutely miserable, he looked at Bobby's house in confusion. They hardly knocked on the door or someone was already opening it. Castiel didn't recognize the stranger. He had dark hair, sad eyes yet an intimidating posture and he gave Cas one look over before taking hold of Dean.

Dean started laughing. 'Hello sir.' The man seemed displeased. 'Sam get your ass inside and bring us a glass of water and a bucket.' Sam nodded, quickly running inside. It was now just the man and Castiel. 'So, who might you be?' He asked, raising his eyebrows as if to challenge him. Cas didn't move an inch.

Dean chuckled as if sensing the awkwardness. 'This here is my special friend… Steve.' The man gave him a quick look over. 'Well thank you for taking him home Steve. I would shake your hand but I'm a bit occupied as you can see. My name is John Winchester.'

Normally Cas would feel panicked, but instead he felt very disinterested. He honestly just wanted to go home and sleep. But he knew that it would make Sam only more suspicious. So instead Cas nodded and said: 'It's nice to meet you sir.'

Bobby suddenly appeared next to John. He gave Castiel's outfit a look. 'An angel? Are you kidding me?' He looked at Dean. His expression went from disappointed to annoyed _and_ disappointed. 'Well you look like shit. Come in, both of you.'

Castiel slowly made his way inside, following John and Bobby towards the living room where they put Dean on the couch. 'So Steve, do you know what happened to him tonight?' John gave Cas a stern look over, as if to decide whether or not Cas was a good guy or not. Which was pretty ironic, with Cas still dressed as an angel. 'Well, I don't know much. We we're all at the Roman's party. And Dean was acting strange all evening. And I noticed he was drinking more than usual…' Cas looked over at Sam who'd returned with a bucket and some water. He seemed tense, he gave Castiel a knowing look.

'Yeah… not sure what was going on with him. But I guess he will have to walk it off in the morning.' John gave him another long look. 'I see, well once again thank you for bringing him here. Do you need a ride home or?' Cas was quiet for a second, he looked over at Dean, he could feel Sam's eyes burn in the back of his skull.

'I guess I could… stay here for a bit. I want to make sure that Dean will be alright.' Was it the right or wrong answer? John frowned, seemingly not pleased. But Bobby quickly interrupted. 'He knows about the life. So whatever you need to discuss he can stay. He's the kid I've been training.' John gave Cas a curious look over and finally nodded.

'Alright then. I need to leave for a bit, there's a case I've been asked for. I still owe someone so I might be gone for a few weeks. I was wondering if you could dig up some information.' Bobby and John were already heading for the books, discussing the case. But Cas noticed Sam's troubled, angry expression.

Their father was leaving, again.

Sam sat next to Dean, who had fallen asleep. Cas wasn't sure how to stand, where to look or what to say. But before he could start about the nice weather Sam spoke. 'It's all my fault.'

Cas sat himself down on the couch too, giving Sam a questioning look. 'Why is it your fault?' Cas looked with interest at Sam's aura, wondering if he would be able to see his soul too. 'Because I told him I don't want to be a hunter.' Sam seemed distressed. So Castiel gave him a short pat on the shoulder. He truly didn't care, but he wished he could.

'Cas, promise me that when I'm not here… you will take care of him. Dean doesn't think like a proper person. One day he's going to get himself killed because he's convinced he's saving the world or some shit like that.' Sam wasn't one to use vulgar words, so Cas saw it as an indication that he should probably agree to it. But before anything could be said John and Bobby returned.

'Idjit wake up.' Bobby gave Dean a push. Dean opened his eyes, a confused look in his eyes. 'Time?' He asked. Bobby gave John a reluctant look, as if warning him. 'Time for sleep boy. Let's get you upstairs alright?' Dean nodded, he smiled. 'But wait… I need to tell Cas…' Cas felt himself freeze, wondering what Dean was about to say about him. But Bobby quickly pulled him from the couch. 'Save that for another time. First you need to sober up.'

As Dean got carried away, helped by Sam, Castiel noticed that he was alone with John. The man seemed to give him a curious look. 'So, Bobby offered to take you home soon. Does that sound agreeable?' Cas simply nodded, his calm exterior must've made some alarm bells go off in the hunter's brain. Because he did the same thing Dean did. He started looking away, awkwardly as if the wall had suddenly become interesting.

'I know it's none of my business. But I heard my son had a girlfriend. Her name is Cas right?' And just like that everything came back to him. All his emotions, all his thoughts and feelings. Like a train splashing a victim into tiny bits. Cas felt his hands tremble, nerves tickled through his body as he realized that _he_ was Cas. But right now he was supposed to be Steve. And suddenly Castiel didn't know how to lie anymore as he nervously tried to find the proper words to form a reaction.

'Cas? Oh I… yes I've heard about Cas. Cas is nice, yes nice. Such a nice person. Not that you are not a person. I wouldn't know. I don't know you. But Cas is definitely a person. Haha wouldn't it be strange if Cas _wasn't_ a person?' Castiel had never been happier to see Bobby and Sam arrive in the room. Sam immediately had a frown on his face when he looked at Cas. 'You alright?' Cas honestly wanted to force his mouth shut. Afraid of what else he might say. But nothing ever came out. John gave him one more look, he seemed cautious. Bobby started talking to him and that was the end of it.

Cas just hoped that John would decide that _Steve_ was a harmless, normal guy. Who was definitely not dating his son. Bobby turned to speak to him: 'So you're ready to go home kid? I'll drive ya.'

**Wings flutter**

The drive was peaceful and quiet like usual. Yet somehow, Cas felt that something was off with Bobby. His aura always looked pretty neutral, he was a difficult one to read. 'So Dean seemed pretty upset. Do you have anything to do with that?' His voice sounded very casual, almost friendly. But Cas felt a chill go down his spine. He knew what Bobby was implying. 'You think it's because of our fight?'

He shrugged, 'could be,' he took the turn not removing his eyes from the road even once. 'How much did Dean spill to you?' When he saw's Castiel's expression he let out a rough laugh. 'Don't look so surprised kid. I know Dean, he trusts you. He probably told you a lot of stuff that bothers him. When Sam and I put him to bed he kept telling me to thank you for taking care of him.'

Cas suddenly felt ashamed. 'You were right Bobby and so was Dean. I've been too caught up in myself. I forgot that Dean has needs to. He told me about his dad… it's terrible.' Bobby nodded, 'I tried to warn you earlier today. Dean is very controlling over every aspect of his life. He has to. John used to be one son of a bitch. Left them alone for weeks on end. He left Dean in charge and the kid had no one to rely on.'

'In the end… John stayed away for a month. The boy became so desperate for food to take care of Sam… he told me he would've done anything. _Anything_. He never told me the details, but he earned him some money with whatever he did. But he was never the same again. So that's when I called in child protective services. And I threatened John that I would take them away from him if he didn't settle down and come work with me.'

Cas felt tears prickle in his eyes. 'Dean never told me.'


	24. Chapter XVII

_P_ _lease make it stop. Please make it stop. Please make it stop. Please. I can't and I won't_. Another sharp inhale, but Castiel couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything. He tried again, his hand shaking. His body was reacting but his mind wasn't. So he took hold of the razor again, his hand slick with blood. And a sick and twisted part of his mind knew what he had to do. He had to finish it.

His eyes wandered over to Dean. He laid there quietly. Blood spreading out like a gruesome halo around his head. He wasn't crying as he pressed the blade deeper into his skin. The words of his mom echoed through his mind. The looks his father used to give him suddenly as clear as day. _You killed them_. A strange noise filled the dark room. It hardly sounded human, he felt it coming from his own throat. The blade dropped to the ground, suddenly breathing was a difficult task. The walls moved like waves, ready to wash over him.

**Wings flutter**

When light fills the room Castiel knew it was finally over. Because Dean pulled him closer and whispered to him. 'It was just a nightmare. Shhh, I've got you. I've got you.' Who was Cas to tell him that it was a memory dressed as a nightmare? Cas absentmindedly touched his wrists. Knowing there were no scars to be found of his attempt.

Dean let's out a low hum. 'You feeling better?' He sounded tired. And Cas felt guilt rise up in him. He was stealing moments, and he knew it. But really, who could blame him? He had no idea how many moments he had left to steal from Dean. He turned to look at his boyfriend. 'You were dead.' That one sentence seems to explain enough. Dean nodded in understanding. 'Well, I'm not. And I won't die for a very long time. Trust me. We're fine.'

When the lights faded away and Dean's breathing had steadied Cas slowly slipped out of bed. He couldn't sleep. Quietly as to not wake either Dean or Sam he made his way towards the bathroom. Standing in the small bathroom he suddenly felt confused. His reflection watched him quietly. For a second he swore he saw a bright light. 'What's happening to us?' The mirror image didn't answer. It just gave him sad look, and his eyes looked old, like they had seen the universe.

But still no reply.

**Wings flutter**

A new habit began to be formed. Cas woke up, he went to school. Made his homework, worked, worked a bit more and went to sleep. Repeat process. Dean asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. They did but at the end Cas could hardly remember the title, let alone the plot. He worked some more. It kept his mind off things.

After Halloween had passed Cas noticed more and more often that he was feeling empty. He didn't want people to see him like that. But locking himself up in his apartment wasn't really an option.

Two weeks passed by before Cas finally noticed that Anna wasn't showing her face around school anymore. He knew he shouldn't feel relieved, he knew he should prepare for the worst. But the part of him that was young, the part of him was a hopeful thought she might've given up or even reconsidered her actions.

If he didn't work he trained with Dean and Bobby. And when he didn't train he waited. And he waited. But Crowley didn't show up with his offer again. No-one was torturing his mind or giving him nightmares. But he didn't really need outside forces to feel miserable. His brain kept itself in check. When he discussed his suicide dream with Adler his therapist seemed rather interested. Cas didn't remember much of his second failed attempt. After being stuck in the clinic for a long time the sharp little razor had come as a friendly guest.

It had somehow found its way to him. Cas knew it was a sign. This time he was ready for it. He would finish what he'd started. But when he woke up the next day there was no razor. There was no blood. No wounds and no-one that believed him. Despite the fact that the memory was clear as day in his mind. Adler had simply started typing. Suggesting to him to not overwork himself too much. 'Maybe this dream is caused by stress?' Adler had asked him.

Cas wanted to cry, he wanted to throw things. He wanted to get angry, really angry. And he wanted to cry some more. But he did nothing, because he was slowly becoming hollow. As Anna had warned him about. Life went on though. And the silence and normality of life was slowly getting on his nerves.

**Wings flutter**

Later that day Cas would start wishing for the normality to never end. He would dread his own ungrateful behaviour. But when Castiel woke up on the 13th of November he was excited. No nightmares, no worries. No fights and no negative thoughts. He felt good. It was Charlie's birthday and they were going to LARP. So let it be told, Castiel is not the greatest at describing things. But right now, he knew exactly how things were and how he felt about them. 'Dean stop it.' He dropped the comb, giving the young hunter a glare through the mirror.

He'd been trying to get his hair right, but Dean just kept messing it up. 'How would you describe me Cas?' Dean was teasing him. 'Right now I would call you stupid and very much in my way.' He said dryly, pushing Dean's hands away from his hair. Dean chuckled, his voice warm. 'No yesterday you called me funny. What happened to funny?' Cas grinned as he turned towards his boyfriend. 'It changed into pretty.' Because that's one of the first words his mind supplied him with when he thought of Dean Winchester. Sweet, soft, pretty and funny. He was pretty sure he could write a whole book just about this beautiful man in front of him.

Dean's smile faded lightly, 'how are you feeling today?' Cas bit his lip, he felt frustration build inside of his body. 'I'm fine.' He insisted. Dean didn't seem convinced, he quirked his eyebrow. 'It's going to be a long day. Are you sure you can handle it?' Cas gently cupped Dean's face. 'Trust me. I'm feeling a lot better than usual. I'll be fine.' He quickly pecked Dean's lips. His boyfriend seemed less than amused. 'Alright is that a promise?'

'It's a promise.' Cas nodded and kissed him again. Dean smiled, 'what's up with you lately? Yesterday you were acting all strange and now you're suddenly turning into a leech again.' Cas pulled back, 'I can stop if you want me to?' Dean seemed to give it some thought before shaking his head. 'Nah, I kinda like it. You trying to court me and all that.' His gaze moved from Castiel to stare at the floor.

His hand quickly made a mess from Castiel's hair again and he spoke just as rapid: 'Alright now I sound like a girl. Get dressed and stop distracting me. That was enough gay for one day.' Cas felt his heart make a stupid little jump before nodding and moving towards his bedroom. His hair all but forgotten.

Ever since their conflict at Halloween things had been a lot better between them. They'd hit a wall and worked things out. Dean was still Dean. Short tempered and making dirty jokes like it was second nature. But when they were alone he acted differently, showed a different side. Although mentioning it usually made him go back to being a "tough" guy. And Cas tried to be more attuned to Dean's needs as well. Allowing himself to listen.

Cas quietly started dressing, checking the window to see how the weather was looking. The cold and wet weather had lately been replaced by coldness and dryness. But when Cas looked outside he was surprised to see the sun. It would probably be pleasant. So Charlie had been right. It was a good day to LARP.

Dean knocked on the door, 'Cas I'm coming in.' The door opened, he walked in with a big grin on his face. He wore medieval clothing that made him look like an assassin of sorts. 'Greetings I am Dean of the Winchester clan, may I escort you to our mission on my mighty horse,' he held up a pair of car keys, 'the famous Impala?'

He stopped dead in his track and gave Cas an appreciative look. 'Or should I say Sir Castiel?' Cas kept back a smile, Charlie had decided that he would be a knight. He had received fake metal armour that didn't feel heavy but sure was "a bitch" to put on properly. 'You may call me Cas, fair handmaiden.'

Dean scoffed, 'I am not a maiden!' Cas simply nodded, his grin not becoming any less. 'If you ever need a knight in shining armour you know who to call.' Dean sat himself down, handing Cas his boots. 'Who, the Ghostbusters?' The reference went right over Castiel's head. Much to Dean's dismay. Cas gave Dean's aura a tentative look. Seeing that Dean might like him in armour a bit too much.

Dean immediately noticed Cas staring. 'Cas stay out of my head it's embarrassing. I'm a hormonal teenager what do you expect!' He quickly tried to get rid of the fantasies he'd created, much to Castiel's dismay. He found them to be quite amusing.

'Are you ready for a great adventure? This will be your first time LARPing, right?' Dean quickly tried to change the subject. Cas decided to go along with it. 'I guess I'm curious yes. But let's not forget, it's Charlie's birthday. Today should be fun for her, most of all.' Dean's amused expression faded, if only for a second.

Cas picked up on it, whether he wanted or not. 'Are you alright? What are you thinking about?' Dean's expression quickly faded. 'Nothing, besides if you really want to know you should read my mind.' He picked up his bag, 'we'll leave soon. Get yourself ready alright?'

**Wings flutter**

Once all passengers were seated Dean put on his favourite song and started breaking the speed limit. Kevin who was dressed as a wizard of sorts didn't seem very pleased. They had picked him up his mom's. Dean had been the poster boy of a nice and trusted friend. And Sam and Cas had quietly stood in the corner. Trying to fade into the background under the strict eyes of Miss Tran.

'Hey aren't we heading to Benny's? I thought he was invited?' Kevin spoke up when he noticed they were heading for the highway. 'Benny couldn't make it. He has too much work hours. You know how he wants to go to Greece right? And Lisa already had plans so we're two men short.' Dean had turned to look at Kevin when he spoke and Cas had given his face a gentle nudge so he would focus on the road again.

The rest of the drive heavily relied on catchy songs to which Dean sang along and made Kevin and Sam cringe. Cas simply smiled. When they reached their destination Cas was surprised to see that they had arrived at the beginning of a big park. Waiting at the gate were the others. Jo, was like Cas, dressed as a knight. Her hair up in a ponytail, her gaze already set on kill mode. Garth wore quite ordinary clothing, nothing too special. He had recycled the pointy ears of his werewolf costume though. Once he got sight of the Impala he started waving to get their attention.

Charlie was much to Castiel amusement dressed in the fanciest clothes. On her head stood a crown. 'Sir Dean, your queen awaits you. We thank you for helping us on this journey. May I request a kiss of goodbye, before our duties tear us apart?' Cas tried to fill his words with as much melancholy as possible. Dean gave him a saddened expression. 'My love,' he spoke softly, 'I wish I could give you one final goodbye. But your breath probably still smells because you didn't brush your teeth.'

Kevin and Sam groaned and Cas quickly fell out of character. 'We've been over this assbut. I DID brush my teeth!' Dean howled at everyone uncomfortable gazes. 'I was kidding, come here.' He quickly tried to peck Cas' lips but he pulled away. 'I don't want to anymore.' Dean simply shrugged. 'Well if I must, I will wait an eternity for you, my love. And until that time, get out of the car before Charlie breaks it down.'

Once the group was complete Charlie started her speech. 'Welcome everybody! I want to start this off with an important announcement.' She bit her lip, her eyes moving quickly to see the reaction of her friends as she spoke. 'There has been a change of plans. We can't LARP today. There is a festival I didn't account for.' The group groaned.

She quickly continued. 'LISTEN, the festival is really fun as well. There are still tons of activities to do so I promise it will be fun. Dean's birthday is next. We can go LARPing then!' Dean pulled a face. 'Great… just great.' He muttered.

Charlie pulled her sword from her back. 'Now let us move forward into battle!' She ran away. 'Wow, she really gets into this huh?' Kevin mumbled as he quickly followed her and the rest. Quickly followed by Castiel who was being pulled by a very excited Jo. After getting their tickets the man that gave them all a stamp on their hands looked up. 'Enjoy your adventure.' He spoke with a monotone voice before allowing them to pass.

Once inside the park they got greeted by a build-up village. The square was filled with people. There was a market and people were selling items, foods, fantasy items. Most people were either cosplaying or dressed according to the theme. Cas noted with some fear, that it was a rather big crowd. Charlie, however, moved with confidence, some people greeted her with a smile and others even knew her name.

Cas was so distracted by his surroundings that he didn't notice that their fellowship had stopped moving. Charlie had been right. It did feel like they'd enter a Medieval amusement park. Charlie was talking with a girl, they seemed to know each other rather well.

When the girl walked away she gave Cas a look over and winked. Dean immediately raised his eyebrows at Cas. 'See, it's normal to dig a guy in armour!' Kevin's confused expression was quickly replaced by horror as he realized what Dean's words implied. They made their way towards a big tent. Two armed soldiers stood in front of it. Charlie showed the stamp on her hand and the group was allowed through.

Cas was hit with the smell of incense. The tent was dark and illuminated by candles. Cas felt a strange cold feeling crawl up his spine. His hand reached out for Dean's to warn him, but already a woman had appeared. 'Well if it ain't our princess.' The woman had a big smile on her face. She was dressed in robes. She looked like she was in her late thirties. 'Pamela, it's good to see you.' Charlie smiled and the two women quickly hugged.

She turned towards her companions. 'Guys, this is Pamela Barnes. She's a psychic who offers everything a psychic does. So Tarot cards, reading your palm, that sorta stuff. She's also a friend of my mom.' The woman grinned, 'I wouldn't call playing with the powers of the universe stuff. But I know you're a stubborn girl.' She turned to take in the rest of the group. 'You must be the princess companions. Dean, Kevin, Garth, Joanne and Castiel. It's a pleasure.' Her dark eyes seemed to stop at Castiel, her smile disappeared a bit. Charlie grinned, 'FYI, I didn't tell her your names. She's just that good.'

Cas frowned, something was off about Pamela. Her aura was a soothing deep purple. It seemed very balanced. She gave Cas a curious look but didn't say a word. Instead she sat down behind a table and instructed them all to sit. 'I know you're annoyed that I'm still calling you princess, but in my eyes you will always be a princess. Happy birthday by the way.' Charlie cringed but didn't reply.

Cas sat himself down, he was slightly sweating because of how humid the tent was. Dean sat next to him, he seemed completely engaged with the psychic. The group shortly engaged with Pamela. She gave Charlie a free reading with her Tarot cards because it was her birthday. After some chatting and reading the palms of Garth and Sam the psychic stood up. 'Well my princess I suggest that you take your fellowship and explore the terrain. There is enough to do.' The group stood up. Pamela quickly pulled Charlie in a hug. 'I do appreciate that you visited.'

The group started exiting the tent but before Cas could move away Pamela her hand was suddenly on his shoulder. 'My princess, can I have a moment alone with your knight?' Charlie turned around and gave Cas a look over. 'Yeah sure?' Pamela smiled, 'could you wait outside?'

Garth seemed pleased. 'Great, can we get some food? I'm starving!' Dean pulled a face, 'we should look at the map first, see what's going on.' Cas felt his face fall the moment the group went outside. Pamela gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 'Don't worry. I just wanted to know what you are.' Her smile didn't falter as she spoke softer. 'It's not every day that I get to the pleasure of seeing someone like me.' Cas felt his mind explode. He'd already had his suspicions but this confirmed it. She was the real deal. A real psychic. She grinned, as if she could hear what he was thinking.

'I mean you no harm. You're with the Winchesters after all. The older one really likes you. And he may not be hungry but he sure as hell is thirsty if you catch my drift.' She winked at him, Cas could feel his face heat up. Pamela sat herself down, 'I like to keep a low profile so I work here. Sometimes monsters come through this place but I know people who can take care of that. But you on the other hand…' She frowned, Cas could feel her pull at his brain. 'You are no monster. So what are you then?'

Cas felt overwhelmed. This woman, this woman who could look inside people their minds, had no idea what he was. 'If you want to know what I am why don't you just read my mind?' Her playful looked disappeared, 'I don't really care what you are. I just can't figure out if you're dangerous. You are no psychic, but you are strong. Really strong. You can read minds correct?'

Suddenly all sound left the room as Cas spoke. 'Not only minds. I can see people's aura's, their souls. I can… heal quicker than should be possible. And ever since Halloween… my glasses have been unnecessary. My eyes… healed.'

She took in this information quietly. 'When I look inside of you I see this light. It seems to be stuck to your being.' Grace. She was seeing grace. 'Can you see what it is doing to me?' Her face darkened, suddenly she took his hand in a firm grip. 'If you keep going down this path Castiel… there will be nothing left of you. It is growing inside of you. It will swallow your very essence until you are no better than they are.'

She dropped his hand, suddenly the sounds of the outside world entered the tent again. Pamela sat herself down. She seemed to be calming herself down. Had she seen what Cas was fighting against? Had she seen the end of everything through his mind like he had? 'You are dangerous. You could harm. You choose not to do. But it won't be long until the effects are irreversible.'

Shit. 'Hey Cas are you coming? We found this kickass place to grab some food.' Dean's head popped up from the curtains. He gave Cas a quick look of worry. Cas forced a smile, Dean must've seen the fakeness of it. 'I'll be there shortly. Give me just a minute.' Once Dean disappeared Pamela quickly started pacing around. 'You should go for now. Return at the end of the day and let me help you.'

Cas didn't feel much for hopeful thoughts. 'How could you help me? How can anyone help?' His situation felt hopeless. Pamela gave him a look of pity. 'I can see things locked away in your mind. Maybe these things were locked away for a reason. Let me help you, and you might stand a chance against the things waiting for you in the dark.'

'Cas my dude get out of the fucking tent, let's go!' Charlie entered the tent. Unknowingly interrupting an important decision.

**Wings flutter**

Cas will admit, the park in a fun place. He could already imagine Charlie running around, dressed like a queen. Playing LARP with her mom. They had sat had the main square eating burgers and enjoying a drink. Charlie was bent over a map of the park, explaining the various activities. 'Oh and maybe after doing some bow training we can go and do some horse riding. We can also go towards the music square. They have some rad music going on.' She kept on talking and slowly Cas felt himself zoning out.

Dean was giving him a soft poke and he quickly returned from wherever his mind had wandered off to. 'There are also medieval themed attractions like a mini roller coaster, and this kick ass scary ghost ride which we are definitely going to do.'

Cas could feel Dean's aura nudge him again. It was touching him carefully. Cas pulled himself away from it. Remembering how he'd touched Dean's soul. Dean's soul was like a radiator when he'd touched it. While he hadn't really touched it, more grazed it. But it had been enough for him to know that it was a dangerous thing to do.

When they left to start their quest, as Charlie liked to call it, Dean quickly took hold of Castiel's hand. 'Hey what's up? You seem distracted. Did Pamela freak you out?' Cas took a while to order his thoughts and reply. He wanted to carefully use his words. But it proved to be a difficult task. 'She saw grace inside of me. She startled me quite.' Dean's expression wasn't anything but patient and understanding. 'Yeah she did something like that to me too the first time Sammy and I met her. Said Sammy had a dark mark on him and told me that…' he fell quiet, his expression confused. 'Dean?' When Dean didn't reply he shook him carefully. Dean blinked confusedly. 'Oh… sorry, I think I mixed it up. I did meet Pamela. But she didn't… we didn't…' Dean was left to his thoughts when Jo took Cas by the hand and declared that they were going ahead.

'Jo where are we going?' Jo grinned, 'we are going to the horror ride. If we stand in line it will be a lot quicker.' And so they did. The haunted house looked ridiculous. The woman pressing the buttons was dressed like a witch, she eyed the people with a bored interest before sending them off into whatever hell awaited. Cas wasn't impressed. 'This is supposed to be scary?' Jo shrugged, 'spiders, ghosts, nothing you and I haven't seen before.' Once the rest of the group arrived and joined them standing in line, the excitement started to peak.

Garth seemed absolutely terrified. Sam mostly excited and Charlie got a slap on the forehead when she tried to startle Jo. The line wasn't long and before they knew it they got seated. The witch spoke: 'Please keep your hands inside the car for the remainder of this ride. Have fun.' Cas looked around, seeing Dean rolling his eyes. He was seated next to Sam. It warmed Castiel's heart to know that Dean was such a responsible older brother.

The cars started moving slowly. The lights went out and the first people started to scream with excitement. 'Fuck I can't see shit.' Jo mumbled. Cas strangely noted that it wasn't as dark as he had expected. In fact, he could still see pretty clearly. A cold feeling hit him. _'If you keep going down this path Castiel… there will be nothing left of you. It is growing inside of you. It will swallow your very essence until you are no better than they are.'_ The first jump scare happened. Skeletons rose up, lights were flashing.

Voices were laughing giggling and smoke filled the room. The ride took a few nice turns and Cas could admit he liked the thrill the small roller coaster provided. 'Clarence you're supposed to look scared not bored.' The voice came out of nowhere making Cas sit up straight. He turned around, fully aware of the location of the voice.

Meg was sitting behind him, her eyes mischievous, her flirty grin not any less. Her once brown hair was now blonde. The stench of sulphur filled the air. 'Meg?' She replied calmly, all bit teasingly. 'Clarence, how are you doing?' Suddenly the car took a strange twist and Cas was forced to turn around. When he turned around again Meg was gone.

'That was wicked. I want to go again!' Garth had forgotten all fear and was jumping around in excitement. They went again, but Meg didn't appear. They made their way through the park. Cas, as it turned out, wasn't very good with a bow and arrow. Dean, however, seemed to have an impressive aiming precision. The same went for Sam and Jo. Cas suspected that somewhere out there in the world, there was a monster that could only be killed by bow and arrow.

Charlie bought herself a nice pocket knife and Kevin's interest was occupied by a group of swordsmen. Dean was helping Sam, who was trying to find the nearest toilet. Everyone seemed occupied with something. So really, he wasn't surprised when he heard a voice whisper in his ears. 'So how are ya?' Cas didn't move, gave no indication that something strange was happening at all. Instead he calmly replied. 'Could be better.' Meg seemed to find his answer funny. 'Yeah, the words been going around that Dean tried to get your booty but failed.'

Cas finally turned around, his irritated expression clear for her eyes to now feast on. 'Really from all the rumours you could've heard? You hear that one? Not the one about the end of the world, or the angels.' Cas quickly looked around, no-one paid him attention. 'Your life is in danger. And you decide to talk to me when I am in the company of three hunters?'

'Aah I missed you too.' Meg seemed unbothered by his words, she seemed to be doing fine. Where had she been hiding all this time? Not that it mattered, Cas could now clearly see her for what she was. A monster hiding inside a human skin. He knew he should warn everyone about the demon in their midst. But words didn't leave him. Instead he just stood there quietly. Not doing anything. 'What do you want Meg?'

The smiled faded away, making place for something unreadable. 'They are finally making their move. They are coming for you and the small Winchester.' She turned to look at Sam. 'They know Dean is useless. He would rather die than get you in danger. But they will hurt you through Sam. Prepare.'

Cas felt like his mind was spinning. 'Wait who? Why are you doing this?' Meg had already vanished. Dean looked at him from across his street. When he saw Castiel's expression his smile quickly faded.

**Wings flutter**

Things escalated quickly enough after that. Cas felt the words pour out in blind panic. 'We need to get Sam to safety. They are coming after him. Meg told me, we gotta go!' Sam's eyes widened with surprise. 'Wait who is coming for me?' Not even for a second had Cas imagined that his enemies would use Sam to hurt him. The thought had never crossed his mind. But now he understood why they'd chosen Sam.

Sam was family. Crowley had been right. His attachments made him weak. Jo finally managed to stop his rambling. 'Ok, who is coming for you guys? Angels? Demons? Something else, give us more to work with.' Cas didn't know. He really didn't know.

From across the crowd Charlie spoke up. 'Guys we're going to visit the theatre. Are you coming?' She smiled, unknowing about the danger they were in. 'How do we keep them safe?' Jo murmured. Dean quickly took out his phone. 'I'll call Pamela she will get some hunters from the area. If we are dealing with angels this whole place will be in danger…'

'Don't worry. I am no angel.' This voice was low, silky soft and made all hairs on Castiel's body stand up straight. 'Guys! What are you talking about?' The rest of the group joined them, Charlie looked up at the guy with the robe. 'Rad costume. You familiar with my friends?' Dean was going full hunter mode. 'Everyone behind me, now.' His voice was eerily calm but everyone followed without protest. Neither Cas nor Jo moved, but Jo was holding on to her pocket knife with a bit too much tension in her arms.

The man in the dark robe smiled. He looked around. 'It's a bit too crowded here don't you think?' He snapped his fingers and when Cas blinked they were surrounded by forest. The man seemed pleased. 'Let me introduce myself, hello, I'm…' Three loud bangs rang through the air, making Cas feel like he'd just lost his hearing. The man fell, blood quickly surrounding him. Kevin was yelling in panic, Garth looked like he might get sick. Dean quickly put away his gun. Cas was usually a bit worried about how trigger happy his boyfriend could be. But at that moment he didn't care. The problem was solved.

Charlie seemed most shocked of all. 'Dean, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO.' She looked at the body. Completely horrified. Jo quickly took hold of a panicking Kevin. 'Alright listen carefully,' Dean's voice made everyone quiet again. He was a leader at that moment. There was no room for discussion as he spoke. 'This is not a game, this is real life. We might die if you don't calm down. That guy was going to hurt us. I called Pamela, we need to go right now. Understood?'

Cas was the first to notice. He might've been the only one. The body of the man was moving. He moved closer, curious as to what was happening. And before he could warn anyone it was already happening. The skin of the corpse was bubbling. And in one fell swoop his skin made way for a purple gas. The last thing he remembered before falling unconscious was the smell of herbs.

**Wings flutter**

Cas wakes up feeling dizzy. His mind was swirling. The smell of herbs still fresh in his mind. Watching him was Dean. 'Oh Cas.' His voice sounded strange and strained. He quickly helped him up. Kevin spoke quickly, 'thank God you're not dead. One dead body is already bad enough. I'm going to get in so much trouble with my mom.' Quickly he shut up again.

Dean seemed to be restraining himself to say something. But his aura told Cas everything. He was worried. Cas looked around. Seeing to his surprise a sleeping dog in the corner, and Jo clinging to a random guy. 'What happened?' Dean struggled before carefully speaking. 'Oh baby, it's a kind of magic.' Castiel's eyes widened, 'Dean why are you singing?' He turned to Kevin who seemed more amused than anything.

'Oh yeah he's been doing this ever since he woke up.' His grin widened, 'honestly despite that fact that he just murdered a man in cold blood, seeing him sing cheesy songs is hilarious.' Dean once again repeated the song of Queen, his gave Kevin a glare. 'Kevin, it's magic that is making him sing. That guy was a witch.' Cas wasn't sure if he was allowed to drop that bomb. But to keep Sam safe it was all hands on deck.

Quickly he turned to Dean, ignoring a very confused Kevin. 'Where is Sam?' A high-pitched voice spoke up. 'Wow, you guys are huge!' I'm having a fever right?' They all looked down, staring at a pair of puppy eyes. The dog watched them silently. 'Did that dog just talk or am I on something?' Kevin said. The dog replied in a very familiar voice. Although higher. 'Dog? It's me, Garth! I'm not a dog!' Dean shook his head, taking his phone out and showing the talking dog his form. 'Who let the dogs out?' He sang with the angriest look Cas had ever seen.

'How did this happen to me. I remember Dean killing some guy, and there was like a shower of dust. And I wake up, I turned into a talking dog?' The dog looked at its own tail. 'I'm not sure what to think of this guys…' He finally admitted.

'So Garth turned into a Border Terrier… and I'm… a guy.' The red-headed guy had finally stood up and joined them. His clothing seemed awfully familiar. As was the way he looked at them. Jo was standing next to the mysterious guy, clinging to his arm and looking love struck. 'Ch- Charlie?' Cas recognized her soul now. The once cute Charlie had turned into a lanky, awkward dude with clothes that had turned very ill-fitting. Her hair hadn't changed much. She'd recently cut it and it seemed to have stayed the same length.

It was the deep voice that truly startled Cas. And the fact that Jo was acting strange too of course. Dean was biting his lip furiously. Charlie shook her head, 'let it out, Dean. Fighting it only seems to make it worse on you.' She'd hardly finished her sentenced or Dean was bellowing for everyone to hear: 'BE A MAN. YOU MUST BE SWIFT AS THE COURSING RIVER. BE A MAN. WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON- BE A MAN.'

Jo gave Dean a punishing look. 'Shut up Dean.' Kevin's eyebrows raised up in the air, Garth was chasing his own tail. 'It seems like Cas and I are the only ones unaffected by the curse.' Jo spoke. But her eyes never left male-Charlie. Kevin snorted, 'sure, you're practically drooling and stuck to Charlie like a bloodsucker, but sure you're not affected.' Jo was already ignoring him again, instead whispering something in Charlie's ear.

Judging from her terrified expression Jo must've said either something very gruesome or something very interesting. Charlie looked at Dean for answers but he shrugged. 'You know, when I said I wanted magic to be real. I meant like Harry Potter or something. Not changing me into a guy, turning Garth in a freaking border terrier and making Dean a Disney princess.' Dean glared at her.

'I can show you the world,' he warned her, 'shining, shimmering, splendid.' He wasn't really helping his case. Kevin laughed, 'magic? You really think this is magic? There is no such thing. That aside I feel fine. I mean I had so much homework yesterday I didn't even have time to jerk off. But you know that's life.' He froze up the moment he'd spoken. 'I… I meant to say… I was trying to say…' Dean shrugged, 'Liar, liar pants on fire?' He asked. Kevin shook his head, 'I can't lie… what the f this is so trippy.'

Cas was already losing interest, focused on finding Sam instead. Dean followed him around, staying awfully quiet. Garth's barking startled everyone. 'Guys! There is a naked man in the bushes!' Dean immediately took out his gun and was already running after Garth. And Jo was shrieking and trying to hide behind a not very amused Charlie.

'You will not believe your eyes, if ten million fireflies, light up the world when I fall asleep.' Dean spoke with an urgency as he pulled Cas with him. Cas quickly looked away when he saw that the naked man was indeed… naked. Garth was running around him, he was sitting up and seemed utterly confused.

'Sam!' Dean managed to utter. Pointing at the guy lying on the ground. 'Sam! Sam!' Cas only needed one look to know for sure. The man looked around, 'wow guys… what's going on? Where are my clothes?' Big puppy eyes looked up at Castiel. A familiar soul greeted him. Sam had gone from a young teen, to a full grown adult in what must've been seconds. At that moment Cas wished back the normalcy of everyday life. But he doubted it would return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES DEAN IS A DISNEY PRINCESS. It makes me happy xD


	25. Chapter XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So I am back! What took me so long? Well life happened, and this chapter was just a real struggle. I also got a new job so I am hoping that I will be able to update once a month again like PROMISED. So this will be the August update. Only 5 chapters to go before it ends! I hope you enjoy and I want to thank everyone for the lovely comments. Those are really kind and really keep me going. This story as been tough because English isn't my native language. So I'm learning a lot. Until next time and take care.

Running seemed like the only option left. So that’s what Cassiel did. He ran and ran. He knew what Michael wanted, he knew what everyone wanted from him. It was just a matter of time now. How long could he go on like this? Praying seemed to be futile, as there was no one who could save him. In the evening when his weakened form needed rest, he lay down and closed his eyes. And in those moments he swore he could feel the pull of power that the Crown gave off. The power so many were hungry for. ‘Balthazar, can you hear me brother?’  
  
 **Wings flutter**

‘Castiel, focus.’ The voice cut through the dream-like scenario and brought Cas back to the present. Kevin was pushing at his shoulder. ‘You were spacing out again, you doing alright?’ Cas quickly pulled away from the unwelcome touch, ‘I’m fine.’ He wondered quickly how long he’d been spacing out, but knowing the situation they were in they’d probably all just thought he’d frozen up.

Sam had received some clothes, but they were a terrible fit. But well, who would’ve thought that Sam would turn out to be giant? Cas had never seen someone so tall, and to know that Sam’s growth spurt had just started and to know he would end up like this? He was impressed to say the least. Cas wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what to say. Dean was quiet, but only to keep intact his dignity, that was for sure.

‘Guys,’ Sam’s deepened voice spoke, ‘why are all of you so tiny?’ Charlie pulled out a mirror from her bag, ‘there you go kiddo, see for yourself.’ Sam gave Charlie a questioning look, ‘thanks?’ He gazed at himself in confusion. ‘Wow! This is…’ He seemed flabbergasted. Cas guessed he might need some comfort. ‘When we got attacked we all got hit by a spell. As you can see the results varied from person to person. But you have gone through quite the change. We understand if you need some time…’

Sam jumped up, ‘this is so cool. Look how big I am guys! And I have stubble! I can grow a beard. And my voice is so low.’ He deepened his voice even more. ‘Luke I am your father.’ Kevin shrugged. ‘Seems to me that he’s pretty cool with it. Reminds me of the time that-’ Charlie quickly shut him up. ‘We already know a bit too much about your personal life sweetie. It’s best if you keep quiet. Like Dean.’

Sam turned to his brother with worry in his eyes. ‘Wait, what’s wrong with Dean? Did something happen are you ok?’ Dean turned away, he was trying hard not to talk. Cas gently squeezed his shoulder. ‘Just let it out. We won’t judge.’ Dean looked up, and he gave Sam a tortured look. ‘Got a feeling inside, can’t explain. It’s a certain kind, can’t explain. I feel hot and cold, can’t explain. Yeah, down in my soul, yeah can’t explain.’ Sam’s expression morphed from confusion into… slight amusement. ‘Wait, are you singing I Can’t Explain from The Who?’ Dean simply nodded.

Charlie grinned, ‘I hope he’ll sing us some more Disney songs. He has the voice of a princess.’ Sam seemed to be scanning the situation now. ‘So if Charlie is a guy… and Garth is a dog that can talk… what’s wrong with Cas and Jo?’ He was putting on his case-face.

Everyone gave Jo a quick glance who was picking flowers for Charlie with a love-struck expression. ‘Well I guess it must be some sort of love spell.’ Sam mumbled looking at Cas as if expecting him to suddenly grow two heads. ‘You seem fine. How are you feeling?’ In all honesty, Cas felt like his skin was feeling weird. Kinda like when he was trying to heal himself. ‘I’m good.’

Dean quickly took hold of Castiel’s hand when nobody noticed and squeezed it lightly. Sam made his way towards the empty spot where the dead body had gone up in dust. His hand went over the empty space and through the fallen leaves. Finally he picked up a hex bag and studied it for a bit. ‘What’s that?’ Charlie came closer trying to hold the bag but Sam quickly handed it to Dean.

Only then did Cas noticed that neither of them was directly touching the bag. Dean took hold with it by using a handkerchief. ‘It’s a hex bag. Usually planted on a victim to cause a certain curse or hex to occur to that person. It may also be the key for us to lift our own curses. So no touching it. We gotta burn it.’

Once the bag had burned the group checked for any changes. ‘Son of a bitch must’ve not made the bag himself.’ Dean cursed. He looked up surprised. ‘Well holy cow I can talk again. That’s at least something.’ Jo however still seemed to be quite out of it and Kevin still had difficulties lying. ‘Guess we gotta find that witch and make her fix this.’ Sam sighed.

‘Well at least there is no body to get rid of.’ Cas mentioned trying to see the bright side. Kevin sat himself down. ‘Wow, you guys really are psychopaths.’ Cas shook his head, ignoring Kevin. ‘Meg said they were coming for Sam. We’ve wasted enough time. We gotta keep moving.’

Sam quickly added: ‘Trust us, we’ll explain everything soon enough.’ When neither Kevin, nor Charlie nor Garth moved Dean turned around. ‘What’s going on? We don’t have all day guys let’s go!’ Charlie shrugged, ‘well you three are obviously in some sort of cahoots without us. And Jo is in on it too I guess. And well Dean… you DID just murder someone in cold blood, even if he was a bad guy.’

Kevin groaned. ‘What Charlie is too nice to say is this: We ain’t going anywhere with you. I honestly just wanted a nice day with my friends and I was planning on watching some Sex and the City when I got home. But right now I’m wondering if we’ll die in this forest.’ A painful silence fell. Everyone got startled out of it by the ringing of a cell phone. Dean held up his phone. ‘Pamela.’ He simply said.

He put her on speaker. ‘Hey, I saw your call. I have some bad news.’ Dean handed Sam the phone. ‘Hey Pamela, it’s Sam. We have some bad news too.’ It was quiet on the other side for half a second. ‘I can conclude from your voice that either your balls have suddenly dropped. Or you guys also had an encounter with the witch.’

Jo had picked up Garth and was petting him. Much to his horror. ‘Yes, he brought us to the forest but he couldn’t do anything because Dean shot him immediately. When he died he went up in dust. And now we’re all cursed.’ Sam started to explain. Cas scooted closer to hear the conversation better. ‘Oh shit. Well then I have some bad news your y’all. A woman came into my tent, a witch. She also tried to hurt me. Lucky me that I get glimpses of the future. So I was prepared. She fled before she could do anything.’

Sam and Dean shared a frustrated look. ‘Do you boys have your witch killing bullets with you by any chance? Because she’s quite an expert.’ Dean started checking his bag but to no avail. Kevin suddenly spoke up, loud enough for everyone to hear. ‘Pamela, I do think you’re very pretty. And I have definitely fantasized about you. But to hear that you are motivating these guys to kill another person… Well it’s disturbing to say the least.’

Pamela laughed. ‘That must be a truth spell of sorts. Poor guy. Listen, I have called some hunters from the area. They are already on their way. A demon named Meg is on her way to meet you guys. She was talking to me in the tent before the witch arrived. Something about demons coming for you.’

Dean pulled a face, shaking his head. ‘Meg? What the hell is she doing here.’ Cas looked at the group, trying to come up with a plan. ‘Pamela, if we meet up with you and bring you our friends, will you take care of them? They trust you more than they trust us at the moment. They’ll be save.’ Sam turned to look at the group, ‘you guys wanna meet up with Pamela? She’ll keep you safe and she isn’t a crazy killer.’

Kevin gave him a thumbs up and Charlie frowned. ‘This is a terrible birthday party, but yeah sure.’ For a second the connection went bad but Sam shook the phone and it started working again. ‘Yeah you guys can hear me? Good. Alright sounds like a plan to me. We’ll meet up at the parking lot sounds good? Be careful guys, I’ll take your friends with me and bring them to safety. But what about you?’

‘Well we burned the hex bag but the results seem small. Jo sometimes has a few moments of clarity now. And Kevin isn’t telling us about his masturbation schedule so that’s good. But if I manage to find her I can fix this.’ Dean’s voice didn’t leave room for discussion. Cas nodded, ‘if Dean stays I’ll stay too. Sam will go with Pamela too.’ Sam’s head snapped up. ‘What? No! I won’t leave you guys behind! I’m staying!’ Cas was already afraid this would happen.

‘Sam they are coming for you, think about it. We will wait for the hunters and make sure everyone is save. And you guys take a run for it.’

‘Yeah, that ain’t gonna work pal.’ Meg spoke, she appeared from behind a tree. A friendly smile on her face. ‘Heya guys, how’s it going?’ Dean tried to shoot her immediately, Cas reacted quickly and took his gun. Garth’s ears went down, he let out a shocked howl. Meg seemed pleased. ‘Oh, how I’ve missed this.’

‘Dean she’s here to help. Stop shooting her.’ Cas spoke slowly. Dean gave him an irritated glare and reached for his gun. Cas handed it over slowly. The moment he got handed his gun he tried to aim again. This time Sam was the one taking the gun, he held it up in the air where Dean couldn’t reach. ‘You’re done? If Cas says she’s here to help you gotta trust her.’

Cas nodded in agreement. ‘No shooting her Dean. She’s my friend.’ Meg smiled, her hand resting on Castiel’s cheek. ‘Oh, I knew you liked me!’ Cas turned away from her touch. Charlie stood up, giving Meg a curious look over. ‘Well, well it’s been awhile. You’re also on team crazy?’ Meg hardly spared Charlie a glance. But she did wink at her.

Suddenly a sound came out of nowhere. ‘So FYI I might be psychic but I can’t see everything. Can someone fill me in?’ Pamela’s voice spoke from the cell phone that laid unused in Sam’s hand. ‘Oh yeah sorry. Meg is here. We’ll meet up with you in the parking lot.’

Cas felt his skin boil again. ‘Let’s just go. The sooner the better.’

**Wings flutter**

Charlie pointed at the map on her phone again. ‘Yeah if we keep walking that way we’ll see a river. And once we’ve crossed we gotta move through the town area. It will be busy so if we keep a low profile we should be good.’ Kevin opened his mouth, everyone let out a sigh. Ever since Kevin had become cursed he couldn’t shut his mouth. He had an opinion on _everything_.

‘So why can’t we just call 911 again?’ Sam once again got hit in the face with a low hanging tree branch. ‘We already told you. The police can’t take these guys out. They are demons.’ Kevin wisely shut his mouth.

Garth was having the time of his life. ‘Guys I can hear the river! My ears are so cool. I’m like Superman. But in like… dog form y’know?’ Garth turned out to be right. They’d finally found the river. People who’d stayed at the inns, hotels and cottages were filling the area, and the group would fit right in. ‘Great let’s get a move on.’ Sam let out a sigh of relief. Garth ran away again, full of energy.

_Cas can you hear me?_ Cas quickly turned to look at Dean, his mouth was closed shut, he was looking around. Holding his gun ready. Not that anyone would notice here. People ran around with worse. ‘Yes, what is it?’ He kept his voice low, in order to keep the conversation private. _Sam needs to go with the rest. If we separate Jo from Charlie she might get her act together. We need to find that witch together. At least… Are you feeling alright? No weird side effects because of what that guy tried?_

Cas quickly cupped Dean’s hand when no one noticed. ‘I do feel strange. But I think I’ll be fine. But I don’t know about your plan Dean. Demons don’t look at people their bodies. They look at their souls first of all. And if they know how Sam’s looks like… then he won’t be safe anywhere.’ They reached the wide wooden bridge. People crossed it while eating and laughing. They seemed unaware of anything strange happening.

It started out soft, but as they crossed the bridge Cas could hear music. As they continued the music became louder. ‘We’re almost out of the forest area. We’ll be heading to the city area. If we keep walking we can leave out of gate 1.’

Dean pulled a face. ‘We’re not being careful enough. What if they have people at the gates? Maybe it’s better if-’ a piercing scream interrupted his suggestion. It was like Jo suddenly got hit in the face, she pushed Charlie aside and ran towards the sound. ‘Jo wait!’ Sam was already running after her. Dean and Cas shared a look before also taking off.

A group of people had formed. They pushed their way through to see what was going on. Cas felt his stomach turn at the sight of a man on the ground with green skin. Next to him was a woman, tears on her face while slowly clapping. ‘What happened?’ Jo asked.

‘A woman… she, she talked to Vince. She, said something.’ She looked away, still clapping. ‘He fell down. He just… he just stopped breathing.’ She gave the people around her a desperate look. ‘Someone please help him! Call an ambulance.’ Cas got startled by the sound of someone clapping next to him. The girl in question seemed just as surprised as him.

It was like a virus, more and more people started clapping. Cas noticed that his own group was not affected. Suddenly the clapping died down. And everything became strangely quiet. ‘There you are. Which one of you killed my boyfriend?’ The witch appeared out of the crowd. She looked like a regular woman, but Cas felt like he got hit in the face. She radiated a terrible grief, and he felt like someone was slowly choking him with it.

Dean took a step forward, placing himself between himself and Sam. ‘Why do you fucking care?’ The witch smiled ‘Because that person will die slowly.’ She warned him. Her eyes going over the crowd of people who suddenly all seemed frozen in place, unable to speak. They all looked terrified. Cas was overwhelmed with emotions now. From his own mind, and those in the crowd. He clutched his head, trying to get the voices to disappear. ‘Cas?!’ Sam’s voice cut through the sound of clapping, the shouts of terrified people. Cas’ vision became blurry.

He could feel something inside of him move now, pulsing. It had been boiling under his skin. It became bigger and bigger until it covered all of him. Cas looked up slowly. Kevin was standing frozen in fear next to Charlie. Who looked like she was ready to either run or fight. Jo stood next to the body of the dead man. Her hand reaching inside of her pocket. Dean and Sam were closest to the witch who was still talking about something. Garth was being held by Meg. She seemed unconcerned with the situation and kept Garth as far away from her as possible.

‘Enough.’ When Castiel spoke, it felt like even the wind stopped for a minute. Everything around him became utterly quiet. The witch stood there, her mouth closed now against her will. The air felt static with power. It made Cas both afraid and determined. He looked at the crowd and spoke one simple word: ‘Sleep.’ They all fell down in the grass and drifted away.

Cas knew that whatever he was doing, it was limited. He turned towards his friends: ‘Everything will be alright.’ The witch seemed utterly confused. ‘What the hell are you?’ Her panicked voice the only thing in the air. She started struggling, trying to move. Cas smiled, she couldn’t harm him. ‘You can’t hurt me. Surrender and you’ll be spared.’

‘Cas.’ Dean spoke up, a warning in his voice. ‘It’s ok Dean. I have the situation under control.’ Only then did Cas realize that he was sweating profusely. It was that short shift of focus that caused all sounds to return. Whatever Cas had juiced up, it was gone.

The witch seemed to notice as well, she smiled. ‘Well I think I’ll just kill you-’ A loud bang and one bullet in the shoulder later, the witch fell down in surprise. Everyone turned to look at who had pulled the trigger. It was Meg. ‘You’re welcome.’ Charlie pulled a face of utter horror, ‘you just shot somebody.’ Sam quickly took the gun from her. Cas felt his legs cave and fell down. Dean quickly sat down next to him.

‘You idiot are you ok?’ Cas felt himself nod, ‘just dizzy. Is she dead?’ Charlie removed herself from the group. ‘I’ll go check…’ she bend down, giving the body a hesitant look. Cas turned to look and fear rose up inside of him. She was alive, he could see her soul. ‘WAIT-’

She pushed Charlie off her and started strangling her. Meg got out her knife and slashed at her but she was thrown through the air by an invisible force. The witch smiled down on Charlie. ‘Gotcha.’ Both disappeared into thin air. Dean’s face had gotten pale. ‘Fuck!’

**Wings flutter**

The group moved in silence across the area then. It seemed strangely calm now. Apparently the demons had all decided to have a little holiday. It didn’t make sense. When they finally reached the parking lot Pamela was already waiting with her car. She took the news as well as Dean expected. ‘Remember when I said you needed witch killing bullets?’ After Charlie’s kidnapping the group seemed strangely calm and Cas had a feeling he’d been the accidental source of it. Even now nobody seemed to move or flinch.

‘Yeah, we know. We know! We gotta find her. There must be some way.’ It was Dean who spoke. He seemed extremely distraught. Pamela shook her head. ‘The hunters will be here any minute. Who knows where they took her? But they will help you find her. More importantly: You all got out unscratched right?’ They talked for a bit about the damage. ‘She’s been going around the park, killing people. It seems that she’s trying to create as much chaos as possible.’ Meg huffed, trying to hold back her laughter. So far Dean had been awfully quiet about her presence. But now he finally snapped. His aura growing bigger as if to intimidate her.

‘You shut the fuck up! What was even the point of you coming along? We never stood a change and now they have my friend because of you.’ Meg didn’t seem very insulted. ‘Sure shove the blame away I don’t mind. I am only here for one thing. I am here to protect Castiel.’ That only seemed to make Dean angrier.

‘Cas doesn’t need your protection. We’re already here for him. You should leave, the damage has been done.’ Meg shook her head, ‘you don’t understand do you? Crowley isn’t interested in either Charlie or Sam. All he wants is Castiel. While you are crying about your friend, here I am thinking about the greater good of the situation. You’re welcome.’

He gripped her shirt, violently shoving her against the car. ‘Here’s the deal. You help us find Charlie or you leave before I exorcize you. You understand?’ Pamela finally decided to interrupt. ‘Alright enough you two. It’s time to leave.’

Cas observed impassively, feeling oddly empty again. This was probably the worst timing to temporary lose his emotions. Pamela however seemed to notice. She didn’t comment on it. ‘Use your small brain Dean, wherever she is, it will be close by. They are trying to lure Cas into a trap after all.’

Dean was holding a knife to her throat now. Whatever Cas had managed to do to keep everyone relaxed and pliant disappeared suddenly. Kevin started yelling in protest, Garth let out a low whine and Jo seemed to snap out of her relaxation too and kept both Kevin and Garth back. ‘Dean what the fuck easy! Don’t kill her!’ Garth called out in panic.

‘Yeah, so you’re gonna tell us where they have her Meg. I know you know. So either talk or get hurt.’ Cas squinted his eyes, wondering if maybe he should do something. He decided against it. After all if the information really was that important he should just torture it out of her. Meg shrugged, she pretended to be unafraid. ‘The mission always comes first. I’d rather die than give Crowley his way.’

Sam finally spoke up. ‘Enough!’ He pulled at Dean’s arm. ‘Back off Dean, this is not the way.’ Dean looked up slowly: ‘Sammy… leave this to me.’ They had an intense staring contest for a bit. Finally Sam stepped backwards. ‘Listen Meg is right. It will be a trap. We gotta wait for back up. What would you do Dean? Run in guns blazing? Charlie will be dead before you know it.’

Apparently that actually caused a reaction. Because Dean stepped back. Cas was pretty sure that Meg seemed slightly relieved. Cas turned to look at his friends. They were bothersome at this point. ‘Pamela, take Kevin and Garth away from here.’ Something in Castiel’s cold and calculated expression made Dean frown. ‘Cas?’

‘So I did take the wrong one. Well you must admit, when they said little brother I didn’t think the giant was the one Crowley was talking about.’ The witch had appeared out of nowhere, holding Charlie in a tight magic hold. She was still a guy, and seemed pretty pissed at this point. ‘Charlie!’ Kevin shouted, but Pamela put a firm hand on his shoulder. ‘Don’t move.’ She warned.

The witch smiled, ‘now I think we can handle this situation quite easily. If you even move for one second. If you even try to flinch your friend here is dead.’ Cas turned to look at Charlie. Really it didn’t matter if she died. It would be a shame yes, but really it was of no importance. They could just leave, she had nothing on them.

Apparently Dean didn’t share his sentiment. ‘Alright you got us. Just don’t hurt her.’ The witch seemed slightly taken back. ‘Her? Oh did my curse do this?’ She seemed to find it quite hilarious, but Castiel’s thoughts were abruptly disturbed by Dean’s. Cas, Garth has to attack her. She won’t see him coming. I’ll keep distracting her. Cas casually turned to look at Kevin who was holding Garth. They stood behind Pamela.

Cas nodded slightly so Dean knew the message had come across. He gave Meg a meaningful look. She mockingly started to squint like him. But she then rolled her eyes and spoke up. ‘Hey, witch lady? I’m pretty sure you can just kill your hostage. Because I wanna go home.’ The witch turned to look at Meg who stood farthest away from Cas. ‘I can do whatever I want human!’

Meg seemed genuinely offended. ‘Excuse me, I’m not human! I’m a freaking hellspawn!’ They got into quite a discussion. Cas quickly turned to make eye contact with Pamela. Thank god she could read minds. She quickly nodded and carefully gave Garth the message what he should do.

Garth carefully jumped to the ground and moved away from the group. Charlie had noticed and tried to struggle a bit. The witch snapped out of the meaningless talk. ‘Ok enough! You get your friend back and in return you will hand me over Castiel.’ Cas didn’t feel concerned for even a second. He simply nodded. ‘Ok.’ The witch seemed taken back. Dean however quickly protested. ‘Cas no! What are you thinking!’ Cas had to admit that his acting skills were on point.

‘We have no choice Dean.’ Sam was standing at the side, Pamela handed him something quickly. The witch noticed. ‘What did you give to him?’ She gave both a threatening look. Garth was quietly standing behind the witch now. Waiting for some sort of signal. ‘It’s a witch killing bullet. They are quite a painful death for someone like you. A real bite.’ Garth quickly moved forward and sank his teeth into the witch her leg. She howled. Charlie quickly sucker punched her and ran across the parking lot to safety. Followed by Garth.

‘YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT.’ She suddenly stood quietly. A group of demons appeared. Around the group. No-one could run now Cas realized. He wasn’t surprised to see Crowley. And he seemed pissed. ‘You’re the most useless slave I’ve ever had. You keep getting outwitted by a group of teens.’ He sneered.

The white started looking pale. ‘I am so sorry my liege.’ He held up his hand. ‘Enough. I will do this myself if I have to.’ He turned towards the group. Crowley’s eyes had a dangerous glimmer in them when he turned to Castiel. ‘It’s good to see you again. It seems that we have a bit of a situation.’ Cas felt something move in his chest. An emotion, but it struggled to form. Cas kept looking at him with a blank expression.

Crowley snapped his fingers. Against his will it seemed Sam was dragged across the ground. Dean tried to stop it, but the witch stopped him, he stood frozen in place. ‘Sammy!’ Crowley gave an exasperated sigh. ‘It seems we both have something that the other needs.’ Crowley seemed taken back by the lack of reaction by Cas. ‘Seems you’ve slipped away farther than I was informed. Well it doesn’t matter. I count to ten. Surrender yourself or he dies.’

Sam’s eyes widened in panic as he tried to break free. ‘One, two, three, four, five’ Crowley sounded incredibly bored. Dean panicked even more, ‘CAS DO SOMETHING.’ But Cas saw no reason to move. So what if Sam got killed? Was he supposed to feel something?

‘Six, seven, eight.’ Crowley’s voice got something threatening now. But apparently everyone saw Castiel's disinterest as utter fear because Dean’s being flared up. His soul was almost too bright to look at. He stood up screamed and when he reached out to the witch she started burning. A loud scream left her before she turned into ash. Dean seemed just as surprised as everyone else. Sam fell down on the ground, looking pale and quickly losing blood. Crowley took a step back, Cas could almost see him calculating the situation in his mind. ‘I see. Very peculiar indeed.’

Dean seemed utterly panicked as he tried to wake Sam up. Only then did Cas finally snap back. Regret was the first thing that hit him. ‘Oh no.’ He whispered, horrified with his own lack of action. One of the demons snarled and took a step forward. Crowley shook his head. ‘We’re done here.’ The demon seemed surprised. ‘Sir?’ Crowley glared and the demon quickly took a step back. ‘I guess I’ll see you around.’ He gave Cas a knowing smile before disappearing. The sounds of screeching cars made them look up. An ambulance and a police car had arrived. They made their way towards the park.

More cars came, Pamela quickly stepped forward. Everyone move aside he needs medical attention! Cas made his way over to Sam who seemed to have a nasty wound, if they didn’t do something soon it would be fatal. ‘Stay with us, come on Sam stay focused. I got you.’ Dean was rambling, pressing his hand against the wound as if he could keep the blood inside.

Cas knew what he had to do. ‘I will heal him. Step aside.’ Dean seemed conflicted. ‘Are you sure you can do that?’ No, but I have to try, was all Castiel could think as he sat down and put his hand on the warm wound. He closed his eyes, and forced his body to do what he wanted. ‘Come on.’ He growled, he felt a spark go through him. Finally his hands started to light up blue and within seconds Sam was completely healed and gasping for air.

Dean smiled at Sam, ‘guess we’re safe now.’ He proceeded to black out moments later. Cas quickly caught him. ‘Is he ok?’ Sam’s voice had gotten higher. When Cas looked up Sam was once again a young teen. ‘He’ll be fine. He’s just exhausted himself with whatever he just pulled on that witch.’ He also felt close to passing out, but focused himself on staying awake.

**Wings flutter**

Pamela sat across from Cas in her tent. ‘This will definitely reach the newspapers. That witch was insane. Five people dead. Ten badly injured. We’re lucky it didn’t get any worse than this. Cas didn’t reply, he felt weirdly hollow after what had happened today.

‘I see those little screws turn in your head Castiel. Tell me what you’re thinking about.’ Pamela handed him a cup of tea but he simply sat it aside. ‘It’s just that… what Dean did today… I’ve seen him do something familiar before. He protected me before, it seems that there is something to him. Something that we’ve never really given much thought.’ Pamela shrugged, ‘well Dean was always a weird case to me. But I don’t see anything strange inside of his mind if that’s what you’re wondering about.’

Cas couldn’t help but wonder if she was lying. She had no reason to but who knew? ‘So where did that demon girl go to?’ Cas didn’t like it when people called Meg a demon. She had a name, but even to Pamela that seemed of no importance. ‘Well she could be anywhere at this point. I’m not even sure what her motive is…’

‘Yet you see her as a friend. Be aware. She is a soul that was condemned to hell. She is in her core rotten. Don’t rely on her, and don’t trust her so much. I am only saying this because you think the others are judgmental. But take this from someone who can see inside people. You think she has a soul? She does not. She had a shadow of what was once a soul.’

Cas bawled his fists. ‘Yes, she once had a soul. Which means she can remember what it was like before. And that’s most important. Nothing else matters in the end.’ He stood up. ‘Maybe I lend Dean some of my strength, who knows how he was able to do what he did. I won’t get answers by being ignorant. You offered to help me unlock things that are hidden in my mind. Please help me. You understand what’s at stake.’

Pamela seemed to think it through. ‘I did remember doing you that offer. But it might be dangerous. There could be a good reason why those things were locked away in the first place. Opening your mind to them could be dangerous. It will be quite a risk. Are you willing to take it?’ Cas sat across from her. ‘Tell me what to do.’

**Wings flutter**

‘Charlie stop touching your boobs.’ Dean chided. He seemed tired, but normal. Charlie rolled her eyes. ‘I’m just glad my body is back to its normal functions ok?’ Kevin pulled a face, ‘I just wanna go home. This is probably all just a weird wacky dream. And when I wake up tomorrow I’ll probably just laugh about it.’ Garth didn’t seem to share his sentiment. ‘Man, this was awesome. Really strange but awesome. Best dream I’ve ever had!’ He’d transformed back, but had shared Sam’s lack of clothing and was thus only wearing a clean piece of underwear that could be found in his bag.

Jo was facepalming when Cas arrived. ‘Can you believe these two? They think it was all a dream.’ Cas smiled, ‘maybe it’s better if we leave them under that impression?’ She gave him a curious look. ‘And how are we supposed to do that? They know how the world really is. We’ve put them in permanent danger.’ Cas put his hand on her shoulder, he’d never touched her before he realized. ‘Trust me. I think I know what to do.’

He made his way to his two friends. When they saw him Kevin seemed a bit intimidated. ‘So how are you guys feeling? Ready to wake up?’ Cas joked. Before either of them could answer he quickly took hold of their foreheads. He closed his eyes and felt himself get grip on their memories. Once he let go both boys fell asleep. The look of worry had disappeared from their faces. Jo seemed impressed. ‘A new trick? What did you do?’

Cas turned to look at Charlie who was talking with Pamela. ‘Pamela helped me unlock this ability. I altered their memories. As far as they know people got murdered by a crazy lady and we got a bit stuck in the crossfire. Nothing about magic, demons or the supernatural. They’ll be fine.’ Jo nodded, ‘well the fewer people remember me being all lovey-dovey the better.’

Charlie’s eyes met Castiel’s. ‘Are you going to do the same for Charlie?’ She sounded hesitant now. ‘I don’t think we have a choice. She managed to handle this the best, but I think it’s better for her peace of mind if she remembers a pleasant birthday.’

And so when the group stepped inside their cars that’s exactly what Charlie remembered. ‘I was an awesome day guys. Send me a text when y’all home.’ Dean nodded and smiled. ‘Say hi to your mom for us.’ Sam added kindly. Charlie’s happy expression faded. ‘Oh, Sam that’s really sweet. But I guess Dean never told you. But my parents are dead. Have been for years.’ It was like receiving a punch in the face. Only when Charlie had taken off did Cas realize the implication of her words.

He wasn’t the only surprised though. Sam and Dean both had odd expressions on their faces too. Because Charlie’s mom had been alive this morning. But now she was apparently dead for years.

  **Wings flutter**

Everyone was taken home and Cas got joined by Dean on the couch. ‘You watching the sunset?’ Cas nodded, allowing Dean to curl up next to him. ‘Yeah… trying to progress what happened today.’ Dean felt warm and soft next to him, comforting really. ‘Man, so many things that happened. Is it weird that I’m instead planning my birthday?’ Cas was taken back by Dean’s words.

‘Yeah I know, weird timing. But like with all the crazy shit going on, I just wanted something normal to latch on to. My birthday is in January. I was taking that I could take you and Sammy on a road trip. And maybe we can go camping in the summer. Heck if Sammy gets himself a girlfriend he might just leave the camping to just us two. And then maybe-’

Cas felt like he was going to stop breathing so he quickly pulled his boyfriend closer. ‘Dean stop.’ Dean carded his fingers through Castiel’s hair. ‘What you don’t like camping?’

‘No that’s not it. Don’t make plans for our future. Because the idea that we won’t have that future…’ Dean shook his head, ‘but we will. We will have that future alright?’

This was it. Cas had to tell him that he was changing. ‘Dean… I don’t think I have that much time left. I have a ticking time bomb inside of me. I lose more humanity everyday… what if lose myself before that all can happen? I don’t know how much longer I can protect you.’

That evening was filled with quiet whispers as the sun slowly went down. As the two shared their concerns Cas slowly saw Dean falling asleep. ‘I can see your soul you know that? It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. You were the first soul I ever saw… I wonder why.’ Cas was talking more to himself than to Dean. Who was already drifting away into sleep.

Cas carefully pulled himself from Dean’s arms and wrapped a blanket around them both. Knowing that Sam had accidentally fallen asleep on his bed. ‘Night Cas, love you.’ Dean slurred. Pulling Cas closer. Until both felt completely safe.

**Wings flutter**

Cassiel knew that it was too late now. ‘You have nowhere left to run, what will you do?’ Balthazar had asked him. The walls were shaking on its foundation. The Seraph had puffed up his chest. ‘Whatever is necessary to protect the Crown.’ Balthazar had shaken his head. His human vessel looked strange on him. ‘You shouldn’t fight Michael. Just give him what he wants. I don’t want to see you get killed.’ The two brethren gave each other a sad look.

‘You were one of my closest friends Balthazar. I can only ask you this favour. Please.’ The floor started shaking now. Cracks started revealing themselves. ‘I have to go, please Balthazar promise me.’ The angel seemed lost for words, ‘I promise…’

Cassiel closed his eyes, tapping into his long gone angel grace to take him as far away as possible. The seraph found himself in a back alley. The humans were speaking Turkish and selling their goods on the market nearby. Cassiel just hoped he’d travelled far enough. He started moving knowing he didn’t have much time left. There only seemed to be one option left. And now that Balthazar had made him a promise…’

A scream of pain left him. He turned to see one of his sisters pulling out her knife from his back. ‘Raphael?’ The archangel smiled. ‘Michael will be here shortly. Try not to die just yet.’ _You shall know no fear in the face of justice, as you are my righteousness. You are warriors. You are my children and you will guide those who came after you. And love them more than you shall ever love me. For you are the shepherds and they will be your flock._

Cassiel remembered those words on the day he was created. The decision he made was simple then. A burning hot sensation went through his whole body. As slowly the seraph pulled out his very essence the poor vessel he was wearing was trying to claw away his own skin. Desperate to be freed from the agony. The archangel Raphael was screaming. ‘Stop it you fool. You are destroying yourself!’

Cassiel simply smiled. Knowing that Michael had lost. A bright flash of light appeared in the sky and everything went dark.

**Wings flutter**

When Cas opened his eyes he was at a crossroad. Mist surrounded him. ‘Having sweet dreams Castiel?’ A voice spoke. Cas quickly turned, finally finding who he was searching for. Crowley smiled, ‘you were looking for me?’

It was now or never. ‘I am here about your deal. Is it still available? Crowley’s eyes started bleeding red. ‘Depends on if you agree to sign a contract.’ He smiled the cruellest smile as he handed him a piece of paper.

It was quiet for a bit as Cas read through the paper. Finally he looked up. ‘Do you have a pen?’


End file.
